- Apr 25, 2016
- 34,225
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- Country
- Australia
- Faith
- Anglican
- Marital Status
- Married
Note: this is in the ministry forum.
Something I've seen come up time and again, often on discussion forums but also elsewhere, is the idea that somehow, churches ought to help single people find potential spouses. And my initial reaction, I have to be honest, is: that's not what church is for.
Now, don't misunderstand me. I have seen that some churches revolve around couples and family in a way that's really unhelpful to people who are single, and that single people can feel isolated, overlooked and so on in the life of the church. I'm going to be blunt and say I think that's just wrong. A culture which doesn't value everyone, include everyone, create opportunities for everyone to be involved - married or single - doesn't have its priorities straight.
But this idea that it's part of the mission of the church, or the job of the pastor/minister/priest, to organise singles groups or events, or to help single people find potential spouses... to me that's missing the point. The church doesn't exist to help someone find a partner, it exists to worship God and further the mission of God in the world. And I'd have a hard time justifying matchmaking as part of the mission of the church.
Now, I'm willing to concede that as someone who's happily married and who hasn't experienced long-term singleness, I could be being harsh here. And also, as someone in a small church where I'm struggling even to look after the most essential things, the idea of adding nice-to-have-but-not-essential stuff to my workload is completely unappealing, so that could be part of my reaction too.
But am I being unfair? Should part of our care of single people include doing all we can to help them pair up? Or is that an unreasonable expectation that some people have of the church?
Something I've seen come up time and again, often on discussion forums but also elsewhere, is the idea that somehow, churches ought to help single people find potential spouses. And my initial reaction, I have to be honest, is: that's not what church is for.
Now, don't misunderstand me. I have seen that some churches revolve around couples and family in a way that's really unhelpful to people who are single, and that single people can feel isolated, overlooked and so on in the life of the church. I'm going to be blunt and say I think that's just wrong. A culture which doesn't value everyone, include everyone, create opportunities for everyone to be involved - married or single - doesn't have its priorities straight.
But this idea that it's part of the mission of the church, or the job of the pastor/minister/priest, to organise singles groups or events, or to help single people find potential spouses... to me that's missing the point. The church doesn't exist to help someone find a partner, it exists to worship God and further the mission of God in the world. And I'd have a hard time justifying matchmaking as part of the mission of the church.
Now, I'm willing to concede that as someone who's happily married and who hasn't experienced long-term singleness, I could be being harsh here. And also, as someone in a small church where I'm struggling even to look after the most essential things, the idea of adding nice-to-have-but-not-essential stuff to my workload is completely unappealing, so that could be part of my reaction too.
But am I being unfair? Should part of our care of single people include doing all we can to help them pair up? Or is that an unreasonable expectation that some people have of the church?