Homosexual Son

[Fatherofseven]

***Quick Preface*** Hi everyone, my wife and I are trying to find some answers to a very politically and socially charged question. We have a son that has moved out decided that he is not a Christian, etc... and informed us that he is choosing to live a bi-sexual, non-monogamous, lifestyle. We have 5 other children at home and have talked in depth with them from young ages about sexuality, god's design for sex, etc... This question is not about showing him we disapprove of his lifestyle, or punishing him for his choices, etc...

***Concern*** We are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases and infections. When we read online medical commentary that is talking to parents (or people not living this kind of lifestyle) it all says there is VERY little risk, of another person getting an STD / STI. BUT... When you read medical advice for the person that is having sex with multiple partners, of different genders there is all kinds of medical advice from pretty liberal sources (like planned parenthood) that says STI / STD's can be transmitted via touch with or without open cuts (if someone has touched their genitals, not washed hands well after using the bathroom, etc), via saliva (i.e. on dishes, countertops, etc...), using the same bathtub, laundry, etc... We are concerned about having our son come stay in our home. When he lived here he did not follow our rules (he would sneak inappropriate contentography into the home etc...) We do not feel that he would follow any guidelines or rules that we ask if he comes to visit.

***Question*** Do we NOT have him come home for holidays and visits? If so, how do we keep our other children safe from STD's / STI's?

 

[Emmylouwho]

***Quick Preface*** Hi everyone, my wife and I are trying to find some answers to a very politically and socially charged question. We have a son that has moved out decided that he is not a Christian, etc... and informed us that he is choosing to live a bi-sexual, non-monogamous, lifestyle. We have 5 other children at home and have talked in depth with them from young ages about sexuality, god's design for sex, etc... This question is not about showing him we disapprove of his lifestyle, or punishing him for his choices, etc...

***Concern*** We are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases and infections. When we read online medical commentary that is talking to parents (or people not living this kind of lifestyle) it all says there is VERY little risk, of another person getting an STD / STI. BUT... When you read medical advice for the person that is having sex with multiple partners, of different genders there is all kinds of medical advice from pretty liberal sources (like planned parenthood) that says STI / STD's can be transmitted via touch with or without open cuts (if someone has touched their genitals, not washed hands well after using the bathroom, etc), via saliva (i.e. on dishes, countertops, etc...), using the same bathtub, laundry, etc... We are concerned about having our son come stay in our home. When he lived here he did not follow our rules (he would sneak inappropriate contentography into the home etc...) We do not feel that he would follow any guidelines or rules that we ask if he comes to visit.

***Question*** Do we NOT have him come home for holidays and visits? If so, how do we keep our other children safe from STD's / STI's?

Practice safe sex and don’t share needles.

Does he WANT to come home for the holidays?

 

[DaisyDay]

That's harsh.

The "S" in "STD/STI" is there for a reason. No, you can't get it from a countertop or a toilet seat.

 

[com7fy8]

Mononucleosus can be spread by kissing on the lips with the person who has the mono.

Also, sometimes when people are talking, the talking person can spit a little bit of saliva into the mouth or onto the lips of another person. And I would say the mono virus can be in that spit so it can infect the other person.

Possibly you can make sure about this, by talking with the C.D.C. or a pediatrician or an infection control nurse of a hospital or nursing home. But it is possible different professionals have different ideas about this; so you might double-check or even triple-check. Also, there might be reliable things on the Net.

Also, herpes can spread mouth to mouth, as far as I know. Once a dental hygiene worker thought a thing on my lip could be herpes, and she would not work on me until it was checked. The dentist said it wasn't herpes. But this can mean it can be spread from mouth to mouth, I would say.

And in my opinion, if someone is trusted not to bring inappropriate content into my house but he or she does bring it in, then the person is betraying my trust. And betraying trust is not a thing which has to do with sexual preference. Betraying is a spiritual-level, heart level, anti-love thing . . . not a physical genetic thing or a physical brain chemistry thing. So, if someone is capable of betraying you . . . this is a concern, to say the least. This is a problem of character which can effect a lot of other things that someone is capable of doing.

It is one thing, to have a preference of how you get pleasure; but betraying trust has to do with if you know how to love, or not.

But God's word says,

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;" (in Psalm 23:5)

So, make sure with God.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

And, by the way, there are many ways that various people betray other people, in order to use them for what they want. This is a problem not of pleasure preference, but of not knowing how to love.

 

[JohnAshton]

I remember that the Father went to the ridge to watch every day for the return of the Prodigal Son.

If your son is not abusing his siblings, there should be no issue of him not returning home for visits.

 

[Bro. Dave Gardner]

I would first offer my deepest sympathy for your very specific concern. I've been sitting here staring at your post for 10 minutes or so scratching my head. Of course, you want your son to know that he is loved and welcomed into your home. And if you and your wife could agree to take on whatever the risk truly is, it would be simple enough. But with the consideration of the health of your other children at hand, the difficulty of coming to a decision seems quite compounded. No doubt you will get responses running the gamut from the whole thing being as simple as "out he stays" or "receive him gladly with no fear." This sounds like a situation that might just require some fasting and prayer the likes of which you may not yet be accustomed. Science seems so fickle regarding these and other matters that it may be impossible to make a decision based on facts alone.

If it's any comfort at all to you, I can assure you (as you must have already considered to some degree) that the Lord knew all about your present dilemma even long before the heavens and the earth were formed and already had formulated the best outcome. The main thing, in my humble opinion (as clichéd as that can sound), is that you seek Him most earnestly to the end that you may be found cooperating with Him. Sometimes this is nearly all the human agent can manage. Although I certainly would not assume the impossibility of some unforeseen miracle. I'm even a little embarrassed to have mentioned this so late in my reply, since I have seen more miracles occur in matters of human/divine relationships than in any other sort of trouble. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to ask for one, specifically. I have often declared in a prayer meeting that I'm not ashamed to be found wrong in expecting large things from the Lord.

I hope my purely spiritual advice doesn't disappoint you. This is often my choice when I perceive a demonic plot is in play. In any case, I will certainly have many people praying for you.

 

[A_Thinker]

STD's are transmitted sexually.

There has to be transmission from body fluids into the bloodstream of a recipient. And these germs die outside of the body.

I don't think that you want to exclude your son from visits. The comment made above concerning the Prodigal Son's father is quite pertinent. One day he may decide to "come home".

 

[Bro. Dave Gardner]

That's harsh.

The "S" in "STD/STI" is there for a reason. No, you can't get it from a countertop or a toilet seat.

Do you have 5 young children you'd like to offer up as collateral for your judgmentalism and your scientific facts?

 

[Bro. Dave Gardner]

Sexually-transmitted diseases are spread the same way today that they were 50 years ago when scientists called them "venereal (related to pleasure) dieseases" and 100 years ago when they called them "social diseases."

 

[ViaCrucis]

Do you have 5 young children you'd like to offer up as collateral for your judgmentalism and your scientific facts?

You can't get an STD from simply being around someone with one. There are literally millions upon millions of people with various kinds of STDs and STIs, and you almost certainly interact with some every day.

You aren't going to catch an STD by sharing a bathroom with someone, otherwise just imagine the sort of jeopardy you must be putting you and your children in everytime y'all use public restrooms. Neither from eating around one another, or kissing, or hugging, etc.

That's not how it works.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[pdudgeon]

How about a compromise. Choose a neutral territory (like a restaurant) and go out for a family dinner.

That way the restaurant can worry about the clean up, you can teach your children (if you haven't already) about the importance of good hygiene practices, and you can begin to build bridges with each other, but still retain your family beliefs.

p.s. don't forget that when he came back home, that Biblical unruly son had repented, and had changed his ways. Best wishes.

 

[ViaCrucis]

***Quick Preface*** Hi everyone, my wife and I are trying to find some answers to a very politically and socially charged question. We have a son that has moved out decided that he is not a Christian, etc... and informed us that he is choosing to live a bi-sexual, non-monogamous, lifestyle. We have 5 other children at home and have talked in depth with them from young ages about sexuality, god's design for sex, etc... This question is not about showing him we disapprove of his lifestyle, or punishing him for his choices, etc...

***Concern*** We are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases and infections. When we read online medical commentary that is talking to parents (or people not living this kind of lifestyle) it all says there is VERY little risk, of another person getting an STD / STI. BUT... When you read medical advice for the person that is having sex with multiple partners, of different genders there is all kinds of medical advice from pretty liberal sources (like planned parenthood) that says STI / STD's can be transmitted via touch with or without open cuts (if someone has touched their genitals, not washed hands well after using the bathroom, etc), via saliva (i.e. on dishes, countertops, etc...), using the same bathtub, laundry, etc... We are concerned about having our son come stay in our home. When he lived here he did not follow our rules (he would sneak inappropriate contentography into the home etc...) We do not feel that he would follow any guidelines or rules that we ask if he comes to visit.

***Question*** Do we NOT have him come home for holidays and visits? If so, how do we keep our other children safe from STD's / STI's?

Love your child unconditionally, their sexual orientation is part of who they are, whether you approve or not. And all you can do is love them. Just because they are gay doesn't mean they are "dirty", gay people don't magically get sexually transmitted diseases and infections, they get them the same way straight people do.

I think your fears are unfounded. And you should simply do the right thing--love, embrace, welcome, and cherish your child as your child.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Bro. Dave Gardner]

Unfortunately, you can expect plenty of replies from folks who won't have bothered to read your entire post. Oh, and it will likely turn into a debate very quickly.

(I hope I'm wrong, though.)

 

[Emmylouwho]

Do you have 5 young children you'd like to offer up as collateral for your judgmentalism and your scientific facts?

Do you use public restrooms? Do you eat at restaurants?

 

[Bro. Dave Gardner]

Do you use public restrooms? Do you eat at restaurants?

Very, very seldom. Not sure what this has to do with my post you quoted.

 

[JohnAshton]

Emmylouwho said: ↑
Do you use public restrooms? Do you eat at restaurants?

Very, very seldom. Not sure what this has to do with my post you quoted.

Emmylouwho's comment has everything to do with your post.

Love unconditionally. The son is not a danger to his sibs if he is not a sexual predator.

 

[Greengardener]

My heart is grieved at what you are facing. I have some close friends who worked in STD clinics, and the discussions make me realize what you are saying. And Bro Gardner seems to get that point. I would agree that there is reason to think that you are offering our family as collateral for their physical health but also for their mental/spiritual health. I can say that I've heard of families sharing hepatitis from razors and inadvertent contact with feces. Even innocent people can get hepatitis A through contaminated restaurant food from the unwashed hands of a carrier. Herpes can be shared before it becomes an obvious outbreak. Your concern is valid. No matter how small the risk, the fact that the risk exists becomes an issue of love. Would it be wrong to have an honest conversation about who sacrifices what in order for the family to stay safe? Maybe the errant son needs to sacrifice his rights to come home in order to protect his siblings and parents? After all, the kids haven't done anything wrong, so should they sacrifice safety? Just wondering aloud. Yes, seek God regarding this really painful situation. He delights in judgement as well as lovingkindness. May He give you a plan.

 

[Emmylouwho]

Very, very seldom. Not sure what this has to do with my post you quoted.

The potential exposure to germs. That’s what the OP is concerned about. Exposing children to his son’s presence is no more dangerous than using a public bathroom, or eating in a restaurant.

 

[JohnAshton]

Here is some common sense health tips about these matters.

https://www.cdc.gov/family/college/index.htm

 

[tturt]

The medical usually say there's a slight chance with cuts, sores, etc

Slight chance means a lot if you are "that slight chance."