Is flirting permissible when married?

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It seems to be kind of a natural thing for me, I'm not sure if its something I could just turn off just like that when it's my natural way of communicating with women. I also don't think its a sin or anything. Is flirting permissible when married?

@PeachieKeen yes I just meant flirting in the first way you stated.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I'm not comfortable with it. Just my opinion.

 

[section9+1]

Nothing wrong with being nice and pleasant to people, but once married no more flirting. There's enough dirtbags overrunning the country as it is. Don't need to add to their number. Usual marriage vows state 'forsaking all others'. If that can't be done to the satisfaction of both parties, the marriage is in gigantic trouble and is probably doomed.

 

[sfs]

At the very least, the potential to be misunderstood (by women you're flirting with or by others) is high, and the potential to hurt/annoy your wife is even higher. Maybe you should cultivate other modes of communicating with women.

 

[2Timothy2:15]

It seems to be kind of a natural thing for me, I'm not sure if its something I could just turn off just like that when it's my natural way of communicating with women. I also don't think its a sin or anything. Is flirting permissible when married?

No, it is not ok, you are playing with fire. If by natural you mean carnal....

 

[Jon Osterman]

Is flirting permissible when married?

No. It is a form of cheating.

 

[Sabertooth]

Being autistic, I'm not certain what all constitutes "flirting." I seem to have identified three levels of flirting.

1. Objective flirting. Flirting with the goal of either courting someone or moving them in that direction. It is always inappropriate for married people.
2. Casual flirting. If I am familiar enough with the woman, complimenting some aspect of her charm. Everyone involved knows that I'm not doing a #1. I usually limit it to relatives. But it can be coworkers, classmates and others, too.
3. Reactionary flirting. A married guy encounters a woman in an innocent setting that makes him feel giddy (but he doesn't know why). When she asks him some appropriate question, he stammers like a schoolboy. The woman probably knows why he is reacting that way (and will be flattered), but he still isn't doing a #1. In the reverse situation, a woman might bat her eyes without thinking.

My wife and I allow each other #2 & #3. We will both readily admit that others might be pretty or handsome, but we don't see ourselves as being available.

As one radio preacher said, "I'm MARRIED, not BLIND...!"

 

[RDKirk]

First: Why do you or would you flirt?

You don't flirt with members of the same sex, so it's not a matter of trying to be funny or witty.

Answer that one, and further answers will follow.

A lot of people have trouble "turning it off" when married because of the very bad way we mate in the West, and the US in particular.

In the West, we commonly mate on the basis of pure dumb luck, absolute chance. We expect that somehow we will just stumble blindly into "the one," and therefore we must always be trying out every possibility. It's like being a door-to-door salesman.

We start this behavior out at a very young age, even before we intend to follow through.

In my teen male Church group, one boy admitted that he'd started having sex with his girlfriend. I asked him if she knew he planned to break up with her. He said, "I'm not planning to break up with her!" I replied, "Are you planning to marry her? No? Then you're planning to break up with her."

So what is the purpose of flirting?

 

[Llleopard]

My husband and I flirt shamelessly. With each other. That is MUCH more fun!!!

 

[Llleopard]

It seems to be kind of a natural thing for me, I'm not sure if its something I could just turn off just like that when it's my natural way of communicating with women. I also don't think its a sin or anything. Is flirting permissible when married?

It may be your natural way of communicating, and not a sin, but also not necessarily always the most appropriate way in many situations. Potential for backfiring! Get a book out, or watch online videos and learn about body language. Judge yourself and what you are communicating. Decide how you want to be coming across, and practice doing that instead.

 

[eleos1954]

It seems to be kind of a natural thing for me, I'm not sure if its something I could just turn off just like that when it's my natural way of communicating with women. I also don't think its a sin or anything. Is flirting permissible when married?

Flirt -

1. to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

amorous -

inclined or disposed to love, especially sexual love

Ask your spouse or girlfriend about it.

 

[PeachieKeen]

I think it depends on your definition of flirting. If you mean having witty playful banter with someone, I don't see any harm in that.

If it's using pick up lines, expressing sexual attraction, or if your motives are at all to earn the romantic affections of a person not your spouse, I would say that's a clear no.

 

[RDKirk]

I think it depends on your definition of flirting. If you mean having witty playful banter with someone, I don't see any harm in that.

As I alluded earlier, a guy can have "witty banter" with his guy friends that does not involve sexuality. There's no reason to bring sexuality into the "witty banter" he has with female friends.

 

[Sabertooth]

As I alluded earlier, a guy can have "witty banter" with his guy friends that does not involve sexuality. There's no reason to bring sexuality into the "witty banter" he has with female friends.

A guy can say "Hey, cutie" to a gal without trying to seduce her (particularly, if there is an preexisting familiarity).
He can't say that to a guy, though, without social consequences.

 

[anewday]

My husband and I flirt shamelessly. With each other. That is MUCH more fun!!!

This. My husband and I do it all the time to each other. I think its the intention more than anything. As long as its harmless and someone does it just to compliment the other person, then there is no harm done.

 

[mmksparbud]

No!!! Unless it's with your own spouse!

 

[RDKirk]

A guy can say "Hey, cutie" to a gal without trying to seduce her (particularly, if there is a familiarity there).
He can't say that to a guy, though, without social consequences.

Why would he feel the need to say "hey, cutie" to the woman?

Why does he feel that he's losing out on something if he can't say "hey, cutie" to some woman other than his wife?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

It seems to be kind of a natural thing for me, I'm not sure if its something I could just turn off just like that when it's my natural way of communicating with women. I also don't think its a sin or anything. Is flirting permissible when married?

@PeachieKeen yes I just meant flirting in the first way you stated.

First of all......................define 'flirting.' And when I mean define it, I don't mean popping open the dictionary and laying out the typical, present definition of the word. No, I mean, we need to collectively identify what is the core moral/immoral dynamic or principle that most of us thinks is active in the act of "flirtation."

I say this, because as sure as I'm sitting here typing this, there's someone out there who will take it upon himself to judge any one of the rest of us when we speak with various other people, even those who may be of the opposite sex, and we are then deemed to be flirting (i.e. sinning). And I just have to say that this kind of attitude of judgment upon me tends to ruffle my feathers. Why can't I enjoy interacting with another person because he/she has some attractive personality trait(s), whether those other persons are male or female, and do this even while I'm married? Ay? [NOTE: This is an axiological question, and one that I think needs to be much more analyzed than it actually is in our Western culture, for both good and bad).

 

[Sabertooth]

Why would he feel the need to say "hey, cutie" to the woman?

Why does he feel that he's losing out on something if he can't say "hey, cutie" to some woman other than his wife?

He is charmed by her, even if it is to a lesser extent than by his wife. I am charmed by all three of my daughters (when they aren't being crabby) in a way that's different than my relationship to my sons. I am even charmed by my mother to a certain degree.

Paul wrote to Timothy [1 Timothy 5:2 NIV],

"[Treat] older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."

 

[FireDragon76]

Being friendly or playful, yes, that's OK. Trying to entice somebody else sexually, that's another matter altogether.