Ladies, Does How You Dress Cause Men to Lust?

[sampa]

This is a good checkpoint. I have to revisit this every once in awhile. I can't say that I've had all the things that he talks about but there are a few things. Just recently I think my clothing has changed and I need to rethink some of that.. especially the workplace. I'm not speaking About this speaker or for anyone else, but I'm having a moment of some convictions. And I think that is good for my growth and witness in Christ.

It's funny because I was thinking about a memory from when I first became a Christian at 20 years old and was going to clubs with friends. A born again Christian who live next to me, he was cold turkey witness and we did not get along, he told me that Jesus would not be shaking his booty in the club. There's a lot of things that he was pretty mean to me about, but it led to some convictions. Unfortunately the man that was in my face with that, his walk didn't last. A couple years later he fell... And possibly for some years from what I heard from a friend. But we became friends again 4 years ago through social media. It's interesting to see his development as a father with a family now. I don't think he's full-blown in his faith like he was then, but he respects my post on scripture.

 

[Sketcher]

Self-control isn't a struggle for all. I know more than a few who've mastered Weakness can't be hidden. It rears its head eventually.

Self-control isn't an on-off switch. There are levels to it. If we're going to use a metaphor of physical fitness to describe how lustful or not lustful someone is, only Jesus and an elite few (including Job) are perfectly fit. I can understand and applaud not wanting to do with the lust equivalent of a morbidly obese couch potato, but most of us are going to be some level of fat. You determine the amount of fatness you will tolerate, but that's just how it is with us.

 

[bèlla]

Self-control isn't an on-off switch.

My daughter is 30. I laid with a man once in her life. Christian incapacity isn't bella's. @cara-mia knows him. We're not all punching on the same level or starting at the same point. I will not accept your deficiency as mine.

~bella

 

[TheWhat?]

Well, it seems like there's a little fishing for drama going on here so I'm going to chime out after a brief word. The word for "lust" in the gospels is the same Paul used when paraphrasing the OT law on covetousness, which makes complete sense given that Jesus was commenting on the law, concerning adultery. It wouldn't make sense for Him to smuggle in some kind of stoic philosophy in that same conversation. I know a lot of christians want to derive meaning via some other moral philosophy or what have you, and I'm fine with that, but I do have a problem when it starts to become a motivation for a kind of religious persecution, of a sexual nature, and in that instance, I sincerely doubt that everyone who pretends to be an expert really is. Show me first that you know how to hear from God and then, maybe I'll listen.

Secondly, there is so much opportunity here for secular feminist agendas to creep in. I sincerely hope christians value their faith enough to stay away from that corruption.

 

[Sketcher]

My daughter is 30. I laid with a man once in her life. Christian incapacity isn't bella's. @cara-mia knows him. We're not all punching on the same level or starting at the same point. I will not accept your deficiency as mine.

~bella

I'm not saying you should accept my deficiency as yours. I'm saying that what many Christian females deem an "acceptable" amount of lust for them to have in their own lives is harder for the majority of males to consistently achieve, and it's not for lack of trying. Males on average have a much higher sex drive, so much more self-control is needed for the male to achieve "acceptable" results than most women will need.

Also, continuing with the fitness analogy, there's easy pounds to lose and then there's harder pounds to lose. The harder pounds to lose still need to be lost, but most guys have those harder pounds to lose. I know a guy who got saved and went down from morbidly obese lust-wise to more or less normally fat. Nothing to sneeze at, but once you get into those hard pounds, it's hard to get rid of them.

 

[bèlla]

I'm not saying you should accept my deficiency as yours. I'm saying that what many Christian females deem an "acceptable" amount of lust for them to have in their own lives is harder for the majority of males to consistently achieve, and it's not for lack of trying.

I understand your sentiments. But I wasn't always a Christian. The men I talk to presently (amigos) I knew before I was reconciled to Christ. And for the most part, the Christian struggle is a mystery.

My amigos are physically appealing, charismatic, and in demand. They don't have a drought. No matter how much you explain. I don't know any men wrestling with the same. They're able to sate it through a union or marriage. We've never gone without.

What you're expressing is an anomaly.

~bella

 

[Sketcher]

I understand your sentiments. But I wasn't always a Christian. The men I talk to presently (amigos) I knew before I was reconciled to Christ. And for the most part, the Christian struggle is a mystery.

My amigos are physically appealing, charismatic, and in demand. They don't have a drought. No matter how much you explain. I don't know any men wrestling with the same. They're able to sate it through a union or marriage. We've never gone without.

What you're expressing is an anomaly.

~bella

If I were expressing an anomaly, Promise Keepers wouldn't exist. Every Young Man's Battle wouldn't have been a bestseller.

Here's the deal - there are men who struggle with lust, and there are men who experience it just as much, but accept it and enjoy it without guilt. Many religious men will fall into the former category, since they wish to obey their faith in this area but cannot do so consistently. Many non-religious men will fall into the latter category - they'll enjoy it and move on with life instead of stress over failure, whether they are in a relationship or not. And then there's a minority of asexuals and actual ascetics.

This isn't to say that most men will cheat, but that strong sex drive is with most of us, whether we're faithful or not. The polite thing to do in society is to hide it. We're good at that because we have to be.

 

[NBB]

I understand your sentiments. But I wasn't always a Christian. The men I talk to presently (amigos) I knew before I was reconciled to Christ. And for the most part, the Christian struggle is a mystery.

My amigos are physically appealing, charismatic, and in demand. They don't have a drought. No matter how much you explain. I don't know any men wrestling with the same. They're able to sate it through a union or marriage. We've never gone without.

What you're expressing is an anomaly.

~bella

"Today, porn addiction, or problematic pornography use, affects approximately 3-6% of the adult population. Up to 65 percent of young adult men and 18 percent of young women report at least once a week, though this amount can be much higher."

 

[Sketcher]

"Today, porn addiction, or problematic pornography use, affects approximately 3-6% of the adult population. Up to 65 percent of young adult men and 18 percent of young women report at least once a week, though this amount can be much higher."

What constitutes "problematic" isn't universally agreed upon. Some belief systems consider any porn usage to be "problematic" while others might only consider it "problematic" if it interferes noticeably with their professional or family lives.

 

[NBB]

What constitutes "problematic" isn't universally agreed upon. Some belief systems consider any porn usage to be "problematic" while others might only consider it "problematic" if it interferes noticeably with their professional or family lives.

For the christian is 100% problematic. This was a secular study. Still 65 and probably more of men watch at least once a week it says. I have read this is an epidemic with christians too.

 

[bèlla]

If I were expressing an anomaly, Promise Keepers wouldn't exist. Every Young Man's Battle wouldn't have been a bestseller

You're talking about ordinary joe's and I'm speaking of men and women with high SMVs. I've known them 12 to 18 years. We aren't struggling. We aren't crying. We aren't chasing the opposite sex. Never have. Never will. There is no drought.

 

[bèlla]

"Today, porn addiction, or problematic pornography use, affects approximately 3-6% of the adult population. Up to 65 percent of young adult men and 18 percent of young women report at least once a week, though this amount can be much higher."

I don't personally know anyone in that demographic.

 

[exitstageright]

In all seriousness, while this isn't a problem, I consider susceptibility when vetting suitors given my work. Men who struggle with lust, addictions, greed, and related challenges are wholly off-limits. I don't want to contribute to anyone stumbling. Not even indirectly.

When I attended a church in Hawaii,I hear one woman say,"Women do not wear clothes,, that show off their figures,in order to visually impress men. Women wear these types of clothes to show off to other women." Therefore, for example,a woman with big breasts are wanting the women with smaller breasts to envy them. Now,ladies,is this really true?

 

[exitstageright]

I think that one can appreciate a woman's beauty, even have an attraction without being lustful. It's not just what you were it's how you wear it too. The way a person walks can attract different kinds of attention but even then, it's up to the man to not look with lustful eyes but with eyes like a father or brother.

That is the ideal way to look at a woman. But, we do not live in an ideal world.

 

[bèlla]

When I attended a church in Hawaii,I hear one woman say,"Women do not wear clothes,, that show off their figures,in order to visually impress men. Women wear these types of clothes to show off to other women." Therefore, for example,a woman with big breasts are wanting the women with smaller breasts to envy them. Now,ladies,is this really true?

Some women dress for themselves. Others dress to be seen. That's the skinny.

For instance, if I wear a Chanel suit, men could care less. They probably won't know what it is. But a woman will. She's eyeing the fabric and looking for labels. That's their thing. Depending on her personality, she may start whispering. With some women, if she can't have it she'll criticize. If she's not as attractive, she'll tear it down.

 

[Sketcher]

You're talking about ordinary joe's and I'm speaking of men and women with high SMVs. I've known them 12 to 18 years. We aren't struggling. We aren't crying. We aren't chasing the opposite sex. Never have. Never will. There is no drought.

High SMV doesn't mean less lust, it means more options for satisfying it.

 

[TheWhat?]

There's also the sad truth to consider, a perceived shortage of available women for men does not imply that there are more men than women. When there is an imbalance like in ours, it's because the social structure is polygynous, even if not officially. But is it culture or nature? Maybe both, but when the culture is in favor of "cutting off" males as though they deserve it, that's an obvious support for the structure.

 

[bèlla]

High SMV doesn't mean less lust, it means more options for satisfying it.

When you have options you spend less time fantasizing. You can have the real thing.

I've been in Christian settings. The women wouldn't appeal to my friends. They have a different standard. Their women are in shape or they're getting them there. They dress every day. They don't do frumpy, yoga pants, or sweats. They're feminine.

Most Christian men can't say the same. Your women are out of order. They don't yield to you. My friends don't play that. They choose women who follow them.

 

[TheWhat?]

Some ladies just haven't figured out that they've been trained for someone's advantage, I'd guess

 

[bèlla]

Some ladies just haven't figured out that they've been trained for someone's advantage, I'd guess

Women are shrewder than you imagine. They have a lot of cards in play. More than they let on. The majority will never follow you. They'll say the words to get the ring. But see what happens afterward.