dating overseas

[ThisIsMe123]

I've actually wanted to start a post on what you addressed in the bolded...I've noticed there's no need for compatibility or even standards in order to get a wife. Well, not the standards that we have now. Most were arranged marriages, and the men got to choose in Biblical times. I found it interesting there was no real courtship or dating advice in the Bible.

Yes on the romantic feelings, again, men had the pick of the line-up whilst the father gave his daughters away.

The only mention-able pieces would be that of Ruth and the whole must be evenly yoked. I'm sure God thought, "If they are having marital problems, suck it up and deal with it the best you can...I got bigger fish to fry".

It's interesting however, the Bible doesn't say it's bad to have financial consideration in a marriage (ie, everything else equal, you would choose the person who has financial security) nor you need to have romantic feelings towards the person. Ironically, the Bible don't provide much info on marriage, but you can extrapolate what's bad vs good things in a marriage.

Although the Bible describes what a "perfect wife" is and she is financially succcesful on her own. Of course, this isn't always possible.

Is it possible to acquire lots of money, without loving money? I think Yes. It's only a matter on where you spend that money.

The society have stereotypes on marriage that isn't actually Biblical.

Again I'm not promoting the practice, seeing how people are very easily deceived by wealth or falls in the trap of loving money. Most people ends up being bad stewards of the Lord's resources.

 

[bèlla]

I've noticed there's no need for compatibility or even standards in order to get a wife. Well, not the standards that we have now.

That depends on your circumstances and where you’re looking. To say that holds true for Caucasian men in America is incorrect. They most certainly have standards and I’ve dated them exclusively throughout my adult years.

Your ideals about marriage aren’t commonplace. Let alone heralded. I haven’t encountered secular or Christian men who’ve echoed your sentiments.

 

[Miles]

I don't have a problem with people dating overseas. Especially not if it happens organically. Love is love. That said, the way some guys approach it seems a bit sketchy to me. As if western women are so awful that women from non-western cultures are the only viable option. That's crazy talk.

People are people wherever you go. Yes, cultures have different norms, but you'll find traditionalists and liberals among any population. At least any population that isn't under martial law or threat of stoning for daring to be different. There are American women who are staunchly traditional. No need to look elsewhere if that's what you want.

Not to mention the point that Sketcher alluded to earlier in this thread. Some of those foreign women want western men for the opposite reason! They want to escape their traditional backgrounds. They don't want to make soup, or do whatever their home culture recommends, for their husband.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I was talking about what the previous poster was talking about when it comes to dating in the Bible, not about what you just said.

That depends on your circumstances and where you’re looking. To say that holds true for Caucasian men in America is incorrect. They most certainly have standards and I’ve dated them exclusively throughout my adult years.

Your ideals about marriage aren’t commonplace. Let alone heralded. I haven’t encountered secular or Christian men who’ve echoed your sentiments.

 

[bèlla]

I was talking about what the previous poster was talking about when it comes to dating in the Bible, not about what you just said.

Thanks for clarifying.

 

[timewerx]

Stewardship is not the same as financial consideration. ;-)

The women you’re addressing are choosing men who have the means to support the household on one income. It is no different from a trophy wife. Same role. Different expectations and spoils. But comfort is the end result.

Did not actually cross my mind. Most interracial couples I personally knew where the wife is Asian foreigner, the wife holds a job.

Note, most of these couples I knew are 40+ in age. Either they didn't have any kids or the kids are working themselves and already moved out.

No more kids to watch so both husband and wife can work.

Ironically, the couples I knew in Australia. About half, the wife holds a regular job while the husband stays at home or runs a business, in some of these, the wife makes more more money than the husband. This is the Asian foreigner wife btw.

The concept of "trophy wife" is alien where I come from. But then, I don't have any affluent friends. They probably exist where I live, just uncommon and certainly not in my neighborhood!

 

[bèlla]

Ironically, the couples I knew in Australia. About half, the wife holds a regular job while the husband stays at home or runs a business, in some of these, the wife makes more more money than the husband. This is the Asian foreigner wife btw.

I don’t know any house husbands. But I know several men who are self-employed and work from home.

Most of the women I’ve known who relocated gave up their jobs or weren’t required to work. They range in age from early twenties to late forties.

We prefer traditional relationships with a male head of household. I formed friendships with women whose philosophy mirrored my own. The connections are more beneficial for each.

 

[timewerx]

Most of the women I’ve known who relocated gave up their jobs or weren’t required to work. They range in age from early twenties to late forties.

Must be better off than the ones I know.

In all the interracial couples I knew, only one wife was able to stay home and not do any work (apart from cooking) and they have a big house, in an expensive neighborhood and the guy runs his own contractor business. They were upper middle class.

Most couples I personally met knew in USA and Australia (through friends and relatives) are below middle class. The males are not very successful by their country's standards, first wife left them for a richer guy usually.

We prefer traditional relationships with a male head of household. I formed friendships with women whose philosophy mirrored my own. The connections are more beneficial for each.

I've heard this is getting more difficult to attain these days as it's getting harder to earn money.

I don't know.... I don't think the Bible is rigid on rules. (Christ's Sabbath example) and the poor are often favored in the Bible, especially the New Testament, ironically, it is the poor who have a harder time getting the wife to do no work (or at least only do household duties). Often both has to do work to make ends meet.

 

[bèlla]

Must be better off than the ones I know.

Some have white collar jobs but the majority are self-employed.

In all the interracial couples I knew, only one wife was able to stay home and not do any work (apart from cooking)

I met an Asian gentleman last year. We really hit it off. But work was the sticking point. He wanted to be the sole provider.

I've heard this is getting more difficult to attain these days as it's getting harder to earn money.

That depends on your industry and skills. Most of the people I know are trying to leave traditional employment or already bolted. They don’t want to put their livelihood in the hands of an employer.

The husband and wife work together to make that happen. Sometimes both have businesses or they work together on a shared venture. Financial freedom is the goal.

If I was in my twenties and fresh out of school I’d live at home, work part-time, and devote my energy to building a business. When I’m able to support myself on that alone I’d leave the job and strike out on my own. But not before.

 

[timewerx]

But work was the sticking point. He wanted to be the sole provider.

I can probably do this someday but an expensive mortgage is out of the question. A cheaper mortgage would have to do.

Six figures income is few years from now if no more tragedy happens.

I'm not sure if this is realistic for everyone. I have the aptitude for programming and some customer relations. I'm simply hit with series of huge problems that's why I'm stuck in a huge pothole right now.

Not everyone would have the aptitude for skills that are high in demand...

And what about people with disabilities? Genetic inheritance? I think these things factors too. I don't think it's fair to expect the same standards. Not everyone would be able to establish traditional family structure and still live in safety and comfort. Just not possible not because of laziness.

I'm simply fortunate to have a bit of creativity.... Not everyone has, I don't think it's fair to expect the same for everyone.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I've actually had some friends suggest me doing this...esp. after they've heard the struggle I've had in the dating department. lol At first I thought they were joking.

 

[bèlla]

I can probably do this someday but an expensive mortgage is out of the question. A cheaper mortgage would have to do.

He owned a condo and was financially comfortable. He had a traditional job and launched a nonprofit at Columbia that was doing well. He was finishing his graduate degree. I wasn’t comfortable with the age gap but he told me to be quiet. ;-)

He was very open and shared his financial situation, the lifestyle he wanted, what he expected to live on, and what he was aiming for. And his ideal involved a companion who managed the home, attended social events, and pursued education and skills.

His concern was the demands of my calling and its affect on the relationship. He felt we’d be more akin to a power couple and not the traditional idea he had in mind. He knew the fashion industry and shot commercial fashion photography on the side.

It ‘could’ of worked I suppose. But I was ambivalent about an alignment that might compromise my calling. I need to know he’s okay going in so there’s no regrets or strife. If I felt that about him I would have remained at his side. It was a hard call. We really fit and he felt the same.

Six figures income is few years from now if no more tragedy happens.

That isn’t a long time at all. You’ll get there.

I'm not sure if this is realistic for everyone. I have the aptitude for programming and some customer relations. I'm simply hit with series of huge problems that's why I'm stuck in a huge pothole right now.

Setbacks happen. I’ve had my share. But they aren’t permanent. Remember that.

And what about people with disabilities? Genetic inheritance? I think these things factors too. I don't think it's fair to expect the same standards. Not everyone would be able to establish traditional family structure and still live in safety and comfort. Just not possible not because of laziness.

I don’t expect everyone to do that. That’s one option and a choice some have made. The majority are Christian men and women. Comfort is subjective. We all measure it differently.

I'm simply fortunate to have a bit of creativity.... Not everyone has, I don't think it's fair to expect the same for everyone.

God gave you that. Just like He gave me gifts and talents too. We’re not alone. The Internet has opened up opportunities that didn’t exist. I know women who earn their living teaching Christian values, homemaking, cooking, and so on.

They’re sharing their knowledge with the world and earning a living. The disabled person has a story too. How are they managing their disability? What have they learned that would help others?

I used to brainstorm business ideas every day. It is easy for me to see how the mundane can become a profitable venture. That’s how my mind works. I believe in using what you have and trusting God to guide your steps.

 

[timewerx]

His concern was the demands of my calling and its affect on the relationship. He felt we’d be more akin to a power couple and not the traditional idea he had in mind. He knew the fashion industry and shot commercial fashion photography on the side.

Interesting. It seems not all Asians are the same.

Where I come from, the ladies really like to work a job. But mostly this is due to the difficult environment we live in.

Obviously not all Asians are from 3rd world, many are actually rich and affluent. But not me, in a poor region, rough and unsophisticated!

So I can understand why he might want a traditional setup. Not that I can relate, lol. Personally, I prefer a a woman who loves to work. I also love to work. I mean we all work for something.

The idea of "trophy wife" brings up some red flags to me as I find it unscriptural. We are to serve, not to be served.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Interesting. It seems not all Asians are the same.

Where I come from, the ladies really like to work a job. But mostly this is due to the difficult environment we live in.

Obviously not all Asians are from 3rd world, many are actually rich and affluent. But not me, in a poor region, rough and unsophisticated!

So I can understand why he might want a traditional setup. Not that I can relate, lol. Personally, I prefer a a woman who loves to work. I also love to work. I mean we all work for something.

The idea of "trophy wife" brings up some red flags to me as I find it unscriptural. We are to serve, not to be served.

The last woman I went out with with a Vietnamese nail salon tech. She had been unattached for about 12 years and pretty much lived to work. She wast he only 7-day a week tech at the shop, she both opened and closed and also helped her boss nanny her kid (no-pay, that was kind of a deal breaker for me,but that's another story).

Anyways, she's told me that a couple of male nail shop chain owners wanted to marry her and from that they said she wouldn't have to work again (even though she needed to as a single person).

She refused such an arrangement, said money did not matter to her and wasn't an incentive for her to ever to have a provider. She gave up living comfortably and favored a sweatshop environment.

This has turned her off from Vietnamese men altogether as this is part of her culture she will not accept.

 

[timewerx]

She gave up living comfortably and favored a sweatshop environment.

That's really cool. That's a keeper, I tell you!

Someone who finds charm in a sweatshop environment, I gotta tell you, you don't find them everyday!

 

[bèlla]

So I can understand why he might want a traditional setup. Not that I can relate, lol. Personally, I prefer a a woman who loves to work. I also love to work. I mean we all work for something.

His mother left the workforce when she had children and I think that influenced his outlook. He’s a classic overachiever but there’s a part of him that loves academia.

I don’t think all Asians are alike (and he was the first I’d dated), but his mindset was similar to others I’ve encountered. Success was very important to him.

The idea of "trophy wife" brings up some red flags to me as I find it unscriptural. We are to serve, not to be served.

I don’t think its ideal for anyone to marry for financial comfort. Whether they’re impoverished or not.

The term is frequently applied to attractive women who marry wealthy men. Many devote their time to philanthropic pursuits along with familial responsibilities.

If you’re imagining someone who spends her day shopping or relaxing that’s rarely the case.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

My ex-wife is Russian and I met her here in the US while we were both going to school. She had a temporary visa, and once we got married we went through the process of her becoming naturalized and getting her permanent residency. Nightmare process. Super expensive. Would not recommend. Took almost 3 years start to finish, and the personal interviews with the person at the ICE office were one notch below 'enhanced interrogation techniques'.

 

[bèlla]

She gave up living comfortably and favored a sweatshop environment.

This is a first. I can’t recollect anyone who’d say the same. Unless the alternative was significantly worse. Most are hoping to be freed from those conditions.

 

[timewerx]

I don’t think all Asians are alike (and he was the first I’d dated), but his mindset was similar to others I’ve encountered. Success was very important to him.

That's true, But I think I'm the only Asian who doesn't care for worldly success/achievements/make parents very proud or at least make it a high priority. I have completely different reasons for making money.

I can't even play a single musical instrument! I maybe Asian but I'm more Canadian at heart!

The term is frequently applied to attractive women who marry wealthy men. Many devote their time to philanthropic pursuits along with familial responsibilities.

I didn't know this, thanks!

 

[timewerx]

My ex-wife is Russian and I met her here in the US while we were both going to school. She had a temporary visa, and once we got married we went through the process of her becoming naturalized and getting her permanent residency. Nightmare process. Super expensive. Would not recommend. Took almost 3 years start to finish, and the personal interviews with the person at the ICE office were one notch below 'enhanced interrogation techniques'.

Probably only applies to Russian brides? Eastern Europeans don't have the best of reputation in the US immigration nor anywhere else.

Lots of scammers come from that region like Nigeria so it would not be surprising if under extra scrutiny.