dating overseas

[bèlla]

Sounds like a lot of work.

You don’t need to do that. I’d consider someone from the UK. But otherwise, no.

 

[timewerx]

Sounds like a lot of work.

It's even a lot worse if the guy is from a poor/3rd world country (low per capita income countries). Hugely limits the countries he can move to without great difficulty.

Only exceptions if the guy already makes a lot of money or possesses skills in high demand in the country he plans to move to - this would certainly fast track the process a lot.... In as little as one month in some cases!

The "system" sees all of us as commodities, not as sentient human beings. If you can't beat it, join it - "get rich or die trying".

 

[blackribbon]

It's even a lot worse if the guy is from a poor/3rd world country (low per capita income countries). Hugely limits the countries he can move to without great difficulty.

Only exceptions if the guy already makes a lot of money or possesses skills in high demand in the country he plans to move to - this would certainly fast track the process a lot.... In as little as one month in some cases!

The "system" sees all of us as commodities, not as sentient human beings. If you can't beat it, join it - "get rich or die trying".

The US has required for at least 100 years that immigrants be sponsored and have a way of making a living as a condition of immigration. Do you believe that this is wrong? I understand that it makes it harder to immigrate but it is intended to make sure that immigrants don't come in and get on the welfare roll and require the citizens be taxed more to sponsor them. We already have a welfare problem in this country.

 

[timewerx]

The US has required for at least 100 years that immigrants be sponsored and have a way of making a living as a condition of immigration. Do you believe that this is wrong? I understand that it makes it harder to immigrate but it is intended to make sure that immigrants don't come in and get on the welfare roll and require the citizens be taxed more to sponsor them. We already have a welfare problem in this country.

All of my relatives in USA came to USA other than skilled migrants nor rich business investors. Others went to Australia.

And yet, all their kids are college educated (in USA and Australia). And all enjoy middle class living. Some are upper middle class.

They had mediocre financial success locally, in my 3rd world country, NOT by global standard but even by 3rd world standards.

Consider there are many other variables the Immigration system should look at, other than per capita income of the country of origin and personal income / assets. Things like culture, religion, etc can become significant factors.

My rant is that contributing factors extend way beyond per capita income of country of origin and personal income / assets and other basic things like criminal records.

Understand that it's harder to have financial success in 3rd world countries for instance. The corruption, injustice, and bureaucracy is a lot worse than countries like USA. Sometimes, you have to "shake hands" with wicked people or get your hands "dirty" in order to get ahead in 3rd world. Something a Christian shouldn't be doing (have nothing to do with deeds of wickedness but expose them -Ephesians 5:11).

It's harder to attain success in a 3rd world country plagued by corruption if you are going to observe Christian principles.

All my relatives are Christians. Mediocre here, not even skilled. But as Christians, they are honest, have great financial discipline, and very hard working. Things that are valued more in less corrupt Western nations.

Countries like USA and Australia gave them opportunity to be good at being honest and hard working and rewarded them with financial success.

 

[bèlla]

America is a 3rd world country for many in need who are living on the edge. Our first responsibility is to them.

 

[blackribbon]

I understand that it is difficult to immigrate into the US, especially if you don't have a lot of money. I don't know that they can use culture or religion as a reason in choosing who can immigrate because it isn't legal to use those reasons to prioritize a group of people by religion or culture in the US. It also isn't feasible for us to just open our borders to everyone who wants to move here. Our first responsibility is to take care of our citizens and we have a lot of people here who need help. I too have a lot of medical bills that need to be paid and honestly, I am not sure how I will pay them off except bit by bit. Luckily, insurance covered the majority of what I owed. But I still owe a lot of money and it will take time to pay it off. No different than you. I don't have extra money to go anywhere either. My money goes to supporting my kids and paying bills.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[MehGuy]

I swear to you guys, I have a girlfriend from Canada!

...Oh wait, I'm Canadian... That joke doesn't quite work out well...

Lol, I always think of the Breakfast Club when I hear that..

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[timewerx]

I understand that it is difficult to immigrate into the US, especially if you don't have a lot of money. I don't know that they can use culture or religion as a reason in choosing who can immigrate because it isn't legal to use those reasons to prioritize a group of people by religion or culture in the US.

Some countries actually have special immigration dispensation for immigrants based on region and sometimes race.

It makes sense if a certain region gives consistently good quality immigrants.

We are actually favored in less politically correct countries.

I'm not really a big fan of political correctness. You are solving the problem of racism with another problem. Drop the prejudice and evaluate someone according to actual rendered performance.That is all you need. It has no name but it works.

It can be foolish to ignore statistics.

 

[blackribbon]

Some countries actually have special immigration dispensation for immigrants based on region and sometimes race.

It makes sense if a certain region gives consistently good quality immigrants.

We are actually favored in less politically correct countries.

I'm not really a big fan of political correctness. You are solving the problem of racism with another problem. Drop the prejudice and evaluate someone according to actual rendered performance.That is all you need. It has no name but it works.

It can be foolish to ignore statistics.

I am not an expert on immigration but are the "special immigration dispensations" the ones designed to assist certain people as refugee status? Otherwise, requiring skills and education that are needed in the US is evaluating someone according to actual rendered performance, isn't it? I thought you were against that.

I don't have the answers. I know we can't just accept anyone who says they want to come to the US because they want to come here. We need to vet each immigrant and we have to have mandated rules on who and who can't immigrate. There are countries which we have determined pose a higher risk to this country and its citizens and need higher and more stringent ways to determine who is acceptable. Of course, this means some decent people may not be able to immigrate into our country. But we have to have rules.

And this thread was really to discuss the downside to looking overseas for a spouse ... which I guess you did point out by showing how hard it is a for a decent human being from one of these countries that has people who are willing to give up everything to come to the US...so it would also be a reason that someone would pretend to love a desperate US citizen if they think immigration by marrying a citizen is a viable option. However, I do think that some are willing to really marry and commit to a less attractive person in order to move to the US. I'd be more worried about attractive foreign people who may get here, get their green card and then decide that they can "trade up" for a richer or better looking spouse.

 

[timewerx]

I am not an expert on immigration but are the "special immigration dispensations" the ones designed to assist certain people as refugee status?

I'm not talking about refugee nor "persecuted" status. Fortunately, we're not in a civil war yet.

It's simply fast tracking the visa application for immigrants from certain regions (makes it easier for them to apply for visas). I've seen one in New Zealand Immigration documents several years ago.

so it would also be a reason that someone would pretend to love a desperate US citizen if they think immigration by marrying a citizen is a viable option. However, I do think that some are willing to really marry and commit to a less attractive person in order to move to the US.

I can confirm to you this is true.

This is often the case for American men who married Asian wives.

Not entirely a bad thing. Someone coming from a poor / 3rd world country don't have a lot of wants or "needs". Content with little, don't ask much. I mean they're just happy getting a green card and living in peace and not struggling for survival for once.

So they stick with you. Content with little. Don't need fancy things, don't need fancy dates, romance is overrated....

I have personally known and met many interracial couples. Westerner guy, Asian wife. First or two marriages were local, same race. Finally with Asian wife and they stick for long.

P.S. We don't reject romance or avoid being romantic as a matter of choice. But those coming from 3rd world deal with basic survival struggles on a daily basis in the harsh environment we live in. We have no time and strength left to think about romance. Just a break / rest from those elements is enough to make us happy!

 

[bèlla]

That sounds a lot like a marriage of convenience.

 

[timewerx]

That sounds a lot like a marriage of convenience.

It can be hard to understand their situation until you experience that life.

I myself used to be more idealistic when it comes to marriage until I lost a few things in life and understood what these guys are going through. It's heartbreaking to say the least and you live with that everyday.

The good thing is they stick together. Both are happy and the kids are happy too

 

[bèlla]

It can be hard to understand their situation until you experience that life.

We are inundated about the plight of others throughout our lives. Americans are many things. But clueless isn’t one of them. And we have enough poverty around us to have an idea of what it looks like too.

I myself used to be more idealistic when it comes to marriage until I lost a few things in life and understood what these guys are going through. It's heartbreaking to say the least and you live with that everyday.

I am not idealistic. Nor did I mention romance. It seems strange that you validate the notion of establishing a marriage to escape poverty while railing against those with means in the same breath.

Money that enables them to help the people you’re mentioning. But maybe you mean some money but not too much. Who knows.

I can’t think of anyone who said the Lord told them to marry someone for financial security. And I’ve never had Him tell me to take use my plenty to import a spouse. Or establish a bond for that reason. I doubt I’m alone.

 

[timewerx]

I can’t think of anyone who said the Lord told them to marry someone for financial security. And I’ve never had Him tell me to take use my plenty to import a spouse. Or establish a bond for that reason. I doubt I’m alone.

I'm only saying I understand why some people would marry for the sake of financial security.

I'm not saying it's a good thing. Sorry if I sound like I'm promoting it.

I've experience both living the good life and becoming poor and without hope (in that order!). I used to think I know the poor and judged their actions rather harshly. Until I became one and hopeless. Then I realized there's a lot of things I don't really know.

I did used to look with contempt on people who marry for the sake of having financial security or having a green card, etc. Living their lives changed my perspective and now they have my sympathy than ill feelings towards them. It's not entirely their fault (that's for another topic).

Our Lord sympathize with the poor, our society hates them and blames the for their poverty and now I know why.

 

[bèlla]

I'm not saying it's a good thing. Sorry if I sound like I'm promoting it.

Thank you for clarifying.

I used to think I know the poor and judged their actions rather harshly. Until I became one and hopeless. Then I realized there's a lot of things I don't really know.

That is true for all of us. Our empathy isn’t the same as walking in someone’s shoes.

I did used to look with contempt on people who marry for the sake of having financial security or having a green card, etc.

I have never viewed the practice with contempt. But I felt it veered too close to selling oneself. The end result of comfort (whether its middle class or affluence) is a line I can’t cross.

I have to forge a relationship founded on Him. While that may include certain comforts, that isn’t the primary reason for our bond.

Most Christians who are seeking companions are desirous of men and women who love the Lord and desire their presence. Wholly for who they are. Not for the things they have.

Unfortunately, that is often the case in these situations as others have noted. Loving my neighbor compels me to seek their best. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of the same. Nor would I sanction it for others.

I understand their plight. But I don’t believe marriages of convenience (as we see today) exemplify the examples we’ve been given in the binle or the divine principle it represents.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I can concur....I've just started seeing a Vietnamese nail salon tech, mid-40s. Was married in the 1990s, divorced in 2007. So she's been a LONG time US Citizen. (She can vote).

She told me that's it's typically her culture for women to marry not only older, but even less attractive men. Well, to her attraction isn't an issue, as she's more into personality and a warm, kind heart of a man.

When I saw her dating profile, with her being 45, she actually selected 52 to 70 as a preferred age range. I was like "Wow, you'd even date a 70 year old?" and she says, "Yes, age doesn't matter to me".

She said she also likes to cook for her man (she eats healthy).

So my point is, even after she got her US Citizenship, altough she has no incentive to get a greencard, she stuck with her standards. She carried it over from her culture. She doesn't care about looks nor money, and she's actually pretty cute herself. She eats clean (plant-based) so she looks youthful for her age.

I'm not talking about refugee nor "persecuted" status. Fortunately, we're not in a civil war yet.

It's simply fast tracking the visa application for immigrants from certain regions (makes it easier for them to apply for visas). I've seen one in New Zealand Immigration documents several years ago.



I can confirm to you this is true.

This is often the case for American men who married Asian wives.

Not entirely a bad thing. Someone coming from a poor / 3rd world country don't have a lot of wants or "needs". Content with little, don't ask much. I mean they're just happy getting a green card and living in peace and not struggling for survival for once.

So they stick with you. Content with little. Don't need fancy things, don't need fancy dates, romance is overrated....

I have personally known and met many interracial couples. Westerner guy, Asian wife. First or two marriages were local, same race. Finally with Asian wife and they stick for long.

P.S. We don't reject romance or avoid being romantic as a matter of choice. But those coming from 3rd world deal with basic survival struggles on a daily basis in the harsh environment we live in. We have no time and strength left to think about romance. Just a break / rest from those elements is enough to make us happy!

 

[timewerx]

I have to forge a relationship founded on Him. While that may include certain comforts, that isn’t the primary reason for our bond.

Most Christians who are seeking companions are desirous of men and women who love the Lord and desire their presence. Wholly for who they are. Not for the things they have.

Unfortunately, that is often the case in these situations as others have noted. Loving my neighbor compels me to seek their best. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of the same. Nor would I sanction it for others.

I understand their plight. But I don’t believe marriages of convenience (as we see today) exemplify the examples we’ve been given in the binle or the divine principle it represents.

It's interesting however, the Bible doesn't say it's bad to have financial consideration in a marriage (ie, everything else equal, you would choose the person who has financial security) nor you need to have romantic feelings towards the person. Ironically, the Bible don't provide much info on marriage, but you can extrapolate what's bad vs good things in a marriage.

Although the Bible describes what a "perfect wife" is and she is financially succcesful on her own. Of course, this isn't always possible.

Is it possible to acquire lots of money, without loving money? I think Yes. It's only a matter on where you spend that money.

The society have stereotypes on marriage that isn't actually Biblical.

Again I'm not promoting the practice, seeing how people are very easily deceived by wealth or falls in the trap of loving money. Most people ends up being bad stewards of the Lord's resources.

 

[bèlla]

It's interesting however, the Bible doesn't say it's bad to have financial consideration in a marriage

Stewardship is not the same as financial consideration. ;-)

The women you’re addressing are choosing men who have the means to support the household on one income. It is no different from a trophy wife. Same role. Different expectations and spoils. But comfort is the end result.