I was brought up in the Catholic church and I loved almost everything about it. I was so proud to be Catholic. Now I am simply a Christian with strong faith. I am at the end though. For most of my adult life I knew that I was walking with God. I felt safe in a way I cannot describe. I had a lovely family and work and was happy. Sometime around 2010 something happened and I began to feel scared and alone. This became anxiety and today I am a fraction of what I was. You see, in 2010 I was the victim a very violent attack which ultimately led to recalling memories of a very bad period in my adolescent years. Since this attack I have been on a vicious cycle of losing things I have worked for and my health getting worse and on and on. I couldn't believe that He would let this happen to me. I have never had more than enough but He always provided and I was grateful. Now I would be grateful if I could feel his presence when I pray but I don't even have that. I am scared every day of my life now. I have faith, I always have I believe but this is now ten years of feeling abandoned and I am at the end of my rope. One of my parents most frequent sayings was, "He will never give you more than you can carry" but He has. I am watching my life disintegrate in front of my eyes and I don't have anything left to fight with. I just want to feel safe again because I can't face another ten years like this or even a year. I wrack my brain trying to recall what I've done to cause this and I just don't know. It hurts so much to think He would let me suffer like this for so long. I am so very lost.