Advice needed, turning around

[Strong in Him]

I never understood repenting after you sinned. I always understood repentance was a one time thing.

A non Christian accepts that they are a sinner, have fallen short of God's glory, put themselves first and cannot, by themselves and their own good deeds/goodness, save themselves. They repent, turn AWAY from sin and TOWARDS God, and live for him.

But no one is perfect. No baby walks immediately, never mind runs. We are still human, may still be weak, stubborn or disobedient and still live in a fallen world where the devil is constantly trying to tempt us and draw us away from God.
So we fall. The thing is to realise that you have fallen, say sorry, rejoice in forgiveness and get up/ask for strength to get up and carry on.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says that the Spirit is changing us in to Jesus' image and likeness; it takes time.

You repent and accept Jesus and after that you live a life of sanctification.

Sanctification is a life long process that will not be fully completed till we die. As Paul says, our bodies are like seeds. They are sown in weakness, they will be raised in power; sown in dishonour, raised in glory; sown perishable, raised imperishable, 1 Corinthians 15:42-44.

What scares me is the thing you talk about the hardening of the heart.

Scripture talks about hardening of the heart.
If it scares you, in a way that is good - it means you don't want it to happen and will try to avoid it.

I was so blind that I could not see the truth and the fact that I even entered that state is a concept that I will never recover from.

Maybe you deeply regret having been in that state; but we can't change the past or undo what was already done.
The thing is to say sorry, turn away from it and resolve not to be like that again - then ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit, rejoice in your forgiveness and new life, and get out there and live it.

Yes I see the truth now but the fact that God allowed me to slip into that state of spiritual comatose is terrifying.

You've just said that you FOUGHT the convictions you were getting from God - actually fought against them and, it seems, for a while. So a lot of it seems to have been your own doing. But if it was God who "allowed you to slip"; maybe that was the only way he could get through to you.
You see the truth now - fantastic! Rejoice that you know the truth and have a second chance.

I think I am forever a bird with clipped wings.

If by "a bird with clipped wings" you mean that you were rebuked for your sinfulness, allowed to fall and have a less than perfect Christian record - join the club.

If you mean that you will never recover, that it is still "too late" for you, that you are destined to stumble around on the ground rather than soaring as on eagles wings - nonsense.
If you WANT to be like that; forever saying 'woe is me, God has treated me harshly/forgotten me; I have no hope" - that is up to you. Like I said, if you genuinely can't accept forgiveness, understand that God has given you a second - or 92nd - chance and accept, and live in, all the many blessings that he has for you; you may be depressed and need counselling and/or prayer ministry.

If not, then, with respect, it sounds like pride talking - "God won't forgive ME/I am too far gone/too late for me/I'll forever have clipped wings", etc.
Christ died for sinners, Romans 5:8. If you are, or ever have been, a sinner; Christ died for YOU. God's own word says that if you confess your sins you will be forgiven and if you accept Jesus you will have eternal life. This is what God has done for us. No, you don't deserve it; none of us do - that doesn't mean that it isn't true.
It's true because GOD is loving, good, merciful, gracious, patient etc etc - not because we are worthy of him.

 

[Strong in Him]

I did not point any fingers at God. I sinned but I do know that God gave me over to it. There is a point when God's patience comes to an end and He gives people over to their sin.

God's patience never comes to an end. If he was convicting you of your sin and you were actively fighting against it, he may well have said, "have it your way; when you reach rock bottom and need my help, let me know."
You said that you carried on with your sin expecting God to stop you - sounds like a drowning man being offered a rope and refusing it because he expects to be rescued by a man who physically carries him to safety.

The blood of Christ cleanses us of all sin and makes us clean before God.

Yes, and if, and when, we sin again, Jesus intercedes for us, 1 John 2:1, and God forgives us when we confess, 1 John 1:9.

However if you wander away from that, you re-crucify Christ unto yourself afresh and trample on the cross, profaning the covenant that made you pure. When this has happened, no salvation is possible because no sacrifice remains for our sins but rather a fearful expectation of upcoming judgement.

No, this is a misunderstanding of Hebrews 6:4-6.

 

[Invalidusername]

Is It Ever Too Late to Repent?

I would like to believe that however it does indicate that Esau was attempting to repent. Yes he was attempting to gain the blessing, however he was searching for remorse or a way to be contrite but was unable to. His heart was too hard. He was forever locked out. I read something interesting about Esau. He lived his entire life as a reprobate however there were times when he would attempt to change things around but he was unable to. For example Esau realized that Isaac disproved of Canaanite women, so he went and married an offspring of Ishmael(which was still the wrong thing to do). Esau also realized that murdering his brother would be wrong so he allowed Jacob back in. However Jacob could sense that his brother was a reprobate and so left him.

What Esau Achieved

God's patience never comes to an end. If he was convicting you of your sin and you were actively fighting against it, he may well have said, "have it your way; when you reach rock bottom and need my help, let me know."
You said that you carried on with your sin expecting God to stop you - sounds like a drowning man being offered a rope and refusing it because he expects to be rescued by a man who physically carries him to safety.



Yes, and if, and when, we sin again, Jesus intercedes for us, 1 John 2:1, and God forgives us when we confess, 1 John 1:9.



No, this is a misunderstanding of Hebrews 6:4-6.

The problem is there is nothing left inside of me that says God is still calling me to Him. I feel as if I am pure evil. I pray to God but I get "negative feedback" as if God does not want to hear my prayer and no longer hears me. I feel His anger burning against me.

 

[Bobber]

I would like to believe that however it does indicate that Esau was attempting to repent. Yes he was attempting to gain the blessing, however he was searching for remorse or a way to be contrite but was unable to.

But this repentance that Esau was doing may very well not have been repentance from any sin....but just feeling remorse that he lost the physical blessing. Now context is so very important here INV! Please consider such is the case. Let's look at Heb 12:17

For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
Heb 12:17

You've got to go back to the main passage in Genesis to get context. As one writer I read after put it, the not finding the place of repentance wasn't even about him. The issue was trying to get his Father to change =(repentance) and the situation to be changed that the blessing had gone to Jacob. Here's what Genesis says,

“And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, bless me, even me also, O my father” (Gen. 27:34)

“Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?” (Gen. 27:36)

“And Esau said unto his father, hast thou but one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept” (Gen. 27:38) <--There's the tears! Do you see that the repentance had to do with seeking to change the decree of the Father? When Esau sought to get his Father to change with the tears he heard the following, “thy brother came with subtlety and hath taken away thy blessing” (Gen. 27:35) Again look at the Genesis passage that's the full version of what took place and I'd encourage you not to set it aside.

So what is the Christian to take away from the Esau verses of Heb 12? It says in just a few verses later, to make sure you don't refuse him that speaks basically saying a kingdom will come and at that time decisions will have been made and there will be no chance to change them just like there was no chance to change the decision made that Jacob would get the blessing.

So you're not at the end of your life yet and decisions can still be made and I'd suggest God will support that. Bottom line, you're not without hope, INV and you have grounds to believe that God's grace is still for you, so take heart.

The problem is there is nothing left inside of me that says God is still calling me to Him. I feel as if I am pure evil. I pray to God but I get "negative feedback" as if God does not want to hear my prayer and no longer hears me. I feel His anger burning against me.

I'd strongly suggest you're wrong in that. Not that you have righteousness in and of yourself, none of us do we're righteousness because of Christ. I'm wondering if you've read and took too seriously every aspect of books like John Bunyan's "Pilgrims Progress"

It seems some of the rhetoric you use comes from the man in the cage. If that be the case I'd encourage you to take you eyes off him and put it upon Christian in Doubting Castle who was in great despair but he finally saw he had the keys of the promises of God to bring him deliverance.

You see here another problem with the way you've been thinking. If you're holding that someone coming back to God, that God just won't receive them then what do you do with James 5 :16

"And the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick. The Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven." Jm 5:16

So people come to the church with number of different needs. And he winds it up by talking about the need for them to be forgiven if need be. So consider INV....If I took you to my church and we were praying about needs it would end up with the issue if you need forgiven and restored.....GOD SAYS YOU WILL BE! You'll notice I didn't say you would be....GOD DID. Take hold of the faith of this and rejoice!

 

[Strong in Him]

The problem is there is nothing left inside of me that says God is still calling me to Him.

There doesn't need to be; there are verses in God's word which say that you can confess your sin and be forgiven. There are verses which say that no one can snatch you from the Father's hand, John 10:28-29, and nothing can separate you from his love, Romans 8:38-39.

The problem is with your ability to believe that. Is it because you are proud and want to tell everyone how unworthy you are, how great your sin is etc - I have news for you, we are all unworthy. Is it because you are genuinely depressed and unable to accept/feel anything nice that people say to you? Or is it because you are relying on your FEELING and letting them tell you what is, or is not, true - i.e I feel evil, I don't feel God?

I feel as if I am pure evil.

But you're not.

I pray to God but I get "negative feedback" as if God does not want to hear my prayer and no longer hears me.

I don't know what you mean by "negative feedback", but there are times when we all feel that we pray and nothing happens. This doesn't mean that God has left us or doesn't care. It might mean, a) that you are praying for the wrong thing; b) that God is answering your prayer in small ways, but you cannot see them because you are fixed on what you think his answer should be; c) that God wants you to trust him, even when you cannot see evidence of what he is doing, or something else.
When a child is learning to walk, it can feel his father holding on to him. As he grows more confident, he will not need to feel his father holding onto him; it will be enough to know that his father is there. In our Christian lives, God sometimes answers our prayers with physical reassurances - a friend who phones at just the right time, the person who offers us a new job, the house that we want to buy that is on the market at the right time for the right price. It is very easy to see such things and say "I know that was from the Lord".
What is not so easy is to keep trusting God in the dark times; the times when it seems like he has gone away, is angry, not there or not interested in us. That is real faith. Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is being sure of what we cannot see, and 2 Corinthians 5:7 says that we walk by faith and not by sight.

You say you're getting "negative feedback" from God; what about all the feedback you are getting on this forum?
There have been many verses, and words, of hope and encouragement. You have said that you want to believe some of these things and have even replied to me saying "maybe there is hope?" Might it not be that this is God's word to you - all the verses which talk of repentance, reconciliation with God and eternal life?
Are you able to start to respond to these, and thank God for them - or are you still going to insist that you are beyond redemption and that God isn't speaking to you?

I feel His anger burning against me.

In what way?
How do you know that it isn't the devil who is angry with you because you're getting closer to God?

 

[Invalidusername]

The problem is with your ability to believe that. Is it because you are proud and want to tell everyone how unworthy you are, how great your sin is etc - I have news for you, we are all unworthy. Is it because you are genuinely depressed and unable to accept/feel anything nice that people say to you? Or is it because you are relying on your FEELING and letting them tell you what is, or is not, true - i.e I feel evil, I don't feel God?

It's not the greatness of my sin but rather the fact I sinned until the Holy Spirit stopped convicting me. I think that is the point of no return.

Also to answer your question about my negative feedback. Whenever I pray to God, I have a great sense of unease. Almost like a sense of impending doom and a deep disturbance in my soul. There is no peace from praying but only a sense of God's anger. I also have a deep pain in my soul that is impossible to describe. It isn't emotional but rather a spiritual feeling of that God has cut me off from the vine. I feel as if God has severed me from Christ because of my years of not bearing fruit.

I hope you are right because right now I have no peace. I have a constant sense of emptiness. I have no empathy for others, no love for God, no remorse for sins, and etc. My heart feels hard. I witnessed a family member die and I felt nothing. My soul is completely dry.

 

[Invalidusername]

But this repentance that Esau was doing may very well not have been repentance from any sin....but just feeling remorse that he lost the physical blessing. Now context is so very important here INV! Please consider such is the case. Let's look at Heb 12:17

For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
Heb 12:17

You've got to go back to the main passage in Genesis to get context. As one writer I read after put it, the not finding the place of repentance wasn't even about him. The issue was trying to get his Father to change =(repentance) and the situation to be changed that the blessing had gone to Jacob. Here's what Genesis says,

“And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, bless me, even me also, O my father” (Gen. 27:34)

“Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?” (Gen. 27:36)

“And Esau said unto his father, hast thou but one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept” (Gen. 27:38) <--There's the tears! Do you see that the repentance had to do with seeking to change the decree of the Father? When Esau sought to get his Father to change with the tears he heard the following, “thy brother came with subtlety and hath taken away thy blessing” (Gen. 27:35) Again look at the Genesis passage that's the full version of what took place and I'd encourage you not to set it aside.

So what is the Christian to take away from the Esau verses of Heb 12? It says in just a few verses later, to make sure you don't refuse him that speaks basically saying a kingdom will come and at that time decisions will have been made and there will be no chance to change them just like there was no chance to change the decision made that Jacob would get the blessing.

So you're not at the end of your life yet and decisions can still be made and I'd suggest God will support that. Bottom line, you're not without hope, INV and you have grounds to believe that God's grace is still for you, so take heart.



I'd strongly suggest you're wrong in that. Not that you have righteousness in and of yourself, none of us do we're righteousness because of Christ. I'm wondering if you've read and took too seriously every aspect of books like John Bunyan's "Pilgrims Progress"

It seems some of the rhetoric you use comes from the man in the cage. If that be the case I'd encourage you to take you eyes off him and put it upon Christian in Doubting Castle who was in great despair but he finally saw he had the keys of the promises of God to bring him deliverance.

You see here another problem with the way you've been thinking. If you're holding that someone coming back to God, that God just won't receive them then what do you do with James 5 :16

"And the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick. The Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven." Jm 5:16

So people come to the church with number of different needs. And he winds it up by talking about the need for them to be forgiven if need be. So consider INV....If I took you to my church and we were praying about needs it would end up with the issue if you need forgiven and restored.....GOD SAYS YOU WILL BE! You'll notice I didn't say you would be....GOD DID. Take hold of the faith of this and rejoice!

I appreciate your encouragement and your verse.

I don't know if the Esau passage is referring to the end of life because when judgement day appears, EVERYONE will want to go to heaven but it will be too late. But you might be right.

I know from Esau's story that he never really seeked after God. So I know NOT to follow his example.

A lot of the reprobates in the Bible have very similar stories to me. Cain, Esau, King Saul, and Judas all resemble me in their bitterness towards God and a hard heart of unbelief. I even told people that I could not pray to God because He would not accept me while I was in my sin but I asked them to pray for me instead. I didn't want to repent of my sin but I was fine with asking others to pray for me. King Saul did the exact same thing when he asked Samuel to pray to God for him and King Saul even used the term "your God" as if Saul knew he was no longer in God's care.

 

[Strong in Him]

It's not the greatness of my sin but rather the fact I sinned until the Holy Spirit stopped convicting me. I think that is the point of no return.

If it WAS, why would you be on a Christian forum saying that you want to return to God and responding to posts that quote Scripture and offer encouragement?

Also to answer your question about my negative feedback. Whenever I pray to God, I have a great sense of unease. Almost like a sense of impending doom and a deep disturbance in my soul. There is no peace from praying but only a sense of God's anger.

Like I said, maybe the devil is angry because he thought he had you where he wanted you but you insist on calling out to God again?
You CAN repent, turn to God, say sorry and ask for forgiveness again - Scripture says this and you have been told several times.
You CAN choose to say "well I don't feel anything, but I'm going to CHOOSE to rejoice and give thanks because I belong to God and nothing can separate me from his love".
You COULD choose to read Scripture, stick positive verses on your wall, mirror or around your house, and learn and confess them.
You COULD decide to accept, rejoice in and be grateful for all the Scriptures and encouragement that you have received here, and go off and live a positive, influential Christian life.

Or you can continue to post, "thank you for your words, but my sin ......."; "yes, but I feel ......"; "that's encouraging, but I am beyond hope"; "yes, but my situation ........". Answering each post of encouragement with reasons why you are different, more sinful, shouldn't be forgiven or how your lack of FEELING is prove that God has lied in his holy word and you have been separated from his love.

Like I said, if you genuinely believe this and cannot believe, accept or understand it - along with loss of feeling about other things in your life - you may be depressed.
If not, you may just be too proud/stubborn to receive and would rather carry on receiving words of sympathy/comfort.

I also have a deep pain in my soul that is impossible to describe. It isn't emotional but rather a spiritual feeling of that God has cut me off from the vine.

Well there you are then. You turn to God in prayer and you are full of pain and maybe dread that God might have cut you off.
If you had got to the point of no return, if your heart was truly and totally hardened, you would not care, would not be on this forum, would not turn to God in prayer - if you still believed that there was a God - and would not be writing stuff about being in pain, wanting to return etc. You even responded to a post of mine, saying "that's a point, maybe there IS hope for me".

I have a constant sense of emptiness. I have no empathy for others, no love for God, no remorse for sins, and etc. My heart feels hard. I witnessed a family member die and I felt nothing. My soul is completely dry.

Like I said, you may be depressed - clinically depressed; a real illness where the chemistry of your brain is altered. Depression is an illness, not a failure of faith or anything else, and may need treatment with medication.

You DO have remorse for your sins, because you have repented, and seem in despair, and scared, that it might be too late to return to God.
You DO want things to be different, because you are writing on here, being very honest about your sin, your spiritual state and hopes/fears for the future.
You DO, on some level, want help from God because you are "fine with other people praying for you". You CAN engage with others because you have tried to get alongside, and encourage, the OP, have replied to Scriptures that have been quoted and even used Scriptural examples yourself.

You FEEL little, or nothing. (Except for the deep pain when you pray.)
This seems to be the sticking point - that your feelings are indication of what is/is not true spiritually. They aren't; God's word is. God himself has given the answer to sin, forgiveness, needing to be set free, eternal life, becoming his child, and a whole host of other things.
Either you give in to, and live your life by, your feelings - which are temporary, fickle and may well be affected/suppressed by depression/illness - or you choose to believe God's word.
You CAN make some changes; you could go to your doctor to see if you are depressed, you could positively declare, and rejoice in, God's word. You could change your username so that it is more hopeful - "delighted in God", maybe; "known by him", "bearer of his name", "one of his sheep" - instead of "invalid username"
Or you can continue to write in a "woe is me; I'm beyond hope and too sinful for God to forgive", type of way.

By the way, I am sorry for your loss.
Grief can numb people, and you are grieving, and maybe in shock. You also had the trauma of watching them die. Please be kind to yourself. You are not hopeless; everything you have written may be grief speaking - and maybe, deep down, anger with God for allowing it to happen. This is ok, normal and is allowed.

 

[Bobber]

I appreciate your encouragement and your verse.

I don't know if the Esau passage is referring to the end of life because when judgement day appears, EVERYONE will want to go to heaven but it will be too late.

But that's my point. At the end of the age, judgment day people will be pleading with God to change his mind and that's what the writer of Hebrews was seeking to convey....don't be like Esau who pleaded with tears to get his Father Issac to change his mind when it's too late. And that too late for Esau wasn't even about salvation of the soul but the birthrite. And for us that too late for salvation isn't until the very end of your life when we all stand before God. You have read about that time? When there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. I'm confident you can imagine a part of their weeping will be with words expressed, "Please give me another chance!" But salvation's door will be closed then. Just like when God closed up the door to the Ark in Noah's day. But is it closed now? NO!

Let me put it this way to you. You might be looking back at what you're considering has been a life of failure. Keep in mind that God might not be looking at you totally that way. He looks upon what you maybe were and still what you maybe can become YES even now. Imagine Moses who didn't do much for God until he was about 80 years old.
When he was 40 he killed an Egyptian, fled Egypt and then another 40 years seemingly being non-productive. God still saw he had a future even when he was discouraged about his potential with God. Ex 3:11 And we all know how that story ended.

 

[Bobber]

A lot of the reprobates in the Bible have very similar stories to me. Cain, Esau, King Saul, and Judas all resemble me in their bitterness towards God and a hard heart of unbelief.

Well the eternal status of other people is another subject but I see no proof that at least Cain, Esau, or King Saul weren't actually saved. Cain it says slew Abel but God interacted with him and wanted to save his life. Gen 4:15 Sure he was motivated by the devil in some things but so was Peter when Jesus said to him, "Get behind me Satan!" Does that mean Peter was unsaved? Or rather letting him know who was influencing him. When Esau met Jacob in latter years he gives every indication that he agrees with the doctrine of Issac. Have a read of this piece, (in the link)

Grace in Focus

I even told people that I could not pray to God because He would not accept me while I was in my sin but I asked them to pray for me instead. I didn't want to repent of my sin but I was fine with asking others to pray for me. King Saul did the exact same thing when he asked Samuel to pray to God for him and King Saul even used the term "your God" as if Saul knew he was no longer in God's care.

What Saul thought or didn't think has no bearing on the truth. And Saul's statements may be focused on the aspect of God rejecting him as KING not about salvation. Samuel at the end told Saul, "Tomorrow you and your sons will be with me.” 1 Sam 28:19 Does that mean Sheol as in the two compartments...one for saved and unsaved and Saul would go to the unsaved? One can't say for sure but Johnathan was a righteous man and he had said both of them would be with him. So can't see absolute proof Saul wasn't indeed saved.

 

[Invalidusername]

Well the eternal status of other people is another subject but I see no proof that at least Cain, Esau, or King Saul weren't actually saved. Cain it says slew Abel but God interacted with him and wanted to save his life. Gen 4:15 Sure he was motivated by the devil in some things but so was Peter when Jesus said to him, "Get behind me Satan!" Does that mean Peter was unsaved? Or rather letting him know who was influencing him. When Esau met Jacob in latter years he gives every indication that he agrees with the doctrine of Issac. Have a read of this piece, (in the link)

Grace in Focus



What Saul thought or didn't think has no bearing on the truth. And Saul's statements may be focused on the aspect of God rejecting him as KING not about salvation. Samuel at the end told Saul, "Tomorrow you and your sons will be with me.” 1 Sam 28:19 Does that mean Sheol as in the two compartments...one for saved and unsaved and Saul would go to the unsaved? One can't say for sure but Johnathan was a righteous man and he had said both of them would be with him. So can't see absolute proof Saul wasn't indeed saved.

I think scripture indicates clearly that they were not saved. Malachi talks about God forever being angry with Esau's descendants.

1 The oracle of the word of the LORD to Israel by Malachi.
2 "I have loved you," says the LORD. But you say, "How have you loved us?""Is not Esau Jacob's brother?" declares the LORD. "Yet I have loved Jacob
3 but Esau I have hated. I have laid waste his hill country and left his heritage to jackals of the desert."
4 If Edom says, "We are shattered but we will rebuild the ruins," the LORD of hosts says, "They may build, but I will tear down, and they will be called 'the wicked country,' and 'the people with whom the LORD is angry forever.'"
5 Your own eyes shall see this, and you shall say, "Great is the LORD beyond the border of Israel!"

Also in King Saul's story we know that a medium is not able to raise the dead to life. So a lot of scholars have concluded that "Samuel" was actually a demon since the Bible makes it clear that demons can masquerade as an angel of light and other forms and so this gives the "You and your sons will be with me." phrase an extra ominous meaning.

Cain is clearly unsaved and never offered sacrifices pleasing to God and Cain raised an immoral godless generation. Judas is called the child of perdition.

 

[Invalidusername]

If it WAS, why would you be on a Christian forum saying that you want to return to God and responding to posts that quote Scripture and offer encouragement?

Like I said, maybe the devil is angry because he thought he had you where he wanted you but you insist on calling out to God again?
You CAN repent, turn to God, say sorry and ask for forgiveness again - Scripture says this and you have been told several times.
You CAN choose to say "well I don't feel anything, but I'm going to CHOOSE to rejoice and give thanks because I belong to God and nothing can separate me from his love".
You COULD choose to read Scripture, stick positive verses on your wall, mirror or around your house, and learn and confess them.
You COULD decide to accept, rejoice in and be grateful for all the Scriptures and encouragement that you have received here, and go off and live a positive, influential Christian life.

Or you can continue to post, "thank you for your words, but my sin ......."; "yes, but I feel ......"; "that's encouraging, but I am beyond hope"; "yes, but my situation ........". Answering each post of encouragement with reasons why you are different, more sinful, shouldn't be forgiven or how your lack of FEELING is prove that God has lied in his holy word and you have been separated from his love.

Like I said, if you genuinely believe this and cannot believe, accept or understand it - along with loss of feeling about other things in your life - you may be depressed.
If not, you may just be too proud/stubborn to receive and would rather carry on receiving words of sympathy/comfort.

Well there you are then. You turn to God in prayer and you are full of pain and maybe dread that God might have cut you off.
If you had got to the point of no return, if your heart was truly and totally hardened, you would not care, would not be on this forum, would not turn to God in prayer - if you still believed that there was a God - and would not be writing stuff about being in pain, wanting to return etc. You even responded to a post of mine, saying "that's a point, maybe there IS hope for me".

Like I said, you may be depressed - clinically depressed; a real illness where the chemistry of your brain is altered. Depression is an illness, not a failure of faith or anything else, and may need treatment with medication.

You DO have remorse for your sins, because you have repented, and seem in despair, and scared, that it might be too late to return to God.
You DO want things to be different, because you are writing on here, being very honest about your sin, your spiritual state and hopes/fears for the future.
You DO, on some level, want help from God because you are "fine with other people praying for you". You CAN engage with others because you have tried to get alongside, and encourage, the OP, have replied to Scriptures that have been quoted and even used Scriptural examples yourself.

You FEEL little, or nothing. (Except for the deep pain when you pray.)
This seems to be the sticking point - that your feelings are indication of what is/is not true spiritually. They aren't; God's word is. God himself has given the answer to sin, forgiveness, needing to be set free, eternal life, becoming his child, and a whole host of other things.
Either you give in to, and live your life by, your feelings - which are temporary, fickle and may well be affected/suppressed by depression/illness - or you choose to believe God's word.
You CAN make some changes; you could go to your doctor to see if you are depressed, you could positively declare, and rejoice in, God's word. You could change your username so that it is more hopeful - "delighted in God", maybe; "known by him", "bearer of his name", "one of his sheep" - instead of "invalid username"
Or you can continue to write in a "woe is me; I'm beyond hope and too sinful for God to forgive", type of way.

By the way, I am sorry for your loss.
Grief can numb people, and you are grieving, and maybe in shock. You also had the trauma of watching them die. Please be kind to yourself. You are not hopeless; everything you have written may be grief speaking - and maybe, deep down, anger with God for allowing it to happen. This is ok, normal and is allowed.

It's funny because the pain I talk about sounds like an emotional pain when I describe it but it isn't. It feels as if something spiritual has been ripped from my chest. Like the light has been snuffed out of my life and I am left in darkness.

It's funny because I know if I had heard this when I was walking closely with the Lord, I would be shaking my head at this and telling the person to "Just believe and walk in faith!" because I also had the belief that there is no too late as long as you wanted to repent.

Since you believe my situation is depression, do you have any ideas on how to heal it? I feel like I will never be well again.

And I know it seems to appear that I have remorse but I don't really do. I want to have remorse. It's a different thing. I hate my situation so much. Something I wish I was one of the people who never knew the truth because at least God will judge them according to their ignorance. God said that it would be more bearable for Sodom on judgement day than for the Jewish cities that rejected Christ.

 

[Strong in Him]

Since you believe my situation is depression, do you have any ideas on how to heal it? I feel like I will never be well again.

I didn't say that I believe you are depressed; I was asking you if it was a possibility?

Is apathy/lack of feeling etc something that you have in the rest of your life?
Do you tell people how hopeless everything is, and when they try to help you, say "I'm beyond help/it won't work for me/there's no point/I'm finished"?
If so, you may be depressed. First step; visit a doctor and/or counsellor, tell them you have no joy in, or point to, your life at all, and see what they say.
I can't diagnose depression, or differentiate between that, spiritual oppression, misguided teaching, low self esteem, or just a huge dose of feeling sorry for myself-itis. I don't think you have the latter but something is preventing you from accepting what people tell you to encourage you. Like I said, unless you are proud and WANT to think of yourself as unreachable; there's something else going on.
But you would need a diagnosis before you can look for treatment.

And I know it seems to appear that I have remorse but I don't really do. I want to have remorse. It's a different thing. I hate my situation so much. Something I wish I was one of the people who never knew the truth because at least God will judge them according to their ignorance.

You hate your situation, you want things to be different and wish that they were - sounds like remorse to me. Except that you won't believe that, either because your feelings aren't in line with how you think remorseful people should be, or, for some reason, you want to cling onto your "poor me; God has abandoned me and will never talk to me again," image.
So what can you do about it? And don't say, "nothing", because lot of people have spent a lot of time in this thread showing, and telling, you otherwise - and you've even agreed with them at times.

 

[Strong in Him]

I think scripture indicates clearly that they were not saved. Malachi talks about God forever being angry with Esau's descendants.

1 The oracle of the word of the LORD to Israel by Malachi.
2 "I have loved you," says the LORD. But you say, "How have you loved us?""Is not Esau Jacob's brother?" declares the LORD. "Yet I have loved Jacob
3 but Esau I have hated. I have laid waste his hill country and left his heritage to jackals of the desert."
4 If Edom says, "We are shattered but we will rebuild the ruins," the LORD of hosts says, "They may build, but I will tear down, and they will be called 'the wicked country,' and 'the people with whom the LORD is angry forever.'"
5 Your own eyes shall see this, and you shall say, "Great is the LORD beyond the border of Israel!"

Also in King Saul's story we know that a medium is not able to raise the dead to life. So a lot of scholars have concluded that "Samuel" was actually a demon since the Bible makes it clear that demons can masquerade as an angel of light and other forms and so this gives the "You and your sons will be with me." phrase an extra ominous meaning.

Cain is clearly unsaved and never offered sacrifices pleasing to God and Cain raised an immoral godless generation. Judas is called the child of perdition.

Someone who can search the Scriptures to find examples that back up, or appear to back up, their views, is not as hopeless as they think they are.
If you can do that, you can also search the Scriptures for examples, and teaching on, God's love, mercy and forgiveness.

 

[Invalidusername]

I didn't say that I believe you are depressed; I was asking you if it was a possibility?

Is apathy/lack of feeling etc something that you have in the rest of your life?
Do you tell people how hopeless everything is, and when they try to help you, say "I'm beyond help/it won't work for me/there's no point/I'm finished"?
If so, you may be depressed. First step; visit a doctor and/or counsellor, tell them you have no joy in, or point to, your life at all, and see what they say.
I can't diagnose depression, or differentiate between that, spiritual oppression, misguided teaching, low self esteem, or just a huge dose of feeling sorry for myself-itis. I don't think you have the latter but something is preventing you from accepting what people tell you to encourage you. Like I said, unless you are proud and WANT to think of yourself as unreachable; there's something else going on.
But you would need a diagnosis before you can look for treatment.

You hate your situation, you want things to be different and wish that they were - sounds like remorse to me. Except that you won't believe that, either because your feelings aren't in line with how you think remorseful people should be, or, for some reason, you want to cling onto your "poor me; God has abandoned me and will never talk to me again," image.
So what can you do about it? And don't say, "nothing", because lot of people have spent a lot of time in this thread showing, and telling, you otherwise - and you've even agreed with them at times.

I have had this apathy ever since I fell into sin. It made me unable to care about anything except fulfilling the lusts of my flesh. I honestly don't care about anything. I try to but I am unable to.

My "poor me" posts are from the predicament of knowing what I did but being unable to change it. If you knew that you were going to hell and there was nothing you could do about it, then you would be feeling the same. I often think about suicide but then I know that an even worse fate awaits me.

What frustrates me is that I believed the lies about the Hebrews apostasy verses. "No no it's all about returning to Judaism and not your sin. No no 'no sacrifice left' is saying don't turn to a different sacrifice." and etc. People parsed those verses out because it's too scary to accept them at face value and I believed those lies. So I became complacent and then became the very thing that those verses warned about.

Esau hated his situation but that did not count as remorse or repentance.

I am trying to come to God but there is a constant reminder in the back of my head saying, "No more sacrifice remains" and on and on.

I know I am frustrating you so I will stop.

 

[Invalidusername]

Someone who can search the Scriptures to find examples that back up, or appear to back up, their views, is not as hopeless as they think they are.
If you can do that, you can also search the Scriptures for examples, and teaching on, God's love, mercy and forgiveness.

To run risking to annoy you again... Satan knew scripture.

 

[Strong in Him]

To run risking to annoy you again... Satan knew scripture.

Satan knew Scripture - but he probably had greater knowledge than you; you have to SEARCH to find out the examples you do.

 

[Strong in Him]

I have had this apathy ever since I fell into sin. It made me unable to care about anything except fulfilling the lusts of my flesh. I honestly don't care about anything. I try to but I am unable to.

You do.
If you didn't, you wouldn't write on here even once about your condition; you wouldn't care about it. You might not even be interested enough to register/log onto/use a Christian site never mind write post after post about how little you care about anything.

My "poor me" posts are from the predicament of knowing what I did but being unable to change it.

You can't change what you DID - none of us can go back in time and undo actions from our past.
But you can choose to believe God and in his forgiveness. You can change your future by asking forgiveness, for a filling of the Holy Spirit and resolving to live for God from now on.

If you knew that you were going to hell and there was nothing you could do about it,

But you have been told over and over again that you are not going to hell. And even if you knew, right now, that you are certainly headed that way, you CAN do something about it - call on Jesus who has power over death and hell to save you.

You just don't seem to want to do this; you keep giving us reasons why you are an exception and can't be saved.

I am trying to come to God

Exactly.
Which is why you are not totally hard-hearted, beyond help and going to hell.

but there is a constant reminder in the back of my head saying, "No more sacrifice remains" and on and on.

Well tell that voice to shut up, and replace it with one that praises and thanks God.

I know I am frustrating you so I will stop.

The thing that is frustrating me is your saying, "it's too late ..... too hard hearted ...... beyond hope ...... "etc etc, and when people take time to reason with you and offer you hope, from God's own word, you have, or find, reasons why you can't accept it.

Sorry, but unless you ARE depressed, I can't help thinking that you don't want help.
If you truly did, you would do something and at least try what we are saying.
If you are convinced you are going to hell anyway, you have nothing to lose. If you try something positive and it fails, it won't feel any worse for you than it does now.

But the likelihood is that you won't, but just argue with me about how your case is so hopeless.

 

[Invalidusername]

You do.
If you didn't, you wouldn't write on here even once about your condition; you wouldn't care about it. You might not even be interested enough to register/log onto/use a Christian site never mind write post after post about how little you care about anything.



You can't change what you DID - none of us can go back in time and undo actions from our past.
But you can choose to believe God and in his forgiveness. You can change your future by asking forgiveness, for a filling of the Holy Spirit and resolving to live for God from now on.



But you have been told over and over again that you are not going to hell. And even if you knew, right now, that you are certainly headed that way, you CAN do something about it - call on Jesus who has power over death and hell to save you.

You just don't seem to want to do this; you keep giving us reasons why you are an exception and can't be saved.



Exactly.
Which is why you are not totally hard-hearted, beyond help and going to hell.



Well tell that voice to shut up, and replace it with one that praises and thanks God.



The thing that is frustrating me is your saying, "it's too late ..... too hard hearted ...... beyond hope ...... "etc etc, and when people take time to reason with you and offer you hope, from God's own word, you have, or find, reasons why you can't accept it.

Sorry, but unless you ARE depressed, I can't help thinking that you don't want help.
If you truly did, you would do something and at least try what we are saying.
If you are convinced you are going to hell anyway, you have nothing to lose. If you try something positive and it fails, it won't feel any worse for you than it does now.

But the likelihood is that you won't, but just argue with me about how your case is so hopeless.

It is just hard to see hope.

 

[Strong in Him]

It is just hard to see hope.

I understand and appreciate that.

But there is a BIG difference between saying, "I'm trying but I'm struggling. Have you guys got any advice/words of hope/words of Scripture and could you pray for me?" and answering all such words of hope with the words "but I'm too sinful/hard hearted/hell bound for it to make any difference."
People are going to get tired of trying to offer hope, and the words of life, if they feel you are rejecting or throwing them back at them.

Though maybe you could start your own thread in another section of the forum and see what help/advice you get there?