This is a good break down of the verse and I have another break down I will post later, I am getting ready to go to work now. But real quick here is another problem if faith is a gift or part of the gift,
If faith is a gift it would imply men no longer bear the responsibility to believe the Gospel?
For that reason a measure of faith is required from the person to turn to God, this measure of faith is sufficient to obtain God's Mercy and Grace which He will provide His Holy Spirit to further increase your faith to a degree not possible on your own.
With that view, then man would bear responsibility to believe the Gospel.
I will provide another in depth break down of this verse later I promise!
There's no real problem brother. I can think of two reasons/responses to your argument so far.
1) the lack of faith, hereafter called unbelief, is not a passive, non-action by sinners. It is outright rebellion against God. It is active disbelief.
2) Unbelief on the sinner's part is not primarily due to God's refusal to give them faith. First and foremost it is their own fault, as they are sinners and what they desire is to "disbelieve" and rebel.
It seems that you think it is some sort of injustice to demand something yet not grant the ability to do it.
But this is problematic for your view brother. We are commanded to obey God's law, yet Rom 8:8 is clear that in and of ourselves we cannot obey it. (only when one is regenerate and has the indwelling spirit can he obey it, according to the following verses). By your reasoning, God is unjust for demanding what cannot be done.
God granting the ability to obey (and believe) is a form of mercy and grace. by definition those words mean "not obligatory, freely given". To impose an obligation on God - that God must grant all men faith in order to command faith - is to make the grace in giving faith no longer grace. But instead it becomes obligatory.
In other words, you said we would not bear the responsibility to believe the gospel if faith was a gift. By extension, with the same reasoning, we would also not bear the responsibility to obey God's law unless we were able to do it in and of ourselves.
That God must grant the ability to believe does not mean that we are not held accountable for doing it, anymore than we are not held accountable to God's law since God must enable us to obey it, by grace.
That being said none of this has anything to do with changing the meaning of Eph 2. Whatever it says remains true. And grammatically, it cannot mean anything else. The grammar is untouchable. Greek pronouns, if not matched with their antecedents, are referring to the collective phrase.
And, the Bible is clear that faith, too, is a gift.
2 Chronicles 30:11-12 - the men obeyed the command to repent because God gave them a heart to do it
Phil 1:29 - It is granted to us (given to us) belief in Christ
2 Tim 2:25 - God is who gives repentance
Acts 13:48 - we believe on account of being ordained to eternal life (not vice versa)
Rom 9:15-18 - He has mercy on whom He wills, and hardens whom He wills
1 John 5:1 - we believe on account of being born again
Heb 12:2 - Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith
2 Thess 2:13 - we are chosen to salvation through means of belief in the truth
1 Pet 1:3 - we are born again in order to believe in Jesus (unto a lively hope..(trust in Christ))
Rom 8:29-30 - we are called and justified on account of being foreknown and predestined, not vice versa (to be justified requires faith)