What's on your mind?

[Tone]

Isaiah 40:31
but they that wait for Jehovah shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.

 

[bèlla]

When you really care for someone its all about that person. Not because you're attracted to them. Want something from them. Or desire to be their companion. Your concern isn't based on reciprocity. It's genuine.

If the desire of your heart isn't sated. If you don't get what you're hoping for and you stop caring. You never cared for them. True regard is selfless. You don't switch it off because you didn't get your way. It remains in all seasons.

@SarahsKnight exemplifies this perfectly. He didn't stop caring when she said no. Or cease to see her loveliness, express concern, or be a friend. He remained in place. Few would do the same.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I sat on the edge of my bathtub with a cup of coffee to keep me company while I waited, feetsies stuck down in some water.

I tended to my man hooves. I was my own farrier, and I didn't even need a lip-twitch to get it done. Far too unpleasant a job to be given over to a poor, unsuspecting worker at a nail salon, nay - I wouldn't ask Mike Rowe to do this dirty job.

(no they aren't really that bad, but it makes for a good story)

 

[SarahsKnight]

exemplifies this perfectly. He didn't stop caring when she said no

 

[SarahsKnight]

View attachment 303799 View attachment 303800

He actually looks calm in these pictures, Shine. Already chill for a newborn; I like him.

 

[Tone]

I'm so hungry right now, can't wait til I get off.

 

[shineyourlight]

He actually looks calm in these pictures, Shine. Already chill for a newborn; I like him.

Haha, he does seem like a pretty chill dude.

Hopefully will meet him tomorrow or Saturday.

 

[Tone]

I'm so hungry right now, can't wait til I get off.

Okay, I'm better now!

 

[sampa]

Some of my friends are ENTJ's. But I doubt the majority are. The differences are helpful. I gain new perspectives.

Thanks for adding your thoughts. It's always interesting to get your insight. I had a friend who is an infj just drop off for tent. We are going camping this weekend but there was a kink in the plans... Anyways we spent way too much time talking and she said before we started talking that we needed to set a timer... I'm better about keeping time, I kind of knew what time it was without even looking at a clock for 2 hours or so and said we needed to finish this conversation another time. She is so different from me, that I wanted her to retake the test... But she comes out the same every time. Anyways she had some interesting insights with two guys that I had interest in in the past. One from singles ministry 10 years ago and the other from last year. Her impression of his picture was that he's pretentious.. but she's not the only one to say that, my friend that met him in person felt he was a little bit full of himself. What's interesting is 10 years ago the person that picked another gal over me, my friend thought that he was full of himself. So it makes me wonder if I have attractions to guys that are overly confident and come off as full of themselves to others.... But I wouldn't say that's the case all the time, as there are plenty of other guys over the years I have not fallen for.
She also had some inside about the girl from last year that the guy chose... And was surprised that she looks a whole lot older than me even though she's younger. She also said that she's pretty sure the girl had some work done on herself... It surprised me, because I had an even thought of that. Just that she looks a lot more polished than myself, and she probably looks the part of what somebody pretentious would be looking for.
Off topic, but another infj that works in a cubicle next to me she's had some interesting insight also. And I think we were assigned cubicles next to each other because the managers could see that we got along. Especially with our shared interest in running.

Bella I'm glad you have a good friend like Cara. I hope someday to have a friend that I can confide in like you do. I have a handful of friends that I can confide in, but it's very sporadic the time that we can have together.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks for adding your thoughts. It's always interesting to get your insight.

Thank you sampa. I looked at your comment and smiled. I just finished a post touching on the same subject. Perhaps God is working with both of us to guide us towards the right companion.

So it makes me wonder if I have attractions to guys that are overly confident and come off as full of themselves to others....

I doubt it. There's healthy confidence and the other. It takes time and maturity to balance it. Perceptions are skewed. They're influenced by our experiences and personality. There's some gray involved.

The key in that is better than. Arrogant people believe they're better than others. They don't give a lot of compliments. Especially to people 'less than' them. Confidence is two-fold. You see yourself and the person beside you. You're not threatened by them. Acknowledging their specialness doesn't diminish you. You understand everyone has something to commend.

Perhaps you're attracted to confidence. Which makes sense when you think about it. That's your complement. He'll encourage and support you. He's the other voice in your head. The one that counters feelings of unworthiness or lack. But that needs to be anchored in God.

Just that she looks a lot more polished than myself, and she probably looks the part of what somebody pretentious would be looking for.

Would you like to look that way? Whatever you decide make sure it adds to your person. Sometimes we don't see ourselves clearly. We underestimate our beauty.

There was a girl I knew years ago. She used to write for my friend's old website. That's how we met. We were in the same mailing groups and circle and became good friends. We were a lot alike. Same ethnicity, interests, intelligence, etc. She was a former Jew too.

I believed she was my senior. She was exquisitely poised and articulate. And I admired her. I continued to see her in that guise after my reconciliation to Christ. I still believed she was ahead. I was viewing myself from yesterday and not the here and now. I passed her a long time ago. I just never gave myself credit.

One day I realized I'd evolved beyond it. I needed to receive that. The Holy Spirit beautified what I'd done and added to it. You couldn't compare our loveliness. It was holy and wholly His.

Bella I'm glad you have a good friend like Cara. I hope someday to have a friend that I can confide in like you do. I have a handful of friends that I can confide in, but it's very sporadic the time that we can have together.

Thank you. She's a gem and the complement I need in a friend. Ask Him for an agape friend. Keep asking until you get her. Love is the most powerful gift of all. I wouldn't be the woman I am without @cara-mia . She's dried a lot of tears, pushed me, defended me, and so on.

 

[sampa]

Perhaps God is working with both of us to guide us towards the right companion.

I agree. I started reading another post you added and it was a thought I was having.. I still care about the ENTJ from last year. Even though I have not arrived in letting go, there's parts about him that I felt such a deep connection with. I think I am starting to come to a place that I can pray for his true best in the Lord.

Perhaps you're attracted to confidence. Which makes sense when you think about it. That's your complement. He'll encourage and support you. He's the other voice in your head. The one that counters feelings of unworthiness or lack. But that needs to be anchored in God.

Yes, I really do think it is confidence. Guys that come off as full of themselves, I usually can smell them a mile away. It's interesting because so many people have different perceptions of others, and sometimes it comes from the lens of their own experience. So true, in the end it needs to be anchored in God.

Would you like to look that way? Whatever you decide make sure it adds to your person. Sometimes we don't see ourselves clearly. We underestimate our beauty.

Yes, it is a debate that goes on my head so many times. I did over 2 hours running today.. and while on the run I was really thinking about hiring a professional photographer for fun photos. Also possibly better prospects with online dating... Or anyone else that might see them. You definitely all right about not always seeing our own beauty. Even the girl that I have compared myself to she has many times said that she does not feel as pretty as people compliment her. And someone from her high school days said that she has not changed that she is still kind.

Him for an agape friend. Keep asking until you get her.

I sure will say this prayer. I'm sort of excited to support this Saturday someone I just became friends with last year through running.. she's running a marathon and she's 12 weeks pregnant. I'm not sure if I've acted as sort of a mentor, but she has taken a lot of things to heart that I have offered. I've also learned a lot of things from her, her second letter for Myers Brigg is an S. I never thought I could become friends with someone who is not an intuitive type... But there's so much I have learned.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

The Christian bookstore in town is hiring again. I'm putting in an application. I've tried applying there before, but never landed the job. If at first, I don't succeed... etc...

 

[bèlla]

I agree. I started reading another post you added and it was a thought I was having.. I still care about the ENTJ from last year. Even though I have not arrived in letting go, there's parts about him that I felt such a deep connection with. I think I am starting to come to a place that I can pray for his true best in the Lord.

Have you considered the possibility he was your ideal?

Yes, it is a debate that goes on my head so many times. I did over 2 hours running today.. and while on the run I was really thinking about hiring a professional photographer for fun photos.

It's better to under promise than overstate. Make sure it captures the real you. Not what other's find appealing. If that isn't you it will be difficult to maintain. That's the image he carries. If you go beyond it he's surprised and pleased. But if you never do it again he's disappointed. He expected it. I'm addressing appearance and lifestyle in that comment.

Even the girl that I have compared myself to she has many times said that she does not feel as pretty as people compliment her. And someone from her high school days said that she has not changed that she is still kind.

I think its nice to have someone who inspires your betterment and you motivate one another. But comparison usually takes it in the wrong direction. Instead of appreciating the differences we believe we fall short. I see it like this. If God wants me to do it or have it He'll tell me or make it possible. That eliminates the 'why am I not like?' conversations.

Ask Him to make you the woman He desires you to become. And that's your standard. I mentioned it in the past in a comment. He laid everything out: weight, appearance, attire, lifestyle, and presentation. He gave me a blueprint. I don't have to guess or concern myself with someone else's approach. I know what He expects and that's my measure. Allow Him to give you the same.

I sure will say this prayer. I'm sort of excited to support this Saturday someone I just became friends with last year through running.. she's running a marathon and she's 12 weeks pregnant. I'm not sure if I've acted as sort of a mentor, but she has taken a lot of things to heart that I have offered. I've also learned a lot of things from her, her second letter for Myers Brigg is an S. I never thought I could become friends with someone who is not an intuitive type... But there's so much I have learned.

Wow, that's incredible. I'm glad you made a connection. The extrovert I dated was an S. He knew when to push and pull back. I was comfortable and could be myself. He's the lone person with intimate knowledge of my affairs. He laid his out completely. It created an atmosphere of trust. We discussed dreams and finances openly with no reservation.

I'm usually more private. I'll acknowledge what I want. But I won't reveal specifics or my plan. That level of relating requires trust and admiration. I have to respect them to open to that degree.

 

[bèlla]

I remember a girl I met a few years ago at church. I saw her around and we exchanged pleasantries. But we weren't acquainted. She spoke at an event and shared her testimony. We conversed afterwards.

She was disabled. I didn't know her condition but it looked like polio. Walking was difficult. But she persevered. She was enrolled in a master's program at a seminary and serving the Lord. That was her focus.

We lived in the same area. I'd see her near the grocery store with bags in tow and ask if she needed help. She always declined. One day I saw her with a gentleman at her side. He carried the bags. I said hello and smiled quietly.

Sunday arrived and he was there. He continued to come. My prayer partner looked at me and leaned over with a knowing grin and whispered, "she's got someone." I grinned in return and said, it seems so!

We were basking in the Lord's provision. To the onlooker it seemed unlikely she'd find someone. But she did and he was cute! Her circumstances didn't prevent the Lord from bringing what she required.

I filed it away for future reference.

 

[GodDoesListen55]

Hmmmm, this sounds like any one of us...at least, I can relate.

Well, I am sorry to hear that and I hope that you find your happiness soon!

 

[Tone]

Well, I am sorry to hear that and I hope that you find your happiness soon!

Well, I know what you mean and I thank you for your well wishes.

Though, I've wasted too much time already looking for the happ-I-ness...

There is a lot of truth to the saying "J.O.Y. is Jesus, Others, Yourself."

 

[DragonFox91]

I remember a girl I met a few years ago at church. I saw her around and we exchanged pleasantries. But we weren't acquainted. She spoke at an event and shared her testimony. We conversed afterwards.

She was disabled. I didn't know her condition but it looked like polio. Walking was difficult. But she persevered. She was enrolled in a master's program at a seminary and serving the Lord. That was her focus.

We lived in the same area. I'd see her near the grocery store with bags in tow and ask if she needed help. She always declined. One day I saw her with a gentleman at her side. He carried the bags. I said hello and smiled quietly.

Sunday arrived and he was there. He continued to come. My prayer partner looked at me and leaned over with a knowing grin and whispered, "she's got someone." I grinned in return and said, it seems so!

We were basking in the Lord's provision. To the onlooker it seemed unlikely she'd find someone. But she did and he was cute! Her circumstances didn't prevent the Lord from bringing what she required.

I filed it away for future reference.

How old were they

 

[bèlla]

How old were they

Around your age. At least late twenties. She'd finished college. In her testimony she shared her experience dating a Muslim and how he treated her. I can't remember if she was Christian when it began. But he tried to separate her from God. She found the strength to leave.

She was really sweet. Soft spoken and kind. I wasn't surprised she found someone. She had a comforting essence.

 

[bèlla]

How old were they

I was looking for a transcript from the conference to confirm her age. I noticed they've developed a huge ministry for disabilities of all stripes. They've hired a pastor and another to oversee it. It's beautiful.

 

[sampa]

Thank you again for your well written feedback on my post

Have you considered the possibility he was your ideal?

Possibly. I think I am most comfortable with someone I can consider a best friend before I consider them a lover. I don't always find someone making me laugh like he did. And I repeatedly said to him while we were dating if things didn't work out that we would always be friends. And I stuck by that statement when he text me that he made a connection with another girl a 1,000 miles away. He wasn't even sure how it was going to work, as he was against long distance relationships (states away) when I had talked about it. It also shocked me that she had tattoos, small ones, but he said he did not care for that. He also said he wasn't so sure about someone who had been divorced multiple times and she had been divorced twice. From what I could gather there was plenty of alcohol shared amongst them and friends on the beach. And I can even look at pictures and I think there's a hat that he bought for me or intended for me to go on a camping trip and gave to her. He took her glam camping at in between area. I had asked him at one point if he had ever been on a yacht, and he said he hasn't but he has a friend that he could take me out on that. He ended up taking her on that and liked it so much that he bought an antique Craft boat. He bought me a sunflower on our first date because I was planning to go to the store to get seeds for sunflowers after the date. I thought it was sweet, and low pressure with the cost. Whereas my date in May this year spent a ton of money on flowers that represented his State and my state. That was out of my comfort zone for a first meeting. The guy from last year also posed pictures in the sunflower field with her. He had poses at the beach that I had done before one of our dates on a run. It was the weirdest thing, I didn't know if he was making fun of me or because I was too complicated he found someone much simpler that he could do all those things he had been planning in his head and stuff we had talked about. So I'm not sure if he's my ideal, but I have used him as a measuring stick pretty much against all the other dates that I have had.

It's better to under promise than overstate. Make sure it captures the real you

You are right. That's a good thought and something I will have to keep in mind. Because sometimes I want to be like someone else, but my friends have put me in a reality check that I am most likely not that girl.

Not what other's find appealing. If that isn't you it will be difficult to maintain. That

this is a good checkpoint. Thanks for keeping me in check.

If you go beyond it he's surprised and pleased. But if you never do it again he's disappointed. He expected it. I'm addressing appearance and lifestyle in that comment.

Yes, that is true. One of my best photos from running that highlights my eyes and makes the blue stand out, the first meeting that I had with the southern gentleman last September that flew in, his face turned three shades of red. His first words were that I looked so much better in person than the photo. He showed me the picture on his phone. I also noticed people at the outdoor restaurant staring in the background as we took pictures of each other. This kind of thing doesn't always happen though. There is quite a bit of age difference.
We still keep in touch weekly by phone and I did Zoom for his 60th birthday party. His friends also said that I was too good for him.

I think its nice to have someone who inspires your betterment and you motivate one another. But comparison usually takes it in the wrong direction. Instead of appreciating the differences we believe we fall short. I see it like this. If God wants me to do it or have it He'll tell me or make it possible. That eliminates the 'why am I not like?' conversations.

I agree. The guy that I had fallen for the spring of 2020 always made me question myself. He was very intelligent, but I always wondered if he was really telling the truth or just buttering me up. I have to wonder sometimes also if the girl he is currently with if she feels the same, he says wonderful Rich words, but there's always a question mark in the back of your head. Since he was so honest about so many of the girls he had been on dates with and criticism about them, I have to wonder if he's also told her the same thing about other women he dated. Maybe even including me. It's like he liked them a lot and missed them, but he also found flaws that didn't make them long-term potential.

mentioned it in the past in a comment. He laid everything out: weight, appearance, attire, lifestyle, and presentation. He gave me a blueprint. I

This probably is something for the next dating relationship that I will ask in the first weeks. I think it is a good question.

Wow, that's incredible. I'm glad you made a connection. The extrovert I dated was an S. He knew when to push and pull back. I was comfortable and could be myself. He's the lone person with intimate knowledge of my affairs. He laid his out completely. It created an atmosphere of trust. We discussed dreams and finances openly with no reservation.

The guy that I dated last May was an ES, but his pushing was too much for me and overwhelmed me. Which was the final ending of the dating relationship before I was to meet his kids in a couple days. I have my limits as far as how much someone can push me. I think the biggest thing may have been for him is that he said his walls were higher than mine. Of course there was many other issues, it was a culmination where I had to make that decision. I felt like I was beginning to suffocate. And it had only been two dates and 5 weeks.