well there is such a thing as apostacy, and when it happens there is nothing a human can do to reverse it hebrews six says. However with God all things are possible hebrews also says. The fact that you are here talking about it is a good thing. But fear alone is not enough to reverse it. There must be repentance. Now that does not mean being perfect. For instance, there are all sorts of addictions, there are sexual addictions like inappropriate contentography, there are chemical addictions like drugs, or alcohol. And normally with an addiction, one cannot quit cold turkey. There are many cases of quiting cold turkey, I admit, but most cases are not that way. As long as there is progress repentance can take a long time. For example, if you still desire salvation and God in your life, try sinning less. You say you don't care, and are immune to feelings, but as you slowly repent, one day at a time, one sin at a time. The Holy spirit will return. I had three addictions before recommiting to God this last year, and God has delivered me from all of them. I still mess up, but the more sins I repent of, the more sensitive I become to the smallest of sins. It's a life long journey. We will never be perfect, but we will slowly be perfected. God does not curse us because of sin, it's our sin itself that curses us. Sin has been defeated by the cross. But the affect of sin still can cause death temporarily. And eventually sin can deceive us into not believing in Jesus anymore. Last week I messed up and I sinned, then soon afterward I was mad at God because I believe He would punish me for my sin, as I was praying I realized that God created the universe to be sensitive to sin. When we sin, the sin itself is rejected by the universe. The universe attacks sin. And when we are righteous, the universe blesses us. God has programmed the universe this way. Yes God can overide those programs, by giving mercy and grace, or by allowing more punishment, but I don't think He unduly punishes, after the cross that is. His very own son was punished. So I believe He is more apt to have grace and mercy. That has been my experience. So really when we sin, we are just hurting ourselves, it's not God doing it. It's us. and when we continue in sin, there is a point where that sin can decieve us into not having faith in Christ anymore. But as long as you still believe, you have time to repent and to turn. I believe even after apostacy, God can turn someone, if people pray for them, and fast. But the key is, do you want salvation more than you want your sin?