What's on your mind?

[SarahsKnight]

Hmmm .... Looks like an unexpected week off from work next week, 14th through 21st, due to a sudden shutdown. Will be out several hundred dollars, and it also means I will not be able to work with the lady I have a crush on after all since there was a day that week I knew that she would be on my crew, but, it will be a nice break after all that overtime I did a few weeks ago.


So .....


Road trip? To somewhere carefree and tropical, perhaps? ^-^

 

[bèlla]

but, it will be a nice break after all that overtime I did a few weeks ago

So .....

Road trip? To somewhere carefree and tropical, perhaps? ^-^

I’m sorry about the loss of pay and agree the time off will be good. Yes, do something fun! What are you considering?

 

[GodDoesListen55]

Well, I know what you mean and I thank you for your well wishes.

Though, I've wasted too much time already looking for the happ-I-ness...

There is a lot of truth to the saying "J.O.Y. is Jesus, Others, Yourself."

You're very welcome and I agree 100%.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Yes, do something fun! What are you considering?

I'm not actually considering going anywhere like a tropical paradise to go have fun and chase pretty girls .... at least not this time.

The loss of pay isn't too big a hit in itself, but, spending extra money for a trip out to live it up in some exotic climate wouldn't be a good idea for this time, either.


However, perhaps going to southern Lousiana to tackle a personal feat of bravery by traversing that so-called dangerous bridge on the coast that I spoke of once here, on a not-too-extravagant one to two-day trip, might be a nice getaway without spending too much on fancy accommodations. Maybe take in a nice dining and theatre experience for one night down that way.

Of course, this will be coastal Louisiana we are speaking of, and despite Louisiana having been my resident state once a few years ago, I have been wary of that particular region and its dangers ever since Resident Evil VII.

 

[bèlla]

However, perhaps going to southern Lousiana to tackle a personal feat of bravery by traversing that so-called dangerous bridge on the coast that I spoke of once here, on a not-too-extravagant one to two-day trip, might be a nice getaway without spending too much on fancy accommodations. Maybe take in a nice dining and theatre experience for one night down that way.

Sounds good! You’ll have a blast, slay a foe, and return refreshed. What more could you ask for?

 

[public hermit]

That’s understandable and sometimes distance is necessary. But there’s an alternative approach. We can be the difference and allow our example to set the tone. You never know who’s watching or how we’ve inspired change. Perhaps that’s why we’re here.

Here's the problem, bella. For a moment (a skinny New York minute) last night (very early this morning), I almost began to care what people think about me. Oh my! That was close, but I am feeling much better now.

 

[bèlla]

Here's the problem, bella. For a moment (a skinny New York minute) last night (very early this morning), I almost began to care what people think about me. Oh my! That was close, but I am feeling much better now.

You're a man you can do that. Masculine indifference has a different bite than the feminine expression. When a woman is indifferent it wounds. The world expects us to care and needs it. That doesn't mean you allow opinions to diminish your self-esteem or cause anxiety. Some people don't know any better.

When you're confident and indifferent that's a powerful combo. In the right instance its ideal. But in intimate relationships or social settings it can be hard to swallow. Many crave inclusion and acceptance. They want you to care what they think and feel.

Oftentimes when a person 'has it to together' many admire them. Even if they never admit it. Their indifference is more impactful than the one who's struggling. It's a catch-22. You have healthy self-esteem and you're comfortable in your own skin. That's the end goal for most. You can choose not to care because you've arrived.

 

[public hermit]

You're a man you can do that. Masculine indifference has a different bite than the feminine expression.

Is that true? I hadn't thought about that, which is probably not surprising. When a women is indifferent she wounds? I don't know how to think about that. From my perspective, an indifferent woman is very attractive. She is free. Then again, I am not trying to raise a family or live with one, haha. So, I will have to think about that.

When you're confident and indifferent that's a powerful combo. In the right instance its ideal. But in intimate relationships or social settings it can be hard to swallow. Many crave inclusion and acceptance. They want you to care what they think and feel.

What if two people who are indifferent, in the best sense, and get together? Couldn't they have a good way between them. One of my professors was very introverted and to herself, and when I visited her house, she and her husband were exactly alike! I was in awe! I love them, as a couple, actually.

 

[Tone]

Whoa, I just woke up from one of the coolest dreams I've ever had!

I don't remember a whole lot of detail, but it involved a superhero team.

Batman was there, and the Joker was there...and they weren't even at odds...

Actually, Batman was off doing his thing, tackling some grand plan from his own angle...

But, there was a team that worked with him that was having a meeting with The Joker and it was all respectable...

Batman and the Joker were older, so I guess these new heros were coming up and getting ready to do their thing.

I know, kind of a trip...but I just woke up from this and right before I did all the players were converging on some battle front which was like some huge dropoff, overlooking some grand space, and there was this awesome song playing, but the only words I remember are:

"You told them where I was and I didn't fly..." And it was a woman singing.



Oh yeah, and George Clooney was Batman, and there was this one dude that had this skull symbol and he was sitting down, with others, at a meeting with the Joker and he was like, "Hey Mr. Joker!"

Oh yeah, they seemed to be concerned about this one character going on another rampage, but there was one lady dismissing this other guy as an innocent...

Yeah, so, it's all choppy because I literally just woke up from this dream and put down these fragments.

The ending (which was the beginning of a battle) was just so cool with the music and some crazy looking orangish smoke rising, and I seemed to be moving with this band...into the fray...!

 

[bèlla]

Is that true? I hadn't thought about that, which is probably not surprising. When a women is indifferent she wounds? I don't know how to think about that. From my perspective, an indifferent woman is very attractive. She is free. Then again, I am not trying to raise a family or live with one, haha. So, I will have to think about that.

See it from a position of polarity and you'll get it. The man is steely. He learns to soften in a masculine sense. Whereas the woman is soft and learns to toughen up in a feminine sense. His softness never mirrors a woman's. They complement. The same holds true for her. She possesses feminine strength he can rely on when in need.

Indifference can be contradictory to femininity. It reinforces hardness. To ignore requires a barrier—mental, physical, emotional, etc. Portion and application are key.

There's two varieties: healthy and reactionary. Healthy indifference establishes boundaries and reinforces our worth. Reactionary indifference is the result of our experiences. It creates an enclosure. A la Rapunzel. It's meant to protect and prevent future occurrences.

You mentioned attractiveness and that's telling. I possess this trait. When you consider it with the other qualities in tow four reactions occur:

• You'll find me attractive
  
• You'll admire me
  
• You'll find me intimidating
  
• You'll find me off-putting

Most people who like me are the same or desire to behave that way. My personality doesn't overwhelm or turn them off. They want to share and glean. I don't make them feel bad or less important. They don't see me as a threat or envy me.

For those who feel otherwise, its usually because I rub them wrong. They want someone less confident, together, more 'human'. They're more likely to feed unhealthy comparison. Or I remind them of a bad experience and stoke uncomfortable feelings within them unintentionally.

Finally, there's the question of fairness. My mindset and behavior are rewarded by society. It's not an omission of struggles. We all have them. But mine don't result in an absence of companionship, friends, or resources. That's problematic for some.

This comes back to acceptance. Every one wants to be loved and accepted. Some receive it more than others. Indifference can be exclusionary when taken to excess. You don't have to care, be bothered, and so on.

What if two people who are indifferent, in the best sense, and get together? Couldn't they have a good way between them. One of my professors was very introverted and to herself, and when I visited her house, she and her husband were exactly alike! I was in awe! I love them, as a couple, actually.

It minimizes conflict. You don't take everything to heart. The bottom line is togetherness. Is the issue worth rocking the boat or blowing things up? Nine out of 10 it isn't. That goes back to the bones. Was it malicious or a mistake? You release a lot when you keep the truth in the forefront.

Women are the olive branch. We're the peacemakers. We have to keep it in check.

 

[public hermit]

See it from a position of polarity and you'll get it. The man is steely. He learns to soften in a masculine sense. Whereas the woman is soft and learns to toughen up in a feminine sense. His softness never mirrors a woman's. They complement. The same holds true for her. She possesses feminine strength he can rely on when in need.

Indifference can be contradictory to femininity. It reinforces hardness. To ignore requires a barrier—mental, physical, emotional, etc. Portion and application are key.

There's two varieties: healthy and reactionary. Healthy indifference establishes boundaries and reinforces our worth. Reactionary indifference is the result of our experiences. It creates an enclosure. A la Rapunzel. It's meant to protect and prevent future occurrences.

You mentioned attractiveness and that's telling. I possess this trait. When you consider it with the other qualities in tow four reactions occur:

• You'll find me attractive
  
• You'll admire me
  
• You'll find me intimidating
  
• You'll find me off-putting

Most people who like me are the same or desire to behave that way. My personality doesn't overwhelm or turn them off. They want to share and glean. I don't make them feel bad or less important. They don't see me as a threat or envy me.

For those who feel otherwise, its usually because I rub them wrong. They want someone less confident, together, more 'human'. They're more likely to feed unhealthy comparison. Or I remind them of a bad experience and stoke uncomfortable feelings within them unintentionally.

Finally, there's the question of fairness. My mindset and behavior are rewarded by society. It's not an omission of struggles. We all have them. But mine don't result in an absence of companionship, friends, or resources. That's problematic for some.

This comes back to acceptance. Every one wants to be loved and accepted. Some receive it more than others. Indifference can be exclusionary when taken to excess. You don't have to care, be bothered, and so on.

I think I am tracking you. I am sure my indifference, which has been years in the making, is a bit of both: healthy and unhealthy. I am very good about establishing boundaries, but that ability is in part a reaction to the ways of people. I can remember being in middle school thinking to myself if I had not inserted myself into the situation I would not be in this drama. Drawing away from people, in general, has been a long nurtured habit of mine. And, it has worked. I do not have a lot of drama in my life, but also do not have a lot of people in my life, haha. That doesn't hurt my feelings.

At this point, what I have to be careful about is not completely isolating myself. I know I am just one part of an interconnected whole, I want to contribute to all that is good, so I have to consciously involve myself enough to contribute, while carefully crafting my own space.

It minimizes conflict. You don't take everything to heart. The bottom line is togetherness. Is the issue worth rocking the boat or blowing things up? Nine out of 10 it isn't. That goes back to the bones. Was it malicious or a mistake? You release a lot when you keep the truth in the forefront.

Women are the olive branch. We're the peacemakers. We have to keep it in check.

You're right, it minimizes conflict. Do you think all women are like that, peacemakers? Or a particularly feminine trait? I don't want to put you in a corner, but you have a very strong sense of masculine and feminine. I'm a bit shady on that. I am a peacemaker, precisely because I don't want to engage in conflict if I don't have to. That doesn't mean I won't, I just don't want to. Does that make sense?

 

[TheWhat?]

Interesting. I'd stop to chat but I have more pressing concerns to attend to.

 

[bèlla]

I think I am tracking you. I am sure my indifference, which has been years in the making, is a bit of both: healthy and unhealthy.

That holds true for everyone. My unhealthy indifference is privilege. My work and lifestyle place me in circles where the majority are like me. There's differences of course. But we're more alike than not.

I'm very feminine and my friendships veer the same. My BFF will never be a tomboy, shy, geeky, etc. The energy doesn't resonate with my womanliness. There's nothing wrong with her. My femininity is more overt and meshes with others of a similar disposition.

Drawing away from people, in general, has been a long nurtured habit of mine. And, it has worked. I do not have a lot of drama in my life, but also do not have a lot of people in my life, haha. That doesn't hurt my feelings.

I'm not a fan of conflict or drama. I like people who are even keeled. We all have moments but they're not daily occurrences.

At this point, what I have to be careful about is not completely isolating myself. I know I am just one part of an interconnected whole, I want to contribute to all that is good, so I have to consciously involve myself enough to contribute, while carefully crafting my own space.

There's a danger of doing that because life is messy. I have to be mindful of the same. Outside of work and school I have little that bothers me. How much stress can you have sitting at home? My irritations are minor.

You're right, it minimizes conflict. Do you think all women are like that, peacemakers?

No. This is how that looks in my connections:

A: 23 years of acquaintance and 1 argument
cara: 18 years of acquaintance and 4/5 arguments
M: 15 years of acquaintance and 3 arguments
N: 12 years of acquaintance and 1 argument

What about family? Excluding my parents and siblings for obvious reasons.
Over 40 years of acquaintance for everyone.

Grandfather: Never
Grandmother: Twice
Eldest Aunt: Twice
Middle Aunt & Spouse: Never
Junior Aunt: Once
Brother-in-law: Never
Nephews (3): Never

Or a particularly feminine trait? I don't want to put you in a corner, but you have a very strong sense of masculine and feminine. I'm a bit shady on that. I am a peacemaker, precisely because I don't want to engage in conflict if I don't have to. That doesn't mean I won't, I just don't want to. Does that make sense?

You can't be a peacemaker if you need to be right or allow disagreements to escalate. Someone has to stand down to maintain harmony. I'll hit the brakes if I sense the conversation will lead to a blowup. Revisit it with cooler heads.

I'll forgive you but if you go too far I'm done. I won't have a cycle of explosions in my life. It's toxic. That's not how you love someone. The Lord would have to move me and He's only done it with cara. I'm always the olive branch. That isn't because she's unwilling to try. I won't budge. He kept repairing things until we got the hint.

As a rule, women are usually more argumentative. This is why associations are important. You need companions who'll talk you off the ledge. Not turn up the volume! I'm very discriminating about the company I keep. I pay attention to their conversation. Especially regarding men and friendships. That's the perspective they have when advising you. I don't want someone whose ideals are contrary to my own in a negative way.

She has my ear 'theoretically' but in all honesty I talk cara and my family. They know me well and I trust their input. I compartmentalize my discussions. All my friends are married. That's intentional. They love and respect their spouses. They're positive examples of togetherness.

I avoid snarky flippant drama queens and rabid feminists. Their presence isn't edifying. They'll fill my head with things I'll need to flush later on. If I want to be a loving surrendered woman I need to be around the same. And I was in the past. We rubbed off on one another.

That's how you reach the finish line and have thriving relationships.

ETA: Most importantly, you need friends who tell you the truth. A person who always takes your side, always agrees, always blames the other is counterproductive. It doesn't support peacemaking because you're faultless.

 

[Tone]

Pray for my Hebrew teacher please.

She's recently widowed and her cousin from Israel just called... they're on the phone now...

I can only pick out a couple of words here and there, but the tone is distressing.

She broke out in tears a couple of times already and I can tell they're talking about covid and vaccines right now.

Thank you.

 

[bèlla]

@public hermit

I forgot to say how I minimize the unhealthy part. I do things that take me outside of my comfort zone. That's why I come here. It exposes me to different people, perspectives, etc.

 

[SarahsKnight]

do things that take me outside of my comfort zone. That's why I come here. It exposes me to different people, perspectives, etc.

I figure meeting an elegant 12 year-old boy in a 37 year-old body playing knight all of the time has definitely taken you out of your comfort zone a time or two, Bella.

 

[bèlla]

I figure meeting an elegant 12 year-old boy in a 37 year-old body playing knight all of the time has definitely taken you out of your comfort zone a time or two, Bella.

LOL You're one of a kind!

 

[SarahsKnight]

LOL You're one of a kind!

Much like the Highlander.


(Although unlike Connor MacLeod I would find a wiser and more peaceful means of taking down all foes in my pursuit of "there can be only one". This primal need to defeat one's opponent in battle via beheading is so barbaric and tasteless. *waves hand dismissively and turns up nose* )

 

[Tone]

Pray for my Hebrew teacher please.

She's recently widowed and her cousin from Israel just called... they're on the phone now...

I can only pick out a couple of words here and there, but the tone is distressing.

She broke out in tears a couple of times already and I can tell they're talking about covid and vaccines right now.

Thank you.

Wow, she said 7 out of the 8 million in Israel have been vaccinated!

 

[GodDoesListen55]

Oh my gosh, my head hurts!