No Relationships before marriage

Why could this be a good thing...also why could this be a bad thing.

A couple of my friends say they never want to have a 'EX'.

Doesnt mean they are sinning within the relationship.. they just dont want to have any relationships before they are married.

They say there is no difference between being a friend or being a boy/girlfriend.

What are your views.

I think there is a big difference to friendships and bf/gf relationships. I think its important to be in some sort of dating relationship before you are married. I think this is an idealistic and unrealistic view. Sure it would be nice if nobody ever had any exes but going through those experiences and such help to shape that people that we are, and they can also teach you a lot about yourself. Not having those experiences could be bad for you.

"Hey, Jill. We've been friends for a while, right?"

"Yeah."

"Want to get married?"

"Uh..."

TriptychR said:

"Hey, Jill. We've been friends for a while, right?"

"Yeah."

"Want to get married?"

"Uh..."

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LOL!

lol that's what im saying.

How are they gonna get to know what other people are like.. how are they gonna know what they like and dislike about other people.

Yeah, wish I never had to have any heartbreak, pain, problems. If that mind set casues someone to never start dating or causes someone to remain in a dating relationship even when it's not a good thing-that's bad.

People in different cultures make it work when they have arranged marriages. As for there being no differences between "just friends" and being in a relationship -- I don't agree at all. There's a BIG, biiiiiiiiiiiig difference. Personally, I am glad I've been in a few relationships; they have been learning experiences. One of them was a particularly unpleasant learning experience -- but now I know what to look out for and avoid in the future because of that.

Sometimes a person acts differently in a relationship than they do in a friendship. I'd sure want to know how she acted in a relationship, before I married her.

Wow. I think that would be a mistake, at least for most people. Granted, if you're in a relationship before marriage you run the risk of heartbreak, but you also learn valuable social tools that really come in handy later in life (for example, when you're married). Besides, heartbreak is NOT limited to premarital relationships - the world is FULL of people who have been wounded by their current or former spouses.

The title of this thread was my view before ever dating, and it's only been reinforced since the break-up of my one relationship. As to learning social skills, some people don't have friends of the opposite sex; they interact with them only through the artificial environment of dating. However, I've had male friends, so I understand men as well as I need to. And actually, I'm thinking now that I've reached the point in my life where I should start to cut off my male friendships. If I find someone I'm attracted to, I will make an exception. However, I do not want anything resembling a relationship. Oftentimes the observant individual can learn more about a potential interest in a group situation than in the one-on-one kissy kissy interactions of dating. Dating also encourages giving false impressions.

I think it is person-dependant.
I know of people who have married the only person they have ever dated and things are fine.
Others I know,later on in life,look back and think that they should have dated around.They feel like they just went for the first thing to come along.
Personally,I dont think it really matters.When you find the person you are meant to be with,you just know,and others past relationships dont mean a thing...even if they were hurtful or ended badly.Having an 'EX' isn't a horrible life altering thing.
But seriously,how are you going to know if you found 'the one' untill you start dating? Like TriptychR said...are you just going to go up and ask a girl you have been friends with for a while to be your wife?

er.. no difference between friends and girl/boyfriends?

my bf is most certainly my friend - but there is also most certainly a difference between my relationship with him and my other friends

I don't want to ever have an ex either. I've been very careful when it comes to relationships so i don't have a long trail of exes behind me, and i really don't plan on ever having that long trail.. but you know... in the long scheme of things it doesn't matter if there is someone in the past. In fact each relationship, good and bad, would be learning experiences if you choose to look at them like that. Having an ex isn't the end of the world.

I dunno about the other girls here but i certainly wouldn't want to get a proposal from one of my guy friends out of the blue one day when there was never a hint of anything going on between us... i think that would actually be an effective way of ending the friendship

Bunnymedic said:

are you just going to go up and ask a girl you have been friends with for a while to be your wife?

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I for one wouldn't have a problem with being asked... as long as we talked through the important things before I agreed. Important things = specific things about our future together which wouldn't be discussed by friends. And also as long as I'd gotten close enough to know he doesn't have bad B.O.

Ideally the guy would know I was attracted to him before popping the question. I expect he would infer this from how agressively I was pursuing a close friendship with him, as opposed to other men.

foztee said:

Why could this be a good thing...also why could this be a bad thing.

A couple of my friends say they never want to have a 'EX'.

Doesnt mean they are sinning within the relationship.. they just dont want to have any relationships before they are married.

They say there is no difference between being a friend or being a boy/girlfriend.

What are your views.

Click to expand...

I respect it but I dont think it neccesary. I think you can gain a lot of experience and learn a lot about yourself through relationships, provided you maintain purity.

Though I'm sure it would be nice not ever knowing what it's like to have someone you love rip your still beating heart of your chest, I certainly wouldn't want to be new to EVERYTHING in my first and only relationship. Why would I prefer to experience a heartbreak from my husband and not from someone who was probably not going to be my husband anyway? Even husbands and wives will break your heart, but I wouldn't want to find myself in a situation where I wouldn't know how to deal with it.

Dare I say, the hurt I experienced was still something that taught me some things that I probably would have never learned otherwise. Without being hurt, how can you help someone else who's hurting? Without getting through the pain in the past, how can you get through it in the future? There are some things that I don't want to be "watered down" before I get married (like having sex), but there are other things (like being hurt but being strong) that I want to have as much practice with as possible. Bad and good experiences alike both play their role in shaping you into the person you're destined to be, and I don't want to have to learn as I go when I'm already married. I want to go in with some bit of an idea as to what I'm doing.

Why could this be a good thing...also why could this be a bad thing.

A couple of my friends say they never want to have a 'EX'.

Doesnt mean they are sinning within the relationship.. they just dont want to have any relationships before they are married.

They say there is no difference between being a friend or being a boy/girlfriend.

What are your views.

Click to expand...

Totally agree. If you keep away from the physical then it just stays a friendship, otherwise it's basically play marriage. And friendship and compatability is what all good marriages are based on. Get those right and you know whether you'll want to spend your life with that person.
Play at marriage and you'll just wear yourself out physically and emotionally.

lunalinda said:

Though I'm sure it would be nice not ever knowing what it's like to have someone you love rip your still beating heart of your chest, I certainly wouldn't want to be new to EVERYTHING in my first and only relationship. Why would I prefer to experience a heartbreak from my husband and not from someone who was probably not going to be my husband anyway? Even husbands and wives will break your heart, but I wouldn't want to find myself in a situation where I wouldn't know how to deal with it.

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Hmmm....I agree with this.As weird as it sounds.
I've felt like I've had my heart ripped from my chest still beating twice.I literally thought I was going to die at the time.As hard as it was,I learned alot and I am SO much stronger than I have ever been.I can deal with things alot better than I did when I was younger.

foztee said:

Why could this be a good thing...also why could this be a bad thing.

A couple of my friends say they never want to have a 'EX'.

Doesnt mean they are sinning within the relationship.. they just dont want to have any relationships before they are married.

They say there is no difference between being a friend or being a boy/girlfriend.

What are your views.

Click to expand...

i at times i wish that was the case with me.

too many ex's gives the expectation of failure with the next one that comes.

i'm not convinced that sin isn't played in with breakups. either physical, or emotional connection being taken forgranted, and if people can't stand by you after they say "i love you" then they might as well remain silent as far as i'm concerned and to have things bad happen against love, i sometimes wonder if the saying, "better to love than to not love at all" is just nonsense.

they don't have to experience the bad side of relations between a man and a woman.

can't say i blame your friends for wanting that.

foztee said:

Why could this be a good thing...also why could this be a bad thing.

A couple of my friends say they never want to have a 'EX'.

Doesnt mean they are sinning within the relationship.. they just dont want to have any relationships before they are married.

They say there is no difference between being a friend or being a boy/girlfriend.

What are your views.

Click to expand...

My first thought is that they would have trouble getting married to anyone if they don't want to be in a relationship before marriage

My next thought is that not wanting to have an 'EX' is ideal and it is even possible, but we do not live in an ideal world

My last thought is it could be very dangerous to have such a view because it could lead to fixating on a person on being the person you will marry because if it doesn't work out they become the dreadful 'EX'.

What about reputation of having too many EX's.

Or being seen with too many people of the opposite sex.