Truths

[DragonFox91]

You've said multiple times that you feel like you were lied to. Who do you think lied to you?

I guess I don't know. I'm just upset at it. Then I was reading Luke earlier today (random page actually) where Jesus says "those who are worthy of the kingdom do not get married" & it made me feel lied to b/c so many good Christians get married & it's clearly supposed to be a good thing b/c Adam & Eve made together pre Fall, so s/ those God calls actually not be getting married.

Then you read things like 'well, Jesus is just saying those who don't get married are just as worthy of the kingdom, & marriage doesn't exclude you', but it doesn't say that.

So I guess I feel that's one of the areas I feel lied to. Is it a good thing or is it not. Then I felt lied to b/c Jesus is saying you won't get married if you're worthy of the kingdom.

& I feel lied to b/c marriage used to be common for Christians, now it feels like it's the pagans who are more likely to be married & Christians get left behind.

& I feel lied to b/c 'well sometimes it takes time' but when you look around the marrieds got married when they were in their 20s.

I guess there was some comfort in Jesus saying those who are worthy of the kingdom don't get married, but it still made me sad. I also felt some comfort in this:
In the other Gospel where Jesus talks about marriage in the resurrection, he says 'there is no marriage in the resurrection, you'll be like the angels.' I think Luke clears it up that it's our understanding of marriage that'll be different in the resurrection, whether the purpose, the way it's initiated, or it just not being the priority it is in this age.

 

[venksta]

I missed church today. I feel terrible. & I have to miss the next 3 Sundays due to vacation.

Paul & Jesus stress the importance & calling of being single, well, the churches man have set up are just designed for the married.

As we were saying in the other thread, they start dating when they're 13, get married at 20, then pray their children start dating at 13 & get married at 20 - & then they tell older singles who struggle w/ dating & getting married there's nothing wrong w/ that, you shouldn't want to get married.

I'll never be married. It is what is. I don't blame anyone or anything. It's just how it is.

It's sad. I feel like I was lied to

People marry at different ages. Just because those of the world marry quickly, does not mean that should be your path too. You have the desire to be married, and God knows the desire. God brought into my life friends who were always older than me. 5 to 10 years. Many of them married in their mid 30's. I once met a man who did not marry until he was in his late 40's, and God blessed him with a family. I too wonder often, when I'll meet my future wife. However, the longer I wait, I have two options. To increase my trust in God, through the faith He gives me. Or give up.
I hope Jesus' words from Matthew chapter 6 will give you comfort.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

[DragonFox91]

People marry at different ages. Just because those of the world marry quickly, does not mean that should be your path too. You have the desire to be married, and God knows the desire. God brought into my life friends who were always older than me. 5 to 10 years. Many of them married in their mid 30's. I once met a man who did not marry until he was in his late 40's, and God blessed him with a family. I too wonder often, when I'll meet my future wife. However, the longer I wait, I have two options. To increase my trust in God, through the faith He gives me. Or give up.
I hope Jesus' words from Matthew chapter 6 will give you comfort.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Thank you. That helps.

Verse 33 always sticks out to me.

Then I feel lied to b/c I have the desire to be married but it seems like it'd be too hard for me sometimes, so I have to live single my life b/c it'd be too hard for me & God knows that.

 

[angelsaroundme]

I guess I don't know. I'm just upset at it. Then I was reading Luke earlier today (random page actually) where Jesus says "those who are worthy of the kingdom do not get married" & it made me feel lied to b/c so many good Christians get married & it's clearly supposed to be a good thing b/c Adam & Eve made together pre Fall.

Then you read things like 'well, Jesus is just saying those who don't get married are just as worthy of the kingdom, & marriage doesn't exclude you', but it doesn't say that.

So I guess I feel that's one of the areas I feel lied to. Is it a good thing or is it not. Then I felt lied to b/c Jesus is saying you won't get married if you're worthy of the kingdom.

& I feel lied to b/c marriage used to be common for Christians, now it feels like it's the pagans who are more likely to be married & Christians get left behind.

& I feel lied to b/c 'well sometimes it takes time' but when you look around the marrieds got married when they were in their 20s.

I guess there was some comfort in Jesus saying those who are worthy of the kingdom don't get married, but it still made me sad. I also felt some comfort in this:
In the other Gospel where Jesus talks about marriage in the resurrection, he says 'there is no marriage in the resurrection, you'll be like the angels.' I think Luke clears it up that it's our understanding of marriage that'll be different in the resurrection, whether the purpose or it just not being the priority it is in this age.

The verse is saying those who are saved won't get married after the resurrection. It's not about being unmarried making you more worthy. The prior verse gives context.

Jesus answered, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage." - Luke 20:35. So in this age, the age prior to the resurrection, marriage is still valid.

I think part of why many Christians remain single, which might combine with romantic idealism, is the idea of the one. But with Christians it's not just about having that "spark", it's about a morally perfect partner. They may think if a person has any flaws that God must be telling them to wait for someone else. However, most people just have flaws, and if flaws are going to improve, it's after marriage and children that it usually happens. You will often hear of someone "growing up" after a serious relationship and having kids.

 

[DragonFox91]

The verse is saying those who are saved won't get married after the resurrection. It's not about being unmarried making you more worthy. The prior verse gives context.
Jesus answered, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage." - Luke 20:35. So in this age, the age prior to the resurrection, marriage is still valid.

Sometimes 'sons of this age' sounds like someone who's living for sin, the flesh, & the world, b/c that's what this age does.

I think part of why many Christians remain single, which might combine with romantic idealism, is the idea of the one. But with Christians it's not just about having that "spark", it's about a morally perfect partner. They may think if a person has any flaws that God must be telling them to wait for someone else. However, most people just have flaws, and if flaws are going to improve, it's after marriage and children that it usually happens. You will often hear of someone "growing up" after a serious relationship and having kids.

You're right on that. Marriage & then learning to have to love that person is a foreign concept today. Used to be more popular, but lost out - but what do you know, loving the person & then getting married didn't fix anything either!

 

[angelsaroundme]

Sometimes 'sons of this age' sounds like someone who's living for sin, the flesh, & the world, b/c that's what this age does.

You're right on that. Marriage & then learning to have to love that person is a foreign concept today. Used to be more popular, but lost out - but what do you know, loving the person & then getting married didn't fix anything either!

Relationships used to be something you would build and maintain together like a house. For some people it still is.

However, people are heavily influenced by culture which is often cynical, stress-inducing, and anti-relationships. One example is with music. Notice how many songs now are break up songs or about being "better off" single and so on. Happy romantic songs are fewer and further between. Big money is behind creating the mainstream music videos and pushing the earworms into people's heads, so I think the messages sent are intentional.

It seems like spiritualizing your singleness could be causing resentment. Instead, it might be better to view it as a choice. You can choose to put yourself out there in new ways and probably to people you weren't considering before. Or you can say you're not comfortable with doing that and choose to be alone. Going back and forth is probably hurting you.

 

[DragonFox91]

Relationships used to be something you would build and maintain together like a house. For some people it still is.

However, people are heavily influenced by culture which is often cynical, stress-inducing, and anti-relationships. One example is with music. Notice how many songs now are break up songs or about being "better off" single and so on. Happy romantic songs are fewer and further between. Big money is behind creating the mainstream music videos and pushing the earworms into people's heads, so I think the messages sent are intentional.

I was thinking how most modern songs are breakup songs. I turned on modern pop music the other day expecting to be demoralized it's all happy love songs, but found it odd it was song after song saying romantic relationships are really no good.

But despite this trend in pop music, I don't see people living like it. People still want romance. It's like those stats that say 'marriage is down'. It's like, well, those people still have romantic relationships.

It seems like spiritualizing your singleness could be causing resentment. Instead, it might be better to view it as a choice. You can choose to put yourself out there in new ways and probably to people you weren't considering before. Or you can say you're not comfortable with doing that and choose to be alone. Going back and forth is probably hurting you.

I understand, but when I acknowledge it's God's good design I'm single, I'm better off in my thinking. Thinking it's my choice doesn't work for me b/c my choices never work out. His way is best.

I am comfortable w/ 'putting myself out there'. Why do people think I just sit around all the time moping. It doesn't matter putting yourself out there, you're given one or you're not. One doesn't just happen to me like others doing that, where they've been living as a hermit & put themselves out there a few times & meet the person they get married to within a year. It's not like your neighbor or friend you hear about, they went to a party once, met someone, & now they're dating. That's an act of God's gracious provision.
One doesn't happen for me like that. Putting myself out there does a lot for me, it lets me meet a lot of people & encourages me to do hard things. I've developed good friendships & had good times I otherwise wouldn't. You meet other people the Lord has called his children. The Lord does work if you put yourself out there. He does bless you doing that. You can trust him doing that. His hand is in it. No doubt about it. You have no reason to not be comortable doing it b/c he is there! But he's never provided marriage for me doing that. So I can only conclude my calling is singleness for the present, just like it's always been, probably the long-term present.
I know just putting yourself out there is no guarantee of nothing. Sadly that message has been lost. People think there's just guarantees. But the reality is, there's no guarantee at all. You can have everything one day, the next the Lord can take it all away. Usually that kind of thinking is viewed as depressing, but I think it's encouraging b/c it acknowledges the Lord's providential hand is always at work, so rely on him all the days of your life.

 

[DragonFox91]

Sometimes 'sons of this age' sounds like someone who's living for sin, the flesh, & the world, b/c that's what this age does.

You're right on that. Marriage & then learning to have to love that person is a foreign concept today. Used to be more popular, but lost out - but what do you know, loving the person & then getting married didn't fix anything either!

This is b/c it can be based on a feeling

 

[DragonFox91]

Here’s a big one you feel lied to about. This is is why I feel lied to.

You’re told they like a certain kind of man. A lot of it in your head by the enemy but some examples where people have spelled out the kind of man they like & you can’t b/c you’re not like that. But then you see they like all kinds of men. There’s no kind of man that exists that can’t be married. So you feel lied to b/c you don’t believe what you see, but you also feel lied to b/c you can't deny what you see.

Another one is you feel like you’re being led to marriage but it never fruits so you feel lied to there. I guess that's why we don't go by feelings.

 

[bèlla]

It's the parent's responsibility to prepare their children for marriage. Not the church, school or society. No one knows your strengths and weaknesses better. No one's seen you at your worst more than them. When their input is lacking the absence is cataclysmic.

The church can't fill the gap. They don't see you behind the scenes. Without a direct word from God (which may be questionable) their advice must be seen in its proper context. They could be right or wrong. That's the risk you accept if you follow it.

That's why who you marry matters most because the consequences are far reaching. You need someone who knows how to build things because that's what you're doing. You're building a person. Most people marry because the other likes them back and complain later on about the lacks. But that wasn't a consideration before. Being chosen was enough until it wasn't.

I agree with @angelsaroundme and believe the subject is over spiritualized by believers to compensate for their choices or what's missing. The reason you're struggling is because you weren't prepared. You're going here and there for answers and it's confusing you.

No one can tell you what the problem is. They don't know you well enough. Society doesn't focus on weaknesses and you can't choose a partner without considering them. Because the real you isn't perfect. You need someone who can live with that who won't fly the coop when you're at your worst.

Finding a companion is no different from making friends. Both require investment. So who's invested in you? What type of people lend their ear, offer support or stand by your side? What do they have in common? Look for women with similar qualities and try to befriend them. Not to get a date but to test the theory.

Does she behave the same? How does she differ? If the results are positive you have a clue. Rinse and repeat. Develop more connections with women like her.

Beware of the woo. Some of this stuff is so mystical it's like talking to a shaman. Real advice is practical and personal. It meets you where you are with instructions you can apply.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

My parents think it’s ‘cute’. When you tell them someone said no, they say keep trying w/ that person. They don’t really understand their adult child wants to date & be married. They don’t understand someone can say no to their child. It’s foreign to them. It’s not taught. Remember the idea that parents s/ be involved in their child being married lost out. My parents understand "it’s a gift from the Lord" as well, "what can they do, you can’t force it. It happened to them, someday it’ll happen to you, if it doesn’t, you must be better off"

If the church hasn’t seen your weaknesses & doesn't know you, you’re doing it wrong, or the church is doing it wrong. If they haven’t been able to see your flaws, & you haven’t been able to see there’s, I’d question the genuineness of that body or your involvement in it. Applies to other things you're a part of.

We spiritualize it b/c one’s a gift from the Lord as everything is, & everything is spiritual, marriage especially is b/c he instuttied it. Where we are wrong spiritualizing it is obsessing over it instead of the Father Spirit. A lot of this sounds like ‘keep meeting different people & meet as many as you can’, but maybe I'm reading into it what I want to. This has never worked for me. It’s not bad advice, but I don’t think it’s necessarily the answer either. You want to go deeper, not wider. That’s how you get paragraph #2. The lady follows.

You go from place to place hearing different answers but it’s boiled down to 2 answers: the world’s way or God’s way, there's no middle ground.

Thanks for responding, helping me think truth. I've been thinking better today to the power of the Lord. God bless.

 

[bèlla]

You're a product of a generational oddity. Millennial children were deprived of rationale and commonsense. They grew up on platitudes and overinflated ideas about themselves and their relationship with the world. But life has a way of bringing people to their senses and the fallout hasn't been pretty. You're the least prepared of the bunch and struggling the most. Unlike your predecessors you lack the coping mechanisms which enable you to weather setbacks and disappointments without falling apart.

I'm at a loss for words at your parent's response and saddened on your behalf. Your sincerity is evident. I hope you get the help you need. Reading that is upsetting. What the heck.

There's no comparison to church attendance and living with someone and that's what I was referencing. You'll never show the worst unless you lose control or have trouble with restraint. The setting will reel you in. But you aren't subject to the same at home and that's the point. You're going to lose your cool and make mistakes you may not repeat elsewhere. That's the you they're getting and few reveal it to strangers or members of the flock. They want to look their best.

Relationships are spiritualized to fill the void. It's easier to say God hasn't brought them than put yourself under a microscope to determine the problem. One feels good and the other hurts. You don't have peace and can't get it out of your head. That should alert you to the fact it's your flesh not the spirit doing it. Anything we initiate must be maintained. When that ceases to be the case you'll know the difference. You'll have an endless calm with minimal upsets and it will rarely cross your thoughts.

When the Lord called me to fashion I never questioned it. I was middle aged, didn't sketch and couldn't sew. But I wasn't daunted. Not by the shift, need to go to school or other changes that followed. I accepted it, got to work and prayed for its fruition. That's what His peace is like. It's not an endless back and forth or hot and cold encounter. You're not on one day and off the next. There's stability.

God's way and the church's aren't always aligned. It takes a lot of wisdom and humility to recognize the difference. I hope you figure things out.

~bella

 

[LoveDivine]

My parents think it’s ‘cute’. When you tell them someone said no, they say keep trying w/ that person. They don’t really understand their adult child wants to date & be married. They don’t understand someone can say no to their child. It’s foreign to them. It’s not taught. Remember the idea that parents s/ be involved in their child being married lost out. My parents understand "it’s a gift from the Lord" as well, "what can they do, you can’t force it. It happened to them, someday it’ll happen to you, if it doesn’t, you must be better off"

If the church hasn’t seen your weaknesses & doesn't know you, you’re doing it wrong, or the church is doing it wrong. If they haven’t been able to see your flaws, & you haven’t been able to see there’s, I’d question the genuineness of that body or your involvement in it. Applies to other things you're a part of.

We spiritualize it b/c one’s a gift from the Lord as everything is, & everything is spiritual, marriage especially is b/c he instuttied it. Where we are wrong spiritualizing it is obsessing over it instead of the Father Spirit. A lot of this sounds like ‘keep meeting different people & meet as many as you can’, but maybe I'm reading into it what I want to. This has never worked for me. It’s not bad advice, but I don’t think it’s necessarily the answer either. You want to go deeper, not wider. That’s how you get paragraph #2. The lady follows.

You go from place to place hearing different answers but it’s boiled down to 2 answers: the world’s way or God’s way, there's no middle ground.

Thanks for responding, helping me think truth. I've been thinking better today to the power of the Lord. God bless.

I think an important truth to meditate on is Christ's promise that if we seek first his kingdom that all these other things will be added to us. (Matthew 6:33). Continue to focus on your spiritual life and to pray for a spouse. God knows that you desire a spouse. He will lead you in finding the right person if you seek him patiently. Ignore what others say about dating ideals. It's not applicable to the serious Christian who is seeking God's will for their life. Each Christian may have a different timeline and situation. I would also add that it's not entirely wrong what your parents have said. In some cases, a person may be better off without a spouse. If there isn't a decent, compatible Christian woman available, you are definitely better off serving God on your own. I would trust God to direct your paths so that you don't miss out on any potentially good matches.

I do sympathize with your frustration. I'm not sharing empty platitudes. This is what I apply to my own life. Sometimes the path of the Christian is not easy. The more we focus on spiritual things the less matches we will have. You can only be a true match with someone else who is dedicated to spiritual things. There are far more matches for those who are secular or nominal Christians..

 

[DragonFox91]

You're a product of a generational oddity. Millennial children were deprived of rationale and commonsense. They grew up on platitudes and overinflated ideas about themselves and their relationship with the world. But life has a way of bringing people to their senses and the fallout hasn't been pretty. You're the least prepared of the bunch and struggling the most. Unlike your predecessors you lack the coping mechanisms which enable you to weather setbacks and disappointments without falling apart.

I panicked early on I couldn't date & be married. Hostile beliefs got to me early. If anything it was a an underflated idea about myself. People weren't telling me I could date & be married.

I'm at a loss for words at your parent's response and saddened on your behalf. Your sincerity is evident. I hope you get the help you need. Reading that is upsetting. What the heck.

It's encouraged me to branch out. I've had to find other teachers to talk to about marriage. Remember the Bible says he will leave his parents & be united to his wife........If you're glued to your parents, why would you leave them for your wife, could there be a difficulty in doing that......

There's no comparison to church attendance and living with someone and that's what I was referencing. You'll never show the worst unless you lose control or have trouble with restraint. The setting will reel you in. But you aren't subject to the same at home and that's the point. You're going to lose your cool and make mistakes you may not repeat elsewhere. That's the you they're getting and few reveal it to strangers or members of the flock. They want to look their best.

So this means don't panic when people see your worse. It produces a genuineness.

Relationships are spiritualized to fill the void. It's easier to say God hasn't brought them than put yourself under a microscope to determine the problem. One feels good and the other hurts. You don't have peace and can't get it out of your head. That should alert you to the fact it's your flesh not the spirit doing it. Anything we initiate must be maintained. When that ceases to be the case you'll know the difference. You'll have an endless calm with minimal upsets and it will rarely cross your thoughts.

When the Lord called me to fashion I never questioned it. I was middle aged, didn't sketch and couldn't sew. But I wasn't daunted. Not by the shift, need to go to school or other changes that followed. I accepted it, got to work and prayed for its fruition. That's what His peace is like. It's not an endless back and forth or hot and cold encounter. You're not on one day and off the next. There's stability.

I'm not sure. You need the desire. Else you would decline.....
The obsessing is bad, tho, yes, & of the flesh. But he works the bad for good.......

God's way and the church's aren't always aligned. It takes a lot of wisdom and humility to recognize the difference. I hope you figure things out.

~bella

What is there to be figured out. Is it some puzzle. When you go out & see all kinds of men married, ALL kinds, is it some puzzle they've figured out & you haven't, are they doing something you're not, or is it just Providence. We say someone has these talents & abilities given to them by God, but someone says 'my singleness period has been given by God' & suddenly it's YOU. No, the Lord says I made this pot this way & this jar another way. You do what you can to the best of your ability, & if it's still not good enough for marriage, you keep trying remembering he does answer prayer, & not get too frustrated if you fail.

It's very good talking to you. You challenge me & make me think. You are very smart person. I like that.

I think an important truth to meditate on is Christ's promise that if we seek first his kingdom that all these other things will be added to us. (Matthew 6:33).

"First seek his kingdom" has always stood out to me.

Continue to focus on your spiritual life and to pray for a spouse. God knows that you desire a spouse. He will lead you in finding the right person if you seek him patiently.

He will?

Do you know that he knows what kind you desire & what kind would be good for you too, & what kind she desires & what kind would be good for her. At least for the ultimate sanctification of the saint? See how good he is!

Ignore what others say about dating ideals.

Oh for sure, b/c people have different ideals! But how hard it is to forget this!

It's not applicable to the serious Christian who is seeking God's will for their life.

Yes, the pagan & the nominal Christian is doing it in a way that the genuine wouldn't want to do! It would only bring the genuine harm!

Each Christian may have a different timeline and situation.

May? They do! B/c God is so complex he does things different!

I would also add that it's not entirely wrong what your parents have said. I

I agree. A little more help from them would be nice tho
& did you know that God picks your biological parents? For your ultimate sanctification, he knew exactly what parents you needed.

In some cases, a person may be better off without a spouse.

That would make me sad, but it's nothing I haven't been thru before.

If there isn't a decent, compatible Christian woman available, you are definitely better off serving God on your own.

& whoever is being served is better off.

I would trust God to direct your paths so that you don't miss out on any potentially good matches.

If he is directing your path, you couldn't miss out on them if you tried.

I do sympathize with your frustration. I'm not sharing empty platitudes. This is what I apply to my own life. Sometimes the path of the Christian is not easy.

Thank you. Yes, sadly many people think the path of a Christian is easy. "You'll always be joyful in him, you'll always be smiling, you'll always have a good time, & he will answer all your prayers the way you want. Move on from sorrowfulness as quick as you can." This is a Prosperity Gospel, it's a false gospel. It tries to brush problems under the rug & pretend there's easy or quick fixes.
I've actually been wanting to a study on sorrowfulness. What does the Bible really say about it? Should you have the expectation to always be bearing the Fruit of the Spirit? Or can sorrowfulness even after being saved be a good thing b/c it produces goodness? B/c it produces a genunines? B/c it draws you to him? Is it okay not to be quickly moved on from? Do we ever see it in lists of sins? We have reasons to be eternally joyful, smiling, & we know his promises, but we are still in the flesh & the world is still fallen.

The more we focus on spiritual things the less matches we will have. You can only be a true match with someone else who is dedicated to spiritual things. There are far more matches for those who are secular or nominal Christians..

Exactly. You don't want a lot of matches. You only need just one
Yes, I want someone very dedicated to spiritual things, that's the kind I want <3

 

[bèlla]

I panicked early on I couldn't date & be married. Hostile beliefs got to me early. If anything it was a an underflated idea about myself. People weren't telling me I could date & be married.

Children must be nurtured and encouraged to utilize their gifts and talents and supported where they struggle. If marriage is the aim then the child should be guided along those lines and given the tools they lack to strengthen them. Defeatism is never an option. Parents should model resiliency and perseverance to instill the same in their offspring. Children learn what they live.

When I addressed the subject with my daughter I asked her to describe the life she desired and put it in writing. I didn't broach the who at all and that's where many go awry. They try to fit someone into the plan instead of determining the end they want and forging alliances with someone who desires the same. They're afraid of narrowing and believe more is best but it's a waste of time.

When she presented the list we went through everything point by point and I provided feedback. After doing so I told her the type of suitor who'd meet her needs and what she'd need to do in return to acquire him. I acknowledged where she was in those areas and where improvements were needed and agreed to help if she'd do the work.

We dealt with expectations and misconceptions and the realities of the life she chose and her responsibilities and what that entailed for her children. We covered employment, household management, associations and hobbies she could leverage to help her grow and acquire the skills she lacked.

Once she understood her position and the price for its attainment I dealt with the opposite sex and provided a blueprint for prospects and the ones she should avoid. By the time we finished she knew how to get him and we toasted her decision.

Remember the Bible says he will leave his parents & be united to his wife........If you're glued to your parents, why would you leave them for your wife, could there be a difficulty in doing that......

There's a difference between being tied to an apron and having an advantage. She drinks deeply from my well and profits from my alliances. Why rebuild the wheel if I've already done the work? I've laid the foundation. It's supposed to be easier for the next.

What is there to be figured out. Is it some puzzle. When you go out & see all kinds of men married, ALL kinds, is it some puzzle they've figured out & you haven't, are they doing something you're not, or is it just Providence.

I never wanted the norm for my daughter or desired her to be like others. I always emphasized how we differed while acknowledging similarities. If she presented a scenario where someone behaved differently or possessed something she lacked I'd respond by asking who are you? Her self-worth wasn't dependent on outside opinions or uncertainty. They didn't amend the core and it's up to her to live with that in mind.

Who cares what they're doing. They're not her and no one can live like her like she can. Focus on that instead. If she said something like that now I'd answer so what and it's meant to be jarring because she's forgotten herself. Obstacles must be seen in the appropriate light or they're blown out of proportion.

It's very good talking to you. You challenge me & make me think. You are very smart person. I like that.

Thank you for the compliment.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

Here are some Truths:

If you are not married now & would like to be & God has marriage for you, rejoice you are going thru trials & temptations now because there’s lessons you’re learning now that’d be harder to learn while married.

Sometimes they call it ‘God is preparing you for marriage’ but the truth is for the genuine Christian, the singleness time is not preparing you for marriage, the singleness period is to prepare you for him, & the marriage period will prepare you further for him as well (& you’ll be preparing her for him thru him as well)

& if you don’t get married he’s still preparing you for him & you have others you need to prepare for him

The saints are blessed indeed!

 

[DragonFox91]

Here's another truth (not from me, something I was listening to but I'm tying it to frustrated non-marrieds):

Your identity is what drives you. What drives you affects your heart. Your actions flow from your heart.
If you identify as someone upset they are a single person, your heart will reflect that & your actions will reflect that b/c your heart has a bad identity.
When the person finding their identity in their singelness gets married, nothing really will have changed b/c you thru Christ got to fix the heart.

But then it gets frustrating b/c it's like, well, you can still have a good identtity & heart & still not get married..........Either way he wants your heart so praise the Lord he's after you.

 

[DragonFox91]

“You are somehow better off being single” seems inadequate.

This is the full truth: His kingdom is better off with you single, but because you are united to him, you are indeed somehow better off single

 

[DragonFox91]

I have been on vacation. I like taking a break from things but it feels like you're putting your life on hold when you're on vacation, so it makes me sad - especially us who want to be married it feels like vacation is hindering meeting the one - tho I suppose it's not putting your life on hold, God uses every day.

 

[DragonFox91]

Here are some people culture would’ve called late. Remember especially people got married even younger back then - & not having children or being married was considered especially ‘wrong’ back then, & not just ‘wrong’, but ‘God must not like you, otherwise you'd have what we have.’

Isaac got married in his 30s.
Moses got married in his 40s
Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born
Zechariah was 80 when John the Baptist was born
Ruth was 40 when she got married

There are probably more but these are the ones I found quick or knew

God is never late! He has no set times for marriage. People aren't late, they're just impatient! That there’s many examples of people being ‘late’ in the Bible tells us that God's timing is perfect for his people

@peaceful-forest you may find this helpful. God's 'original intention' may not be what the mob is doing.