Sorry, I forget where, but I once read about Jesus' parents that at the time they were betrothed Mary was about 14 years old, while Joseph was about 40.
Is this accurate? Is it what church tradition says? Does anyone here find it a little creepy?
Yes, that's creepy!
Little lesson in anthropology here:
Prior to the 20th century, people entered puberty later. We still see this in the developing world. The reason for this had to do with the food supply. Food in the western world today (especially processed food) has a lot of chemicals in it that mimic estrogen. There are also growth hormones added to the conventional food source for meat products. You eat the cow that was given growth hormones, your daughter commences puberty at 8 years old and is menstrating by the time she's 11.
I can attest to the fact that food supply plays a role here because my son (who living in the US) and most of his life has only eaten organic food; did not start puberty until he was 15. Your average human takes about 2.5 years to go through puberty.
The other difference is that people in the past ate far less meat than do most in western society today. Outside of fish; Jesus probably only ate meat on religious feast days or "special occasions" like someone's wedding.
"Delayed" onset of puberty went for both males and females. We actually see this in colonial Europe with army records. (Military records are a good source of anthropological information concerning human development.) You could join the army as a soldier at 16 years old. Yet consistently, soldiers between 16 and 21 were put in what was called "light infantry units". "Light infantry" had smaller weapons, less ammunition to carry, and uniforms that were adapted for being able to travel quickly and this was because the soldiers themselves were smaller than typical "hat company" soldiers. Why were they smaller? Because they were still growing. Technically human beings can grow till they are 21 years old. And since males' final growth spurt comes at the end of puberty (where as females do most of their growing in the beginning of puberty) the typical soldier did not reach full height until 21.
From what we can tell of anthropological study - this was also true of the Roman army. The Roman army did not keep stats on individual soldiers' ages / heigh / weights though; so what demographic information we can gather about Roman soldiers comes from graves or battle field excavations.
Now for females; the average age of menstruation before year 1900 was 17. Menstruation is the indication of the completion of puberty for girls. Once menstruation commenced, this is how families knew their daughters were "eligible" to "consummate" a marriage. If you go back and search historical records, most marriage laws "legal age of marriage" is 18. (And this "tradition" goes back centuries.)
Also, culturally and historically; males were expected to be well enough established to support a family before they were allowed to get married. This is why most men were between 20 and 25 years old before they got married.
Now it is true that marriages in the ancient near east were arranged and the partners very well could have been children when the arrangements were made. This does not mean marriages were consummated at the time of the arrangement. So given this information we can glean from anthropology; your average bride would have been between 16 and 20 years old. Your average groom between 20 and 25.
So what does this tell us about Jesus's mother Mary?
She would have been physically mature enough to bear a child; which 2000 years ago, given diet and typical human development; would not have been likely at 14 years old. So given traditional "legal" marriage ages. Mary was probably 18 or 19 years old when she gave birth to Jesus.
So what about Joseph? There's no indication from Scripture that he was married before Mary; or was there much indication that he was that much older than she was. Joseph probably was not older than 25.
So did Joseph and Mary have children together? Yes, they did. ".... and he knew her not until she brought forth her first born son and called his name Jesus." Matthew 1:25
Here we know that obviously Mary did not remain a virgin and Jesus was the oldest.
When did Joseph die?
This we can get a "ball park estimate" based on anthropology also. There are 6 children besides Jesus who are named in Scripture (4 brothers and at least 2 sisters). We know Jospeh was still alive when Jesus was 12 because Joseph is named in the passage in Luke where Jesus gets Himself lost in Jerusalem.
Now the average lapse between pregnancies was probably about 2 to 3 years. This is because children were weened at 3 years old. And consistent lactation to feed an infant is a form of "birth control". Breast milk was the major food source for a child up to 2 years old. They were weened at three because practically speaking if they made it to that age, they had a greater chance of survival. Once a child hits 5 years old, the chances of their survival to adulthood are pretty good.
So proving Mary did not have twins or miscarriages - and obviously Jospeh had to be around long enough for the last child to be conceived; this would have put Jesus most likely between 16 and 18 years old when Jospeh died. If Jesus was much older than that, then they would have been looking at arranging His marriage; but now since Joseph is dead, the responsibility to provide for the family falls on the oldest son. So here now Jesus has "instant family" and domestically speaking He would have had the experience of raising children.
So how do we know this was the case?
We can deduce this from Scripture of the "wedding in Canna". The Scripture says that Jesus's mom was "in attendance". The Greek here indicates that she was partially responsible for the wedding arrangements. This is why she says to Jesus that the groom's family has run out of wine. (The bride would have been Jesus's youngest sister.) The bride's family was responsible to provide the dowry and the groom's family paid for the wedding. The groom was responsible to set up a household for his wife and future kids. This is interesting because apparently Mary knew Jesus could perform miracles before anyone else did. This is why he tells the servants "Do what he says". And also why Jesus says to His mom "what does this have anything to do with me?" - because pretty much, once the last sister was married; Jesus's responsibly for them was over. The only family member left to "deal with" is mom; and this is why when Jesus dies; he gives her to John.
So, hope the historic / anthropological / cultural information is helpful!
