Wise Scriptural Counsel from those in a similar boat

Lotuspetal_uk · Mar 31, 2019

.... or if nothing else prayers

Hi everyone :wave:

For those who know me on CF, you've probably witnessed my battle with my work-life-balance being an educator. I tend to follow a cycle of being a single mum of two kids, teaching full time, getting burnt out, crashing and burning, recharging (this is when you see me more on CF

), needing to earn money to look after the kids, going back to teaching as no time to look for anything else etc and so the cycle goes.

The last couple of years enabled me to explore one non teaching role which was perfect but only a temporary contract and it meant that I had to return to supply/substitute teaching. I've been striving to set up a business but whenever I'm working full time this goes on the back burner due to a 50+ hour week linked to teaching. I have an incomplete business plan and no time to make the products.

Whenever I've prayed about it the Lord has blessed and strengthened me to where I have learnt to lean on Him and have not crashed and burnt as of late. However I'm experiencing warning signs health wise (BP has spiked on occasions, have a persistent ear infection, relying on caffeine to function, migraines) and have decided to not go into church this morning to attempt to spread out ploughing through nearly 500 items of work (deadline is just over a week away), whilst maintaining an 8 hour day during the week.

Here's where I need guidance:

I'm rooted in "fear" as in not having the guts to throw the towel in with teaching completely as I cannot seem to break into non teaching roles on less pay as I am over qualified and too old. I still need to pay a mortgage and provide for the kids. I've developed an ear infection and generally feel run down, so when I'm not working I just need to sleep/recharge.

Every single day I talk with the Lord (sometimes crying) while driving into work confessing to Him that whilst He strengthens me to cope with the day, I desire to be just a mum looking after my kids and actually being able to spend time with them after they finish school. I desire a vocation which pays the bills but give me time and energy to support them when they need me. Right now, we order out most days I quickly eat the food with them around the table and then I have to disappear to do school work. End result = a teen addicted to youtube and a younger one who resorts to bad behaviour as this is the only way to pull his mum away from work. Today I will be marking again (on mother's day in the UK), ironing school clothes and in between that, marking again after I give the youngest something to amuse himself until he goes to bed.

Please could you pray for me - I'm prepared to still stand if this is a season of sanctification i.e. complete and utter reliance on Him, however I am unclear whether the Lord would want his children to stay in a situation which negatively affects their health for so long (as in am I missing something?).

For those who have experienced something similar - how did you manage to spend time alone with the Lord in order to more clearly hear from Him as a single parent?

Blessings to you who've stuck to the end of such a long post. Praise the Lord, I'm fine emotionally compared to how I use to be, but just concerned of my health. It doesn't help that one of my first cousins has recently gone to be with the Lord after suddenly dying of a heart attack whilst sat talking with his wife.

ValleyGal · Mar 31, 2019

Going into your own business will be harder, and believe it or not, will take more of your time and energy. Not only will you have to do all the front-line stuff (make and sell products, by the sounds of things), but you will also have to do all the marketing, bookkeeping, and other operational aspects of your business. If you wanted to do contracted tutoring (you don't need to make a "product"), it would be a lot easier, especially given your connections as a teacher, but there is still a lot more to running your own business, and it's expensive - no extended benefits, being responsible for your own taxes, etc.

Being a teacher is hard. Being a parent is hard - especially a single parent. How is the structure in your home? You said you put in 50 hours a week. What if you go in to work an hour earlier (or leave an hour later)? Then you go home, have dinner, and spend quality time with your family. If you have to, put in a little extra time on Saturday mornings, and then the rest of the weekend is theirs - doing chores together, then doing something they enjoy.

One thing I do know is that your children need you, especially now as they prepare to become independent adults and figure out who they are and who they want to be in the world.

Do they see their father? If they do, that would be the time to get extra work done or spend focused time on your relationship with Jesus.

Parenting is hard... but it is God who decided on the family unit as the primary, most intimate relationship as part of a bigger community. He knows that it's hard, and that one day your children will leave home to make their own way in the world, and when that happens, you will miss the stressful "busy-ness" of family life.

Make good use of your natural resources - your family, your church community... if they are involved in youth groups, then that is time you can be working, for example. Help them to figure out how to invest in their lives, with extracurricular activities, etc. See where you can cut corners, like ironing (I remove laundry from the dryer and hang it up right away to minimize wrinkles, and then I don't sweat the wrinkles that do happen). Do the children help in chores? You should hardly be doing any chores, if they are teens - get them each to cook twice a week, and do dishes twice a week. Get them set up on a rotation of weekly chores, so you don't have to do any chores on the weeks you know you'll have extra grading, etc.

When you get take-out, is it healthy take-out? If you can get your kids to cook a couple of times a week, you can all spend a couple of hours on the weekend preparing crockpot meals that you can cook on busier days. Do you exercise regularly? Maybe you and your children could spend quality time doing some hiking, swimming, or running? Or maybe join a club together, like rowing? Eating healthy and exercising enough will boost your energy and stabilize your health.

Making time for your relationship with God - spend time with him in whatever pockets of time you have, such as the commute to and from work, or whenever you can. And you can choose a bit of scripture to think about throughout the day... ponder it in the back of your mind and pray throughout the day. If you like a big chunk of time, maybe before bed on Saturday evenings or when your children are out with their friends.

This is a hard time in life, parenting teens, but be encouraged - investing now will be a huge part of their future, and also a huge part of their relationship with you throughout the rest of their teens and into adulthood. This comes to pass, not to stay.

Lotuspetal_uk · Apr 2, 2019

ValleyGal said:
Going into your own business will be harder, and believe it or not, will take more of your time and energy. Not only will you have to do all the front-line stuff (make and sell products, by the sounds of things), but you will also have to do all the marketing, bookkeeping, and other operational aspects of your business. If you wanted to do contracted tutoring (you don't need to make a "product"), it would be a lot easier, especially given your connections as a teacher, but there is still a lot more to running your own business, and it's expensive - no extended benefits, being responsible for your own taxes, etc.

Being a teacher is hard. Being a parent is hard - especially a single parent. How is the structure in your home? You said you put in 50 hours a week. What if you go in to work an hour earlier (or leave an hour later)? Then you go home, have dinner, and spend quality time with your family. If you have to, put in a little extra time on Saturday mornings, and then the rest of the weekend is theirs - doing chores together, then doing something they enjoy.

One thing I do know is that your children need you, especially now as they prepare to become independent adults and figure out who they are and who they want to be in the world.

Do they see their father? If they do, that would be the time to get extra work done or spend focused time on your relationship with Jesus.

Parenting is hard... but it is God who decided on the family unit as the primary, most intimate relationship as part of a bigger community. He knows that it's hard, and that one day your children will leave home to make their own way in the world, and when that happens, you will miss the stressful "busy-ness" of family life.

Make good use of your natural resources - your family, your church community... if they are involved in youth groups, then that is time you can be working, for example. Help them to figure out how to invest in their lives, with extracurricular activities, etc. See where you can cut corners, like ironing (I remove laundry from the dryer and hang it up right away to minimize wrinkles, and then I don't sweat the wrinkles that do happen). Do the children help in chores? You should hardly be doing any chores, if they are teens - get them each to cook twice a week, and do dishes twice a week. Get them set up on a rotation of weekly chores, so you don't have to do any chores on the weeks you know you'll have extra grading, etc.

When you get take-out, is it healthy take-out? If you can get your kids to cook a couple of times a week, you can all spend a couple of hours on the weekend preparing crockpot meals that you can cook on busier days. Do you exercise regularly? Maybe you and your children could spend quality time doing some hiking, swimming, or running? Or maybe join a club together, like rowing? Eating healthy and exercising enough will boost your energy and stabilize your health.

Making time for your relationship with God - spend time with him in whatever pockets of time you have, such as the commute to and from work, or whenever you can. And you can choose a bit of scripture to think about throughout the day... ponder it in the back of your mind and pray throughout the day. If you like a big chunk of time, maybe before bed on Saturday evenings or when your children are out with their friends.

This is a hard time in life, parenting teens, but be encouraged - investing now will be a huge part of their future, and also a huge part of their relationship with you throughout the rest of their teens and into adulthood. This comes to pass, not to stay.

Thank you ever so much for taking the time to reply and with such comforting advice too. Sometimes it helps to thrash out something with a third party. It's also helped me to see that God places us where it is best for us as his children. Ironically I got sent home as I have a painful ear infection (which is where I've been able to reply to you) but out of all the options so far this has to be do-able albeit with difficulty.

I'm limited in terms of work hours due to child care. I can't stay at work just yet as I have to collect the youngest from school by a certain time - beyond that and I have to pay extra. What it means is that work I would normally do at work, I have to bring home. After this year I am going to see if my oldest can collect him when she finishes school at least over the next two years before she goes to university.

The kids see their father once every two weeks - he can't really spend time alone with them due to his abusive past and he had exhibited some of his toxic reactions to the eldest recently which was noted by both kids.

The bigger aspect is health - the take outs are the worse kind (pizzas or chinese) as they are quick. However our poor eating habits has been manifesting in me being so run down and picking up infection after infection.

If there is one thing I am grateful for from your post it's the activities - we're planning to take up running as a family (I had been trying to map out sporting activities for my son each Saturday but it clashed with shopping cleaning etc) each Saturday afternoon now that the days are getting longer. We're all pretty pumped up about it and it looks like something we can all do.

ValleyGal, blessings to you! Thank you so much for your post xx :hug:

Thanks to everyone else for your prayers xx

Joined2krist · Apr 2, 2019

I had to chose between a stressful job and my personal business, I chose the later and I must confess; if I had to cater for kids, I would have ran back to my job. Running a business will add more stress to your life, stick to your job and try to create time for your kids, God bless

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Lotuspetal_uk

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ValleyGal

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