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Does Anyone Ever: Feel Like They HAVE to Think OCD Thoughts 2.0

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by AsterWhelmed255, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

    Hey, this is somewhat related to a previous post, but I wanted to go into a little more detail, since this has been the thing that has REALLY been nagging at me this past week. Now, obviously you people who have blasphemous thoughts and stuff don’t have this problem, but man, I’m sure you people with Scrupulosity-based ROCD do.

    Like, I’ll occasionally get these thoughts, right? Ones like “God, if you want me to stop doing this, take away the desire for me to,” or other phrases and stuff like that, that I really would rather not think, mostly because I know that the bajillion other times I’ve thought those nothing ever changed, but mostly because I know that’ll just set me off into a frenzy of checking and scrutinizing my emotions, going “Do I still like this? I think I do. Yeah, yeah, of course I do, what are you talking about? But I’m not thinking about the worry as much, maybe I don’t care! Maybe I’m just not letting it happen. Maybe I just WANT to want to like it. Maybe I didn’t really mean it. Maybe I’m just fooling myself,” and so on, and then I get guilty for scrutinizing my emotions and feeling freaked, and my OCD beats me over the head with “Well, you weren’t REALLY willing; you should think those things again. Something’s changed this time, I’m sure of it.” And I’m like no, I’d rather not, but then it comes back with “Well, you SHOULD. After all, if it’s no big deal, nothing will happen, but if it is, don’t you want to be sure?” And I’ll eventually give in because I feel guilty for not even wanting to initially think those thoughts, and get spun up again (or, if it turned out to be something I really didn’t have to think, then I’ll feel acute guilt for getting worked up in the first place). Never mind the fact that I’ve thought those thoughts so many times, and you’d think I was okay by now, but no, the OCD just keeps bringing them to mind, saying I should keep thinking them, because now you’ve actually done something wrong, and your reaction to not wanting the thoughts proves it, THINK IT ALREADY!!!

    I mean, I know everyone says that if it feels like OCD, it is OCD (which all this certainly does), and I should just ignore it, but… but how do you DO that? How do you ignore something that’s constantly clawing at your mind, demanding your attention, shrieking at you that if you don’t address it right NOW, you’re being a sinful, idolatrous, delusional b***h who just wants to stick your head in the sand and not listen to anything that might make you uncomfortable, you stupid, stupid idiot?

    I apologize for continuing to bother you guys with this, but… help, please? :(

    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. kaykay9.0

    kaykay9.0 Guest

    This IS what makes OCD so tough. If we could just easily dismiss our obsessive thoughts, well, I guess we wouldn't struggle with OCD! I dare say even people with no OCD tendencies have obsessive thoughts from time to time. Difference? They can just brush them off with relative ease.

    All I know to tell you is this is where prayer and counseling and meds come in. Counseling and meds are usually not a total cure, but it's been my experience and of many others they do make it significantly EASIER to dismiss the OCD thoughts. Also, for me, it has made a huge difference just knowing what I'm battling. For years, I didn't.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2012
  3. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

    :sigh: I suppose you're right. :(

    Thank you for your advice, though. :hug: I'm getting two books on OCD, soon, and my family's been a big help in helping me to get over this. It just seems that every step forward I take, I take two back. :( I know I AM getting better, it just always doesn't seem like it. :cry: