SLAPPED A PARENT

[Lily of the Valley]

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently new on here and I'd love some advice. There's sth that's really heavy laying on my heart. Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by.

Over the past last year their marriage has been on shaky ground to say the least. So today he came home buzzed but not drunk however he started hurling very hurtful words towards my mother. I was about to tell him to leave the room when I saw him raise his fist up like he was about to punch mother. I reacted on instinct then I pushed him away from her which led him to hit me on my chest immediately that happened I slapped him, it was almost an automatic response. He lunged at me but I moved away and my mother came between us and together (my mother and I ) - as he was fighting us managed to push him out of the bedroom and locked the room.

After tensions cooled down I went back into my room and strayed analyzing why I do such a thing. Never in my life have I ever raised my hand at someone let alone fought. That slap not only was it to protect my mum I realised I had held alot of resentment and anger towards my father.

I do not regret protecting my mother but I feel horrible about the slap. All things considered, he is still my father at the end of the day.

How do I handle this?

How do I handle the situation when he flips it around my mother and I and starts saying it's our fault?

 

[Michie]

As someone that grew up in an abusive household...I say bravo to you for protecting your mom.

 

[splish- splash]

Try and make peace with Dad so you will now put this issue behind you..... It is also very important that you pray for your family, so the Lord intervenes. This is not a healthy environment to be in, for a lady whoz to start her own family tomorrow. Our characters are influenced heavily by the way we are raised/nurtured.

 

[Ricky M]

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently new on here and I'd love some advice. There's sth that's really heavy laying on my heart. Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by.

Over the past last year their marriage has been on shaky ground to say the least. So today he came home buzzed but not drunk however he started hurling very hurtful words towards my mother. I was about to tell him to leave the room when I saw him raise his fist up like he was about to punch mother. I reacted on instinct then I pushed him away from her which led him to hit me on my chest immediately that happened I slapped him, it was almost an automatic response. He lunged at me but I moved away and my mother came between us and together (my mother and I ) - as he was fighting us managed to push him out of the bedroom and locked the room.

After tensions cooled down I went back into my room and strayed analyzing why I do such a thing. Never in my life have I ever raised my hand at someone let alone fought. That slap not only was it to protect my mum I realised I had held alot of resentment and anger towards my father.

I do not regret protecting my mother but I feel horrible about the slap. All things considered, he is still my father at the end of the day.

How do I handle this?

How do I handle the situation when he flips it around my mother and I and starts saying it's our fault?

There is no peace in this situation. Your father is who he is, and will do what he's going to do. You are absolutely right to have protected your mother, dad needs to know without question that you will continue to do so. And the next time it happens, you call the cops. Without reservation. Dad needs to be put on notice and you and your mom are not going to get the message across to him. In the meantime, Father, place angels around these two, to protect them, to minister to them, and to occupy the enemy. Gift them with wisdom and discernment, that You may lead them thru this valley of death. May the Holy Spirit woo and convict the father, may the Spirit bring him to repentance and change. Bless this family Lord Jesus, in Your Name we are gathered here two or more, and in Your Name may it be so. Thank You Lord, that we may hand this to You in confidence that You already have a plan. Amen

 

[pdudgeon]

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently new on here and I'd love some advice. There's sth that's really heavy laying on my heart. Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by.

Over the past last year their marriage has been on shaky ground to say the least. So today he came home buzzed but not drunk however he started hurling very hurtful words towards my mother. I was about to tell him to leave the room when I saw him raise his fist up like he was about to punch mother. I reacted on instinct then I pushed him away from her which led him to hit me on my chest immediately that happened I slapped him, it was almost an automatic response. He lunged at me but I moved away and my mother came between us and together (my mother and I ) - as he was fighting us managed to push him out of the bedroom and locked the room.

After tensions cooled down I went back into my room and strayed analyzing why I do such a thing. Never in my life have I ever raised my hand at someone let alone fought. That slap not only was it to protect my mum I realised I had held alot of resentment and anger towards my father.

I do not regret protecting my mother but I feel horrible about the slap. All things considered, he is still my father at the end of the day.

How do I handle this?

How do I handle the situation when he flips it around my mother and I and starts saying it's our fault?

First, his drinking is his fault, not yours. He is an abusive parent by nature, and his drinking only
makes the situation worse. If there is alcohol in the house, throw it out.

Second, notify the cops of the situation so they've got something on record, and they know what's happening. Keep your phones charged and on you at all times.

Third, pack an overnight bag for each of you, and put them out of sight in the trunk of a vehicle. Make an exit plan so that you are prepared for when it happens again. Because it will.
Practice what each of you will do just like you practice for a fire drill, and park your cars on the street, not in the garage. Keep your car keys in your pocket at all times.

Fourth, have a code word between the two of you so that you can both be ready to react as a team in this situation, before it gets out of control.

Lastly, whenever you are in a room with your dad, be sure that you are beside the door.
Do not let him box you in so that you have no escape.

 

[Daniel C]

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently new on here and I'd love some advice. There's sth that's really heavy laying on my heart. Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by.

Over the past last year their marriage has been on shaky ground to say the least. So today he came home buzzed but not drunk however he started hurling very hurtful words towards my mother. I was about to tell him to leave the room when I saw him raise his fist up like he was about to punch mother. I reacted on instinct then I pushed him away from her which led him to hit me on my chest immediately that happened I slapped him, it was almost an automatic response. He lunged at me but I moved away and my mother came between us and together (my mother and I ) - as he was fighting us managed to push him out of the bedroom and locked the room.

After tensions cooled down I went back into my room and strayed analyzing why I do such a thing. Never in my life have I ever raised my hand at someone let alone fought. That slap not only was it to protect my mum I realised I had held alot of resentment and anger towards my father.

I do not regret protecting my mother but I feel horrible about the slap. All things considered, he is still my father at the end of the day.

How do I handle this?

How do I handle the situation when he flips it around my mother and I and starts saying it's our fault?

I notice the first person to actually get physical is you in this situation when you pushed your father. The reality is you shouldn't have pushed your father or interfered with your parents conversation unless they invited you to participate.


Maybe,just maybe you make the situation more difficult by interfering.

Just a thought.

 

[Lily of the Valley]

Yes. I had to intervene because he was going punch my mother. I would never allow anyone to disrespect/ hit my mother.

 

[Lily of the Valley]

I notice the first person to actually get physical is you in this situation when you pushed your father. The reality is you shouldn't have pushed your father or interfered with your parents conversation unless they invited you to participate.


Maybe,just maybe you make the situation more difficult by interfering. You have come to ask advice about how to handle the aftermath and yet you were acting as some king of unauthorized mediator for your parents. So is this an acknowledgment on your part you do not really have the skills required to counsel others? That being the case you really shouldn't have involved yourself in your folks business and marriage.

Perhaps self-reflection on the role you played in this would be valuable.

Just a thought.

Hello Daniel,

First, thank you for offering your response /opinion on the matter.

Yes I did push him first mainly because he was just about to Punch my mother. It was going to get violent so I acted on instinct.

And no I'm not acting like "some kind of king of unauthorized mediator". I prevented a physical altercation from happening, I know my father and it would have been much worse had I not intervened.

To your point about self reflection, I do feel guilty about what I did. I know it was disrespectful, regardless of What's transpired he is still my Father and I should respect that. I acknowledge I was completely out of line. Hence the post and seeking counsel.

 

[paul1149]

IIUC, there's a long history of non-physical abuse, and this time, under the influence of alcohol, he raised his fist apparently to hit your mother. You had every right to intervene physically. Your emotions about it are another matter, but you had the objective right to intervene. I would not take this as a violation of the Fifth Commandment. He was hardly acting like a father.

IMO, it's time for the family and/or your dad to get help, or for some kind of separation for the sake of safety.

As for your emotions, you need to forgive him for his failings, but that is not inconsistent with doing the right thing in terms of protecting yourself and your mother.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently new on here and I'd love some advice. There's sth that's really heavy laying on my heart. Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by.

Over the past last year their marriage has been on shaky ground to say the least. So today he came home buzzed but not drunk however he started hurling very hurtful words towards my mother. I was about to tell him to leave the room when I saw him raise his fist up like he was about to punch mother. I reacted on instinct then I pushed him away from her which led him to hit me on my chest immediately that happened I slapped him, it was almost an automatic response. He lunged at me but I moved away and my mother came between us and together (my mother and I ) - as he was fighting us managed to push him out of the bedroom and locked the room.

After tensions cooled down I went back into my room and strayed analyzing why I do such a thing. Never in my life have I ever raised my hand at someone let alone fought. That slap not only was it to protect my mum I realised I had held alot of resentment and anger towards my father.

I do not regret protecting my mother but I feel horrible about the slap. All things considered, he is still my father at the end of the day.

How do I handle this?

How do I handle the situation when he flips it around my mother and I and starts saying it's our fault?

What an awful situation to be in. My childhood was as violent, if not worse.

If you struck him in anger, then apologize but make a clear distinction between defending your mother and the slap.

 

[Lily of the Valley]

Yes.

Thank you so much for your understanding response.
The funny thing is , his father (my grandfather) is not an abusive man.. ( I made a point to talk to my Grandma) so I have no idea where he got it from. .

I'm currently working / saving funds to be able to get my mum and baby brother out of here.

Thank you for your words.

 

[Daniel C]

Here are the following third and forth sentences of the OP.:

"Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by."

There is a year's long pattern in this case of both verbal and emotional abuse. Those are always signs that there's more abuse to come.
My ex husband was an abuser, his father was an abuser, his grandfather was an abuser, you get the picture? Abuse, unless it is forcibly stopped, can go through generations of the family.

What is verbal and emotional abuse?

 

[Daniel C]

Hello Daniel,

First, thank you for offering your response /opinion on the matter.

Yes I did push him first mainly because he was just about to Punch my mother. It was going to get violent so I acted on instinct.

And no I'm not acting like "some kind of king of unauthorized mediator". I prevented a physical altercation from happening, I know my father and it would have been much worse had I not intervened.

To your point about self reflection, I do feel guilty about what I did. I know it was disrespectful, regardless of What's transpired he is still my Father and I should respect that. I acknowledge I was completely out of line. Hence the post and seeking counsel.

Hi Lily

A question I've been thinking of is has your father hit your mother before? If no, then perhaps you don't know the situation as well as you first thought.

Anyway, I guess it's good you are self reflecting. Hope this situation improves for you and your parents.

 

[section9+1]

I think you did just fine. You didn't really hurt anyone. You protected your mother. It's too bad it had to happen, but if he's not acting responsibly then you did what had to be done. Everyone stayed upright. Not bad at all.

 

[Kenny'sID]

There is a commandment on honoring our father ans mother, but often times they don't act honorably so steps must be taken.

There is a reason we have instinct/automatic response, or as I think it's called, involuntary response, and it appears God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave it to you.

What you did was necessary.

To your point about self reflection, I do feel guilty about what I did. I know it was disrespectful, regardless of What's transpired he is still my Father and I should respect that. I acknowledge I was completely out of line. Hence the post and seeking counsel.

Not disrespectful nor out of line in the least. Your Dad should be grateful for what you did.

 

[Deade]

Hello LOTV,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here. We all make mistakes, we have to learn to look ahead because we can't change the past. No matter who you have hurt: what you do from now on is all that matters.

 

[1Reformedman]

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently new on here and I'd love some advice. There's sth that's really heavy laying on my heart. Throughout my whole childhood, my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mother. The abuse continued more as the years went by.

Over the past last year their marriage has been on shaky ground to say the least. So today he came home buzzed but not drunk however he started hurling very hurtful words towards my mother. I was about to tell him to leave the room when I saw him raise his fist up like he was about to punch mother. I reacted on instinct then I pushed him away from her which led him to hit me on my chest immediately that happened I slapped him, it was almost an automatic response. He lunged at me but I moved away and my mother came between us and together (my mother and I ) - as he was fighting us managed to push him out of the bedroom and locked the room.

After tensions cooled down I went back into my room and strayed analyzing why I do such a thing. Never in my life have I ever raised my hand at someone let alone fought. That slap not only was it to protect my mum I realised I had held alot of resentment and anger towards my father.

I do not regret protecting my mother but I feel horrible about the slap. All things considered, he is still my father at the end of the day.

How do I handle this?

How do I handle the situation when he flips it around my mother and I and starts saying it's our fault?

Very simple. Tell him he's out of control and that You will call the police when he acts violently or displays any other kind of abuse. We have domestic assault charges in America that deal specifically with these kinds of matters. Booze is known as liquid courage for a reason. Remember, God gave us the legal system for a reason. See Romans 13:1-5

 

[1Reformedman]

I notice the first person to actually get physical is you in this situation when you pushed your father. The reality is you shouldn't have pushed your father or interfered with your parents conversation unless they invited you to participate.


Maybe,just maybe you make the situation more difficult by interfering.

Just a thought.

wrong. In this country, you have the right to defend another. The op admitted the father had a balled-up fist. Do you wait for him to actually use it? NO, you dont.

 

[1Reformedman]

Hello Daniel,

First, thank you for offering your response /opinion on the matter.

Yes I did push him first mainly because he was just about to Punch my mother. It was going to get violent so I acted on instinct.

And no I'm not acting like "some kind of king of unauthorized mediator". I prevented a physical altercation from happening, I know my father and it would have been much worse had I not intervened.

To your point about self reflection, I do feel guilty about what I did. I know it was disrespectful, regardless of What's transpired he is still my Father and I should respect that. I acknowledge I was completely out of line. Hence the post and seeking counsel.

You should never feel guilty about coming to your mothers' aid over a violent outburst by an intoxicated father. You have that right in America. What he did was considered a domestic assault. They can be verbal or physical under the laws of this country.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Yes. I had to intervene because he was going punch my mother. I would never allow anyone to disrespect/ hit my mother.

hey. A couple of questions I need answers to.

1.) Is your profile right - are you female?

2.) Does your mom want to leave your dad - I mean, if it came down to it is she willing to walk out the door? (not all abused women will leave, they have to actually be ready on an emotional level)

I was married to a VERY abusive (physically) man, and these are both important questions.. the answers will determine my advice.