Did getting married make you happy?

Observer · Nov 16, 2017

Marriage worsened my health in many ways and caused a lot of damage to me. There are abusive people out there and they can seem like good Christian people. I got divorced.

But yes, of course love can make you happy, it brings so much joy to my life now. But it can be like a drug at times. You shouldn't rely on another person to make you happy. I was not a happy person when I entered into my current relationship so I don't expect to be happy all the time with my partner. But when you fit together really well with someone and they bring warmth and joy and companionship to your life, you can't help smiling more and being a little happier and fulfilled

RedPonyDriver · Nov 18, 2017

Marriage didn't "make me happy"...I was satisfied with my life prior to meeting my husband and prior to marrying my husband. We've had our ups and downs over the years, but...our marriage is solid. I can't imagine life without him...

meyerjd · Dec 4, 2017

17 years ago, I was very happy to be married. Now, I can't say I'm happy being married. Now it's all I know. I really can't say if life would be better or worse if I was single.

dhh712 · Dec 29, 2017

Far Side Of the Moon said:
I know the obvious answer would be yeah..but I always feel..like if I had someone to share my life with that would make me happy...to not be alone again..

But sometimes I have my doubts..like would I be happy being joined to the hip with my mate....have I been alone to long to really be able to even connect with said person? Am I just better off alone?

Sometimes I'm not sure, but I think the positive benefits far outweigh the trials that's to be expected when you grow with a person...

So I just wanted to know..did being married make you a happier person prior to being married?
(( you can stop here if you like, ill just be rambling below ))
_______________________
Also I know someone will bring this up, but I don't believe you have to love yourself in order for someone else to love you...and here's why. I had a friend who literally hated himself, I heard him go on rants about himself and almost committed suicide...but he still found love and his gf helped him to love himself more then he already did... So I think that statement is false.

Now that's not to say people are obliged to take you and accept you at your worst..people who do are very rare and imo are the definition of unconditional love because the person didn't have to sort and unpack their baggage to get with them.....but I feel the whole notion of loving yourself should be done for you and you alone.
Not to attract a mate or even friends.,,because as I stated,real friends or a real mate wouldn't require you to be completely perfect.

But I also feel that no one person should be loaded with someone else's issues, so out of courtesy to your person of interest... I think it'd be easier all the way around to just work on yourself...but I still think true friends or even a lover don't require you to be perfect and would help you along....

Lastly, with all this said...even if you have all your T's crossed and i's dotted, that doesn't guarantee a mate. I've talked to girls who are sweet, have a degree,friends and their own place and still haven't found a boyfriend... Same for guys...

I personally feel that most times, when it comes to being married...I feel it has to be meant for you, the stars have to be aligned,fate,destiny ( whatever you want to call it)) because I've seen people who have nothing to offer ..not even a ged and a job get married to a quality mate...and p3ople who had it all together struggle to find love...

So sometimes I feel there's no clear cut method to find love ...which is why I say that statement, "you have to love yourself before others love you" isn't necessarily true..

Because loving yourself and having your act together won't guarantee love...but its still beneficial..because the people who love unconditionally like I listed above are rare..and imo..meant to be with those who are truly suffering... But yeah , I think the reason why loving yourself is so beneficial is because...

No one will do it for you, doing it doesn't guarantee a mate but it will improve yourself esteem and give you a better outlook on life,,,thats what loving yourself does..

Okay my mini novel is complete.... If you disagree that's okay, is just love a thorough discussion and examples provided like I did with my friend..below. Oh and don't forget the original question xD, I know I've been going on...but basically it was , was ( Did getting married make you happy? Happier than you were being single?)

I was happy when I was single, but getting married has made me happier. I do enjoy life better as a married person--just having someone else there to share life with that is compatible with me, with whom I share a lot of interests.

It's not all bliss and butterflies though. There are definitely times when I wish I was single--and let me tell you I am not one of these people who never want to be apart from their spouse! The times when we're away from each other are actually quite enjoyable!

Overall though, I am much more content being married over being single.

As to loving yourself before others can love you... definitely not an absolute but I do think it lends to a healthier relationship.

DZoolander · Jan 4, 2018

Meh, everything has it's pros and cons. Truthfully I like being married and being single about equally for that reason. I've always told my wife that if I suddenly found myself single again for some reason - I woudln't marry again. I'd opt to remain single...because at this juncture of my life (with kids/etc) I simply wouldn't see the benefit of taking on a spouse. I don't need someone next to me so badly that I'd take on all of the other stuff that would likely come with it.

So, to me marriage is not some end-all-be-all fulfillment of life's promises. There are lots of benefits to it - the intimacy/company/etc - someone else to bounce ideas off of - the partnership - etc. But there are flip sides as to all of those as well.

If you're young-ish - want to have kids - have found someone that you're really compatible with - go for it. If you're really young though, or older, I'd put more thought into it.

Dave-W · Jan 5, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
Some people in church told me there was someone out there for me. I know at my current state ...I'm not ready..so I know I need to get myself together...at the same time.. I want someone that isn't completely perfect..I have depression and anxiety and I just want someone who understands.

Just came across this thread again.

Yes - this is the time to "get yourself together." Make sure your foundation in the Lord is strong. The best course I found for that is Derek Prince's Foundation Series.

BTW, I noticed you "liked" my earlier post but never asked me about the "no" part. This is the place for such questions.

songz777 · Mar 31, 2018

Does being married make you a happier person?

The answer is no it does not. I was single for 26 years & waited in faith ( Gods Promise of a wife to me in 1986 ) At first in my early Christian days / years I would say to my self I will never be happy until I have a woman / married. The Lord kept me single for many years and I suffered much emotional pain until at last in 2003 the Lord revealed to me the true meaning of life based on a Psalm " In Your presence is Fullness of Joy and (ONLY) at Your right hand are pleasures for evermore" It was then I learnt that true happiness in life is all about Jesus and Him alone and that everything else that is every good thing we receive are but extra blessings at Gods right hand. Being married will enrich your life but not make it happier. Ideally you need to enter marriage already enjoying the presence of the Lord. I could say a lot more about this & probably another time.
Hope this helps.

John

Bob S · Mar 31, 2018

I have been married for 62 years and my wife has brought me more happiness than I could ever imagined. Thank you Jesus! We have four of the greatest children God could ever have bestowed upon us. We are rich beyond measure, not with what the world is trying to gain, but with the wealth of love.

I feel bad that others are not happy with their spouses. Outward looks do not define what is in the heart.

OK Jeff · Mar 31, 2018

Bob when I answered “no” it had nothing to do with being unhappy with her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I can only speak for myself, but what I meant was true happiness isn’t the responsibility of of any mortal person. It only comes from The Lord and from within. That’s a big responsibility to put upon any mortal soul.

Bob S · Mar 31, 2018

OK Jeff said:
Bob when I answered “no” it had nothing to do with being unhappy with her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I can only speak for myself, but what I meant was true happiness isn’t the responsibility of of any mortal person. It only comes from The Lord and from within. That’s a big responsibility to put upon any mortal soul.

God made us with the ability and desire to procreate. He meant for this to bring untold happiness. Sadly some feel raising a family a burden.

Some are so selfish and demanding that life with anyone like that would be unwise. I grew up a Christian and Christianity is all about loving others as Jesus love us. When I found a mate with these qualities I thought I died and went to Heaven. Thank you Jesus for giving me the will to wait until your choice for me entered my life.

Paidiske · Mar 31, 2018

evoeth said:
Marriage will not make you happier. ...But it can make you more stable, less lonely, and prone to better habits. Which could make you happier.

Coming up to our 13th wedding anniversary, and I think this would have to be my answer too. Marriage is good for me in lots of ways, but not directly by providing "happiness." I've often reflected that I'd be just as happy (in different ways) as a single person.

Moonrise Lu · Apr 11, 2018

I've only been married for over a year. I'd say being married has been great and my husband has brought me a lot of joy! However, it doesn't make life perfectly happy. I still deal with the same issues I did before we got married, (some depressive times and anxiety) and that can add a bit of stress and sadness to our days. We both still have the same "flaws" we did from before. But now I have this partner who's presence is an extra source of strength and comfort. We work together and encourage each other to improve and can dream about our future together. I'd say marriage brings joy - closer to a feeling of contentment in any good/bad situation - rather than the fleeting feeling of happiness. And that only happens when both people are honestly putting in effort. I honestly wish they would add "in happiness and sadness" to the normal wedding vows, as so many often think they will always be riding those lovely high feelings of a new relationship, then feel like it's over when there are the normal struggles of life.

anna ~ grace · Apr 11, 2018

Wedding day was awesome. Staying married has been tough. But it's worth it.

OK Jeff · Apr 11, 2018

Moonrise Lu said:
I've only been married for over a year. I'd say being married has been great and my husband has brought me a lot of joy! However, it doesn't make life perfectly happy. I still deal with the same issues I did before we got married, (some depressive times and anxiety) and that can add a bit of stress and sadness to our days. We both still have the same "flaws" we did from before. But now I have this partner who's presence is an extra source of strength and comfort. We work together and encourage each other to improve and can dream about our future together. I'd say marriage brings joy - closer to a feeling of contentment in any good/bad situation - rather than the fleeting feeling of happiness. And that only happens when both people are honestly putting in effort. I honestly wish they would add "in happiness and sadness" to the normal wedding vows, as so many often think they will always be riding those lovely high feelings of a new relationship, then feel like it's over when there are the normal struggles of life.

Excellent summary, and good for you having learned this so early on. Missuz and I were ten tough years married before we began to figure this out. 14 now and it’s better than ever.

favoritetoyisjoy · Apr 11, 2018

45 years later and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Knee V · Apr 11, 2018

If the question is along the lines of "will marriage fix something?", then the answer is "no". Marriage won't fix anything about us. If feeling happy is our goal, marriage only adds another person with a whole other will, and we will almost never get our own way, nor will anything that we have idealized ever come true.

It is good to marry, but we cannot delude ourselves. It is a lot of difficult work, and we should not enter into it with the expectation of getting something out of it, such as happiness.

I have problems, and so does my wife, and getting married didn't fix any of those problems. We either learn to help each other with those problems, which is hard but do-able, or we judge each other for them and grow cold toward each other. And to be sure, my wife and I have gone through periods of that as well. If we're lazy and don't feel like putting in the effort, things are much harder than they are when we choose to do the hard work of investing into one another.

Knee V · Apr 11, 2018

I know that that sounds gloomy, but day-to-day there is great joy having my wife and children.

Mayflower1 · Apr 14, 2018

I feel happier being married. I also have a wonderful husband though that loves and respects me. Have to have the right one! We will be married 3 years June 13th.

I guess I realized after marrying what I really always wanted was family to be close to. I have that with my husband and now we have a beautiful daughter together

Tom Sawyer · May 14, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
I know the obvious answer would be yeah..but I always feel..like if I had someone to share my life with that would make me happy...to not be alone again..

But sometimes I have my doubts..like would I be happy being joined to the hip with my mate....have I been alone to long to really be able to even connect with said person? Am I just better off alone?

Sometimes I'm not sure, but I think the positive benefits far outweigh the trials that's to be expected when you grow with a person...

So I just wanted to know..did being married make you a happier person prior to being married?
(( you can stop here if you like, ill just be rambling below ))
_______________________
Also I know someone will bring this up, but I don't believe you have to love yourself in order for someone else to love you...and here's why. I had a friend who literally hated himself, I heard him go on rants about himself and almost committed suicide...but he still found love and his gf helped him to love himself more then he already did... So I think that statement is false.

Now that's not to say people are obliged to take you and accept you at your worst..people who do are very rare and imo are the definition of unconditional love because the person didn't have to sort and unpack their baggage to get with them.....but I feel the whole notion of loving yourself should be done for you and you alone.
Not to attract a mate or even friends.,,because as I stated,real friends or a real mate wouldn't require you to be completely perfect.

But I also feel that no one person should be loaded with someone else's issues, so out of courtesy to your person of interest... I think it'd be easier all the way around to just work on yourself...but I still think true friends or even a lover don't require you to be perfect and would help you along....

Lastly, with all this said...even if you have all your T's crossed and i's dotted, that doesn't guarantee a mate. I've talked to girls who are sweet, have a degree,friends and their own place and still haven't found a boyfriend... Same for guys...

I personally feel that most times, when it comes to being married...I feel it has to be meant for you, the stars have to be aligned,fate,destiny ( whatever you want to call it)) because I've seen people who have nothing to offer ..not even a ged and a job get married to a quality mate...and p3ople who had it all together struggle to find love...

So sometimes I feel there's no clear cut method to find love ...which is why I say that statement, "you have to love yourself before others love you" isn't necessarily true..

Because loving yourself and having your act together won't guarantee love...but its still beneficial..because the people who love unconditionally like I listed above are rare..and imo..meant to be with those who are truly suffering... But yeah , I think the reason why loving yourself is so beneficial is because...

No one will do it for you, doing it doesn't guarantee a mate but it will improve yourself esteem and give you a better outlook on life,,,thats what loving yourself does..

Okay my mini novel is complete.... If you disagree that's okay, is just love a thorough discussion and examples provided like I did with my friend..below. Oh and don't forget the original question xD, I know I've been going on...but basically it was , was ( Did getting married make you happy? Happier than you were being single?)

Thanks for a really good question about happiness in marriage. I would say I had already drawn my happiness along with my peace from knowing the Lord Jesus years before marriage. I have never sought to draw my happiness from my wife, my marriage and our children. I got married because it was the good thing to do (unless one plans for celibacy it always is) and I sought to glorify God through our witness together as husband and wife. Not to sound flippant, but I could have cared less if we were “compatible” together. She is a sincere believer, has a good character and believes together with me on all the Bible teaches about marriage. That’s compatible enough for me.

That said, there IS great happiness in marriage, along with sacrifice, hard work and loss. We lost one of our children as a baby. We stopped having much time to be alone together. However, I enjoy coming home every day. I love to spend time with my wife. I love to chase my children around the house and do things together with them. We go hiking together and go to the lake together. These things are nice. But they are not the main purpose of marriage and I have never sought happiness in them. My wife and I just want to grow in faith together, and we want to raise up our children to know the Lord and to love Him together. I had happiness long before I got married, through our Lord and Savior. I sincerely hope other believer share much the same attitude.

Marriage is a witness for this life. Then it passes with death, and we will see a much greater wedding with the Lamb.

Peace to you.

Did getting married make you happy?

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