Am I Being Biased?

lilacs87 said:

I always felt a little 'arrogant' or 'prideful' about thinking that I am a good catch for someone.

I've been complimented by past boyfriends that I was one of the best girls they'd ever gotten to know and date, and that whoever marries me will be a really lucky guy. I just wasn't for them.

I just always feel awkward agreeing with them, so I normally just think the opposite.

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That's a really nice thing for them to say. However since it was at a breakup, take it with a grain of salt. I've had girlfriends tell me this rather often, how much of a good person I truly and and how wonderful I can be. If I really was this way, wouldn't you think they never would have (generally stomped on me and) left me?

Just some food for thought. Didn't mean to rain on your parade.

broken_one said:

That's a really nice thing for them to say. However since it was at a breakup, take it with a grain of salt. I've had girlfriends tell me this rather often, how much of a good person I truly and and how wonderful I can be. If I really was this way, wouldn't you think they never would have (generally stomped on me and) left me?

Just some food for thought. Didn't mean to rain on your parade.

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Well, I really do trust and value the opinion of both guys. We had really good relationships that just happened to run their course. Just because we didn't end up staying together (which apparently wasn't God's will) doesn't mean they're just saying that to me to be nice.

I honestly believe they meant it.

I think sometimes we confuse conceit with people having a healthy confidence.
I am not great on my own merit, but I am LOVING the woman God is turning me into- she's confident, passionate, and healthier- and really enjoying life

Broken_one, just because it didn't work out romantically, doesn't mean what they've said to you should be disregarded.

lilacs87 said:

Well, I really do trust and value the opinion of both guys. We had really good relationships that just happened to run their course. Just because we didn't end up staying together (which apparently wasn't God's will) doesn't mean they're just saying that to me to be nice.

I honestly believe they meant it.

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No "God's will" speeches before noon, please. The bar doesn't open for another 22 minutes, lol.

Maybe they did mean it, I have no idea. I was only talking about myself and my personal experiences and what I got from a similar situation that involved myself. I know that you're a wonderful lady, so I am inclined to believe them more than I am about people talking about myself.

ProAntiRevolution said:

Nothing I'm interested in doing is ever going to pay a lot of money. None of my ambitions in life will lead to a big income, that's just not the way the academic world works. Most of my ambitions revolve around doing field research, so you don't even have the status associated with being ingrained into the university system. Of course to do field research you have to be in the field, so that's a lot of moving around and women tend to want stability. A certain past event that I've discussed with you, but don't care to share with anyone else here, has created some unique issues that I'm fairly certain no woman really wants to deal with either.

Now, I freely admit that my "so what" attitude towards the whole subject is not going to be a great help here. For someone with my standing to be successful at this venture I would have to invest a lot of time and effort to finding anyone that would potentially be interested in putting up with me. I don't do that, so yes, pretty narrow odds.
I figure about 92% of people in the US get married, that's plenty.

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Understandable. Though I do have some opinion about this, but I'll leave it at that.

Thats a lot of people.

LadyL said:

I think sometimes we confuse conceit with people having a healthy confidence.
I am not great on my own merit, but I am LOVING the woman God is turning me into- she's confident, passionate, and healthier- and really enjoying life

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I agree.

I think confidence is a great thing. I need to work on that part a little more, really.

Ethnog said:

He won't just say that, right PAR?

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In an anthropological sense it's basically accurate. Women gravitate towards high status men. What that "status" happens to be can somewhat subjective. But in the US we have a society that has always been dominated by trade and economics. So naturally in this society status is strongly linked to the money one has, and to a somewhat lesser degree what kind of job a person has.

If we lived in a tribal society in the Congo basin of Africa that status would be the guy that's the most effective hunter. Or the chief of the tribe, as status equal to a politician here.

Of course, there's the monogamy factor. In the past when societies were not monogamous you'd have a small group of high status men that controlled virtually all of the women. Then a small sort of "middle class" that could afford a single wife, with a fairly large number of men that had no chance of marriage. These were great as disposable soldiers in military actions to expand the power and economic reach of the upper classes. However, monogamy creates a situation in which high status males still do typically have more than one woman (ie Tiger Woods), they can't do it openly and they can't have as many. So you have an increasingly large class of women that aren't per se undesirable, but there just are only so many high status men. Who maintain their own exacting standards of what they expect in a woman. Again, when you can only officially have one, and you can have anyone you want, it makes you pretty picky. Which forces a choice between being alone, and settling for someone that happens to be as high up on the ladder as you can get. This greatly reduces the number of men that have no chance at marriage, but it still leaves a fair number of us that aren't really on the success ladder to the satisfaction of general standards. So you either find someone that operates outside of the general standards, or you don't....

But romanticism is a literary movement, women want high status men. It's just the way the world is, and there's nothing wrong with it. It's very Darwinian.

Thank you for that PAR.

So you either find someone that operates outside of the general standards, or you don't....

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Agreed!


As for me to stay on topic and be just as honest about it.

If I am looking at it through cultural perspective (purely the Armenian culture) I am not a catch. At all. One, I am in the "academic" world and in some ways or another, many men are intimidated by that. Though, in reality, I don't believe I am any smarty or wiser then anyone else for that reason alone. Actually, the more I get into academics the stupider I feel.
Then lets look at the looks wise: I am not typical in how must LA girls look (most Armenian LA girls as well). At all. So, purely looking at my community, again I am not a catch. Also, I am way too opinionated as one person said, and not very attractive, yet they want to "tear me about" as another individual said. Seriously, just for sex? Really? do I really come off as that? I am far from having any sexual appeal in that regard, or even try to make that happen. So, if most guys are physical in that sense, I don't fit the description.
And as a Christian in my community again, its is very difficult. My way of thinking about marriage, dating and family go against many peoples ways of thinking here, and its hard to find someone on the same page.
Finally, I don't want premarital sex. So. Yeah. Out the window.


Now, if we don't look at other people, and just myself and how I feel about who I am: I'm a damn good catch.

Wow. I completely overanalyzed this. Hahahaha.

Ethnog said:

Now, if we don't look at other people, and just myself and how I feel about who I am: I'm a damn good catch.

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I think you need a t-shirt proclaiming this LOL

yeah i'd say i'm a good catch But only for the right guy!

Answering this question would require a certain generalisation of what women value and a personal comparison to that list...which is an exercise in madness and something I'm not ready to subject myself to.

I believe I have alot of good qualities that would make me a good catch to certain women...and other qualities that would make me a terrible catch to other women.

Ethnog said:

Thank you for that PAR.


Agreed!


As for me to stay on topic and be just as honest about it.

If I am looking at it through cultural perspective (purely the Armenian culture) I am not a catch. At all. One, I am in the "academic" world and in some ways or another, many men are intimidated by that. Though, in reality, I don't believe I am any smarty or wiser then anyone else for that reason alone. Actually, the more I get into academics the stupider I feel.
Then lets look at the looks wise: I am not typical in how must LA girls look (most Armenian LA girls as well). At all. So, purely looking at my community, again I am not a catch. Also, I am way too opinionated as one person said, and not very attractive, yet they want to "tear me about" as another individual said. Seriously, just for sex? Really? do I really come off as that? I am far from having any sexual appeal in that regard, or even try to make that happen. So, if most guys are physical in that sense, I don't fit the description.
And as a Christian in my community again, its is very difficult. My way of thinking about marriage, dating and family go against many peoples ways of thinking here, and its hard to find someone on the same page.
Finally, I don't want premarital sex. So. Yeah. Out the window.


Now, if we don't look at other people, and just myself and how I feel about who I am: I'm a damn good catch.

Wow. I completely overanalyzed this. Hahahaha.

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In western culture at large men typically don't gravitate towards women of proven talent. The professionally, or academically, accomplished woman is a good example of the two unmarriageable classes in western societies: low status men and high status women. I'm not an expert on Armenian culture, but if it's anything like you'd typically find in eastern and southern Europe, the macho factor of those cultures tends to make an aversion to accomplished women even more pronounced.

Honestly, if someone as good looking as you qualifies as unattractive in LA then I need to move to southern Cali.
While I'm not really prone to this sort of thing, whoever made that comment about tearing you up, I'd like to find him and kick his ass into a brand new shape. Anyone that would say something like that to a nice girl really does deserve to loose some teeth.

Now I would agree with you, you are a damn good catch. So there you go, peer review, your assertion has been proven.

ProAntiRevolution said:

In western culture at large men typically don't gravitate towards women of proven talent. The professionally, or academically, accomplished woman is a good example of the two unmarriageable classes in western societies: low status men and high status women. I'm not an expert on Armenian culture, but if it's anything like you'd typically find in eastern and southern Europe, the macho factor of those cultures tends to make an aversion to accomplished women even more pronounced.

Honestly, if someone as good looking as you qualifies as unattractive in LA then I need to move to southern Cali.

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Typically, it has to do with the macho factor and how they view women. Well, more so from my parents generation, our generation not as much.

ProAntiRevolution said:

While I'm not really prone to this sort of thing, whoever made that comment about tearing you up, I'd like to find him and kick his ass into a brand new shape. Anyone that would say something like that to a nice girl really does deserve to loose some teeth.

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Coming from a man who would talk to me about the origins of color. I figured his respect for me would have been a little bit higher. But, its a long story and I don't even want to get into it.

Now I would agree with you, you are a damn good catch. So there you go, peer review, your assertion has been proven.

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Thank you.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ said:

What do you think? Are you a good catch? Or should they just throw you right back in?

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I think they should throw me right back in.
To me it seems like I'd be better of as lone fish. I feel as if I'm not good enough for the type of guy I'm waiting for. There seems to be better fish in the ocean than this tiny little gold fish.

So maybe I should say the fisher should catch me but then throw me back into a small pond where he can watch me until I'm ready for him- 'till I've grown.

Huzzah!

[c]... [/c]

I missed this last week.


honestly? I don't know. My ex told me I was, but.... yeah. that relationship has coloured my view a little bit of how I assume I come across to men, so I'm not really holding my breath waiting for a man to magically fall in love with me. At the same time, I live in eternal optimism. hopefully there's a man out there somewhere who will be glad to put up with me

ETA: okay wow, i sound like i have 0 confidence I should clarify.

I have my strengths and gifts like anyone, and I really do have a lot to offer in a relationship if I met the right guy. But because of my past I am somewhat gunshy about being able to find a guy who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. I honestly don't know if that man exists for me. I certainly hope he does, but he'd be a very special man indeed.

Umm I'd just like to go on the record and say that I'M RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME.


Haha but seriously, I think I'm a good catch. I'm very understanding and caring, and I can make people laugh. I think it just takes a good guy to understand my quirks is all. I may or may not have found him.