Is it ok to be a hermit?

[Juan777]

It's not the "garbage out there." I just don't have a desire or see a reason. There is nothing about marriage I desire. None of the usual reasons apply.

That's fine, that means you are not going to commit adultery with your ex-spouse then. That is a good thing. This is just as good as staying pure before marriage. Keep your integrity.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

That's fine, that means you are not going to commit adultery with your ex-spouse then. That is a good thing. This is just as good as staying pure before marriage. Keep your integrity.

When you have no desire for companionship or intimacy it is no great struggle. I only went out on a handful of dates in my 20s prior to meeting my future wife at age 28. I really didn't face any temptation to sexual sin. My mistake was being talked into marriage by my pastor and best Christian friend. I should have stayed single. Now I know myself and don't want to repeat past mistakes.

 

[Juan777]

When you have no desire for companionship or intimacy it is no great struggle. I only went out on a handful of dates in my 20s prior to meeting my future wife at age 28. I really didn't face any temptation to sexual sin. My mistake was being talked into marriage by my pastor and best Christian friend. I should have stayed single. Now I know myself and don't want to repeat past mistakes.

It sounds like you have the gift of singleness.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

It sounds like you have the gift of singleness.

Perhaps. Who knows how God works? I grew up in an alcoholic family and had Attchment Disorder from a young age followed by social anxiety. It was strife that made me like this but maybe God ordained and used that strife? It is not important for me to know.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It sounds like you have the gift of singleness.

A gift? How is being single a gift? It's just a status, if anything a rather neutral status.
Is that to say that marriage isn't a gift?

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

A gift? How is being single a gift? It's just a status, if anything a rather neutral status.
Is that to say that marriage isn't a gift?

People just call it that. Some would say a gift to better serve the Lord. Paul seemed to think so but marriage is a gift as well. Call it the calling of singleness if you prefer.

 

[Juan777]

People just call it that. Some would say a gift to better serve the Lord. Paul seemed to think so but marriage is a gift as well. Call it the calling of singleness if you prefer.

It is not what people are saying it is what the bible is saying. 1 Cor 7:7 and Matt (those called to be eumuchs). However, if you employ terms like "incel" then it frames it as a curse rather than a gift. Whether it is a blessing, gift,.or curse depends on whether it is a voluntary or involuntary state.

 

[Quiet Soul]

I think it is okay. I prefer to be alone as much as I can.

 

[Godcrazy]

This might be slightly off-topic, but you guys are my peers so I thought I would ask this here. I know it's been kicked around a bit in other places so forgive me if this is a retread.

I am single (divorced) and have found that I am happiest being alone. I am not anti-social. I just don't need much social contact. I tend to keep to myself and am quiet. When I do socialize, you would never know it. I am friendly, talkative, etc. I just don't choose to be that way often and am very comfortable alone.

While I have had friends over the years, I can't say I've made a new friend in 30 years not counting a few online friends. No one in person. I love to travel, bike ride (bicycle), hike, ski, kayak, and do photography. I definitely get out of the house but I do those things alone 99% of the time. Socially, I rarely get out. I live 2 miles from a great downtown area full of restaurants, shops, bars, etc. I rarely go down there. If I do, I am alone the entire time. I can go weeks where my only outings are to do the things mentioned above or go to some appointment. I can go days at a time without using my voice other than to talk to my cats a little I rarely talk on the phone. I quit attending church in person and now attend online. I live 15 minutes from the church but when I did go I would arrive just before it started, sit in the back row, and leave just before the closing prayer. If I did stick around afterward, I never really spoke to anyone. Even if I said hi, no conversations took place. A single guy just does not draw attention. I have no family at church and I have no local friends so I am alone. I get just as much out of attending online as I do attending in person.

I know as Christians we are supposed to be in a community. We are supposed to be one big family. Fellowship should be natural. For me, it's not. I used to get sick to my stomach before Bible studies. I would have to leave as soon as they ended. It's fair to say I have social anxiety. In my 20s I wasn't as bad. I lead a college and career group at my church and filled in for the pastor at times when he was gone. I taught a lot. I never had problems with public speaking. I'm actually quite good at it, but not the socializing after. I've done tons of writing and am active online using my Biblical knowledge. I help a ton of people but not through organized church ministries and not necessarily people I know from church. More neighbors or people I meet somehow. My sister exhorts me regularly to go to church and get involved. I've tried to explain to her how I am but she just doesn't get it and I understand. If you're not this way, how could you?

Am I wrong to keep to myself so much? Should I be forcing myself to hang out with people at church? I don't like groups or group activities. I am just an introvert and solitary person. I try to let my light shine but it's not in the traditional ways. Yes, I have been to counseling. Years of it. Nothing has changed. This started when I was a baby and circumstances shaped me this way. I definitely have Attachment Disorder. Not marriage material.

I know there are others like me. Are we that bad or just doing the best we can for who we are knowing we live in a fallen world that sin has stained? No, this is not the ideal but neither are birth defects, disease, hate, violence, and so many other things.

I`m the same way, except for I can socialise when I want to. But I am majorly introvert although snert of ambivert. I am very deep thinker and I HATE chit chat. I can do it for some time but if people is all about that all the time I get headache. I am highly sensitive. I have prophetic gifts and I want to go for God. I have experienced miracles. I am a loner I love people, but I am not dependent. I like nature too and hiking and photography something I like to look into. I love psychology. reading. the only superficial I have is clothes. and my cat. happy you like cats. what you got? I have sacred birman seal point white blue eyes brown points.
NO you are NOT wrong. Do not let anyone let you think that! You are introvert!!! That is a personality style nothing to do with childhood or anything that is how you were BORN.
The world does not understand it mostly because they only focus on the superficial and extroversion is seen as the ideal and idealised. Even therapists do it. try to "normalise" you, jungian therapists are more broad mentally. we can not change who we are. fact is it is a MYTH that you cannot be alone and happy and content. it is a myth that it is something wrong with you. It is society that is sick not us. they can`t control us if we are accepted as we are. but there are others that are loners and introverts. It does not mean we do not love others or can talk. we are just not dependent we thrive in solitude. stillness. we easily get too much as our nervous system and brains are wired differently so we get too much stimulation easier and faster than other people that are extroverts so we are knackered after just some time outside and need to recover,alone, by ourselves or we would get health issues. it is a matter how we are wired!

 

[Godcrazy]

we work best with people that also are loner or introverts.

 

[Godcrazy]

I have never had a problem being with or in relation with introverts or loners it is all the rest that are not like that that might have a problem. It is a nightmare for a loner or introvert to always have the feel of having to do or not be left alone when we need to to recharge. we need someone that do not put pressure on us then they get us fully.

 

[DragonFox91]

I would say Christianity is incompatible w/ being a hermit. The Spirit cannot work all by itself. We have a mission to do & that mission cannot be fulfilled as a hermit.
I also think we as individuals still have an independence. The other extreme of hermit ,whatever that word is, is also incorrect, to be so dependent on others. One reason is b/c we as individual need to be communing w/ God. We look to Jesus Christ: he was very not a hermit, but he often retreated to be alone w/ the Father. He had to keep himself aligned w/ his mission by separating himself.

 

[Godcrazy]

I would say Christianity is incompatible w/ being a hermit. The Spirit cannot work all by itself. We have a mission to do & that mission cannot be fulfilled as a hermit.
I also think we as individuals still have an independence. The other extreme of hermit ,whatever that word is, is also incorrect, to be so dependent on others. One reason is b/c we as individual need to be communing w/ God. We look to Jesus Christ: he was very not a hermit, but he often retreated to be alone w/ the Father. He had to keep himself aligned w/ his mission by separating himself.

then why do God then create introverts AND extroverts on equal basis.
None of them are wrong, it is just a different approach.
Don`t jump to conclusions. It does NOT mean you do not love or help or go for God.
It is a matter of personality style. how you are born.
It does not mean less.
Introverts do just as much for God and others as much as extroverts. How can vary depending on times.
I come to think about nuns and monks.
priests.
there are many variables it can be given and given to people, and still take into account personality style. think about it, not everyone are born extrovert. It does not mean they do not contribute.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I would say Christianity is incompatible w/ being a hermit. The Spirit cannot work all by itself. We have a mission to do & that mission cannot be fulfilled as a hermit.
I also think we as individuals still have an independence. The other extreme of hermit ,whatever that word is, is also incorrect, to be so dependent on others. One reason is b/c we as individual need to be communing w/ God. We look to Jesus Christ: he was very not a hermit, but he often retreated to be alone w/ the Father. He had to keep himself aligned w/ his mission by separating himself.

I understand your perspective, but many introverts find non-traditional ways to minister. For example, I have written hundreds of articles posted on different websites about Christianity and theology. I am writing a book. I have many online friends I witness to, counsel, and encourage. I have given generously to Christian ministries and to individuals in need. I have also shown up in person and helped people move or loaned them cars or a room to stay in. I am letting a homeless person stay at my house right now as they work through some issues. As an introvert, letting someone into my home is not easy but it does not require a ton of social interaction. I may not be active in a church and church ministries, but when Jesus said "When I was hungry, you fed me...when I was thirsty, you gave me to drink..., etc.) He did not mean through a church or church ministry only. He meant in everyday life, as you come across needs. When I describe myself as a hermit, I mean socially. I don't seek out a lot of traditional social contact. When I have attended churches, I am usually the first person out the door after the service ends. There are many ways to serve.

 

[ozso]

I think most Christians probably spend the greater part of their time at work and at home. I doubt there are many who are out around town on a regular basis meeting people and preaching the gospel. And they have a microcosm of maybe a couple of dozen friends and acquaintances they spend a little bit of time with here and there. The occasional dinner, movie, outing. And most of the rest of their time is sleep, work, and home.

 

[Godcrazy]

I understand your perspective, but many introverts find non-traditional ways to minister. For example, I have written hundreds of articles posted on different websites about Christianity and theology. I am writing a book. I have many online friends I witness to, counsel, and encourage. I have given generously to Christian ministries and to individuals in need. I have also shown up in person and helped people move or loaned them cars or a room to stay in. I am letting a homeless person stay at my house right now as they work through some issues. As an introvert, letting someone into my home is not easy but it does not require a ton of social interaction. I may not be active in a church and church ministries, but when Jesus said "When I was hungry, you fed me...when I was thirsty, you gave me to drink..., etc.) He did not mean through a church or church ministry only. He meant in everyday life, as you come across needs. When I describe myself as a hermit, I mean socially. I don't seek out a lot of traditional social contact. When I have attended churches, I am usually the first person out the door after the service ends. There are many ways to serve.

You are a real christian proud of you!
I would take in too, but I rent and my landlord would not be happy. It pains me what can you do. I am thinking of getting some food for some or for those that need rent a room. when possible. well there is always something we can do even if it is small. It is the heart. The talent.. the woman who had little.. comes to mind
See, jumping to conclusions when you say something outside "the norm" right away. It seems to be the norm to do that, instead of just hear what the other say first, and ask questions and be open minded to other ways of doing things. I wonder why this especially happens in christian communities more so than non christian communities? I wonder what creates this. Ps, this is not criticising at all it is a genuine wonder.
It is hurtful.
Just because you are different, do things differently, don`t go with the norm.
It doesn`t mean we can`t do things but we do it differently.
Not everyone can be extroverts half the population are introverts! You just don`t hear about them as they aren`t into attention.