Health and boundaries

[Godcrazy]

Boundaries, But Love

There is a lot of talk in our cultural moment about setting boundaries. It is a conversation I enter with a feeling of ambivalence. I strong...

www.erictonjes.com

Pastor Eric Tonjes talk about how we can set boundaries for people who keep crossing them

My life experience with people who cross boundaries, from toxic people to those who don't understand what healthy boundaries are, I have learnt that they won't stop unless you say no, and draw a line. Nice, friendly, but firm. If that doesn't work, to leave. Toxic people and people that don't understand healthy boundaries do not listen otherwise. Sometimes you have to, or you have to remove yourself.
It's essential to learn healthy boundaries and to set them in a healthy way.
Sometimes we are loving people by doing so, and we are also being loving towards self as to other.
Take for example people who have spent their childhood full of abuse, and not allowed to have or set boundaries, not allowed to say no, not allowed to say, I don't want you to.. Stop this.
They go through adulthood not knowing healthy boundaries, and how to set them and what is appropriate and when to be assertive, and that they are allowed to, because all their lives they have been told it's wrong and how mean they are or been punished for doing it. As a result, they go through adulthood attracting all kinds of abusive, disrespectful people, people who are toxic, people who are mean or narcissistic or psychopath. Those people are trained in spotting these people. The only way to protect yourself, and your health, is to be mindful about healthy boundaries.
We are often not loving by not settling them, because not doing anything will make it worse for all involved.
If we can't just leave, we can affirm, be assertive. It doesn't mean, we can't love them, but letting unhealthy situations continue doesn't serve anyone. Anyone who have experience that through their past know that.

 

[Godcrazy]

Christian call to radical love doesn't mean we can't set boundaries

Rebecca Bratten Weiss once believed it was her Christian obligation to forge friendships across ideological lines. But over time, she has realized that setting boundaries can be a valid Christian response.

www.ncronline.org