How many of you actually waited till marriage to have sex?

dallasapple · May 31, 2012

I was married by 20 so I dont know how much waited or not waited even comes in to play ..serioulsly..but no didnt wait..However wished I had waited til about 35..

Dallas

captaincarr · Jun 13, 2012

We waited and talked about waiting.

Avniel · Jun 13, 2012

We did I knew not to try

Larry Mondello · Jun 13, 2012

proverbswisdom said:
Do you have a fullfilling sex life or are there still some obstacles despite doing everything God's way?

As I posted, we didn't do things God's way, unfortunately.
We were in our 30s and never-married but in a committed, monogamous relationship, if that makes any difference.

Didn't have much sex at all in my 20s. Gotta think God understands us singles and what we go through, the ones who didn't get all the breaks and meet our loves in college or shortly after.

We did stop the sex upon urging by the church lay couple, as I posted.

However, methinks the premarital sex we had affected our later LM.
It's dried up to almost non-existent.

She's never in the mood and no matter what I do, can't get her to give herself to me.
We haven't had sex in nearly 3 mos.
It's not ALL due to our premarital activity, but I somehow think it played a role in the near-sexless marriage we now have.

SearchingStudent · Jun 13, 2012

My husband and I had both been married before and we lived together for a year before we got married...it didn't hurt the sex-drive at all...We've been together for almost 15 years now and we're still like a couple of teenagers...

And comparing to previous partners? Not a chance...nope, never did it. Don't even think about previous partners...that part of our lives is where it belongs, behind us.

Niffer · Jun 13, 2012

We did. I was 21, he was 24.

Nienna_Lady_of_Tears · Jun 13, 2012

We were each other's first. My family kicked me out (they had wanted to arrange my marriage and I would not let them), he was living with another branch of my family at the time. We became homeless. We planned on getting a civil ceremony when we had the money to do it. A friend of his put us up in a hotel room for a couple nights when I had a severe cold. That's when we lost it. But we were given money to get married, which we did a week later.

We do not regret it. The deal was sealed a long time before. We had left our parents house, albeit in not the best circumstances. We were clinging to each other. We became one flesh. All that was missing at that point was the legality of the situation, and the money for that miraculously fell into our laps after the hotel stay, without the donor even knowing what had taken place. Coincidence? I think not. We began to be blessed by God after we had sealed it in the flesh, not when we had sealed it on paper.

The Princess Bride · Jun 14, 2012

Puptart said:
We didn't wait. I don't regret it, but I don't recommend it either. It just is what it is.

That is kinda how I feel. My hubby was my first and only, prior to me, his only other was his ex-wife.

LovebirdsFlying · Jun 15, 2012

I was a teen mom. I love my "surprise" daughter, but I do wish I had waited. So does she. She wouldn't have minded being a few years younger now, if she had been born instead to a more mature mother who was prepared for her.

Geoffc64 · Jul 2, 2012

Well, yes and no. We didn't start having sex until we were engaged, and we stopped a couple of weeks before the wedding. We even had my then-fiance's mother's (a strong christian) blessing to move in together before the wedding if we wanted to, but we chose not to. Please note, however, that we were in our mid thirties when we got married.
Neither of us have any regrets of the way we did it.

LovedSparrow · Jul 3, 2012

We waited, and have been enjoying the benefits. I was his first, I had past relationships.

Tips, what we did before marriage:
Do not sit in the car alone without the dome light on at night.
Don't stay alone in a house late at night.
Stay out in public when you're on a date
Only side hugs, not full-frontal hugs.
Kiss only on the forehead, not the lips (we saved that til we got married).
We found that the more you focus on the physical relationship, the less the your mate want to get to know each other because you want to spend all your time sitting on the couch cuddling instead of getting to know each other).
No heavy tickling.
Keep accountable to your friends if anything goes further.

Communication is the key- if you feel uncomfortable with how the physical process (kissing longer, etc.) is going, talk about it. Pulling back the reins is hard but is worth it.

A few weeks before the wedding, don't fall into the trap of "we're going to be intimate in a few weeks anyway, we don't have to keep strict boundaries anymore." It will be harder to wait but anything could happen.

He said it taught him to keep me sacred. It taught us strict physical boundaries that has helped us in our marriage.

Was it hard? Yes. Did we feel like pioneers and prudes in today's culture? Yes. ^_^

But it was sooo worth it. We dated for 3 years, mind you. It wasn't easy but God gave us strength. I was 26, he was 33.

Best of luck,
LovedSparrow

Lena75 · Jul 3, 2012

We waited and we were each other's first. It was well worth the wait.

Larry Mondello · Jul 4, 2012

LovedSparrow said:
We waited, and have been enjoying the benefits. I was his first, I had past relationships.

Used to think it was more the other way around.
That is, was more likely men would be the one's who'd had some experience and would marry a virgin bride.
After reading some thoughts of others on this board, have come to a different understanding.

LovedSparrow said:
We waited, and have been enjoying the benefits. I was his first, I had past relationships.

Imagine that's common, when one had some experience but becomes "reborn" (which I think it legitimate) and determines not to have sex outside of a committed relationship.

Larry Mondello · Jul 4, 2012

Geoffc64 said:
Well, yes and no. We didn't start having sex until we were engaged, and we stopped a couple of weeks before the wedding. We even had my then-fiance's mother's (a strong christian) blessing to move in together before the wedding if we wanted to, but we chose not to.

Please note, however, that we were in our mid thirties when we got married.
Neither of us have any regrets of the way we did it.

Same here, on the 30s.
We met and dated in our 30s and were both never-married though each had limited experience.

Except we do have some regrets and she's brought up years later she wishes (as a Christian) that we weren't so sexual.

Geoffc64 said:
Please note, however, that we were in our mid thirties when we got married.

Imagine that's an easy rationale and that many get involved that way.
Not to throw rocks at anyone as I wasn't any different than others in that.....

MC0 · Jul 4, 2012

LinkH said:
My wife and I did. I was 27. She was 24.

How did we accomplish this? Well, we both just didn't have sex. You have to have convictions first of all. You have to know its wrong and be committed to obeying God. Fornication is a sin against the Lord, that is what helped keep me.

Reading the Old Testament also helped. Reading those passages about how the girl should be stoned who was married off as a virgin but turned out not to be, and the passage about the young man being compelled to marry a woman if he took her virginity and pay the bride price for virgins helped frame my thinking. So did the teaching of the New Testament.

It helps also not to put yourself into temptation. I was dating a girl once, and I had this feeling that I could go as far with her as I wanted. She said a couple of things that made me think this. I realized over time that I just didn't see myself marrying her. I thought it through and realized I was just putting both of us into a situation to be tempted. I broke up with her rather amiably.

Yes, I am glad I waited. I am glad I did not sin against the Lord in this way. I did not defraud the husband of a girl who would marry another man by sleeping with her. I don't have to worry about the memory of me being a problem in another woman's marriage. My wife doesn't have to worry about me fantasizing about sleeping with an old girlfriend while sleeping with her or me comparing her in bed to an old girlfriend.

Also, I don't have trust in my wife. I don't have any fears if she goes out that she is doing something inappropriate with another man. Mainly that's because I see she wants to preserve he relationship with the Lord. If she does something wrong (e.g. something she says or whatever) later, she tries to set things right out of a desire to keep her heart right with the Lord. I can see this about her, so that's the main reason I trust her, but the fact that she didn't fornicate before marriage helps me trust that she will not commit adultery after marriage.

We also have a testimony of how to do the normal thing, and be virgins at marriage, for all the people in this abnormal world who are tempted to emulate the example of the people who have done the abnormal thing of having sex before marriage contrary to God's design.

I would say that our sex life is fairly fulfilling. I wouldn't say it has been free of obstacles. Being virgins at marriage doesn't mean your sex drives are going to match. I've had to be a bit patient with tiredness, and she's had to put forth a bit of effort a times to meet my needs. I don't know what our sex life would have been like if either of us had sinned in this way, but I wouldn't want to wind back the clock and try it out either.

You don't abstain from fornication because of a guarantee of a perfectly fulfilling sex life with no obstacles. That's unrealistic. I'm sure plenty of couples in societies with strong sexual morals had obstacles to work through.

The reason you should abstain from fornication is because fornication is a sin against God.

I LOVE THIS REPLY! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS RESPONSE! IT JUST GAVE ME MORE ENCOURAGEMENT AND POWER TO KEEP GOING. Things are easier said than done. The mental and emotional fights you have in trying to stay pure requires special grace. It is not impossible, it is the right thing to do. Only that a decision to follow God will not be unmet with obstacles and temptations that aim to lead you astray. My BF and I have not gone that far, even as far as touching body parts, but we have had some passionate kissing going on. I find that to satisfy these urges without going far, my standards were lowering bit by bit. But by God's grace, we are both undergoing a healing process from that and will indeed maintain our testimony to the Glory of God. AMEN! THANK FOR THAT RESPONSE FRIEND!

mandelduke · Jul 11, 2012

WOW I’m impressed; I have never even had a date without sex.

renewed21 · Jul 11, 2012

proverbswisdom said:
How did you accomplish this - tips? What age did you get married at? are you glad you waited & why or why not? Do you have a fullfilling sex life or are there still some obstacles despite doing everything God's way?

Yes, I did wait. Before I was saved a year ago I was not glad I waited. Now I am glad because it is God's command that we do so.

A2597 · Jul 11, 2012

LovedSparrow said:
We waited, and have been enjoying the benefits. I was his first, I had past relationships.

Tips, what we did before marriage:
Do not sit in the car alone without the dome light on at night.
Don't stay alone in a house late at night.
Stay out in public when you're on a date
Only side hugs, not full-frontal hugs.
Kiss only on the forehead, not the lips (we saved that til we got married).
We found that the more you focus on the physical relationship, the less the your mate want to get to know each other because you want to spend all your time sitting on the couch cuddling instead of getting to know each other).
No heavy tickling.
Keep accountable to your friends if anything goes further.

Communication is the key- if you feel uncomfortable with how the physical process (kissing longer, etc.) is going, talk about it. Pulling back the reins is hard but is worth it.

A few weeks before the wedding, don't fall into the trap of "we're going to be intimate in a few weeks anyway, we don't have to keep strict boundaries anymore." It will be harder to wait but anything could happen.

He said it taught him to keep me sacred. It taught us strict physical boundaries that has helped us in our marriage.

Was it hard? Yes. Did we feel like pioneers and prudes in today's culture? Yes. But it was sooo worth it. We dated for 3 years, mind you. It wasn't easy but God gave us strength. I was 26, he was 33.

Best of luck,
LovedSparrow

All good advice! We're 6 weeks out, and have had to expand out boundaries (well... I have...). No kissing on the lips is a huge one, we're saving that for our "I Do's".

rlma3355 · Jul 17, 2012

Hey guys,
I actually joined this forum on the basis that this conversation seemed so non-judgmental.

My husband and I didn't wait to have sex- I was his first, but he was not mine. I had no reason to wait (before I met him).
He had, more or less, decided that he didn't really buy into his home church anymore. I hadn't been to church in years. Sex to me was no big deal...
But then we had sex, and my entire perspective on sex changed.
Marriage or not, it was the most fulfilling, loving thing I had ever experienced. 100% different than anything I had ever known before.
I do wish that I had waited for the person that I was going to marry (aka, that experience with my husband), but then again, that is a pointless regret, because I can't change anything.

I don't think our marriage suffers in the least bit for having had pre-marital sex. I trust him completely, he trusts me. My ex-boyfriends can't hold a candle to him, and he knows that. There literally is no comparison. I only think about them occasionally to mentally wish them well. I can't imagine wanting another man, as our life together is so utterly fulfilling.

I totally respect those who waited, and in the future, I'll recommend to my children that waiting isn't a bad idea. I plan on being very open with them about our experiences.

Sorry for the novel! I am so happy to have found such a kind community!

Skaloop · Jul 25, 2012

I didn't. Probably wouldn't have married her if she intended to wait. It was a few months after we met (and a a few years before we got married) that she initiated it. We'd done other stuff together (as much as can be done without actual intercourse), so it was a natural progression. I wasn't about to pressure her, though, since she was 19 and I was 24, but I welcomed it when she made the move. We'll be celebrating our ninth wedding anniversary in September.

Also, neither of us were each other's firsts, but neither did either of us have extensive experience. I had 2 previous partners (one drunken one-night-stand, one actual relationship) and she had had 1 (borderline abusive requests for sex).

How many of you actually waited till marriage to have sex?

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