SLAPPED A PARENT

[1Reformedman]

hey. A couple of questions I need answers to.

1.) Is your profile right - are you female?

2.) Does your mom want to leave your dad - I mean, if it came down to it is she willing to walk out the door? (not all abused women will leave, they have to actually be ready on an emotional level)

I was married to a VERY abusive (physically) man, and these are both important questions.. the answers will determine my advice.

Sorry to hear about you having been married to a very physically abusive man. Is it safe to assume he wasnt a believer?

 

[Hazelelponi]

Sorry to hear about you having been married to a very physically abusive man.

it's life.. and for me, it's past. Thank you for your kindness though..

 

[1Reformedman]

What is verbal and emotional abuse?

Try looking up your state statutes for the offense called "Domestic Assault". You will likely find varying degrees of that offense. You will also find what those terms mean there. You'll also find that verbal assault (abuse) is a crime.

 

[Lily of the Valley]

hey. A couple of questions I need answers to.

1.) Is your profile right - are you female?

2.) Does your mom want to leave your dad - I mean, if it came down to it is she willing to walk out the door? (not all abused women will leave, they have to actually be ready on an emotional level)

I was married to a VERY abusive (physically) man, and these are both important questions.. the answers will determine my advice.

Yes I am Female.

2. Yes she is. One challenging thing is that he controls all the finances. He's the bread winner - my mum is a housewife. I'm currently working/saving any money I get to do so. Plus I have a baby brother ( 6 years old)

But he's a classic abuser in the sense that he has two sides of him it's strange. He has moments where he's a very good husband and father then all over sudden it's like a switch is flipped inside him and he turns into a person I don't know. We never know when that side comes out.

 

[Aldebaran]

Yes I am Female.

2. Yes she is. One challenging thing is that he controls all the finances. He's the bread winner - my mum is a housewife. I'm currently working/saving any money I get to do so. Plus I have a baby brother ( 6 years old)

But he's a classic abuser in the sense that he has two sides of him it's strange. He has moments where he's a very good husband and father then all over sudden it's like a switch is flipped inside him and he turns into a person I don't know. We never know when that side comes out.

You originally mentioned that your father had come home "buzzed" when this incident occurred. Alcohol can have the affect on people that you describe where your father can seem to have two sides to him. Alcohol brings out the worse side.

 

[Daniel C]

wrong. In this country, you have the right to defend another. The op admitted the father had a balled-up fist. Do you wait for him to actually use it? NO, you dont.

Wrong in your view,you're welcome to your opinion.

 

[Daniel C]

Try looking up your state statues for the offense called "Domestic Assault". You will likely find varying degrees of that offense. You will also find what those terms mean there. You'll also find that verbal assault (abuse) is a crime.

presumptuous on your part,I don't live in America and even if I did I would just refer it back.

What is verbal assault to you?

 

[1Reformedman]

Wrong in your view,you're welcome to your opinion.

My opinion is backed by LAW!!!

 

[1Reformedman]

presumptuous on your part,I don't live in America and even if I did I would just refer it back.

What is a verbal assault to you?

look it up under the laws of America if you want to know. I know what verbal assault is under the laws of America. See I've got a law degree. Ever heard of Sir William Blackstone? I went to his school.

 

[1Reformedman]

Yes I am Female.

2. Yes she is. One challenging thing is that he controls all the finances. He's the bread winner - my mum is a housewife. I'm currently working/saving any money I get to do so. Plus I have a baby brother ( 6 years old)

But he's a classic abuser in the sense that he has two sides of him it's strange. He has moments where he's a very good husband and father then all over sudden it's like a switch is flipped inside him and he turns into a person I don't know. We never know when that side comes out.

Perhaps you should consider asking him to see a mental health specialist. Maybe is bipolar. Do these outbursts only occur after he's been drinking?

 

[Hazelelponi]

Yes I am Female.

2. Yes she is. One challenging thing is that he controls all the finances. He's the bread winner - my mum is a housewife. I'm currently working/saving any money I get to do so. Plus I have a baby brother ( 6 years old)

But he's a classic abuser in the sense that he has two sides of him it's strange. He has moments where he's a very good husband and father then all over sudden it's like a switch is flipped inside him and he turns into a person I don't know. We never know when that side comes out.

As far as that switch, it's typical of an abuser.. you find yourself walking around on egg shells not knowing what your next "mistake" will be, only knowing that sooner or later you'll do something and it will set him off.

If your mom wanted to leave she could - and she could today. My thoughts? She doesn't actually want to...

There are shelters for battered women in almost every western country, and from your usage of the word mum it's my bet your somewhere in Great Britain.. I'm sure Great Britain has a shelter for victims of domestic violence..

A shelter will provide a place for your mom and any minor children, and help her with an attorney or other means of legally getting herself out of the situation, as well as they will help her with getting a job and an income to get herself on her feet and help her with getting any government help as well, such as food stamps and aid with housing.

You need to find one - they don't give out the address they are located to protect the women they are helping, but they will give out their phone number, any police department will have it..

Get it, have your mom call them.

If she won't call - she's not ready to leave and it's not your job to get her ready.. your not her parent. It's your job to do what you need to do for yourself and to keep you safe.

That's my best advice.

 

[Deade]

Yes I am Female.

2. Yes she is. One challenging thing is that he controls all the finances. He's the bread winner - my mum is a housewife. I'm currently working/saving any money I get to do so. Plus I have a baby brother ( 6 years old)

But he's a classic abuser in the sense that he has two sides of him it's strange. He has moments where he's a very good husband and father then all over sudden it's like a switch is flipped inside him and he turns into a person I don't know. We never know when that side comes out.

Just stay prayed up and try not to provoke him. You seem very strong willed, so stand your ground with your mother. I will pray for you also. Trust the Holy Spirit to guide you and don't take a spirit of condemnation: God doesn't work that way.

 

[1Reformedman]

You originally mentioned that your father had come home "buzzed" when this incident occurred. Alcohol can have the affect on people that you describe where your father can seem to have two sides to him. Alcohol brings out the worse side.

Yep liquid courage.

 

[Daniel C]

My opinion is backed by LAW!!!

I don't think you can push and slap someone before they put their hands on anybody. That is not self defense or any kind of defense.

What law is this you claim a person can act out these things? Certainly nothing I ever heard of.

 

[Daniel C]

look it up under the laws of America if you want to know. I know what verbal assault is under the laws of America. See I've got a law degree. Ever heard of Sir William Blackstone? I went to his school.

I don't particularly take an interest in Caesars law in any country to be honest. Was hoping you would substantiate your own point but it doesn't matter. One thing I do know is these types of ideas you are advocating for are absent in the Bible and that is my personal authority. Not sure what your's and the lady who started this thread would be.

 

[1Reformedman]

I don't think you can push and slap someone before they put their hands on anybody. That is not self defense or any kind of defense.

What law is this you claim a person can act out these things? Certainly nothing I ever heard of.

Under the laws of America, knowing what it means to be the "aggressor" is paramount. Her father was the aggressor. He made a "substantial step" toward the commission of "domestic assault". The op defended her mother, in that scenario, as is her right in America. Then they got away from him which is also what the law requires in the defense part of the law. If she'd have stayed and continued trying to fight him instead of locking the bedroom door and waiting for cooler heads to prevail then she could have at that time be considered the "aggressor".

 

[Aldebaran]

I don't think you can push and slap someone before they put their hands on anybody. That is not self defense or any kind of defense.

What law is this you claim a person can act out these things? Certainly nothing I ever heard of.

If the father raised his fist to the mother and Lily believed he was about to punch her, then she acted in her defense. She wouldn't have to wait for the father to actually punch first before acting in defense any more than a person with a gun has to fire a shot before someone else with a gun fires first to prevent him from doing so.

 

[1Reformedman]

I don't particularly take an interest in Caesars law in any country to be honest. Was hoping you would substantiate your own point but it doesn't matter. One thing I do know is these types of ideas you are advocating for are absent in the Bible and that is my personal authority. Not sure what your's and the lady who started this thread would be.

the laws and governments we have are ORDAINED of God. See Romans 13.

 

[1Reformedman]

If the father raised his fist to the mother and Lily believed he was about to punch her, then she acted in her defense. She wouldn't have to wait for the father to actually punch first before acting in defense any more than a person with a gun has to fire a shot before someone else with a gun fires first to prevent him from doing so.

absolutely right

 

[1Reformedman]

I don't particularly take an interest in Caesars law in any country to be honest. Was hoping you would substantiate your own point but it doesn't matter. One thing I do know is these types of ideas you are advocating for are absent in the Bible and that is my personal authority. Not sure what your's and the lady who started this thread would be.

Jesus told his disciples to arm themselves. Turn the other cheek dont mean be a punk