Hey, this is somewhat related to a previous post, but I wanted to go into a little more detail, since this has been the thing that has REALLY been nagging at me this past week. Now, obviously you people who have blasphemous thoughts and stuff dont have this problem, but man, Im sure you people with Scrupulosity-based ROCD do.
Like, Ill occasionally get these thoughts, right? Ones like God, if you want me to stop doing this, take away the desire for me to, or other phrases and stuff like that, that I really would rather not think, mostly because I know that the bajillion other times Ive thought those nothing ever changed, but mostly because I know thatll just set me off into a frenzy of checking and scrutinizing my emotions, going Do I still like this? I think I do. Yeah, yeah, of course I do, what are you talking about? But Im not thinking about the worry as much, maybe I dont care! Maybe Im just not letting it happen. Maybe I just WANT to want to like it. Maybe I didnt really mean it. Maybe Im just fooling myself, and so on, and then I get guilty for scrutinizing my emotions and feeling freaked, and my OCD beats me over the head with Well, you werent REALLY willing; you should think those things again. Somethings changed this time, Im sure of it. And Im like no, Id rather not, but then it comes back with Well, you SHOULD. After all, if its no big deal, nothing will happen, but if it is, dont you want to be sure? And Ill eventually give in because I feel guilty for not even wanting to initially think those thoughts, and get spun up again (or, if it turned out to be something I really didnt have to think, then Ill feel acute guilt for getting worked up in the first place). Never mind the fact that Ive thought those thoughts so many times, and youd think I was okay by now, but no, the OCD just keeps bringing them to mind, saying I should keep thinking them, because now youve actually done something wrong, and your reaction to not wanting the thoughts proves it, THINK IT ALREADY!!!
I mean, I know everyone says that if it feels like OCD, it is OCD (which all this certainly does), and I should just ignore it, but but how do you DO that? How do you ignore something thats constantly clawing at your mind, demanding your attention, shrieking at you that if you dont address it right NOW, youre being a sinful, idolatrous, delusional b***h who just wants to stick your head in the sand and not listen to anything that might make you uncomfortable, you stupid, stupid idiot?
I apologize for continuing to bother you guys with this, but help, please?
Aster
Like, Ill occasionally get these thoughts, right? Ones like God, if you want me to stop doing this, take away the desire for me to, or other phrases and stuff like that, that I really would rather not think, mostly because I know that the bajillion other times Ive thought those nothing ever changed, but mostly because I know thatll just set me off into a frenzy of checking and scrutinizing my emotions, going Do I still like this? I think I do. Yeah, yeah, of course I do, what are you talking about? But Im not thinking about the worry as much, maybe I dont care! Maybe Im just not letting it happen. Maybe I just WANT to want to like it. Maybe I didnt really mean it. Maybe Im just fooling myself, and so on, and then I get guilty for scrutinizing my emotions and feeling freaked, and my OCD beats me over the head with Well, you werent REALLY willing; you should think those things again. Somethings changed this time, Im sure of it. And Im like no, Id rather not, but then it comes back with Well, you SHOULD. After all, if its no big deal, nothing will happen, but if it is, dont you want to be sure? And Ill eventually give in because I feel guilty for not even wanting to initially think those thoughts, and get spun up again (or, if it turned out to be something I really didnt have to think, then Ill feel acute guilt for getting worked up in the first place). Never mind the fact that Ive thought those thoughts so many times, and youd think I was okay by now, but no, the OCD just keeps bringing them to mind, saying I should keep thinking them, because now youve actually done something wrong, and your reaction to not wanting the thoughts proves it, THINK IT ALREADY!!!
I mean, I know everyone says that if it feels like OCD, it is OCD (which all this certainly does), and I should just ignore it, but but how do you DO that? How do you ignore something thats constantly clawing at your mind, demanding your attention, shrieking at you that if you dont address it right NOW, youre being a sinful, idolatrous, delusional b***h who just wants to stick your head in the sand and not listen to anything that might make you uncomfortable, you stupid, stupid idiot?
I apologize for continuing to bother you guys with this, but help, please?
Aster
I suppose you're right. 
I'm getting two books on OCD, soon, and my family's been a big help in helping me to get over this. It just seems that every step forward I take, I take two back. 
