- Nov 9, 2019
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I am posting under “New Christians” because I keep trying to become a Christian and hoping I have become one. I have confusion and concern both about God’s will for me and my salvation.
Assuming I already am a Christian, I should be seeking, as they often pray, “Your [God’s] will be done, not mine.” I want to be saved and I want to do my will, not God’s. This contradiction causes me much doubt and confusion.
Luke 22:39-42 reads:
“Coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed him. When He came to the place, He said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.
“And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.”
My Dr. David Jeremiah Study Bible note on this passage says: “God does not ask for absolute perfection from his people, only a desire and determination to do His will.”
In recent hours I have been praying things like, ‘God, I do not have a desire and determination to do Your will,’ ‘How can I have a desire to do Your will when in reality, I want to do my will,’ ‘God, I need to have a desire and determination to do Your will.’
I really want to be saved. I want to pass from death to life and be secure in Jesus’ arms forever. I have sought “the moment of salvation” for decades, because I know that, after that moment of salvation, one is secure forever, no matter what. But assurance of salvation is always fleeting for me. Part of the problem is that I have Religious OCD. But another part of the problem is that I have, at best, wavering faith. My faith wavers on a moment-by-moment basis. I may give my life to Christ at one moment, but the next will be continuing to live for myself, going after my own will, the same as if nothing happened. Part of that problem is probably that I seek to be saved but also seek to do my own thing. So, I suppose, that I envision my potential salvation like this: I turn to Christ, get saved, then pull back and let him work on me over time to get me in line with His will; but in the meantime – I’m safe! I’m saved! Some Christians would say that is seeking a “fire insurance policy,” so that I avoid hell, but that’s it. I know that one cannot just get a “fire insurance policy” from God and go on to live for themselves, like any non-believer. If I have that cynical of an approach to salvation, I may be unsavable.
So I do some thinking about doing God’s will. Besides my natural proclivity to do my own will, not God’s, I have honest confusion about how God’s will relates to me and my will. I am confused about the line, or the chasm, between God’s will and mine. I know about “Love your neighbor” and “love your enemies,” but what is God’s will for me in the next five minutes, being that it is before 6 AM and no one else is about?
I have an agenda and a proposed schedule. Every time I think I get saved, I think, ‘Great! Now, if it be God’s will, I can continue to work my schedule and my agenda.’ But my schedule and my agenda are MY will. Should I just go about my schedule and my agenda, and let circumstances dictate what I think is God’s will for me? When I set out to do my schedule and my agenda, the thought comes, ‘I am not doing God’s will, I’m doing mine, and I may not be saved.’
I really want to be saved. If that means I need to do God’s will, I need to be seeking to do His will. But I wonder about things in relation to God’s will. Can God’s will and mine sometimes dovetail? If I have a career agenda, should I just follow it?
If doing my schedule and agenda means I am not saved, then I must revert to what I have been doing for decades. I must cease all unnecessary activity and seek salvation full time. Give my life to Christ and let the chips fall where they may after that.
I’ve supposedly given my life to Christ hundreds of times. But assurance of salvation is always fleeting.
I have an invention idea and a business idea, besides other projects. But if pursuing those means I am not going to heaven, then I must cease all activity and seek salvation full time.
Assuming I already am a Christian, I should be seeking, as they often pray, “Your [God’s] will be done, not mine.” I want to be saved and I want to do my will, not God’s. This contradiction causes me much doubt and confusion.
Luke 22:39-42 reads:
“Coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed him. When He came to the place, He said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.
“And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.”
My Dr. David Jeremiah Study Bible note on this passage says: “God does not ask for absolute perfection from his people, only a desire and determination to do His will.”
In recent hours I have been praying things like, ‘God, I do not have a desire and determination to do Your will,’ ‘How can I have a desire to do Your will when in reality, I want to do my will,’ ‘God, I need to have a desire and determination to do Your will.’
I really want to be saved. I want to pass from death to life and be secure in Jesus’ arms forever. I have sought “the moment of salvation” for decades, because I know that, after that moment of salvation, one is secure forever, no matter what. But assurance of salvation is always fleeting for me. Part of the problem is that I have Religious OCD. But another part of the problem is that I have, at best, wavering faith. My faith wavers on a moment-by-moment basis. I may give my life to Christ at one moment, but the next will be continuing to live for myself, going after my own will, the same as if nothing happened. Part of that problem is probably that I seek to be saved but also seek to do my own thing. So, I suppose, that I envision my potential salvation like this: I turn to Christ, get saved, then pull back and let him work on me over time to get me in line with His will; but in the meantime – I’m safe! I’m saved! Some Christians would say that is seeking a “fire insurance policy,” so that I avoid hell, but that’s it. I know that one cannot just get a “fire insurance policy” from God and go on to live for themselves, like any non-believer. If I have that cynical of an approach to salvation, I may be unsavable.
So I do some thinking about doing God’s will. Besides my natural proclivity to do my own will, not God’s, I have honest confusion about how God’s will relates to me and my will. I am confused about the line, or the chasm, between God’s will and mine. I know about “Love your neighbor” and “love your enemies,” but what is God’s will for me in the next five minutes, being that it is before 6 AM and no one else is about?
I have an agenda and a proposed schedule. Every time I think I get saved, I think, ‘Great! Now, if it be God’s will, I can continue to work my schedule and my agenda.’ But my schedule and my agenda are MY will. Should I just go about my schedule and my agenda, and let circumstances dictate what I think is God’s will for me? When I set out to do my schedule and my agenda, the thought comes, ‘I am not doing God’s will, I’m doing mine, and I may not be saved.’
I really want to be saved. If that means I need to do God’s will, I need to be seeking to do His will. But I wonder about things in relation to God’s will. Can God’s will and mine sometimes dovetail? If I have a career agenda, should I just follow it?
If doing my schedule and agenda means I am not saved, then I must revert to what I have been doing for decades. I must cease all unnecessary activity and seek salvation full time. Give my life to Christ and let the chips fall where they may after that.
I’ve supposedly given my life to Christ hundreds of times. But assurance of salvation is always fleeting.
I have an invention idea and a business idea, besides other projects. But if pursuing those means I am not going to heaven, then I must cease all activity and seek salvation full time.
