I give up

Susie~Q · Jul 29, 2014

knw1991 said:
There's no hope I keep holding onto a false hope that will lead me back to where I am, the bible just feels like words on a page and that there is no hope in them. There is no purpose for this hurt and I can't find God he's left me to suffer through it all alone nobody is with me and no one understands I just want to die and not feel why am I forgotten how did I get to this place of darkness how long do I have to beg for help just to sustaining life. If god won't help who will

Hello, Kendra~
I just answered your PM, forgive me for my tardiness, I was doing things all day, and when I answer, I like to have time to think about my answers. I hope they help. :hug:

I believe that the bible feels like "words" to all of us at one time or another, the Lord knows this, He does not hate us for that, it is Satan putting that thought in your mind, the "enemy" likes to confuse us, he likes to make us think we are worthless, he is the leader when it comes to making folks feel hopeless.

I believe there is a purpose for every hurt, sometimes we really have to get on our knees and ask the Lord for His help. He is there, He is always there. You are not alone. Please, believe this, He says in His word, "I will never leave you or forsake you" He means this, He is not a liar. You are not forgotten, this horrible darkness is only temporary, so many Christians go through this "Dark Valley" but they emerge from the other side victoriously, you will too. :hug:

God will help, maybe, for reasons unknown, He is wanting you to really hold on to Him and trust Him with everything in your being, I tell you, that is not easy, but, sometimes He brings us to the deepest pits of life so we are forced to hold on to Him and no one else.

Folks are here for you, you are welcome to PM me when you need to share or vent. I sure do not have all the answers, but, I will try.

Oh, also, we have a wonder forum here, it is called "Asked A Chaplain" there, you can post anonymously, you never have a worry of them telling what you have said, the staff there is awesome, it might be worth a try for you. :hug:

Spunkn · Jul 30, 2014

You're not forgotten Kendra, and you're not hopeless

knw1991 · Aug 5, 2014

ive begged and pleaded with God over and over throughout a period of three years for help. i cant take anymore. i may be physically alive but today is marked in my heart as my day of death. i feel at peace now because ive stopped wrestling and stopped trying to trust and just accepted the fact that i am worthless and there is no hope. i know this has been a revolving door but maybe its been this way because i need to finally accept that im worthless and once i do i will have peace. when i try to beleive Gods word for me or when im always praying to God i dont feel peace or security because thats not where i belong. now that i have stoppeed believing that things will get better or work out for my good, or beleiving that my pain has a purpose i no longer have to wait. i no longer have to wait for God to help me or to hold onto hope because i have found peace in that there is no hope. as my sister said , when i give up hope on my dad changing and defeating his addiction i can finally move on. i was hurt that no one gave me hope but instead sat there as i cried my heart out but now i have given up hope on everything and i have peace in my heart. i will try to live with no expectation from God because he doesnt owe me anything and i havent done anything for him anyway. the only thing i can offer myself is a chance to pursue an education. if it wasnt for that opportunity i would truly have nothing. education is where i find some sense of worth though it doesnt really help. im truly a monster outside of this site. im irritable, impatient and a doubter.

i know why i fell into a depression after shortly accepting Christ, it was because i thought i was saved but was truly not and im still not. im ok with that. i already asked God to stay away. i know God is good but i just was not chosen to be saved and if keep trying to make myself belong i'll never be happy because im not God's child. i dont have a dad and never will. even my stepdad doesnt remember my birthday or even talk to me unless its something important. its much better accepting that m worthless than trying to fight off this thought that was really true all along. i would say that i dont know how i turned out this way or i feel my life is over but that would just take me back to feeling sad. sometimes i dont know what to do with myself because im afraid to take my life but yet bearing the pain is scary and painful. i just have to make life work on my own. i never belonged to God and nver will. i have never felt any joy thats suppose to come from knowing God which means i never knew him. im sure Jesus would say he never knew me on judgement day. i know christians are indwelled by the Holy Spirit but the Holy Spirit could not possibly be in someone like me. He is a comforter and i have experienced everyhting but comfort. i know that im not saved and I dont want to know God at all because trying to trust and trying to beleive in His word when im so worthless and pathetic just sets me up for disappointment. its less painful to accept that im worthless.

knw1991 · Aug 5, 2014

Please Just Let Me Die

Jeshu · Aug 6, 2014

knw1991 said:
Please Just Let Me Die

Yes please die to your hopelessness, despair and misery but come to life in His love, faith and hope.

It is my prayer for you. :prayer:

Spunkn · Aug 6, 2014

You're not worthless and I believe you are saved Kendra. You are worth just as much as the rest of us. I know it's hard, and every day feels as painful as the day before. I wanted to give up every single day for years. But God didn't give up on me and I don't believe he's given up on you, even when we don't believe it ourselves.

Still praying for you

knw1991 · Aug 6, 2014

my prayers for help arent helping. i dont know what to do. i just want to sleep forever

lindart · Aug 6, 2014

Hi knw1991. I have read your posts on this thread. What I am about to share is difficult. Life with an addict is difficult and painfully so. I hear your pain and I want to reach out to you to help lift you out of the miry muck. I will share with you the 'fall out' of addiction of a loved one and how it affected me and my children. I married the love of my life who became an addict. We had 5 children together. My life with him was a living nightmare as I struggled immensely to provide and protect my innocent little ones. This day by day struggle in the midst of physical abuse brought me to utter despair. The physical pain did not compare to the heart wrenching pain that I felt for my four sons and daughter who, like you, deserved to be loved and protected by their ' daddy'. Heck, I didn't deserve this either! I felt so abandoned by God. Couldn't God see how hard this was? I despaired of my own life and then from some place in my soul sprung up the will to do this battle for my kids.

Fast forward 35 years and now I will share with you, how my children, now adults like you, are dealing with the pain and the rejection of an addicted absentee dad. By the way, he did succumb to his addiction, two years ago. Ok, my first born son is a full blown alcoholic who lives in a ripped tent in the woods and suffers with alcoholic seizures. He is only 35. He refuses all help and I cry every night for him. My 2nd son is a drug addict, who is currently in recovery. My 3rd son is happily married and has a beautiful daughter. My only daughter is happily married and has a little boy. My youngest, a son, is 5 years clean from drugs and has made a good life for himself and has a little boy. What we see here is that my sons and daughter made different choices in how to move forward from this painful rejection. The difference in choices centered on whether they would 'allow' their father's actions define who they are. God is not finished with his children and I hold onto this hope. I will continue in this fight.

I almost deleted my post because it is hard to read. But, dear one, there is a silver lining in these clouds of doubt. I almost gave up but then God inspired me to continue the good fight. It is the hardest thing to go through but I know without a single doubt, that God fought this through me and remains with me always, through the good and the bad. Please do not let the choices that your father made define you. God has His plan for my life and for my children and for you!

knw1991 · Aug 6, 2014

Thank you lindart, i thank you for sharing your story. i appreciate it because i see it was very difficult for you. i am very sorry that a few of your sons are struggling with this pain of an absent father. i wish i knew the strength that your children who are doing well had. i cant find it within myself. what hurts the most is that i didnt ask to be born into this and i have to struggle to win a battle that is stronger than me.

i dont know what its going to take to bring me out of this. im just nor strong enough. thank you for sharing your story. it just seems like all the odds are against me

knw1991 · Aug 6, 2014

i have done fine in school and im trying to build a future career for myself but in my personal life and within me is hopelessness and i cant do this. im sorry

Underflip540 · Aug 6, 2014

Kendra, don't shy away and fight alone. Even if you decide to back away from Christ, the feelings you face aren't going to go away, and if you have no one to talk to about it, you will feel worse.

The fight isn't easy. Everyone on this Earth is fighting negative thoughts for one reason or another. The way you feel at the moment is probably amplified by your feeling that the thing you looked to help you - the Lord - isn't helping you.

Just remember what you said a few weeks ago. When you had that feeling of the Lord saying "you're mine". He's still thinking and saying the same thing. He's not going to give up on you and even if you think He's not answering your prayers. There's lots of ways he could answer you - maybe the fact you came here is one of those answers.

Slow it down, break it down, take it one thought at a time. Unload it on Him, and then come and unload it on us.

I won't sugar coat it for you - it may take years to get through it. But you're aren't alone. Don't ever get yourself isolated. Even if your faith is wobbling, don't leave, because everyone here wants to help you. We all know how badly depression distorts our minds.

PM me if you want to

Chococat · Aug 12, 2014

The thought has just come to me and I don't know if it's from the Lord or just my own thoughts but maybe in one sense you are right to want to give up. By that I mean give up struggling to be a "good" Christian and to measure up to other people's standards and rules and just rest in God's love and grace. I know the more I struggle to measure up to other people's ideas of what a "good" Christian should be eg read the Bible/pray for X amount of hours a day etc the more of a failure I feel. It's also that sort of thing that makes us, IMHO, struggle with doubts about our salvation because we hear things like "true Christians will do XYZ" and what the "signs of a true Christian are" and we then become very inward looking and start thinking "oh no I don't do this/feel this (or whatever) so I must not be saved!" If your church is one that puts a heavy emphasis on works and how hard you have to work to please God I think you need to change churches. If your church is a loving grace filled church than feel free to ignore that statement. I just know there are some ministries and churches that are like that and needless to say many of their congregations suffer with anxiety and depression for obvious reasons! :amen:

At least that is what I find and from what I have heard other believers have the same struggle. Also feelings are very unreliable and can change from day to day so it is a big mistake to live your life entirely by your feelings. It is like trying to build a house on sand. I should know because I make this mistake so much myself so I am reminding myself as much as you. I hope you read this and see that God is reaching out to you through all these people on this thread, including myself, hopefully. He often uses other believers to minister His love to the hurting. :pray:

Press On · Aug 12, 2014

Still praying, Kendra. :prayer:

Paul808 · Sep 2, 2014

knw1991 said:
Thanks, it's just discouraging to struggle through life, others seem so happy and fulfilled. I just don't want to try anymore. I've lost the desire to go on. All through the bible God says he delivers and restores but that must have been for the people back then . To me it seems cruel to leave someone to struggle against circumstances they had no control over in my case being born to a drug addict father. I want to be healed and if that's too much to ask I give up.

I have so much empathy for you and your situation. I know many people in the same situation, it is hard for the child to not have a father there they way he should be. I know you probably love your dad, but the only way to help him and yourself is through prayer. If your prayers don't work to get him clean, I know that God will provide you with the strength to overcome these circumstances and through his grace you can be healed but you must believe.

Krissy Cakes · Sep 2, 2014

Praying for you dear sister! :prayer:

knw1991 · Sep 4, 2014

The hope that o once had was short lived. I give up

knw1991 · Sep 4, 2014

Underflip540 said:
Kendra, don't shy away and fight alone. Even if you decide to back away from Christ, the feelings you face aren't going to go away, and if you have no one to talk to about it, you will feel worse.

The fight isn't easy. Everyone on this Earth is fighting negative thoughts for one reason or another. The way you feel at the moment is probably amplified by your feeling that the thing you looked to help you - the Lord - isn't helping you.

Just remember what you said a few weeks ago. When you had that feeling of the Lord saying "you're mine". He's still thinking and saying the same thing. He's not going to give up on you and even if you think He's not answering your prayers. There's lots of ways he could answer you - maybe the fact you came here is one of those answers.

Slow it down, break it down, take it one thought at a time. Unload it on Him, and then come and unload it on us.

I won't sugar coat it for you - it may take years to get through it. But you're aren't alone. Don't ever get yourself isolated. Even if your faith is wobbling, don't leave, because everyone here wants to help you. We all know how badly depression distorts our minds.

PM me if you want to

If it takes years I give up now . I was given a bad hand in life and there's no hope. People expect you to go on when you can't and it's not fair

knw1991 · Sep 6, 2014

Underflip540 said:
Kendra, don't shy away and fight alone. Even if you decide to back away from Christ, the feelings you face aren't going to go away, and if you have no one to talk to about it, you will feel worse.

The fight isn't easy. Everyone on this Earth is fighting negative thoughts for one reason or another. The way you feel at the moment is probably amplified by your feeling that the thing you looked to help you - the Lord - isn't helping you.

Just remember what you said a few weeks ago. When you had that feeling of the Lord saying "you're mine". He's still thinking and saying the same thing. He's not going to give up on you and even if you think He's not answering your prayers. There's lots of ways he could answer you - maybe the fact you came here is one of those answers.

Slow it down, break it down, take it one thought at a time. Unload it on Him, and then come and unload it on us.

I won't sugar coat it for you - it may take years to get through it. But you're aren't alone. Don't ever get yourself isolated. Even if your faith is wobbling, don't leave, because everyone here wants to help you. We all know how badly depression distorts our minds.

PM me if you want to

I'm sorry for sounding mean in my first response to you. Thank you and all of you for your help. Right now I have no more tears to cry and my mind won't stop running. I'm bring tormented in my dreams even when I sleep. Today I was going to take my life. I hope that doesn't trigger anyone because you all are special and worth much more than you can imagine. I don't believe I'm worth anything. That was proven true from the day I was born and even now. I have never known love because every man who approaches me sees me as someone to deceive into making me think they care when they really don't. I hAve given up my desire for being a wife or mom because I have no worth to even attract a decent person. I cannot even attract an unsaved person who will at least care for me. I have also given up on being a Christian. I don't know how people who get saved can be so close to God and strongly in faith after just a year. 3 years ago I accepted Christ but cannot get out of this cycle of depression and suicidal feelings. My heart is broken my mind is damaged my days are numbered. I'm wasting away. I would like to thank casey86 for helping me to learn how worthless I am.

Spunkn · Sep 7, 2014

You are still a wonderful person Kendra. Please don't give up hope.

Satan wants to make you think that you are worthless, but it's not true at all. You're made in the image of God, and nothing can change that. Why does Satan want to tell you that you're worthless? Because you accepted Christ. He hates people who turn to Christ.

I still care what happens to you. I think you are a wonderful person, I don't see you being alone forever at all. I just think this is a really hard place for you right now. But I'm still praying for you and believe that you can get through this.

knw1991 · Sep 13, 2014

Thanks Kevin. I believe I'm worthless because I just am. From the day I was born in sin and into a horrible situation I knew I was worthless. Every man in my family has forsaken me. I have no reason to believe I'll ever find love. I have met deceitful men along the way and food thing I was able to recognize it after a few days of talking with them. But this has convinced me that I have to settle for them because I'm b
Not worth meeting a good Christian guy. I feel like trash

.So I give up on My desire to be a mom. I'm just in waiting to see what other hurtful thing will come My way. I know I am made for hurt to be used to be abandoned. I can't even pay for the school I've been accepted to. My dream of being a pa is gone. I have no money. Today my car is gone I can no longer use It. I have no way of getting to work and no way to save up money for other schools. My dream to be a pa is over. My life is over. Even if I was saved I can't enjoy it because apparently I have anxiety and depression which prevent me from feeling God's presence and love. I don't believe I'm saved

Too many hurts to be healed. Too many painful questions to trust God. I'm afraid that not being born with a father has set the course for my life to be painful and full of losses. Through my desperation today I took pills and threw up. I asked God to help me because I have nowhere to go. No one to carry me through this. I don't know if I can give these burdens to God or if he wants me to carry them.

I give up

John 3:16 God bless you.

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