One day, in the past, I returned from the super-market and brought some things I like to buy. I saw that I had run out of ham and gouda cheese slices for sandwich. I was like " I am not going to return to the super market just for them" and some thoughts without my will popped up about promise to God and maybe punishment.
I do not remember what was the motive for these thoughts without my will. and I do not remember what words without my will popped up. but I remember that creating a compulsion.
not buy ham and gouda cheese slices the day I run out of them. I must wait for the next day to buy them.
I kept the compulsion. but one day, I wanted to buy them the same day I run out of them. I knew it was just a compulsion. I was able to persuade my ocd to leave me alone with thoughts like
me: they were thoughts without my will. and the ocd covers only that specific day. so the compulsion must be kept only for that day, that I run out of ham and cheese slices, and the thoughts popped up. the compulsion was kept and done perfectly. I am now free to buy ham and cheese whenever I want, even if I run out of them the same day.
I was able to do the compulsion only once or two, and then I was free not to do the compulsion anymore.
when ocd was giving me worries I was telling my ocd that the compulsion should be kept only for the day it was created.
Yesterday, I went to the market and it was a day I had run out of ham and cheese. I was able to buy them the same day, but ocd was giving me worries. I bought ham and cheese, the previous time, on the same day that I run out of them because I was able not to do this compulsion any more. I did it once or twice. and that was enough. but this time, ocd was giving me worries and I bought other products and avoided buying ham and cheese.
I returned home and went for coffee. after coffee, I wanted to visit super market again and buy some other products. I went to the super market and I bought ham and cheese.
today, my ocd started giving me worries
ocd: you made a mistake. maybe you were able not to do the compulsion anymore, and buy ham and cheese whenever you want, even if you run out of them the same day. but maybe this time is different cause you already went once to the super market and returned home. then you went for coffee but you maybe had already decided after coffee to go to the market to buy ham and cheese just because you were stupid enough not to buy them the first time you went there.
me: so?
ocd: so. maybe it seems like you went to the super market and returned home and then you decided to return to the market, after coffee/ just to buy ham and cheese.
me: so???
ocd: that seems like doing a specific action that you were not supposed to do.
me: what do you mean?
ocd: when the compulsion was created which was not to return to the market to buy ham and cheese, you kept the compulsion and did it and you thought it was only valid for that day only and the specific part of the compulsion that you should have kept was not to return for ham and cheese. not to return for home and cheese.
me: the last days I was able to buy ham and cheese without any worries.
ocd: because you were going to the super market for other things too. there is a difference between running out of ham and cheese and buying them along with other products the same day you run out of them, with one supermarket visit and running out of ham and cheese, going to the supermarket the same day, buying other products except ham and cheese, returning home, and then returning to the market to buy ham and cheese. the stop you made to the cafeteria does not count.
me: the compulsion was to be kept only for that day.
ocd: who says so? why you are so sure? maybe you made a promise to God not to return to the supermatket to buy ham and cheese. and maybe that counts forever. maybe it was ok to buy ham and cheese the same day you run out of them, with 1 visit to the supermarket, but you had already made 1 visit and you did not buy them. maybe you should have waited for the next day visit but you returned for a second visit to buy ham and cheese. and maybe you broke maybe a valid promise to God
I do not remember what was the motive for these thoughts without my will. and I do not remember what words without my will popped up. but I remember that creating a compulsion.
not buy ham and gouda cheese slices the day I run out of them. I must wait for the next day to buy them.
I kept the compulsion. but one day, I wanted to buy them the same day I run out of them. I knew it was just a compulsion. I was able to persuade my ocd to leave me alone with thoughts like
me: they were thoughts without my will. and the ocd covers only that specific day. so the compulsion must be kept only for that day, that I run out of ham and cheese slices, and the thoughts popped up. the compulsion was kept and done perfectly. I am now free to buy ham and cheese whenever I want, even if I run out of them the same day.
I was able to do the compulsion only once or two, and then I was free not to do the compulsion anymore.
when ocd was giving me worries I was telling my ocd that the compulsion should be kept only for the day it was created.
Yesterday, I went to the market and it was a day I had run out of ham and cheese. I was able to buy them the same day, but ocd was giving me worries. I bought ham and cheese, the previous time, on the same day that I run out of them because I was able not to do this compulsion any more. I did it once or twice. and that was enough. but this time, ocd was giving me worries and I bought other products and avoided buying ham and cheese.
I returned home and went for coffee. after coffee, I wanted to visit super market again and buy some other products. I went to the super market and I bought ham and cheese.
today, my ocd started giving me worries
ocd: you made a mistake. maybe you were able not to do the compulsion anymore, and buy ham and cheese whenever you want, even if you run out of them the same day. but maybe this time is different cause you already went once to the super market and returned home. then you went for coffee but you maybe had already decided after coffee to go to the market to buy ham and cheese just because you were stupid enough not to buy them the first time you went there.
me: so?
ocd: so. maybe it seems like you went to the super market and returned home and then you decided to return to the market, after coffee/ just to buy ham and cheese.
me: so???
ocd: that seems like doing a specific action that you were not supposed to do.
me: what do you mean?
ocd: when the compulsion was created which was not to return to the market to buy ham and cheese, you kept the compulsion and did it and you thought it was only valid for that day only and the specific part of the compulsion that you should have kept was not to return for ham and cheese. not to return for home and cheese.
me: the last days I was able to buy ham and cheese without any worries.
ocd: because you were going to the super market for other things too. there is a difference between running out of ham and cheese and buying them along with other products the same day you run out of them, with one supermarket visit and running out of ham and cheese, going to the supermarket the same day, buying other products except ham and cheese, returning home, and then returning to the market to buy ham and cheese. the stop you made to the cafeteria does not count.
me: the compulsion was to be kept only for that day.
ocd: who says so? why you are so sure? maybe you made a promise to God not to return to the supermatket to buy ham and cheese. and maybe that counts forever. maybe it was ok to buy ham and cheese the same day you run out of them, with 1 visit to the supermarket, but you had already made 1 visit and you did not buy them. maybe you should have waited for the next day visit but you returned for a second visit to buy ham and cheese. and maybe you broke maybe a valid promise to God