Would you pursue and marry someone with chronic illness?

[Maniel]

Hi there,
I've been dating a girl for a couple months that I've admired for many years. She is a kind soul, calm and very sweet. She's also very beautiful.

But as we've been dating and got to know each other, it's become clear that she has chronic fatigue from having covid a few years ago. It has only gotten worse as she got a demanding job after finishing her education as a caretaker for children. And I can't help but be a little worried.

My hope is that God will calm me, shows me a way, us a way perhaps, that her illness doesn't matter in the bigger picture. That he will answer me in some way.
I try to be honest and remember that I have my own short comings as well, and who knows what either of us could catch from life in the short or long run, cancer or something else.

My worries are about what a future together might look like. Would she be too tired for going on trips together? Would she have the energy for raising children?

Though, having children is not an absolute must for me. And my own introversion personality demands rest on my part as well. Perhaps I'm worrying about matters that could be solved, and maybe her illness of the fatigue she got isn't permanent after she gets some time off and rest. A doctor appointment has allowed 2 weeks off with an evaluation afterwards on her well being. Our Country's welfare system could give her paid months off for recovery if needed be.

She's also worried herself herself on her future, where she might fit in the future. I hope to talk comfort into her, especially with the hopes and reassurances that comes from God. But while on this earth, I wonder what might be the best for the two of us. If I can get past the doubts and fully commit into believing and imagining a future together.
After being with her, I think about her with a smile. But after a day or two, the doubts creeps in with the thoughts of that illness and what that might mean to us having a future together.

Would you consider dating someone with chronic illness? Why or why not? If you can talk sense into my situation I would be very grateful.
Thank you, and God bless

Sincerely
Mathias

 

[Lost4words]

Love knows no bounds. Love conquers all.

 

[Maniel]

Love knows no bounds. Love conquers all.

A short sentence with a lot of profoundness. It actually do make my above statement of doubts vanish quite a bit.
Her illness even brings us closer to together in a sense, as we talk about the hopes and comforts God brings to this broken world.
Faith, hope and Love, love above all else. I will look more into love and hopefully have my questions be answered.
Thank you for this reminder

 

[TheLastGeek]

Hi there,
I've been dating a girl for a couple months that I've admired for many years. She is a kind soul, calm and very sweet. She's also very beautiful.

But as we've been dating and got to know each other, it's become clear that she has chronic fatigue from having covid a few years ago. It has only gotten worse as she got a demanding job after finishing her education as a caretaker for children. And I can't help but be a little worried.

My hope is that God will calm me, shows me a way, us a way perhaps, that her illness doesn't matter in the bigger picture. That he will answer me in some way.
I try to be honest and remember that I have my own short comings as well, and who knows what either of us could catch from life in the short or long run, cancer or something else.

My worries are about what a future together might look like. Would she be too tired for going on trips together? Would she have the energy for raising children?

Though, having children is not an absolute must for me. And my own introversion personality demands rest on my part as well. Perhaps I'm worrying about matters that could be solved, and maybe her illness of the fatigue she got isn't permanent after she gets some time off and rest. A doctor appointment has allowed 2 weeks off with an evaluation afterwards on her well being. Our Country's welfare system could give her paid months off for recovery if needed be.

She's also worried herself herself on her future, where she might fit in the future. I hope to talk comfort into her, especially with the hopes and reassurances that comes from God. But while on this earth, I wonder what might be the best for the two of us. If I can get past the doubts and fully commit into believing and imagining a future together.
After being with her, I think about her with a smile. But after a day or two, the doubts creeps in with the thoughts of that illness and what that might mean to us having a future together.

Would you consider dating someone with chronic illness? Why or why not? If you can talk sense into my situation I would be very grateful.
Thank you, and God bless

Sincerely
Mathias

If you're worried and anxious, DON'T get married. Going into a marriage with doubts and reservations is never wise.

I did marry someone with chronic illnesses. It was not a worry for me. I was ready to support and care for him as needed. Unfortunately, he chose not to take care of himself, and as the years passed, he got more and more sick, due to his own choices. I did the best I could to prop him up, but ultimately, we had to part ways (due to this and many other unfixable issues). Caring for someone who is ill through no fault of their own is not that difficult for me, but every person is different. Caring for someone who takes advantage of compassion and kindness is toxic and unhealthy, and that's the situation I found myself in.

CFS is not incurable or terminal. But whether you and she are able, willing, etc, to do all the research and action needed to heal her from this, is something nobody here can guess at.

 

[bèlla]

You need to determine if she's experiencing chronic fatigue temporarily as a post Covid reaction or whether she's developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which doesn't have a cure. Many sufferers have Fibromyalgia or develop it later on. The duo runs in pairs.

Having dealt with the disease myself I'll speak candidly. Illness impacts everyone differently. Emotional highs and lows may be common. You need a lot of mettle to deal with that to prevent yourself from spiraling with them. In most instances a combination of compassion, structure and accountability is best.

Some are more proactive about their health than others. I went to traditional and wellness specialists for alternative options for treatment. And adopted dietary changes and added supplements to reduce my dependency on pain killers. I eventually went cold turkey and stopped taking them. It was difficult for a time but I wanted my life back.

Practical considerations include employment and mobility. There may be periods where work is challenging or no longer feasible. Are you able to support a family on one income? If things reach that point she may qualify for disability assistance. But I never pursued that route.

As the name subjects fatigue is a factor and you'll need to make accommodations. How active is your lifestyle? Are you prepared to make allowances or forgo activities if required? You shouldn't have difficulty conceiving children but she may require help. Can you afford it? Do you have a reliable relative or friend that can help out when needed?

There's everyday living of course. Chores, meals, etc. You may have to pitch in more than expected. Can you live with that? That's the question. Will you feel like you're missing out when others are enjoying things you're unable to do because of her health or expenses.

It's difficult to have a realistic snapshot of daily life without frequent contact. That's when you see the unpleasant parts up close. A former friend was bipolar and had depression. Sometimes she took her meds or she didn't. We spoke everyday and her emotions were up and down constantly. She stressed me out and her partner too and we weren't sick.

I learned an important lesson about what I could and couldn't handle. In my experience few will acknowledge the extent of their illness or challenges. They're afraid you'll leave but I don't believe that excuses dishonesty or withholding details. Everyone has the right to make an informed decision.

I can't tell you what to do but I'd consider my feelings with the future in mind. Make a list of everything you want to accomplish in life and take a photo then burn the paper. That's the reality of being sick. Plans change and some things must be put to rest. You'll be able to do some things and others will be replaced by new desires or regrets.

Being a caregiver is hard and you should meet with others doing the same. Look for support groups in your area for chronic fatigue or ask your doctor for recommendations. You need to hear from others in a similar position. Don't forget about yourself as well. You'll need an ear and a shoulder too. Make sure you have them.

~bella

 

[High Fidelity]

Boils down to whether or not you are prepared and capable of potentially having an adult dependent.

Do you earn enough to support another adult potentially out of work for the rest of their life? If not now, does your career and background have the earning potential to achieve that level of income?

Beyond that, are you mentally resilient enough to do it? Are you prepared to potentially become a carer sooner than expected, e.g., old age.

If you can and are prepared then nothing really to stop you in that regard.

 

[Maniel]

If you're worried and anxious, DON'T get married. Going into a marriage with doubts and reservations is never wise.

I did marry someone with chronic illnesses. It was not a worry for me. I was ready to support and care for him as needed. Unfortunately, he chose not to take care of himself, and as the years passed, he got more and more sick, due to his own choices. I did the best I could to prop him up, but ultimately, we had to part ways (due to this and many other unfixable issues). Caring for someone who is ill through no fault of their own is not that difficult for me, but every person is different. Caring for someone who takes advantage of compassion and kindness is toxic and unhealthy, and that's the situation I found myself in.

CFS is not incurable or terminal. But whether you and she are able, willing, etc, to do all the research and action needed to heal her from this, is something nobody here can guess at.

I want to be 100% - which I'm not at the movement. So I will need to get a couple things in place and questions answered.
I would say she is quite wise and curious as to what she should and shouldn't. Like taking rest, limiting the hours spend socializing, going for walks etc. It's gopd to know that there might be a cure.

You need to determine if she's experiencing chronic fatigue temporarily as a post Covid reaction or whether she's developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which doesn't have a cure. Many sufferers have Fibromyalgia or develop it later on. The duo runs in pairs.

Having dealt with the disease myself I'll speak candidly. Illness impacts everyone differently. Emotional highs and lows may be common. You need a lot of mettle to deal with that to prevent yourself from spiraling with them. In most instances a combination of compassion, structure and accountability is best.

Some are more proactive about their health than others. I went to traditional and wellness specialists for alternative options for treatment. And adopted dietary changes and added supplements to reduce my dependency on pain killers. I eventually went cold turkey and stopped taking them. It was difficult for a time but I wanted my life back.

Practical considerations include employment and mobility. There may be periods where work is challenging or no longer feasible. Are you able to support a family on one income? If things reach that point she may qualify for disability assistance. But I never pursued that route.

As the name subjects fatigue is a factor and you'll need to make accommodations. How active is your lifestyle? Are you prepared to make allowances or forgo activities if required? You shouldn't have difficulty conceiving children but she may require help. Can you afford it? Do you have a reliable relative or friend that can help out when needed?

There's everyday living of course. Chores, meals, etc. You may have to pitch in more than expected. Can you live with that? That's the question. Will you feel like you're missing out when others are enjoying things you're unable to do because of her health or expenses.

It's difficult to have a realistic snapshot of daily life without frequent contact. That's when you see the unpleasant parts up close. A former friend was bipolar and had depression. Sometimes she took her meds or she didn't. We spoke everyday and her emotions were up and down constantly. She stressed me out and her partner too and we weren't sick.

I learned an important lesson about what I could and couldn't handle. In my experience few will acknowledge the extent of their illness or challenges. They're afraid you'll leave but I don't believe that excuses dishonesty or withholding details. Everyone has the right to make an informed decision.

I can't tell you what to do but I'd consider my feelings with the future in mind. Make a list of everything you want to accomplish in life and take a photo then burn the paper. That's the reality of being sick. Plans change and some things must be put to rest. You'll be able to do some things and others will be replaced by new desires or regrets.

Being a caregiver is hard and you should meet with others doing the same. Look for support groups in your area for chronic fatigue or ask your doctor for recommendations. You need to hear from others in a similar position. Don't forget about yourself as well. You'll need an ear and a shoulder too. Make sure you have them.

~bella

Do you have suggestions as to what the wise approach would like, talking about these issues at hand?

For context, we have been dating without calling it that for 2 months. We're on friendly terms and no more than that. But it is getting closer, letter exchange, and her saying 'it was like a light of the day' the last time she asked if we could meet before I left town. I feel the expectations and feelings are building, but at the same time it also feels complicated and vulnerable.

At some point I feel like I have to let her know, the sooner the better how I feel. Or should I figure out for myself whether it's a big deal, talking to doctors about the prospects etc, before drawing her I to such a conversation?

Opening about about how I feel for her and at the same time being honest about my doubts when we are at this stage is a bit nerve wrecking and I don't want to do her more harm than the feelings that are already starting to grow.

I gotta say, I'm a bit worried if her illness only gets worse, with the prospect of being a caretaker from the beginning of a relationship. It's very different from what I visionend when we started dating. But then again, I don't have the biggest wants or needs for her, other than an authentic, loving woman who can think straight, which I feel she is. So yeah, these are issues I need to figure out for myself, but it's also so uncertain as I can't imagine the reality of such a relationship to its fullest. Like life itself, which can cause so much anexity until we rest in God I get to experience and understand more deeply in recent times.

Boils down to whether or not you are prepared and capable of potentially having an adult dependent.

Do you earn enough to support another adult potentially out of work for the rest of their life? If not now, does your career and background have the earning potential to achieve that level of income?

Beyond that, are you mentally resilient enough to do it? Are you prepared to potentially become a carer sooner than expected, e.g., old age.

If you can and are prepared then nothing really to stop you in that regard.

That's a good question. The welfare here in Denmark is quite good, so the economy shouldn't be the biggest issue. I have an alright salary as well.

The resilient part, and being able to look beyond my doubts is a huge task though. I question whether we could live happily, or her illness only getting worse. How that would affect her mental health, and mine in return.

So I feel like I need to know more about the illness and the possible outcomes. And quite importantly how I get those details in a wise and caring manner. Should it be through communication directly with her, or is that not ideal taken how early in the dating stage we are? Or should it be through others sources such as doctors etc


Thank you all for the replies, it's giving me something to think about

 

[High Fidelity]

It sounds like exercise may be a good solution for the fatigue part? Or would you describe your symptoms differently?

Also, does anyone know a place with testimonies or something else, by people who suffered from chronic fatigue due to covid and how their health either improved or didn't?

Fatigue following Covid is very well-known.

It’s also known to affect respiratory function in a lot of people that can take months to recover as well, as well as affecting the heart.

 

[bèlla]

Do you have suggestions as to what the wise approach would like, talking about these issues at hand?

For context, we have been dating without calling it that for 2 months. We're on friendly terms and no more than that. But it is getting closer, letter exchange, and her saying 'it was like a light of the day' the last time she asked if we could meet before I left town. I feel the expectations and feelings are building, but at the same time it also feels complicated and vulnerable.

I've known several people with different challenges. We spoke on a daily basis for years. The frequency of our communication and tenure allowed me to gauge their character and have a better understanding of their circumstances and how they handled them.

As a rule, people respond to life in light of their makeup. That's the most important statement I'll make. Life is experienced through our mindset. It plays an integral part in our response. Whether the circumstances are favorable or not. I prefaced my response with that for a reason. That's the make or break in all of this.

Pay attention to her disposition and countenance. What's her norm? I've always been positive and upbeat. The sort to make lemonade out of adversity instead of feeling sorry for myself. When my body failed me I found other ways to be supportive. Encouragement was a mainstay and I mentored many in spite of my health.

I dated during that period and both desired to marry. Not because of empathy or helplessness. Their lives were bettered through my presence in spite of the challenges. I didn't ignore their wants and needs or make demands. I appreciated their support and offered the same in return. We were a team.

Oftentimes illness becomes the focal point and dominates discussions and that's problematic. You have to learn how to thrive in spite of it. That's easier to do when both have a similar mindset and you're on the same page. I rarely discussed my health and didn't make a big deal when I wasn't feeling well. Some want attention and reassurance. I took a pill and got on with my day. I had a problem but it didn't define me.

That's the tipping point. Some people get sick and they fall apart and stop caring. Some build the world around themselves and expect others to cater to them. You'll have to observe her character and see how she responds to low moments and bad days. How does she handle disappointment and setbacks?

That's your reality. Who she is + who she is in light of the illness = reality.

I wouldn't commit to anyone without answering those questions. Forever is a long time.

So I feel like I need to know more about the illness and the possible outcomes. And quite importantly how I get those details in a wise and caring manner. Should it be through communication directly with her, or is that not ideal taken how early in the dating stage we are? Or should it be through others sources such as doctors etc

Speak to your physician and ask for their input. Look for post Covid and Chronic Fatigue support groups in your area. That will bring you up to speed. But admittedly the onus is on her. You should have a clear idea of what you're dealing with and how she handles it. And what she needs from you if anything.

It's better to lay things out. That doesn't hamper the acquaintance but it allows you to understand what you're taking on and if you can handle it. If you're mating with marriage in mind honesty is a must.

~bella

 

[Maniel]

Fatigue following Covid is very well-known.

It’s also known to affect respiratory function in a lot of people that can take months to recover as well, as well as affecting the heart.

Yes I've heard. This is over a year past her covid, and perhaps I'm exaggerating something of which there are little issues involved. I sure hope so. Time will tell

 

[DragonFox91]

I try not to fret who my partner will be, because that is how the pagans approach it. Wouldn't be my ideal now, & not sure what kind exactly I'm being prepared for, but doesn't mean my heart won't become softened.

 

[DragonFox91]

In regards to what you should do, we cannot answer that. That is something you must figure out.
My advice:
Marriage is accepting you will have to take care of your partner no matter the circumstance, no matter when it occurs, whether it be a long time from now or a near tomorrow. Otherwise it’s not really marriage to another person, it’s marrying yourself. Those of us pursuing marriage accept this. If you are pursuing marriage, you must accept this too. If you believe you are capable of this particular path, go for it. How perfect is that love! Are there reasons for your doubts backed in your history? Look at who you are, what you do, how you are living. Also would you not also have doubts no matter who the woman is? But if you don’t think you have the background for this, if God hasn’t prepared you for her, if it’s too much for you because of what God has already given you, then no, she’s not worth pursuing at the moment because you will only be hurting yourself & more critically her.

 

[Maniel]

In regards to what you should do, we cannot answer that. That is something you must figure out.
My advice:
Marriage is accepting you will have to take care of your partner no matter the circumstance, no matter when it occurs, whether it be a long time from now or a near tomorrow. Otherwise it’s not really marriage to another person, it’s marrying yourself. Those of us pursuing marriage accept this. If you are pursuing marriage, you must accept this too. If you believe you are capable of this particular path, go for it. How perfect is that love! Are there reasons for your doubts backed in your history? Look at who you are, what you do, how you are living. Also would you not also have doubts no matter who the woman is? But if you don’t think you have the background for this, if God hasn’t prepared you for her, if it’s too much for you because of what God has already given you, then no, she’s not worth pursuing at the moment because you will only be hurting yourself & more critically her.

Thanks for being honest in saying what must be said. My doubts is absolutely by struggling somewhere in completely surrendering to God and just trusting in him, and me wanting to take control. I very much feel the need to surrender, as I simply can't control life, thankfully so. So it's a practice to let that go and find rest and freedom in somebody else doing so. And the same goes for a partner and marriage. So I will do my best in doing so.
I like what Timothy Keller said, that you always wake up with Lea next to your side, chasing Rachel who will always be a figment of your own imagination.
But I find it hard to know what is truly God's will, how exactly one surrender in a relationship towards potential marriage, and when exactly it's my own attempt to discern what to do and what not to, if it comes from God or myself. Any advice is more than welcome

 

[trophy33]

But I find it hard to know what is truly God's will, how exactly one surrender in a relationship towards potential marriage, and when exactly it's my own attempt to discern what to do and what not to, if it comes from God or myself. Any advice is more than welcome

You are overthinking it. If you are unsure what to do, do nothing and keep your friendship to be just friendship.

 

[Maniel]

You are overthinking it. If you are unsure what to do, do nothing and keep your friendship to be just friendship.

Thank you for this reminder, I am quite good at over-thinking. I also feel at some point one has to say something or step it up, but I may be wrong. I'm really not the most experienced in dating. But until these thoughts settle, which I feel they do to a higher degree with everyone's advice, I will try and take it easy

 

[DragonFox91]

Thanks for being honest in saying what must be said. My doubts is absolutely by struggling somewhere in completely surrendering to God and just trusting in him, and me wanting to take control. I very much feel the need to surrender, as I simply can't control life, thankfully so. So it's a practice to let that go and find rest and freedom in somebody else doing so. And the same goes for a partner and marriage. So I will do my best in doing so.
I like what Timothy Keller said, that you always wake up with Lea next to your side, chasing Rachel who will always be a figment of your own imagination.
But I find it hard to know what is truly God's will, how exactly one surrender in a relationship towards potential marriage, and when exactly it's my own attempt to discern what to do and what not to, if it comes from God or myself. Any advice is more than welcome

You will know God's will by a conviction of sin, promises, transformation, & a desire to be closer to him. You will know it's not your will because God is that powerful. I don't know what exactly what he will communicate.
You also will know by what other believers say - so you are doing right seeing what we say.

 

[bèlla]

God won't tell you to marry her or not or if she's the one. It's a romanticized ideal with no biblical grounding. He respects our will and knows the outcome. Whether you move forward or not is your decision. I've dated since my reconciliation with the Lord. Most of His discourse is related to me. There are instances when He's said "he hasn't told you everything" which are usually accompanied by an alarm. He'll weigh in from time to time but the decision to proceed is mine not His.

The Holy Spirit's input is in proportion to our ear. We shouldn't expect insight on relationships if we ignore Him elsewhere. The deeper your connection the more wisdom you'll gain which results in better decision making.

The elephant in the room isn't her health or position in Christ as mentioned before. It's your previous failures and fear of being alone that's driving this. You don't want to let her go because she's nice. But you're not sure she's a believer or if you can handle her illness. You could settle that quickly but you haven't.

The only thing that matters is whether she's accepted Christ as her savior and surrendered her life to God. That's the make or break. Your response to that answer is the dilemma.

~bella

 

[TheLastGeek]

You are overthinking it. If you are unsure what to do, do nothing and keep your friendship to be just friendship.

This, this, this, this, and this.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Thank you for this reminder, I am quite good at over-thinking. I also feel at some point one has to say something or step it up, but I may be wrong. I'm really not the most experienced in dating. But until these thoughts settle, which I feel they do to a higher degree with everyone's advice, I will try and take it easy

You say you've only been dating for 2 months. That is nothing. That's a blink of an eye. Give it time. There's no rush. See how you feel in 6 months, in a year. Much more will be revealed with time and patience and experience.

Taking on a caregiver role in a marriage is NOT to be done lightly. I've been through it. I also watched my mother go through it with my father before he died. Caregiving is a tremendous undertaking that tests even the strongest, most patient, giving, loving, capable people to the limits of what they can handle. Most of us don't think of marriage and picture giving a sponge bath to our spouse because they can't do it themselves. Or cleaning up blood, vomit, dirty clothes, dirty dishes, every single day for years on end. Having to work, clean the house, cook the meals, look after the kids, balance the bank accounts, pay the bills, mow the yard, all with little or no help from our ailing spouse. Most of us picture having a partner alongside us, participating in these life activities WITH us, as equal contributors. Not to mention expectations of physical affection, attention, intimacy, conversation, decision-making. Being ill takes away all of this to some extent, depending on the person's individual condition. You have to be willing to give, and give, and give some more, and then give more, and keep giving when you feel you have nothing left to give, because you're the only person in the relationship who is ABLE to keep giving. "Well, it will be worth it because my spouse..." Nope. Your spouse may have days where they can't give you anything back. Where all they can do is lay in bed and sleep. No conversation, no hugs, no watching TV together, no playing with the kids. Are you able to accept that without feeling resentful and bitter and deprived?

Obviously, it may never become that extreme with this young lady. I pray it doesn't. But if her condition is chronic and long-term, you may have to consider these things. Phrases like "love conquers all" and "all you need is love" sound really nice. But they don't necessarily carry out in practicality. A person has to be equipped - physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually - to be a long-term caregiver to their spouse. It's possible, but it sure isn't easy.

Assuming you are young and single and you have the field of potential partners wide-open in front of you. Be sure you don't end up committing yourself to a challenging, difficult life out of loneliness or unwillingness to be single.

If a year goes by, and you find yourself deeply in love with this girl, and she with you, and you've both sat down and talked out the challenges that may await you, and you both feel absolutely sure that you want to take it on together... then God bless you both.

 

[Maniel]

God won't tell you to marry her or not or if she's the one. It's a romanticized ideal with no biblical grounding. He respects our will and knows the outcome. Whether you move forward or not is your decision. I've dated since my reconciliation with the Lord. Most of His discourse is related to me. There are instances when He's said "he hasn't told you everything" which are usually accompanied by an alarm. He'll weigh in from time to time but the decision to proceed is mine not His.

The Holy Spirit's input is in proportion to our ear. We shouldn't expect insight on relationships if we ignore Him elsewhere. The deeper your connection the more wisdom you'll gain which results in better decision making.

The elephant in the room isn't her health or position in Christ as mentioned before. It's your previous failures and fear of being alone that's driving this. You don't want to let her go because she's nice. But you're not sure she's a believer or if you can handle her illness. You could settle that quickly but you haven't.

The only thing that matters is whether she's accepted Christ as her savior and surrendered her life to God. That's the make or break. Your response to that answer is the dilemma.

~bella

Thank you for this, it really resonates with me.

So we were at the beach today for a swim and cooked some dinner in the woods nearby, where she told me she had found her peace in God somehow, and started praying for his will to be done among other things. So that fear has totally vanished I feel, and I can only see my own struggle with faith as it was and can be, in her.

What can I say, she is just amazing and wonderful, so the illness part feels of little to no importance right now. And I hope and think it will stay that way tomorrow and further down the line.
Something very new happened on the way home, a certainty and the will to act upon the growing love I feel towards her. But wisdom tells me to sleep on it, and think it through.

So those feelings of doubts have instead been replaced with some sense of fear. I try not to stay there and just return to God's will also, continue on this journey with her and see wherever it goes, and just being thankful for the time thus far, whichever way it ends.

But yes, I'm afraid to be left alone also as you say. Especially now. It's quite vulnerable, but also so much worth it.

I feel like really wanting to her out on a more official date the next time we meet, and tell her how I feel. Unless perhaps, some of you tells me otherwise from a more wise perspective.