I'm very hurt and numb

[Neogaia777]

What does co dependent mean?

I suggest you look it up online, but the very, very short definition of it means you depend way too much on others for most of what you require as a person personally.

It's besides the point right now, but you can look it up if you want.

 

[Neogaia777]

I think he is. And as for me, I was single until age 27, I'm 28 now. So I mean, I'm working through the issue of "I need to be married to be happy," which I discussed with the pastor. But I was able to thrive and make friends on my own without a bf for pretty much my whole life.

In my opinion the most successful relationships are only between two people who have already learned to already do it on their own a whole lot, and I do mean completely on your own a whole lot, before getting with one another personally.

How is your relationship with God?

 

[EtainSkirata]

In my opinion the most successful relationships are only between two people who have already learned to already do it on their own a whole lot, and I do mean completely on your own a whole lot, before getting with one another personally.

How is your relationship with God?

I mean, I think I have been on my own quite a lot already. A lot of women my age have been married and have kids at this point, so I've gone a really long time alone.

My relationship with God isn't perfect, but idk how being in or out of a relationship with my bf would help, because I don't know if it's been all that great before we started dating. But when I have an issue he always points me back to God and tells me to talk to Jesus.

 

[Neogaia777]

I mean, I think I have been on my own quite a lot already. A lot of women my age have been married and have kids at this point, so I've gone a really long time alone.

My relationship with God isn't perfect, but idk how being in or out of a relationship with my bf would help, because I don't know if it's been all that great before we started dating. But when I have an issue he always points me back to God and tells me to talk to Jesus.

How important is being married and having kids to you?

Are you sure you are not making it an idol?

 

[EtainSkirata]

How important is being married and having kids to you?

It is very important--BUT. One thing my father and my pastor have told me is that I must not be putting these desires over the necessity of being a good Christian. My father has told me that being a Christian is the most important thing in life, and that everything else is secondary. And my pastor basically called me out for looking for contentment in an engagement, rather than in Jesus.

So I know in my head that having kids isn't the end goal, going to heaven is. My heart pulls me in other directions though.

 

[Neogaia777]

It is very important--BUT. One thing my father and my pastor have told me is that I must not be putting these desires over the necessity of being a good Christian. My father has told me that being a Christian is the most important thing in life, and that everything else is secondary. And my pastor basically called me out for looking for contentment in an engagement, rather than in Jesus.

So I know in my head that having kids isn't the end goal, going to heaven is. My heart pulls me in other directions though.

Don't forget, love and honor and respect for your (future?) husband also, etc.

But it sounds like you may be starting to put your priorities in the right direction?

Sorry if I caused any offense, etc.

Just make sure any future man that you pick, also has his in the right direction also, etc.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Which side of codependency are you thinking I am on?

 

[Neogaia777]

Which side of codependency are you thinking I am on?

I don't know enough about your situation to tell, and it may be both of you, but, either way it's something to look out for and/or be aware of, etc.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Don't forget, love and honor and respect for your (future?) husband also, etc.

But it sounds like you may be starting to put your priorities in the right direction?

Sorry if I caused any offense, etc.

Sir or ma'am, I am sorry to say this but in reading your replies I basically burst into tears because hearing "codependent" and "break up" scared me. I am trying to do better with my anxiety, I come to these forums and I am part of a Facebook support group, and even my bf says I am improving.

I just hit a really low spot, given our recent sin.

One thought I've been having is this. A few months ago he lied to me about his ex--but within 2 minutes corrected himself and apologized. I was mad for about 2 or 3 days, but, we got through it. When I mentioned it on counseling I was told that it was encouraging that he corrected himself like that. There was hope in that situation, even though at the time we still weren't thinking of getting engaged. We dealt with the sin, on its own.

So I'm thinking I need to do that here. I'm really, really hurt, and no, I don't know anymore if I want to marry him. But, maybe in separating the sin from the engagement issue will help. I have to be content in where I am right now, and not look for peace in a commitment from him.

It's just so hard to forgive him right now, but I keep reminding myself of how he apologized and tried to make things right and wants to get through this sin issue.

 

[Neogaia777]

Sir or ma'am, I am sorry to say this but in reading your replies I basically burst into tears because hearing "codependent" and "break up" scared me. I am trying to do better with my anxiety, I come to these forums and I am part of a Facebook support group, and even my bf says I am improving.

I just hit a really low spot, given our recent sin.

One thought I've been having is this. A few months ago he lied to me about his ex--but within 2 minutes corrected himself and apologized. I was mad for about 2 or 3 days, but, we got through it. When I mentioned it on counseling I was told that it was encouraging that he corrected himself like that. There was hope in that situation, even though at the time we still weren't thinking of getting engaged. We dealt with the sin, on its own.

So I'm thinking I need to do that here. I'm really, really hurt, and no, I don't know anymore if I want to marry him. But, maybe in separating the sin from the engagement issue will help. I have to be content in where I am right now, and not look for peace in a commitment from him.

It's just so hard to forgive him right now, but I keep reminding myself of how he apologized and tried to make things right and wants to get through this sin issue.

I'm a sir BTW, but, I don't know what else to say or add at this point without really getting deep into the specifics of your specific circumstance or situation, other than just telling you to take the time to think upon or consider for a while on your own what was already said?

I'm open to PM's or DM's on here anytime though, ok.

God Bless.

 

[Unqualified]

God will bless you if you are not sinning against Him.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I need help/advice/prayers/emotional support... I'm sorry I keep posting about the same topic over and over but I think my relationship OCD has taken a really bad turn.

My bf and I used to struggle with boundaries at the beginning of our relationship, but then for almost a year we were doing a better job... until Saturday, when we crossed several boundaries we definitely should not have (not sex though).

He said he's sorry, and came up with a plan to stop it from happening again. And it "takes two to tango" so it's partly my fault also. But I'm hurt.

That, and when we talk about marriage, he says he's not ready, because he's not sure he can handle my anxieties. But he says he's trying. He's just concerned that my anxiety is going to get real bad in the future, because it's been really bad in the past (years before I met him). And he's not sure if he can handle it.

It's hard for me to want to fix this. The more I think about it, the less I have the will to stay in the relationship. I just feel almost numb. I'm not sure if I want to stay or go. And I mention relationship OCD because of how I hyper analyze my feelings; that sort of feels like it's a factor here. I keep going back and forth between "I'm not sure I want to stay" and "oh no what if he didn't like XYZ/this or that about me."

We were doing fine before Saturday; I knew he was still working through things before being ready to get married and i was handling that fairly well. But now, if he popped out with a ring today, I'm not sure what I'd say.

I'm just hurt and sad. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of this and I need to move on; other couples have gone through way worse (i was reading stories last night to try to help feel better). But I keep dwelling on it and I know it's not healthy but here we are.

Tl,dr: I'm hurt from an incident where my bf and I crossed some boundaries; I feel like my relationship OCD is making things worse.

You are lucky to have a partner that is so caring and considerate with your current challenges. Blessings

 

[Lost4words]

I guess this is the kind of advice I was hoping to get. I just wanted some reassurance that we'd get through this.

You will. Trust in God too.

 

[EtainSkirata]

I scheduled a meeting with my pastor for today this afternoon--and the church rules are that another lady has to be there since otherwise it's just me and another guy, so the lady I've been meeting up with, along with the pastor for prior biblical counseling, is also going to be there.

I feel like I'm wasting their time though; I texted and asked for a meeting super last minute, and they agreed, but I feel like I'm making things into a big deal and I'm wasting their time and that they'll be tired of me.

 

[Neogaia777]

I feel like I'm wasting their time though; I texted and asked for a meeting super last minute, and they agreed, but I feel like I'm making things into a big deal and I'm wasting their time and that they'll be tired of me.

Try to stick to thinking logically and the facts, as it might be a lot more productive if you do that, and this is also my rule and advice throughout life in general as well.

God Bless.

 

[SabbathBlessings]

I need help/advice/prayers/emotional support... I'm sorry I keep posting about the same topic over and over but I think my relationship OCD has taken a really bad turn.

My bf and I used to struggle with boundaries at the beginning of our relationship, but then for almost a year we were doing a better job... until Saturday, when we crossed several boundaries we definitely should not have (not sex though).

He said he's sorry, and came up with a plan to stop it from happening again. And it "takes two to tango" so it's partly my fault also. But I'm hurt.

That, and when we talk about marriage, he says he's not ready, because he's not sure he can handle my anxieties. But he says he's trying. He's just concerned that my anxiety is going to get real bad in the future, because it's been really bad in the past (years before I met him). And he's not sure if he can handle it.

It's hard for me to want to fix this. The more I think about it, the less I have the will to stay in the relationship. I just feel almost numb. I'm not sure if I want to stay or go. And I mention relationship OCD because of how I hyper analyze my feelings; that sort of feels like it's a factor here. I keep going back and forth between "I'm not sure I want to stay" and "oh no what if he didn't like XYZ/this or that about me."

We were doing fine before Saturday; I knew he was still working through things before being ready to get married and i was handling that fairly well. But now, if he popped out with a ring today, I'm not sure what I'd say.

I'm just hurt and sad. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of this and I need to move on; other couples have gone through way worse (i was reading stories last night to try to help feel better). But I keep dwelling on it and I know it's not healthy but here we are.

Tl,dr: I'm hurt from an incident where my bf and I crossed some boundaries; I feel like my relationship OCD is making things worse.

Thanks for sharing your story.

It's hard for anyone on a website to give you specific advice because there's a lot of details missing, and no one knows you or your boyfriend personally. From what you have shared it sounds like you would like to be married and that you and your boyfriend have been through a lot and have stuck together. It also sounds like you both are wanting the other to be mentally sound before marriage, which is good. My advice is to both seek together professional therapy and counseling from your church. Make God your priority and seek Him first daily and pray for guidance on healing you and your relationship and ask God for His will in your life regardless of the direction it takes you. God wants His children happy and only He knows what's best of us, so trust Him and give it to Him and pray for a resolution.

 

[Joined2krist]

Why can't he keep his hands off you if he isn't ready for marriage. Supposing the mistake happens and you both end up going all the way then you get pregnant?

 

[EtainSkirata]

Why can't he keep his hands off you if he isn't ready for marriage. Supposing the mistake happens and you both end up going all the way then you get pregnant?

Yeahhhh, that's another reason I'm gonna end up breaking up with him.

 

[anetazo]

No one is judging you or criticizing anyone. Here's honest advice. I would stay single. I'm not preaching to you. Its truth. Second thessalonians chapter 2, the son of perdition, satan, is coming 6th trump in his role as antichrist, 5 month period. Revelation chapter 13, those who don't worship antichrist can't buy or sell. If your planning on getting past antichrist near future. You risk compromising your values and beliefs. In Jerusalem, old days. At night time, a person had to unload their goods off camel before they could enter the narrow gate. If the person didn't. They can't enter the narrow gate. Are we seeing the wisdom??. Please don't be defensive. Matthew chapter 13:24. Strive to enter at the strait gate: for many , I say unto, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. At the 7th trump, Jesus will not allow anyone in His millennium temple during the millennium. Because the majority worshipped antichrist, revelation chapter 13. Those who worshipped antichrist will have to wait thousand years to have access to Jesus. Get the picture. Think about the consequences. Who do I want in foxhole with me??. Matthew chapter 19:24. And again I say unto you. It is easier for camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for Richman to enter into kingdom of God. Yes, I'll gotten gains will cost person kingdom of God. I'm hoping you understand. What is the risk factor of compromimg your values and beliefs. Dont want some one dragging you down with them. If you plan on standing against antichrist near future. Do you want spouse in the foxhole with you??. It can cost you kingdom of God. You may have to unload. Your a intelligent person. Think about this. Peace.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Its needed to see through emotional fears and to rationally consider if the life of any of you would be easier without being together.

But only you know the full picture, so again, its just an advice and the decision is yours.

Hey, I'm sorry for being rude to you.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my posts, I appreciate it.