Ricky M

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My nephew, K, was raised in a 'Christian home'. He's an only child. Honestly, he's the most honorable and respectful person I know, but he's gay. He and his 'partner' got married last year at city hall, they then threw a reception party for friends and family. I went out of support for his mom, my sister in law, who is horribly caught between her faith and her only child.

My understanding is that as Christians, we are to welcome a sinner, but shun a believer who refuses correction. I don't really know what K's belief in God is, and while I kinda need to know to know how to deal with him, I don't want to ask and give him a chance to verbally deny Christ.

What's the right thing to do here?
 

Pavel Mosko

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What's the right thing to do here?

Welcome him as a nephew.

It would be one thing if he was a believer trying to live a life as gay person etc. But from what your saying it seems like he is unchurched and his actual Faith in Christ is questionable. So go with basic Christian love and hospitality, until you find out something that makes that policy obviously not appropriate.
 
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My nephew, K, was raised in a 'Christian home'. He's an only child. Honestly, he's the most honorable and respectful person I know, but he's gay. He and his 'partner' got married last year at city hall, they then threw a reception party for friends and family. I went out of support for his mom, my sister in law, who is horribly caught between her faith and her only child.

My understanding is that as Christians, we are to welcome a sinner, but shun a believer who refuses correction. I don't really know what K's belief in God is, and while I kinda need to know to know how to deal with him, I don't want to ask and give him a chance to verbally deny Christ.

What's the right thing to do here?
Pray for wisdom. It's not easy. We are love sinners and we are to witness to them. But also need to be sure that we are not condoning their wickedness. Ephesians 5:6-13

"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.
 
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bekkilyn

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He is your neighbor as is everyone, Christ follower or otherwise. God loves him, so must you.

Do you go around having regular conversations with your straight family members about their sexuality? If not, then why would a gay family member be an exception? Deal with him in a normal manner just like you would any other human being.
 
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raindog75

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Also, it seems to me that growing up in a Christian home in the United States, unless that home was a cave, it seems pretty likely that he has heard at some length about Christian views that condemn homosexuality, if not in his home, then from his childhood church or from the wider Christian culture...and he's made his decision with knowledge of that. I doubt you could say anything that he hasn't heard any number of times before. And as you said, it's not like you're in Christian community with him either. It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing.
 
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Ricky M

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He is your neighbor as is everyone, Christ follower or otherwise. God loves him, so must you.

Do you go around having regular conversations with your straight family members about their sexuality? If not, then why would a gay family member be an exception? Deal with him in a normal manner just like you would any other human being.
God doesn't condemn heterosexuality within marriage. He does condemn heterosexual activity outside of marriage, and homosexuality in all cases. Following your first paragraph, should I not condemn it as well? What about scripture that says if a fellow believer is sinning, go to them, first alone then with the church, and if he refuses correction we must shun them?
 
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Ricky M

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Also, it seems to me that growing up in a Christian home in the United States, unless that home was a cave, it seems pretty likely that he has heard at some length about Christian views that condemn homosexuality, if not in his home, then from his childhood church or from the wider Christian culture...and he's made his decision with knowledge of that. I doubt you could say anything that he hasn't heard any number of times before. And as you said, it's not like you're in Christian community with him either. It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing.
That's the issue, I'm not really doing anything but staying in a holding pattern. If he's not Christian, I could conditionally accept his position, but given his upbringing I assume at one point he confessed Christ. If he did, then I should turn away like scripture says we should. But I don't want to be the one who puts him in a position of going from backsliding to full on apostasy.
 
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raindog75

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That's the issue, I'm not really doing anything but staying in a holding pattern. If he's not Christian, I could conditionally accept his position, but given his upbringing I assume at one point he confessed Christ. If he did, then I should turn away like scripture says we should.

Well, if you conclude that he confessed Christ and it's that important above all for you to follow scripture to the letter on it, it seems that turning your nephew away would be rather letting yourself off the hook. Seems the instructive verses on that would be Matthew 18:15-17. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." It's an open question what that would do to your family and the likelihood it would have of changing your nephew's behavior.

Or alternately, you could have maintain the relationship with your nephew (who you said is the most honorable and respectful person you know) while disagreeing with his choice. In so doing, you would also be showing compassion for your sister, who you said already has suffered greatly over this and likely would suffer more if you were to cut yourself off from her son.
 
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bekkilyn

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God doesn't condemn heterosexuality within marriage. He does condemn heterosexual activity outside of marriage, and homosexuality in all cases. Following your first paragraph, should I not condemn it as well? What about scripture that says if a fellow believer is sinning, go to them, first alone then with the church, and if he refuses correction we must shun them?

There is a lot of disagreement among Christians in general as to what God may or may not condemn concerning homosexuality, so unless you are absolutely 100% sure about what God is thinking concerning the matter, then it really isn't your place to be condemning anyone. It's God's place. Your place is to love God and love neighbor.

Secondly, is this person in your family a member of *your* church? If not, then you and your church members have no religious jurisdiction over him. You can't kick him out of a church if he's not already in it, and if he is a member of a different church, then you are hardly in a position in that church to be able to set them against him. I suppose you might could try to join his church for the sole purpose of damaging him in some strange attempt to make sure he is shunned and cast out of every Christian community everywhere, but why?

People interpret Paul in many harmful ways that have little to nothing to do with the context of 1st century Christianity, and if your agenda is to prevent him from ever building a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ, then making sure he is shunned by Christians and everyone in his family would be an excellent first step!

Jesus meets us where we are right now, why can't you?

If God wishes to judge him, he will. God's commandment to us is to love one another as he loves us. (John 13:34)
 
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Quartermaine

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My nephew, K, was raised in a 'Christian home'. He's an only child. Honestly, he's the most honorable and respectful person I know, but he's gay. He and his 'partner' got married last year at city hall, they then threw a reception party for friends and family. I went out of support for his mom, my sister in law, who is horribly caught between her faith and her only child.

My understanding is that as Christians, we are to welcome a sinner, but shun a believer who refuses correction. I don't really know what K's belief in God is, and while I kinda need to know to know how to deal with him, I don't want to ask and give him a chance to verbally deny Christ.

What's the right thing to do here?
Before you talk to anyone about their marriage i suggest you consider how you would respond to the person you are married to being called your 'partner'
 
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Ricky M

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There is a lot of disagreement among Christians in general as to what God may or may not condemn concerning homosexuality, so unless you are absolutely 100% sure about what God is thinking concerning the matter, then it really isn't your place to be condemning anyone. It's God's place. Your place is to love God and love neighbor.

Secondly, is this person in your family a member of *your* church? If not, then you and your church members have no religious jurisdiction over him. You can't kick him out of a church if he's not already in it, and if he is a member of a different church, then you are hardly in a position in that church to be able to set them against him. I suppose you might could try to join his church for the sole purpose of damaging him in some strange attempt to make sure he is shunned and cast out of every Christian community everywhere, but why?

People interpret Paul in many harmful ways that have little to nothing to do with the context of 1st century Christianity, and if your agenda is to prevent him from ever building a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ, then making sure he is shunned by Christians and everyone in his family would be an excellent first step!

Jesus meets us where we are right now, why can't you?

If God wishes to judge him, he will. God's commandment to us is to love one another as he loves us. (John 13:34)
You make some valid points, some of which is why I am on the fence about this.

But the Bible is pretty clear about how God feels concerning homosexuality.
 
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Ricky M

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Before you talk to anyone about their marriage i suggest you consider how you would respond to the person you are married to being called your 'partner'
My wife IS my partner. What's your point?
 
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Ricky M

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There is a lot of disagreement among Christians in general as to what God may or may not condemn concerning homosexuality, so unless you are absolutely 100% sure about what God is thinking concerning the matter, then it really isn't your place to be condemning anyone.
I've heard some churches try to rationalize homosexuality as being ok under the NT. They use the passage about the woman caught in adultery as an example. But what was Jesus' last words to that woman - "everyone else is sinful so go ahead with what you are doing", or "go and sin no more". Just because Jesus gave her a pass on the punishment, doesn't mean He approved of what she was doing.
 
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Ricky M

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I also don't get the attitudes of the last 2 posters. I have done nothing, while I try to discern what is the right thing to do. Yet their response is in the tone of, I'm a rotten rat-b#$%^&** for even thinking about it. You want to preach the love of God, yet you show little towards someone who's trying to figure what that means. Great examples!
 
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bekkilyn

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You make some valid points, some of which is why I am on the fence about this.

But the Bible is pretty clear about how God feels concerning homosexuality.

Consider that if the Bible was actually pretty clear, there wouldn't be so many scriptural disagreements over the topic.
 
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bekkilyn

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I've heard some churches try to rationalize homosexuality as being ok under the NT. They use the passage about the woman caught in adultery as an example. But what was Jesus' last words to that woman - "everyone else is sinful so go ahead with what you are doing", or "go and sin no more". Just because Jesus gave her a pass on the punishment, doesn't mean He approved of what she was doing.

Yet he didn't go around shunning the people with whom he disagreed, however. In fact, he often visited their homes and ate meals with them, which was extremely taboo by Jewish ceremonial law.
 
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bekkilyn

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I also don't get the attitudes of the last 2 posters. I have done nothing, while I try to discern what is the right thing to do. Yet their response is in the tone of, I'm a rotten rat-b#$%^&** for even thinking about it. You want to preach the love of God, yet you show little towards someone who's trying to figure what that means. Great examples!

It's more of a serious tone from someone who has witnessed the destruction and severe harm caused by family disagreements over this one issue. It's not really something that can be coddled, since once action is taken, there may be no going back depending on how events play out from there.
 
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Ricky M

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Yet he didn't go around shunning the people with whom he disagreed, however. In fact, he often visited their homes and ate meals with them, which was extremely taboo by Jewish ceremonial law.
BUT - He stayed at sinners homes. We are to welcome sinners
 
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Ricky M

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Matthew 18:
15“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

1 Corinthians 5
1It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. 2And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? 3For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. 4So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, a b so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.


And what do I do with these?
 
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