Hello everybody,
I’m in a bit of a marriage crisis. I’m afraid that my wife may have cheated on me while she was taking a vacation with her sister to Europe a few months ago. We’ve been married for about 5 years and dated for about three years before that. I need to give some background (see below) for this to make sense.
Here’s the story;
A couple of nights ago I was trying out my wife’s ipad pro (I’m thinking about buying one). I was fooling around on a drawing app on the ipad, and as I went to delete several of the pictures I drew, I noticed three rather flirtatious photos/videos of another man. Two photos were selfies of this guy trying to strike a ‘sexy’ sort of pose (clothing on-nothing horribly scandalous). there was also a video selfie of him at a new year’s party. The last photo was a screenshot of a text with a “winking” emoji face sent by her to him. That’s the only part of the correspondence I could see in the screenshot.
I found the pictures to be quite out of the ordinary, so I confronted my wife about them. Upon me turning the ipad around and showing her one of the pictures, she instantly became nervous and fidgety. She responded by saying “oh…that’s just a friend of mine that I don’t talk to anymore.” After further pressing her, she stated that she met him in Europe where my wife and her sister were vacationing. She said that he was a random guy at a bar and didn’t know him and barely knew his name. I then showed her the screenshot of her winking emoji to him (his name was loaded into her contacts). She then admitted that he kissed her while they were at the bar.
My Wife’s story was that they were sitting at a table next to him (he was with a group of guys) and approached my wife and her sister and basically started flirting. Throughout that night they kept talking and at some point, this guy kissed her. She says she pushed him away. This happened around September. She says that after the kissing encounter she had no contact with him and the only reason his contact was in her phone was because this guy flirtatiously took the phone from her and entered his contact info. She says that the guy randomly sent her the flirtatious photos this past new year’s eve completely out of the blue. She says she saw the pictures, panicked and deleted them. She has no idea why he texted her, since their meeting was so fleeting. She says he texted her twice once during the night that the kiss occured and once on new years eve.
My problem – I question this story and its eating me up inside.
1. It seems implausible that a random drunk guy that met my wife in a bar for a couple of hours for one night would randomly send photos and a video out of the blue. I feel like there's more to this story.
2. The pictures and video seemed intimate and are indicative of something more than a random guy that drunkenly flirted with my wife. This is my gut speaking.
3. Most guys don’t just randomly kiss someone they’re talking to. There’s usually a lead-up. But then again, there was alcohol involved, and my wife said she was drunk.
4. She initially lied about the nature of her contact with him. At first, she said she didn’t really know who he was, then she admitted that he tried to kiss her. Also, his contact information was loaded into her phone.
5. Why would she send a winking emoji face? When I confronted her about this she said she didn’t know why she sent the emoji, and that it was really stupid of her to do so. She captured the screenshot because she was in disbelief that he texted her. She says she sent the screenshot to her sister.
6. Her story seems to change every time I ask her to explain smaller details. I'm not sure if this is because she's unclear about the event itself or if she's trying to maneuver through her possible dishonesty.
7. She lied/was inaccurate about when certain photos were deleted. She stated she received all the photos on new years eve. However, her deleted items folder (where I found the photos initially) indicates that one photo-the screenshot was deleted two weeks before that. This indicates that there may have been further contact with him throughout the past four months.
8. After I asked to view her texts to ensure there was no other evidence, she refused. This makes it seem like she’s hiding something. she claimed that she didn't want me to see some text between her and her sister because they were personal
9. After I confronted her, she immediately deleted the photos from her phone – this seems guilty.
10. I found a text correspondence between her and her sister talking about this guy. It said something like, “don’t judge me for asking this, but what rank was [guy’s name] (Apparently he was in the military). Her sister responded by saying “no judgment here ever – he didn’t mention his rank”; by mentioning “judgment” it seems like both knew that immoral things may have occurred.
My wife is adamant that there was nothing between them and categorically denies kissing him back. She also recognized that deleting the photos and not initially being truthful was a betrayal of my trust. She’s been very apologetic and is trying to show her love for me. I truly want to believe her because I love her so much, and we had a great relationship before. However, I can’t seem to get past this, primarily because of her initial dishonesty and the above discrepancies in her story. My heart is telling me that she may be telling the truth (before this I never would have suspected her of cheating), but the evidence makes me doubt her story. If my wife is telling the truth the situation isn’t nearly as bad. This is the difference between infidelity and her just putting herself in a relatively compromising environment.
How do I navigate this? Should I try to forgive her? Because of my technical background, I have the ability to restore deleted texts. I was thinking about insisting that she allow me to restore any deleted texts and gauge her response. A downright refusal to allow me to restore texts between her and this guy would certainly indicate guilt, or at least that she's hiding things. I’m considering asking her to go to marriage counseling to work this out as well. the thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach.
I need perspective and clarity here. please help!
I’m in a bit of a marriage crisis. I’m afraid that my wife may have cheated on me while she was taking a vacation with her sister to Europe a few months ago. We’ve been married for about 5 years and dated for about three years before that. I need to give some background (see below) for this to make sense.
Here’s the story;
A couple of nights ago I was trying out my wife’s ipad pro (I’m thinking about buying one). I was fooling around on a drawing app on the ipad, and as I went to delete several of the pictures I drew, I noticed three rather flirtatious photos/videos of another man. Two photos were selfies of this guy trying to strike a ‘sexy’ sort of pose (clothing on-nothing horribly scandalous). there was also a video selfie of him at a new year’s party. The last photo was a screenshot of a text with a “winking” emoji face sent by her to him. That’s the only part of the correspondence I could see in the screenshot.
I found the pictures to be quite out of the ordinary, so I confronted my wife about them. Upon me turning the ipad around and showing her one of the pictures, she instantly became nervous and fidgety. She responded by saying “oh…that’s just a friend of mine that I don’t talk to anymore.” After further pressing her, she stated that she met him in Europe where my wife and her sister were vacationing. She said that he was a random guy at a bar and didn’t know him and barely knew his name. I then showed her the screenshot of her winking emoji to him (his name was loaded into her contacts). She then admitted that he kissed her while they were at the bar.
My Wife’s story was that they were sitting at a table next to him (he was with a group of guys) and approached my wife and her sister and basically started flirting. Throughout that night they kept talking and at some point, this guy kissed her. She says she pushed him away. This happened around September. She says that after the kissing encounter she had no contact with him and the only reason his contact was in her phone was because this guy flirtatiously took the phone from her and entered his contact info. She says that the guy randomly sent her the flirtatious photos this past new year’s eve completely out of the blue. She says she saw the pictures, panicked and deleted them. She has no idea why he texted her, since their meeting was so fleeting. She says he texted her twice once during the night that the kiss occured and once on new years eve.
My problem – I question this story and its eating me up inside.
1. It seems implausible that a random drunk guy that met my wife in a bar for a couple of hours for one night would randomly send photos and a video out of the blue. I feel like there's more to this story.
2. The pictures and video seemed intimate and are indicative of something more than a random guy that drunkenly flirted with my wife. This is my gut speaking.
3. Most guys don’t just randomly kiss someone they’re talking to. There’s usually a lead-up. But then again, there was alcohol involved, and my wife said she was drunk.
4. She initially lied about the nature of her contact with him. At first, she said she didn’t really know who he was, then she admitted that he tried to kiss her. Also, his contact information was loaded into her phone.
5. Why would she send a winking emoji face? When I confronted her about this she said she didn’t know why she sent the emoji, and that it was really stupid of her to do so. She captured the screenshot because she was in disbelief that he texted her. She says she sent the screenshot to her sister.
6. Her story seems to change every time I ask her to explain smaller details. I'm not sure if this is because she's unclear about the event itself or if she's trying to maneuver through her possible dishonesty.
7. She lied/was inaccurate about when certain photos were deleted. She stated she received all the photos on new years eve. However, her deleted items folder (where I found the photos initially) indicates that one photo-the screenshot was deleted two weeks before that. This indicates that there may have been further contact with him throughout the past four months.
8. After I asked to view her texts to ensure there was no other evidence, she refused. This makes it seem like she’s hiding something. she claimed that she didn't want me to see some text between her and her sister because they were personal
9. After I confronted her, she immediately deleted the photos from her phone – this seems guilty.
10. I found a text correspondence between her and her sister talking about this guy. It said something like, “don’t judge me for asking this, but what rank was [guy’s name] (Apparently he was in the military). Her sister responded by saying “no judgment here ever – he didn’t mention his rank”; by mentioning “judgment” it seems like both knew that immoral things may have occurred.
My wife is adamant that there was nothing between them and categorically denies kissing him back. She also recognized that deleting the photos and not initially being truthful was a betrayal of my trust. She’s been very apologetic and is trying to show her love for me. I truly want to believe her because I love her so much, and we had a great relationship before. However, I can’t seem to get past this, primarily because of her initial dishonesty and the above discrepancies in her story. My heart is telling me that she may be telling the truth (before this I never would have suspected her of cheating), but the evidence makes me doubt her story. If my wife is telling the truth the situation isn’t nearly as bad. This is the difference between infidelity and her just putting herself in a relatively compromising environment.
How do I navigate this? Should I try to forgive her? Because of my technical background, I have the ability to restore deleted texts. I was thinking about insisting that she allow me to restore any deleted texts and gauge her response. A downright refusal to allow me to restore texts between her and this guy would certainly indicate guilt, or at least that she's hiding things. I’m considering asking her to go to marriage counseling to work this out as well. the thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach.
I need perspective and clarity here. please help!
