Friends vs Family

Ok this might come off as a vent but I think its kinda of interesting. I haven't posted lately seems like things are starting to pick back up here. But I saw a friend downtown while I was leaving a meeting. He asked me "what was going? Where had I been? I've gotten off facebook and twitter, and I'm always at my home or out with my family." This isn't the first time I've heard this from one of my friends and it make me feel like I neglect them but then I don't feel to bad. When I was broke and didn't have a dollar and I couldn't finish my undergrad they were the ones that made fun of how bad the clothes I had on were, wouldn't let me borrow 5.00 to go to an interview, the days I didn't eat they would eat in my face. The only person that was in my corner was my wife and my grandpa.

Now my grandfather has dymensia(or however its spelled I know someone is going to go that deep and spell it correctly for me not that serious) and I have a son. My wife is still beautiful and really my best friend and has been since my freshmen year in college.

So it's not like I don't have time to hang out with my so called friends its more so I don't feel like. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing but love for my boys but when its all said and done I'd rather have fun with my family, or get a babysitter and go on a date with my wife. When I do go out with them I make excuses just so that I can go home or take my grandpa for a drive.

My friends say I'm whipped but most of them have kids I wonder why they don't feel the same?


Personal experience welcomed, thoughts and comments this is kinda an open discussion on the topic

seeingeyes said:

Just in my experience with men and women, I have found that women (who like their husbands) seem to seek out 'girl time' with other women far more often than men (who like their wives) seek to hang out with the boys.

This is completely anecdotal, of course, but it seems like men are able to acquire more of their 'social needs' from their wives than women are from their husbands.

And it depends on actually still liking your wife, which it seems you do.



Ok, go ahead and shoot holes in my theory now.

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Naw I'm not going to do that I actually think you are for the most part correct. In a society where divorce is prevalant and the individual is celebrated more so then the "village" you would be right.

The thing is my wife her mother and father dated from 10th grade till the got married in Germany while he was in the army. My mother worked on wall street till I was born then she was my fathers business manager at his practice. They worked hard together and were constantly around each other. My parents didn't really talk to family like that my wife's family they live around the corner from each other. But they still did everything together I think my wife's mother loves to talk now because she has no one to talk to, he passed.

I think the way we treat our friends is more so learned behavior. Also since 2005 we have been each others best friend and at times only friend. Add that to seeing each other everyday since 05 and we are clowns to be around its always fun. I go home to hang out with my wife and have fun with my best friend. She comes home to the samething. We have friends that stop by visit but I'm happy when they go home my wife more then me.


She probably does more then me because she will hang out with my grandma, nails hair ect because she wants some of her wisdom as an older Christian woman. But that's probably still more then me.

I do value my alone time to but I get that on the road at the barbershop or on an errand run. But I never yearn to be friends with anyone. She mostly likes family time vs alone time(hates being alone) but likes a little family time(extended).

Angeldove97 said:

Based on what you said in the opening post, it sounds like your friends really stink. You're not whipped, you care for the ones who care most about YOU: your wife, your child, and your grandfather. I think since you are already have the gut reaction that you just don't want to hang out with these people, you should continue-- they didn't care to help you out in the past and they clearly do not have the same goals as you do (if they're talking badly about how you treat your family), so forget them.

But not it's not like they aren't my friends. I mean we have come up together I grew up with them, we went to school all the way to highschool together. There have been situations were my boys have really held me down all the way, there have been times that they haven't. They are just people with their own selfish fleshy faults just like me and everyone else. So I forgive them they are still my boys they can stop by grab a plate if their hungry. But I've been like this since high school, I am what I would like to call a popular lone wolf. Growing up I really liked walking by myself, going to park playing ball and not knowing no one, going downtown to walk around and et out of the bronx for a minute. But everyone knew me but I always valued my time more so then hang out time.

I had a college roommate who was I friends with and we did everything together-- mainly because I was too shy to try making other friends, but I did enjoy spending time with her. I finally broke off the friendship after she moved out because I found out a few things:
1) She was very jealous of me-- for the wrong reasons
2) She was telling her "friends" about how my boyfriends abused me (when I never told her it was okay to open her mouth)
3) She was happy to back-stab me at any chance and preferred to boss me around than really encourage me to do well in life.

I dumped her and I never looked back-- I have a wonderful husband, I love my family, I have a few friends with the people I work with, and I still have my best friend from 4th grade. I'm satisfied and have no need to go hang out with other people.

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For me I'm satisfied with my wife and son. I really don't need friends, and its crazy I guess to most people I encounter.

You know how everyone talks about peer pressure I never really felt that. It was more so hmmmmm I wonder then I would do.