Totally Devestated-GF Suddenly Broke Up With Me

Here is the situation. I met someone back on Saint Patties day..things were going well..She met my friends/family...She said she was secure in her feelings as of May 01. Then we hit a minor bump in the road probably about 4 weeks ago..She said some of the stuff I did annoyed her..nothing too bad..sometimes being a little messy..maybe missing a spot when I wiped off my dash with armor all..I had a spot on my t-shirt..we were going out to a bar to watch a hockey game..it's not as if I was going out to dinner with her..and it was a mistake-it was hanging up so I assumed it was clean..and sometimes I mumbled on the phone..Really it had nothing to do with the way I was treating her and not major issues at all...

So the last 4 weeks were wonderful. She kept on telling me how much she really liked me..and even dropped the L bomb on me on May 25..And kept telling me she really liked me up until my b-day which was May 31..The weekend of my bday we went to the zoo and amusement park one day and then camping with my friends the one day...then a couple of days afterward
I sensed her being distant. On Wednesday she told me she is not sure of her feelings..and is not sure she can date me...

This does not make any sense..just the weeks prior she was telling me how much she liked me and she loved me..The day we went to the amusment park she said don't go trying to marry me too fast..three years..I looked at her and she said maybe two..She talked the week before about how we would need to live together before we would get married and even talked about specifc duties we would have. She is the one that broughgt up those subjects..I would not even think of bringing those issues up so soon..so it's not as if I was trying to push things along

I am totally devestated..never been this hurt before in my life. This came out of left field..in previous relationships you could sense they have run their course. I know she and I didn't date long, but I fell in love with her and thought she was perfect for me..and thought I would be with her for a long time..and from the way she was talking...she made me think that was what she was planning to..and let me get in deeper and now its that much worse..

Why would anyone tell you they love you and like you the week before..make references to marriage and living together and then suddenly dump you?
It does not make sense I am really down right now

What you just experienced is a Woman who is unstable mentally and emotionally, anybody that drops the L bomb that soon is bound to be unstable. Don't feel too bad, she did you a favor, and I know it's rough especially if she is really purrrty, lol. But there are a lot of pretty girls out there who are more mentally and emotionally stable.

If someone dropped the L bomb on me that soon too early on in dating, I would ask them why and how, especially when they barely know me.

Next time guard yourself, don't allow yourself to get so emotionally invested before you really know the gal.

GQ Chris said:

What you just experienced is a Woman who is unstable mentally and emotionally

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So redundant...

K
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I wish I had answers, but I can offer you none aside from prayer.

I know usually I do take it slow but this was different in terms of everything..I skipped steps..I felt comfortable with her..She was so sweet to me most of the time..and we always had fun together..I know it was only 3 months of dating..but we were together 3-4 nights a week and always talking/texting so in terms of "time dating" it may actually be a lot longer when it comes to emotional attachment. I have been through breakups before..I am 30..but as I said before..you could see those coming. ..this one was like a punch in the stomach when you aren't expecting it..I had no guard up.

jamesrwright3 said:

I know usually I do take it slow but this was different in terms of everything..I skipped steps..I felt comfortable with her..She was so sweet to me most of the time..and we always had fun together..I know it was only 3 months of dating..but we were together 3-4 nights a week and always talking/texting so in terms of "time dating" it may actually be a lot longer when it comes to emotional attachment. I have been through breakups before..I am 30..but as I said before..you could see those coming. ..this one was like a punch in the stomach when you aren't expecting it..I had no guard up.

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Yeah but when she said the L word so soon didn't you spot that red flag? I mean, that is way too early to be saying the L word to someone she doesn't know that well. Oftentimes women like this are driven by their emotions and that is never good. I mean chances are, she got hit on by some random dude while still dating you and she went for it.

I really HATE IT when girls do this! Ladies - STOP IT. Not only are you acting like idiots and morons when you do this, but you give the rest of us a horrible reputation, and I'm sick of explaining that we aren't all like this!!!!

OK. Count to ten.

James, I'm so sorry that you were yet another victim of a stupid girl who doesn't know what she thinks, means, or wants. I've heard this sort of story so many times from guys who were just blindsided because the girl acted like everything was hunky-dory one day and then just dumped him the next.

In the future...my best advice would be...take it slowly. Don't invest your heart so quickly (2 months is not long enough to be saying 'love', IMO). Don't just hang out with her and have fun with her, sit down and talk to her, get to know her, ask her questions, get inside her mind and soul. Too many guys are content with just having someone who's cute and fun and nice, but they never take the time and effort to really get inside the girl's head, and that's where you might actually find the warning signs that she is still immature or indecisive.

And frankly...if you wanna leave a spot with no Amorall on your dashboard...you go right ahead. Any girl who has a problem with something SO trivial...she just needs to shutup and grow up.

Ok, I don;t think there is a certain time limit for falling in love with someone. That doesn't signal instability. Some people get to know each other more quickly than others and build a deeper level of intimacy more quickly and they truly do love that person. Three to four months of being with someone and talking to them on an almost daily basis is plenty of time to learn a lot about that person and fall in love.

However, to respond to the OP, I had a similar situation. The relationship was longer and I was actually engaged when he broke it off suddenly with no explanation. That was this January and I was devastated, because we had started building our hopes and dreams together. No more than three days before we had gotten into a stupid argument and in the end he told me that he was greatful for my love and thanked God that I was in his life and that as long as we could always communicate and work things out this way, that he knew we could make it. So, I understand what you are going through.

However, a couple of red flags you shouldn;t be with this woman. I don't know if you are a Christian, but if you are, then you definitely should flee from women who suggest you live together before marriage or have sex befoer marriage. It is not a God-honoring relationship and that leads to lots of trouble and heartache and it is a relationship that you don't need to be in.

I am so sorry for your pain. I know it is difficult and hard to understand. I have finally come to some closure with my relationship with my ex over the past few weeks, but it has not been an easy journey.

jamesrwright3 said:

Why would anyone tell you they love you and like you the week before..make references to marriage and living together and then suddenly dump you?
It does not make sense I am really down right now

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I don't know why she did that. Maybe she got scared. Maybe she feels like she laid it all on the line, made herself vulnerable to you and is now feeling confused and scared by it. Maybe she's not sure of your affection for her - did you tell her you love her back? Or did you react like a deer caught in the headlights? Maybe she is afraid that she is falling for you too quickly and is trying to slow things down, and/or give you a chance to show her that you really like her.

I wouldn't be so quick to write her off as mentally unstable. That would be just rude and uncompassionate.

You are obviously really hurt by this - so your feelings are running high for her as well. It seems you guys really like each other. Why would it be "mentally unstable" for her to feel love for you when you obviously feel something strong for her as well? Is there something wrong with you?

All I know is that women are prone to doing some really illogical, irrational things when our hearts get flipped around. There's not explaining it, there's no understanding it.

If you really like her, if you really are torn up about this and you want to be with her... then don't give up on her yet. Pursue her. Let her know you think she's worth it. Maybe that's all she really needs at this point - some reassurance.

I disagree, James, if you want more pain, then pursue women who are emotionally wishy washy as this girl sounds, she said the L word too soon, starts bringing up marriage and settling down too soon, and then BOOM dumps you and drops you like a bad habit. I don't know about you, but to me, all the signs are there that she is unstable.

Do yourself a favor and find a better girl with a good head on her shoulders.

Tamara - we usually agree on everything, but not this one! You're much more gracious than I am.

GQ - and I usually DISagree with you, but I agree 100% lol

IMO - I expect adults to BEHAVE like adults. This isn't two 18 year old's here. He's 30, so I'm assuming she's around the same age. If you don't know how to be in a relationship, speak your mind, handle your emotions, communicate, etc...there's something wrong and/or you need to stay single and do some major maturing. There's obviously a lot that wasn't said, signals that were missed, and maybe a lot more. Regardless, this girl has serious issues, whether emotional or communicational (is that a word? lol), and she needs to turn into a bit more of a woman before hurting another guy.

Don't sweat the little things. Anyone who is concerned about such small things as missing a spot while cleaning your dashboard and making a big deal about it... really not worth your time. Personally, I wish I had known that sooner myself. I know how you feel James, I've been there and it's not a fun experience.

Though I disagree with some of what Chris has to say, I do agree that you should just move on. If she changes her mind, then let her come back and pursue you. The decide if it is really worth it for you to be with her. What she did was immature and it is hard to have a good relationship with someone who is immature.

Is 3 months really too soon? I think that's something that is on a case by case basis. Not all relationships follow the same timeline. All I can say is that maybe this girl got scared. Heck, give it some time and don't bother calling her or anything and she may just come crawling back to u.

i had a guy do this, but we had dated a long time (over a year) and were talking about marriage and making plans for the future and then he got really scared (i guess) and i didn't see him for a while. Then it was "oh i'm not sure, I love you, but I don't know" It was just really weird and we did go slow and he very much pursued me and was the one that brought up marriage and moving forward in our relationship, so i don't get it. Don't say it if you don't mean it. It hurts and might hurt for a while but you need to move on. Find someone who will appreciate you and who KNOWS they WANT to be with you.

GQ Chris said:

I disagree, James, if you want more pain, then pursue women who are emotionally wishy washy as this girl sounds, she said the L word too soon, starts bringing up marriage and settling down too soon, and then BOOM dumps you and drops you like a bad habit. I don't know about you, but to me, all the signs are there that she is unstable.

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Chris, you don't even know her. Quit judging. And quit projecting your own bitterness into the situation.

James, there's no such thing as a perfect woman. So if that's what you're looking for, then you should just give up now. Every woman has frailties and instabilities. (So does every man.)

The only questions are: how much do you like her?; and what are you going to do about it?

I assume that you like her because you're so hurt by it. You can either go lick your wounds and let bitterness grow in your heart, thus making you even more jaded and less likely to trust a woman and fall in love, or you can risk a little more pain in hopes of a greater reward.

The choice is yours.

Maybe, she wanted to love you but just couldn't. I dunno. Keep us up to date. You are an excellent case study.

This also sounds like a case of it's not you, it's her... but she doesn't want to feel guilty so she makes up some negative stuff about you to rationalize her actions.

jamesrwright3 said:

It does not make sense I am really down right now

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Why be down about someone who doesn't want to be with you? You shouldn't, I mean the way I look at it if they don't want to be with me then fine, that's their problem and plus there is many more fish in the sea so I would say to her "go on, be gone.” No need to fret mate.

Seriously, a girl who complains that you don't Armorall your dashboard correctly and you mumble on the phone...that's a nagging wife waiting to happen. RUN!