- Mar 29, 2017
- 56
- 21
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Hello, I am curious how married couples deal with decision making in their marriage.
I know what the bible says about the husband being the leader and ultimately, at an impasse, the decision maker...but I'm curious what decisions does he decide? All of them, at every impasse, no matter how big or small the issue?
Or is it just the big ones, that affect the finances or the family as a whole?
The reason I ask is this, and let me know in your family, what you would do, please.
My niece is getting married @ New Years in another state. My whole family is going (my parents, my brother, etc). My 3 kids and I would love to go. But my husband is unable to get the time off work. My kids will be on school break and I have the time I can take off. My parents offered to pay for all expenses, except food, which we'd be paying for no matter where we were.
My husband does not want us to go. Of course, he hasn't given me his answer yet....and it's a touchy subject...but he somehow has a problem with us going. At first it was financial, until he found out my parents were covering costs. Then it became about church, because he's Catholic and didn't want the kids missing any Days of Obligation. But I explained we are traveling after and will be home before, any of those Days. And my nieces wedding is on Sunday in a Catholic church and I already called my husbands Priest and explained the situation and he told me since the wedding is in a Catholic church and will have a mass, the Sunday mass obligation is covered.
I see no logical reason why my husband would not be ok with us going on this trip. He knows it's a time for the kids and I to get out of the house and get to travel, something we normally couldn't afford to do. And since my husband doesn't travel well, and doesn't really groove well with my family, it would be a nice getaway and time apart.
If tables were turned, while I would not like being left behind, if I knew my husband and kids really wanted to go and his family was paying for all expenses, I wouldn't stop them from going and having a good time and I'd actually appreciate the "me time".
I feel like because he doesn't want me to go and because he isn't able to go (jealous?) that he wants to keep us from going, because of his own personal reasons. My kids keep telling me that he tells them, he's probalbly going to say no to the trip, which infuriates me, because it's like he holds it over our heads and the kids don't need to be involved in our discussion. Anytime there is any tension over any issue, and he throws in my face, "Oh great, I can't wait until we talk about the wedding trip"....I don't know what he's waiting for or mulling over, but in my honest opinion, it should be as simple as, Can we afford the costs for food? Do we have the time to take off? Is our schedule open to do this? Are you really wanting to go? Do I trust you? If the answer is yes to these, then I do not see why it is something to mull over for 6 days, let alone 6 months.
And quite honestly, I'm becoming resentful and a great animosity is growing against my husband because I feel like his "decision making" is more of a lordship over me, because of how he handles any decisions he makes. He makes it a big ordeal, thumping me (not literally) over the head with the Bible and how it says husband take the lead, and wives must submit, yadda yadda... And to add in, he's a very selfish person, and has been our entire 20 years together...so I don't believe his decisions are Godly, or selfless, at all, I truly think he makes these decisions for what HE wants, what HE needs and what HE desires, more than anything. And how do I prove that? How do I get around that, while still doing my duty as a submissive wife? Ugh...I'm frustrated. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
I know what the bible says about the husband being the leader and ultimately, at an impasse, the decision maker...but I'm curious what decisions does he decide? All of them, at every impasse, no matter how big or small the issue?
Or is it just the big ones, that affect the finances or the family as a whole?
The reason I ask is this, and let me know in your family, what you would do, please.
My niece is getting married @ New Years in another state. My whole family is going (my parents, my brother, etc). My 3 kids and I would love to go. But my husband is unable to get the time off work. My kids will be on school break and I have the time I can take off. My parents offered to pay for all expenses, except food, which we'd be paying for no matter where we were.
My husband does not want us to go. Of course, he hasn't given me his answer yet....and it's a touchy subject...but he somehow has a problem with us going. At first it was financial, until he found out my parents were covering costs. Then it became about church, because he's Catholic and didn't want the kids missing any Days of Obligation. But I explained we are traveling after and will be home before, any of those Days. And my nieces wedding is on Sunday in a Catholic church and I already called my husbands Priest and explained the situation and he told me since the wedding is in a Catholic church and will have a mass, the Sunday mass obligation is covered.
I see no logical reason why my husband would not be ok with us going on this trip. He knows it's a time for the kids and I to get out of the house and get to travel, something we normally couldn't afford to do. And since my husband doesn't travel well, and doesn't really groove well with my family, it would be a nice getaway and time apart.
If tables were turned, while I would not like being left behind, if I knew my husband and kids really wanted to go and his family was paying for all expenses, I wouldn't stop them from going and having a good time and I'd actually appreciate the "me time".
I feel like because he doesn't want me to go and because he isn't able to go (jealous?) that he wants to keep us from going, because of his own personal reasons. My kids keep telling me that he tells them, he's probalbly going to say no to the trip, which infuriates me, because it's like he holds it over our heads and the kids don't need to be involved in our discussion. Anytime there is any tension over any issue, and he throws in my face, "Oh great, I can't wait until we talk about the wedding trip"....I don't know what he's waiting for or mulling over, but in my honest opinion, it should be as simple as, Can we afford the costs for food? Do we have the time to take off? Is our schedule open to do this? Are you really wanting to go? Do I trust you? If the answer is yes to these, then I do not see why it is something to mull over for 6 days, let alone 6 months.
And quite honestly, I'm becoming resentful and a great animosity is growing against my husband because I feel like his "decision making" is more of a lordship over me, because of how he handles any decisions he makes. He makes it a big ordeal, thumping me (not literally) over the head with the Bible and how it says husband take the lead, and wives must submit, yadda yadda... And to add in, he's a very selfish person, and has been our entire 20 years together...so I don't believe his decisions are Godly, or selfless, at all, I truly think he makes these decisions for what HE wants, what HE needs and what HE desires, more than anything. And how do I prove that? How do I get around that, while still doing my duty as a submissive wife? Ugh...I'm frustrated. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.