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It's the perennial question: 'How far is too far?'
If you’re Catholic, you probably know that Church teaching forbids sex with anyone besides your spouse. The Catechism (CCC) says, “Fornication [sex between two unmarried people] . . . is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children” (2353). This teaching is based on the Sixth Commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and other Bible verses that warn us against sexual immorality, such as 1 Corinthians 6:18.
You may have also heard warnings against going “too far” with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But how far is “too far”?
Some recommend saving even a kiss for your wedding day, or refraining from nearly all physical contact at least until engagement. Their logic is that touches and kisses can start you down a slippery slope to fornication, or create an excessive emotional attachment that’s a shaky foundation for the relationship. Others advocate for plenty of physical affection throughout the relationship, emphasizing the importance of knowing whether you have “chemistry,” as long as you avoid fornication. What’s the truth?
To answer that, we need to back up and understand why actions that aren’t sex might still be sinful before marriage, whether or not they lead you to fornicate. First, Jesus warns us against even looking lustfully at a person. “Whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28).
What does “lustfully” mean? The Catechism says that lust is the “disordered desire for, or inordinate enjoyment of, sexual pleasure” (2351). Then it explains that sexual pleasure is disordered “when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” In other words, it is good to seek sexual pleasure within the union of spouses who are open to new life, but it is wrong to seek sexual pleasure outside that context.
Continued below.
Chastity in Dating: Not Just 'No Sex'
It's the perennial question: 'How far is too far?' Here are some practical chastity considerations, drawing on ancient Christian wisdom.
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