Would you marry a woman who was a former stripper or X-rated star if she turned into a Christian ?

[timothyu]

Self-interest wins the day in this life, but not the next.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Your perspective reflects a modernity I find distasteful and opposes christian teachings.

Your opinion is so noted. However, it doesn’t mean I oppose Christian teachings, just purity culture.

That isn’t your place to decide. All you can speak for is your children.

There’s enough degenerate ideas in the world without hearing the same in christian circles.

~bella

No, I can’t speak for them, just as you can’t speak for yours. Unless you subscribe to arraigned marriages, saying you won’t “allow” them to marry a divorced person is an empty threat. They can, and likely will, marry whomever they choose. You can hope they don’t marry a divorced person which is whatever, but if that’s who they choose, that’s who they choose.

That’s hardly a “degenerate idea.”

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Self-interest wins the day in this life, but not the next.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

 

[bèlla]

No, I can’t speak for them, just as you can’t speak for yours. Unless you subscribe to arraigned marriages, saying you won’t “allow” them to marry a divorced person is an empty threat. They can, and likely will, marry whomever they choose. You can hope they don’t marry a divorced person which is whatever, but if that’s who they choose, that’s who they choose.

That’s hardly a “degenerate idea.”

Maybe that’s the case in your home but we live differently. Your ethos is the antithesis of the qualities I’d want in a prospective spouse. And the more you talk the more feminist you sound which is odious to my ears. If I had a parent who believed as you’ve articulated I wouldn’t listen to them either.

~bella

 

[Godcrazy]

Again, according to you it’s a lot. So YMMV. Depends on numerous factors.

20, first experience at 18, and 10 partners? Probably worth asking some questions. Seems like they’re not looking for a commitment and if you are, probably barking up the wrong tree.

40, once divorced, sexually active at 16, and 10 partners? Meh. Even assuming they were married for 10 of those years, that’s not even a partner a year. Nothing shocking there.

65, married 45 years, partner died a year ago, sexually active at 19, and 10 partners? Time to ask questions because all signs point to looking for a good time, not a long time, lol.

I am late to the game, but come on, if one is new in Christ, they are new. The past is no more. God even doesn`t remember our past. And God doesn`t judge us for our past. Think about that.
All that matters is if they live for Christ or not.
A true born again person cannot keep living in sin like before Christ.
why judge sins they did before they came born again.
There are many that "don`t behave" that claim to be christian.
That do all kinds of things.
That live in sin. Or are unforgiving.
when you are born again, you cannot continue live in sin. you repent.
What i mean is there is a dramatic difference between your life as not saved and saved
There are many born again christians on fire for God and that do tons for God that doesn`t have a good family background. The internet is full of testimonials and preachers. That God transformed and that are doing great work for God. Full of the Spirit. so what you say about the past before christ or family is very little compared to when God transforms a person.
Or what about those who come from an abusive childhood non of their fault that lives a life on fire for God.

I think I have said enough

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Maybe that’s the case in your home but we live differently.

I mean, if you have agreed upon arraigned marriage situation in a country that allows for such things, then maybe you’re right. However, outside of that, it doesn’t matter how you live… People are free to marry whomever they choose. May not like it, you may cut them off if they do to somebody you don’t like, and that’s your prerogative, but it’s not something you can actively or legally stop.

Your ethos is the antithesis of the qualities I’d want in a prospective spouse.

LoL, well, were I presenting myself to you for the purposes of marriage, that would mean something. Since we’re not, (because as we’ve established, I’m very happily married to somebody) the fact you wouldn’t marry me matters really very little and is a super random thing to announce.

And the more you talk the more feminist you sound which is odious to my ears. If I had a parent who believed as you’ve articulated I wouldn’t listen to them either.

~bella

Huh? My kids don’t listen to me…? News to me.

Again, though, with the insulting of the family, this time my kids. Feminism is apparently odious to your ears, but insulting a strangers kids is no problemo for you. Got it.

I think you’re done telling me about what is and isn’t Christian behavior for this thread, my dear.

 

[RDKirk]

She can believe as she does for religious, secular, or whatever reason she chooses, but I will find it amusing when she scolds me for talking about religious purity culture (which she isn’t a part of she insists), but then goes on and quotes ethos from religious purity culture. The inconsistency is amusing, not the overall belief.

You may not realize, but about 20 years ago "Purity Culture" was a very specific (and deleterious) movement in Christian circles. Her ethos is not Purity Culture.

 

[bèlla]

You may not realize, but about 20 years ago "Purity Culture" was a very specific (and deleterious) movement in Christian circles. Her ethos is not Purity Culture.

I’ve never supported purity culture in the church and fault the parents for permitting their children to be misled and failing to prepare them for marriage. While things weren’t as bad as they are today there were notable shifts and many lived as if it never occurred and we were still in the fifties.

Many christians didn’t receive any instruction at home in that subject. They weren’t taught what a covenant entails and the qualities that make for godly unions and what they should look for in others and work on in themselves. They weren’t warned about wolves in sheep’s clothing romantically. They heard the positive aspects of the opposite sex but weren’t prepared for the other.

There was no discussion about the internet and its role in connections. We’ve been moving in this direction since the nineties but many expected to meet someone in church and struggled to do so. Most marriages that happen earlier in the church are the result of associations in christian colleges. But they leave that out of the books and put formulas in their place. Like kissing dating goodbye.

Courtship can work when you have the right ingredients, Most parents aren’t involved enough in that area of their children’s lives to make it work. Nor are they in a community where the practice is well defined and supported. The suggestions that emerged from the purity movement were reckless and harmless. While the church was culpable for putting them out there the parent is the shepherd and shouldn’t rely on others to do their job.

I prefer courtship for our purposes and believe it’s better to develop an acquaintance without going too far or getting overly attached before you know where it’s heading. That requires a parent-child relationship where opinions are valued. And it goes without saying that respect is a must. The notion of choosing a spouse without familial support is unfathomable. But that’s difficult to grasp if you live with other principles in mind.

The bible esteems wise counsel and we seek that through our elders and others with well established unions that have stood the test of time. But more importantly, I’m looking for unsung qualities like love, submission and respect. Not in the guise that’s comfortable or rewritten for modern audiences but what the bible says instead.

The appropriate term for my ethos is old-fashioned as you’re aware. ;-)

~bella

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I am late to the game, but come on, if one is new in Christ, they are new. The past is no more. God even doesn`t remember our past. And God doesn`t judge us for our past. Think about that.
All that matters is if they live for Christ or not.
A true born again person cannot keep living in sin like before Christ.
why judge sins they did before they came born again.
There are many that "don`t behave" that claim to be christian.
That do all kinds of things.
That live in sin. Or are unforgiving.
when you are born again, you cannot continue live in sin. you repent.
What i mean is there is a dramatic difference between your life as not saved and saved
There are many born again christians on fire for God and that do tons for God that doesn`t have a good family background. The internet is full of testimonials and preachers. That God transformed and that are doing great work for God. Full of the Spirit. so what you say about the past before christ or family is very little compared to when God transforms a person.
Or what about those who come from an abusive childhood non of their fault that lives a life on fire for God.

I think I have said enough

How am I getting scolded for not being forgiving enough while also being scolded for being too lax? LoL!

I have said I don’t care about body counts numerous times. In the example above, I was talking about determining if your relationship goals align, not spiritual standing.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

You may not realize, but about 20 years ago "Purity Culture" was a very specific (and deleterious) movement in Christian circles. Her ethos is not Purity Culture.

As I stated before, purity culture is a practice that includes the secular belief that one who’s less sexually experienced is somehow more desirable a partner than somebody with sexual experience. While some put a religious spin on it (Christian and otherwise), it’s also something that pops up (especially now) in non-religious circles… Specifically “high value men seeking high value women” masculinity circles. It is an overall belief that people, especially women, have aspects of her worth and identity earmarked through sexual abstinence.

That poster says they don’t follow the ethics of religious celibacy but that they do think their virgin daughters hold more value than they would if they weren’t virgins and that not being virgins is while unmarried is profoundly negative. They’ve also stated having sex creates soul ties and that if their daughters were to attach themselves to somebody who didn’t match their ethos, the marriage would be forbidden and prevented (how that would occur remains a mystery, but it has been declared). While it may not be the pop purity culture we saw in the 2000s with purity rings, chastity vows, and daddy daughter dances, it is very certainly purity culture standards and practices. Especially the whole “soul ties” thing, which isn’t Biblical but certain Christian/Jewish/Muslim-religious speak.

I’m not sure what the big hoo-ha and pushback is… It’s been made clear my concept of not caring about body count is repugnant and virginity or a single partner is desirable and they believe more spiritual. Why shame me for my beliefs but then also push back and freak out at being identified for holding the belief you loudly claim you have?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Courtship can work when you have the right ingredients, Most parents aren’t involved enough in that area of their children’s lives to make it work. Nor are they in a community where the practice is well defined and supported. The suggestions that emerged from the purity movement were reckless and harmless. While the church was culpable for putting them out there the parent is the shepherd and shouldn’t rely on others to do their job.

I prefer courtship for our purposes and believe it’s better to develop an acquaintance without going too far or getting overly attached before you know where it’s heading. That requires a parent-child relationship where opinions are valued. And it goes without saying that respect is a must. The notion of choosing a spouse without familial support is unfathomable. But that’s difficult to grasp if you live with other principles in mind.

The bible esteems wise counsel and we seek that through our elders and others with well established unions that have stood the test of time. But more importantly, I’m looking for unsung qualities like love, submission and respect. Not in the guise that’s comfortable or rewritten for modern audiences but what the bible says instead.

The appropriate term for my ethos is old-fashioned as you’re aware. ;-)

~bella

Uh… That’s not “old-fashioned.” That’s all purity culture practices. Like, pretty close to Duggar-level purity culture standards. The stuff we saw give rise in the 90s, hit the mainstream with “19 Kids and Counting,” and preached as the ideal by various pop princesses of the early 2000s. Outside of various sects of religious conservatives (Amish, Quakers, Mormons, etc), even the standard Christians of the 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s did not say “parents need to get involved in their kids dating lives to make it work and marrying somebody your family doesn’t like is unthinkable.”

Outside of high society in cities, where mom and dad ruled who you married for social climbing and financial reasons, not religious, people have been marrying pretty freely since at least the 1800s.

 

[Godcrazy]

Uh… That’s not “old-fashioned.” That’s all purity culture practices. Like, pretty close to Duggar-level purity culture standards. The stuff we saw give rise in the 90s, hit the mainstream with “19 Kids and Counting,” and preached as the ideal by various pop princesses of the early 2000s. Outside of various sects of religious conservatives (Amish, Quakers, Mormons, etc), even the standard Christians of the 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s did not say “parents need to get involved in their kids dating lives to make it work and marrying somebody your family doesn’t like is unthinkable.”

Outside of high society in cities, where mom and dad ruled who you married for social climbing and financial reasons, not religious, people have been marrying pretty freely since at least the 1800s.

As well we have to look at what society and time things were meant to.
In the time of the bible they had arranged marriages and married like 9 to 13 years old or something it was common then. Never would they find someone waiting til they were over 30 years old. Or a lot of childless people or singles. It is another time. We can find the red thread still what God wants but I think if we don`t put things in time context we go to extremes

 

[RileyG]

Now that is religious celibacy culture, lol.

So? What’s wrong with that? Having multiple sexual partners is nothing to be proud of. It’s quite shameful, actually.

 

[RileyG]

10 partners = 10 soul ties.

~bella

Indeed. Exactly what St. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6. Flee from sexual immorality.

 

[RileyG]

The average man of 35-40 is in a small dating pool. According to the CDC, the current median lifetime number of female partners for a heterosexual man (ages 25–49) is 6.3. Aggregate statistics indicate the median lifetime number is less than 7.

Stats for women are changing rapidly, but at the moment the numbers are about the same.

My bottom line is that double-digit promiscuity is not the norm, so it shouldn't be surprising that both the average man and the average woman would take a step back from someone who was in the two-digit range.

"Whoa. That's a lot more than me!"

Shouldn’t these people be shamed and told to control themselves? Lifelong monogamy should be the norm

 

[RileyG]

Are you on a Christians only forum trying to shame Christians for having Christian morality? What do you expect here?

I don’t understand it, either. Marriage between one man and one woman, mom and dad, one sexual partner for life, has always been the Christian perspective.

 

[RileyG]

Hook up culture has resulted in significant increases in std’s, sti’s and HIV infections are exploding. You have to think differently now because we have avenues that didn’t exist in the past or weren’t as popular. Like passport bros, ‘hotel parties’, ‘girl trips’ and the usuals like spring break. They’re mating like rabbits without protection and muddying the waters. There’s viral posts on social media if disclosing your status is required and many admit they don’t.

Meeting someone with excessive partners has serious consequences. It’s not a question of faith or judgment. Your health is at risk and we can’t ignore it.

~bella

Absolutely! Very well said! These people are just putting their bodies and souls in jeopardy.

SMH

 

[bèlla]

So? What’s wrong with that? Having multiple sexual partners is nothing to be proud of. It’s quite shameful, actually.

I was raised in a christian home and family where marriage was the standard. They adhered to biblical principles for spouses and children. We were taught the value of virtue by both sexes and warned against looseness and behaviors that would damage our reputations or hinder our prospects. Having a lot of partners was never appealing and I watched how my friends were treated. They shared themselves with different people and didn’t end up with any of them and endured a lot of pain.

When you understand the spiritual principles that embody the temple you treat it reverently and don’t delight in activities that diminish its holiness. How can I be the temple of the living God while celebrating fornication or advocating its practice?

~bella

 

[RileyG]

I was raised in a christian home and family where marriage was the standard. They adhered to biblical principles for spouses and children. We were taught the value of virtue by both sexes and warned against looseness and behaviors that would damage our reputations or hinder our prospects. Having a lot of partners was never appealing and I watched how my friends were treated. They shared themselves with different people and didn’t end up with any of them and endured a lot of pain.

When you understand the spiritual principles that embody the temple you treat it reverently and don’t delight in activities that diminish its holiness. How can I be the temple of the living God while celebrating fornication or advocating its practice?

~bella

Absolutely! Fornication is a sin, as well as cheating on a spouse or having an “open marriage.”

None of it is Christian.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

So? What’s wrong with that?

As I’ve said repeatedly, nothing for those who enter into it consensually. That poster is the one who doesn’t want to be labeled as being a part of a purity culture, religious or secular.

Having multiple sexual partners is nothing to be proud of. It’s quite shameful, actually.

Again, YMMV. It all depends.