Exactly why I said it's be awkward to ask. Only reason I put mine out there was 1.) Context; and 2.) I'm safe with what I do and I can do my own cyber-security (I've actually competed in it for two years now).
I'm sure I'm going to receive an absolute ton of flak for saying this, but--I'd rather be honest with myself than hide from the person God made me... Earlier this fall I came out. Yes, the kind of "coming out" you're thinking about. No, it is not a sin--I did months and months of research and meeting and digging into God's word as I was questioning my attraction, willing to accept however He saw it--but, turns out He's indifferent about it... I am legitimately attracted to guys and not to girls, and I couldn't change that even if I wanted to (which I don't because, I "want" to be the person God made me.) It is natural, it is in His will, and it is me.
You don't know how much that little fact has hurt me these past two months--almost all the problems and pain I've talked about have been related to the hatred and harm I've received from living the life I was meant to live... People think I'm possessed, that I'm cursed, that I'm "not a real Christian"--but I promise you my faith is stronger than it ever has been. I live my life afraid of the very people who are called to love and who are under the words of the same God I faithfully follow, because when they see me
(I'm stopping myself there. Life has been a train-wreck ever since I discovered who I was, but what am I to do...? You and me--we are of the same flesh and blood, knit in the womb by the same holy creator--but the lives we live, they are not equal. If you don't want to hear from me after this, okay--but I cannot hide from who I am and I should not be ashamed of the way God made me...)
Ohh, y'know I kinda figured as much from the way you were talking in your last two posts, but I didn't want to make any assumptions. Thanks for being honest though.
Anyway, I disagree with your viewpoint, and I have my own myriad of experiences, mistakes and consequences that go behind what I believe... but I'm not going to just say "never speak to me again" because what would that achieve?
But this path you're walking down? I've walked down a similar one myself. Sit tight if you want to read, 'cause it's a fair amount of paragraphs.
I had a group of friends who were very pro-LGBT, and that aspect of them created a lot of inner struggle for me. So I asked God for the truth, whether or not it was right or wrong... but I didn't listen, because I was afraid of what He'd say. Sooooo I did research, and I eventually found a viewpoint that reconciled homosexuality and Christianity. I asked God for guidance in whether this was on-the-level or not, and He gave me such guidance... but I disregarded it. I then convinced myself that God must have led me to this information, that this was His will, and that I could chill out with my friends with no moral qualms whatsoever.
In other words, I went into denial and stopped listening to God. I only became more dishonest after that, towards others and myself, and whatever integrity I had left quickly went down the drain. I spent at least a few months doing this, maybe more.
Then one day some divine intervention happened (I'm not being specific 'cause it involves some really personal stuff), and the lie I had built around myself for months crumbled within an hour. Funny thing about lies is that they can take a lot of time and effort to build, but truth? That thing is a freaking wrecking-ball. The only reason the truth was ever uncertain for me was that I unwilling to accept it.
Anyway, so I had to finally accept the truth... but by that time, I had dug myself into a metaphorical hole, so that accepting the truth and doing what's right would turn everything upside down for me. If I were to be true to myself, I'd have to leave the friend group. I just didn't have the spiritual integrity to stick around. I had failed them as a friend, and thinking about that still stings.
Soooo... I left, and that hurt. A lot. It still hurts honestly. But I was finally honest with myself and God, and that was very liberating. I was finally free from the lies I told myself, and I was finally myself again. It was like waking up from a nightmare.
Annnd that's about the gist of the story. I had been apart of that group for about five years. One of the friends I had known for 7 years, and another friend had became my very best friend. I didn't leave because they were "doing wrong" per se, or because they "weren't good enough." It was more 'cause spiritually speaking I hadn't been good enough, wasn't good enough, and quite frankly, I probably should've left that group before things went as far as they did, 'cause that would've greatly minimized the damage I caused by leaving. And as for another clarification, God didn't shame me for anything. He just told me the truth, and then I knew what I had to do. All these self-criticisms are from me, but I believe they're justified.
Look, just because we're born with an inclination doesn't make the actions resulting from that inclination correct. There needs to be more justification than just that. The only justification I've found was just highly specific interpretation of Scripture stitched together with slick rhetoric.
God makes us, yes, but there's a difference between our souls and our bodies. Our bodies are pretty dang temporary, and frankly aren't guaranteed to come without hiccups. Different people have different inclinations to do different things, but y'know, the inclinations don't really matter. What matters is how we act on said inclinations. I am no exception to this.
God, indifferent? That's a weird descriptor. Saying He doesn't care seems like a red flag, because He cares about everything. When would He ever be indifferent?
Sorry if I came off really adamant. I've just got a history with this kind of thing, and frankly I'd rather you not have to go through that. But whatever you choose, you can still talk to me, 'cause frankly I don't think pushing you away is going to help anything.
Just don't be so quick to tread this path you're going down. Re-evaluate this, and be willing to hear
whatever God tells you,
especially the stuff you don't want to hear. Denial is surprisingly easy to get into, and it's one heck of a drug.