Help please - is my Christian boyfriend cheating?

dollface82 · Jul 3, 2007

OK, bizarre story.

Boyfriend of 6 months told me he was going away for the wknd for work.

No big deal, I travel for work too.

I was driving to a friend's place on the weekend - I see my BOYFRIEND walking with another girl, and her dog. Not holding hands of anything. I was shocked.

I confronted them calmly, said Hi, thought you were meant to be away.

He said - I was - I was given the sack from my job yesterday, very upset, flew back in this morning, just wanted to talk to a friend before I saw you. Nothing going on with her.

She then said hi - known him for a while.

I just said "Ok then" and left. He then sent me a text saying he's really stressed out at the moment, and needs a bit of breathing space.

I've checked up - he has lost his job which is devestating.

Why didn't he tell me? Two weeks ago he told me he loved me,wants a future toghether and looking at properties.

He's never mentioned her before, he knows my male friends.

What to think? Has he been cheating this whole time? Or is his story legit?

I havn't heard from him the past 3 days - his phone/email accounts deactivated as work has paid for them.

I love him, this is heartbreaking.

Guys? Be honest.

seehimcoming · Jul 4, 2007

Call him and set up a meet at a quiet place. If he disagrees , then let him be for a while.

dollface82 · Jul 4, 2007

the thing is I can't call him - his phone was paid for by work, now I have no idea how to contact him (except his parents, but I feel thats intrusive).

I was thinking of sending a note to his house, just explaining that I care for him, would like to help/support him when he's ready to chat?

MrsSeptemberPenguin · Jul 4, 2007

Call his parents house. They know you have no other way of reaching him. Don't jump to conclusions, he maybe really was just talking to a friend. While it's possible he's cheating, from one situation I'd say it's probably not likely. The fact that he hasn't contacted you for a while is the only thing that really concerns me as far as that goes. I'm not trying to be insensitive. I've been cheated on before, it hurts, its hard, but if he is, then God will bring you someone who will treat you right. Find out why he hasn't called her, why he didn't come to you, things like that. Then decide if you can trust him. If not, then I'd say break it off because you can't have a relationship with no trust. If you can trust him, and are still growing in that trust, and he wants to continue, then continue. Pray, a lot. Ask God for wisdom. *hugs*

FaithOFtheBroken · Jul 4, 2007

squirrelz_15 said:
Call his parents house.*

From reading his reaction and applying that to his previous responses, DO NOT DO THIS. I realize this may come across harmless, but from what he has already said to you, this is not a wise idea.

He has told you that he needs some time. Give it to him... But don't completely leave his side either. After a short period of time 4-7 days send him a letter, or email. This will allow him both time of personal reflection and to figure out what he needs to figure out in his mind. A letter will give him time to process it in his time, without the emotion of seeing you in person, or the sense of you forcing yourself on him.

With the loss of his job he is under a great deal of stress. As well as feeling somewhat of a failure to you from the sounds of things.

If he is or has been cheating... It will surface, but leave it in Gods hands.

Blank123 · Jul 4, 2007

i can't tell you if he's cheating, but from what you've told me it sounds like this is just how he's attempting to deal with an extremely stressful situation. You've been together for 6 months so i dunno if you've had the chance to see how he reacts to stress, and this may just be something you need to learn about him. some people do shut others out when they're stressed and depressed and a lot of people will have only one or two people they will go to, when they're ready, to talk to about their problems and perhaps this girl is one of those people for him.

like the others have said give him a few days of space and then mail him a letter (no need to involve the parents in your relationship IMHO) and explain to him that you're there for him whenever he wants to talk. And whatever you do don't come down on him when you do finally have time together about not calling you right away or freaking out about who the girl was, you can ask if you feel the time is right but its better to just give him the benefit of the doubt and be supportive right now.

PassionateOne · Jul 4, 2007

FaithOFtheBroken said:
He has told you that he needs some time. Give it to him... But don't completely leave his side either. After a short period of time 4-7 days send him a letter, or email. This will allow him both time of personal reflection and to figure out what he needs to figure out in his mind. A letter will give him time to process it in his time, without the emotion of seeing you in person, or the sense of you forcing yourself on him.

With the loss of his job he is under a great deal of stress. As well as feeling somewhat of a failure to you from the sounds of things.

If he is or has been cheating... It will surface, but leave it in Gods hands.

100% agree.

I think he's pretty stressed at the moment and prolly feels a little like a failure (from losing his job) and didn't want to involve you. He prolly was just 'bouncing' it off his friend, just to let out some stress and get female input.

I'd just give it some time and space, let him figure out what he's going to do. Just try to involve yourself with your life, for a bit. He'll get in touch.....he's got to restructure his whole life, right now and I'm sure is pretty stressed, at the moment.

:prayer:

for you guys!

dollface82 · Jul 4, 2007

called his Mum - apparently he doesn't have a new phone yet, she hasn't heard from him.

they speak all the time.

so maybe the story was true?

HolyOne87 · Jul 5, 2007

it probably is true.
I wouldn't look into it too much at the moment.
Like someone else said, he might just need a friend at the moment.
When I had a boyfriend, he went through a tough time, and wanted to go to a friend before me. I didn't mind because they did know each other longer then him and I knew each other so I saw it as harmless, which it was.
Give him a little time, and when he's ready he will come to you and talk with you about everything.

dollface82 · Jul 6, 2007

Turns out his story was true. The female he was talking too is married, was a corporate adviser.

Now, I'm worried that I've ruined my relationship with him - shows I don't trust him?

But the situation was so dodgy!

PassionateOne · Jul 6, 2007

dollface82 said:
called his Mum - apparently he doesn't have a new phone yet, she hasn't heard from him.

they speak all the time.

so maybe the story was true?

1st the advice you got, was to trust him and not to call and give him time.

dollface82 said:
Turns out his story was true. The female he was talking too is married, was a corporate adviser.

Now, I'm worried that I've ruined my relationship with him - shows I don't trust him?

But the situation was so dodgy!

It seems like you are blowing it, because you don't trust him, at all and you're not giving him the space he needs. Sorry, but your making it all worse on your own and if you don't relax and give him space, you're not going to have to worry about a bf anymore.

Sorry, if I sound mean......but, you need to relax.

Blank123 · Jul 6, 2007

like PassionateOne said - relax. I dunno how you handled the situation with your bf but you may need to apologize for overreacting and you need to choose to trust him, if you can't do that then there really isn't a lot of foundation to rest the relationship on.

TransformedByGrace · Jul 8, 2007

You need to ask him who the girl he was with is, and if you have anything to worry about. If he says "no, you don't have anything to worry about", he is being honest with you. Then you need to calmly explain to him that you expect him to confide in you before others about issues because you are his girlfriend.

HolyOne87 · Jul 8, 2007

dollface82 said:
Turns out his story was true. The female he was talking too is married, was a corporate adviser.

Now, I'm worried that I've ruined my relationship with him - shows I don't trust him?

But the situation was so dodgy!

def. give him space. I understand where you were coming from at the beginning (getting worried). Just give him the space he needs and apologize. Things will blow over in time.

Help please - is my Christian boyfriend cheating?

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