Mind Games

[bèlla]

Thus the praying for wisdom.

(Wisdom and its accompanying discernment, prevents us from getting "snared" in those spider webs" that are "invisible" till we are ensnared in them.)

Yes. I have been sitting quietly for a while. Observing and doing as the Holy Spirit directed. He has addressed the situations differently.

One is subtle and appears harmless. But my spiritual disturbance says otherwise and that is frequently the case. This is a matter of warfare that I’ll address.

The other is like the spider you mentioned. My spirit revolted (like revulsion) in response. It reminds me of the Jezebel spirit. Very cunning.

 

[Melody Suttles]

Mind games. We’ve heard of them and recognize the damage they cause.

In your opinion, what drives the behavior? And how do you address it as a Christian?

From personal experience I can say the driving force behind toxic mind games is a selfish desire - almost obsession to gratify one's need to look important to others - to feel a false sense of importance. Thus, everything becomes about the one playing mind games. Even acts of kindness are really just a means to create whatever atmosphere will ultimately shine a light upon the act of kindness.
I believe the driving force is nothing less than sin -- selfish pride -- and a lack of self-discipline.

 

[bèlla]

have used avoidance but when it's a family member it's difficult
decided to be "extra" nice/give extra attention first
totally threw person off their game; a joy to behold

Well done!

 

[brinny]

Yes. I have been sitting quietly for a while. Observing and doing as the Holy Spirit directed. He has addressed the situations differently.

One is subtle and appears harmless. But my spiritual disturbance says otherwise and that is frequently the case. This is a matter of warfare that I’ll address.

The other is like the spider you mentioned. My spirit revolted (like revulsion) in response. It reminds me of the Jezebel spirit. Very cunning.

Interesting. I didn't think of the Jezebel spirit, but yes, that applies as well.

 

[bèlla]

From personal experience I can say the driving force behind toxic mind games is a selfish desire - almost obsession to gratify one's need to look important to others

It is definitely selfish. You’ve mentioned another motivator. This akin to the ‘by any means necessary’ mindset.

I believe the driving force is nothing less than sin -- selfish pride -- and a lack of self-discipline.

I think pride is there. You’d have to believe in your sense of rightness to manipulate someone without remorse.

 

[bèlla]

Interesting. I didn't think of the Jezebel spirit, but yes, that applies as well.

That’s what you were describing. It was a confirmation for me. ;-)

 

[mama2one]

what's worse, I think is when someone uses God/guilt as a way to manipulate
like saying "pray about it" to get the person to do what the person wants-guilt them into doing something

 

[bèlla]

dynamics have gone on for years
others are still manipulated but don't think they realize it?
not even sure the one who manipulates realizes they do it as it's second nature now
all very dysfunctional

I think there are some who does so intentionally and with malice and others whose coping mechanism is ingrained.

what's worse, I think is when someone uses God/guilt as a way to manipulate
like saying "pray about it" to get the person to do what the person wants-guilt them into doing something

Yes. It is a subtle strong arming.

You’ve given me something else to consider as well. God is frequently used as the avenue to gain access to a person’s ear or earn their trust.

 

[mama2one]

God is frequently used as the avenue to gain access to a person’s ear or earn their trust.

agree

don't know if "intentionally" played this summer or not
person knew we're Christian & saying they prayed for us


but giving us bad advice makes me wonder if we were also played in an effort to gain trust
I'll never know as won't use them again for business

 

[bèlla]

but giving us bad advice makes me wonder if we were also played in an effort to gain trust
I'll never know as won't use them again for business

That’s terrible. Were they remorseful?

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Mayflower1]

I think phrases that put the responsibility back on them really help. Like, "that is interesting. I wonder why you think that." Or "I am sorry you feel that way/this happened. I will pray for you, but I am not doing that/am not wrong to have these boundaries.

I had to have a boundary with a friend who played a lot of mind games/made up stories for me to do things for her. When it came to light, I told her I could only hang out in groups with her from then on.

 

[bèlla]

I think phrases that put the responsibility back on them really help. Like, "that is interesting. I wonder why you think that." Or "I am sorry you feel that way/this happened. I will pray for you, but I am not doing that/am not wrong to have these boundaries.

I agree and I think that’s a healthy approach that’s not combative. Because some want an encounter.

I had to have a boundary with a friend who played a lot of mind games/made up stories for me to do things for her. When it came to light, I told her I could only hang out in groups with her from then on.

Your friend is fortunate you did not break fellowship in light of their behavior. I think you made the right decision.

 

[bèlla]

Answering my question...

I think mind games are the antithesis of Christ’s teachings and the love we are called to have and share. Its deeply grievous when Christians use these methods to coerce or manipulate others. And far worse when God is used as a point of entry for their deception.

On a personal level, I find the behavior repugnant. I value truth and authenticity. I view it as an ethical violation that knows no bounds and comprises the welfare of others for selfish gain.

It is wholly demonic. While the root of its presence may differ, it should not be welcomed. Whether the behavior is overt, cunning, or passive aggressive; we should seek its removal.

As others have mentioned, this can lead to other maladies. Both natural and physical. But those endowed with the Holy Spirit will sense discrepancies within their spirit and the person they’re engaging with.

The bible tells us:

For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.

The truth cannot be hidden and will eventually come to light. Whether we’re on the receiving end or perpetuate the same.

You cannot walk in unforgiveness and bitterness and assume no one sees. You can’t behave with cunning and passive aggressiveness and assume no one notices.

God sees and knows all.

I think the first remedy is prayer. We need the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and counsel. In some cases, that is enough. Others may require spiritual warfare to remedy.

In most instances, distance coupled with prayer is the ideal solution. But close relationships may prove challenging. Nevertheless, we cannot support discord or exploitation. Lest we find ourselves equally compromised by the experience.

It is my belief that someone operating in God’s love and in harmony with His Spirit cannot consistently behave manipulatively without remorse or conviction.

And without a willingness to confront their behavior in true repentance towards those they’ve harmed. I‘d liken them to the man with 1,000 faces and assume I’m viewing another guise.

Manipulators are personable. They say the right things and many are well liked. But they don’t walk in love. That’s the difference and one we should not forget.

 

[AlexDTX]

Mind games. We’ve heard of them and recognize the damage they cause.

In your opinion, what drives the behavior? And how do you address it as a Christian?

Looking over what others have said, I agree that mind games can be intentional, and that there are people who deliberately play mind games, but I also think that there are many who play mind games out of their own confusion of heart. I mean there are people who have erroneous assumptions that cause them to play mind games, and never realized that they were doing it.

The worst mind games, though, are imposed upon us by powerful people who want to control the world. Mind games are in the news as lies are told us to get us to believe things. Same with entertainment and schools. Evidence of this is seen in the very confused people who think they can be a different gender than the one they were born.

 

[Noxot]

There are some very skillful people out there that are basically wandering Psychopaths who have to keep moving on victim to victim. But there are also more complex issues such as years and years of being a drug addict. We have to keep in mind the contents of a person's life. Most things don't seem to be black and white to me. There are various struggles and wars going on in most of us.

 

[bèlla]

but I also think that there are many who play mind games out of their own confusion of heart. I mean there are people who have erroneous assumptions that cause them to play mind games, and never realized that they were doing it.

Yes, I mentioned that earlier. It is a defense mechanism and their way of coping with pain or threat. That’s why I was unwilling to say all are this or that.

The worst mind games, though, are imposed upon us by powerful people who want to control the world.

I see that as well. It guides my behavior and the things I accept in my mind and heart for those reasons and more.

 

[bèlla]

We have to keep in mind the contents of a person's life. Most things don't seem to be black and white to me. There are various struggles and wars going on in most of us.

Few things are. Which is why prayer is the first response. We can judge a situation erroneously through our flesh.

 

[GingerBeer]

Manipulative people are often the victims of rape

Really? That sounds completely crazy. Isn't it the rapists who want to control others?

 

[childeye 2]

Mind games. We’ve heard of them and recognize the damage they cause.

In your opinion, what drives the behavior? And how do you address it as a Christian?

Are you referring to psychological manipulation?