I understand your concern. I was the same way until I began to learn about the early church. I’m not Orthodox or Catholic but everything I’ve learned is in line with the Orthodox Church, the scriptures, and the early church fathers. The Orthodox Church is nothing like the Roman Catholic Church. It was established by Peter in Antioch and is mentioned in the Bible several times. Although they were mentioned as the Church of God it was in Antioch that people were first called Christians. The Orthodox Church kicked the Roman church out of the Catholic Church in 1054AD for many heresies. They have always kept their teachings the same as the apostles handed down. They added the name Orthodox to their church which means traditional. Many people don’t understand that the Roman Church was at one time a true apostolic church but slowly began to change and by the 10th century began to adopt a lot of unbiblical teachings and practices. I wouldn’t say they hate the Roman church but they definitely strongly disagree with the Roman teachings. Even so much as to say the Roman church is not catholic.
This was written by St Iranaeus in 180AD. Long before the Catholic Church disputes. Adversus Haereses book 5 chapter 27
And to as many as continue in their
lovetowards
God, does He grant communion with Him. But communion with God is life and light, and the enjoyment of all the benefits which He has in store. But on as many as, according to their own choice, depart from
God, He inflicts that separation from Himself which they have chosen of their own accord. But separation from God is death, and separation from light is darkness; and separation from God consists in the loss of all the benefits which He has in store. Those, therefore, who cast away by
apostasy these forementioned things, being in fact destitute of all good, do experience every kind of punishment.
God, however, does not punish them immediately of Himself, but that punishment falls upon them because they are destitute of all that is
good. Now,
good things are
eternal and without end with
God, and therefore the loss of these is also
eternal and never-ending. It is in this matter just as occurs in the case of a flood of light: those who have blinded themselves, or have been blinded by others, are for ever deprived of the enjoyment of light. It is not, [however], that the light has inflicted upon them the penalty of blindness, but it is that the blindness itself has brought calamity upon them: and therefore the Lord declared, He that
believes in Me is not condemned,
John 3:18-21 that is, is not separated from
God, for he is united to God through
faith. On the other hand, He says, He that
believes not is condemned already, because he has not
believed in the name of the only-begotten
Son of God; that is, he separated himself from God of his own accord. For this is the condemnation, that light has come into this world, and men have loved darkness rather than light. For every one who does
evil hates the light, and comes not to the light, lest his
deeds should be reproved. But he that does
truth comes to the light, that his
deeds may be made manifest, that he has wrought them in
God.
This is written by St Augustine some time between 370-430AD.
"I have now to consider the subject of perseverance with greater care; for in the former book also I said some things on this subject when I was discussing the beginning of faith. I assert, therefore, that the perseverance by which we persevere in Christ even to the end is the gift of God; and I call that the end by which is finished that life wherein alone there is peril of falling. Therefore it is uncertain whether any one has received this gift so long as he is still alive. For if he fall before he dies, he is, of course, said not to have persevered; and most truly is it said. How, then, should he be said to have received or to have had perseverance who has not persevered? For if any one have continence, and fall away from that virtue and become incontinent, - or, in like manner, if he have righteousness, if patience, if even faith, and fall away, he is rightly said to have had these virtues and to have them no longer; for he was continent, or he was righteous, or he was patient, or he was believing, as long as he was so; but when he ceased to be so, he no longer is what he was. But how should he who Has not persevered have ever been persevering, since it is only by persevering that any one shows himself persevering, - and this he has not done? But lest any one should object to this, and say, If from the time at which any one became a believer he has lived - for the sake of argument - ten years, and in the midst of them has fallen from the faith, has he not persevered for five years? I am not contending about words. If it be thought that this also should be called perseverance, as it were for so long as it lasts, assuredly he is not to be said to have had in any degree that perseverance of which we are now discoursing, by which one perseveres in Christ even to the end. And the believer of one year, or of a period as much shorter as may be conceived of, if he has lived faithfully until he died, has rather had this perseverance than the believer of many years standing, if a little time before his death he has fallen away from the steadfastness of his faith."
"But, on the other hand, of his own will a man forsakes God, so as to be deservedly forsaken by God. Who would deny this? But it is for that reason we ask not to be led into temptation, so that this may not happen. And if we are heard, certainly it does not happen, because God does not allow it to happen. For nothing comes to pass except what either He Himself does, or Himself allows to be done. Therefore He is powerful both to turn wills from evil to good, and to convert those that are inclined to fall, or to direct them into a way pleasing to Himself. For to Him it is not said in vain, O God, Thou shalt turn again and quicken us; it is not vainly said, Give not my foot to be moved; it is not vainly said, Give me not over, O Lord, from my desire to the sinner; finally, not to mention many passages, since probably more may occur to you, it is not vainly said, Lead us not into temptation. For whoever is not led into temptation, certainly is not led into the temptation of his own evil will; and he who is not led into the temptation of his own evil will, is absolutely led into no temptation. For every one is tempted, as it is written, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed; but God tempteth no man, - that is to say, with a hurtful temptation. For temptation is moreover beneficial by which we are not deceived or overwhelmed, but proved, according to that which is said, Prove me, O Lord, and try me. Therefore, with that hurtful temptation which the apostle signifies when he says, Lost by some means the tempter have tempted you, and our labor be in vain, God tempteth no man, as I have said, - that is, He brings or leads no one into temptation. For to be tempted and not to be led into temptation is not evil, - nay, it is even good; for this it is to be proved. When, therefore, we say to God, Lead us not into temptation, what do we say but, Permit us not to be led? Whence some pray in this manner, and it is read in many codices, and the most blessed Cyprian thus uses it: Do not suffer us to be led into temptation. In the Greek gospel, however, I have never found it otherwise than, Lead us not into temptation. We live, therefore, more securely if we give up the whole to God, and do not entrust ourselves partly to Him and partly to ourselves, as that venerable martyr saw. For when he would expound the same clause of the prayer, he says among other things, But when we ask that we may not come into temptation, we are reminded of our infirmity and weakness while we thus ask, lest any should insolently vaunt himself, - lest any should proudly and arrogantly assume anything to himself, - lest any should take to himself the glory either of confession or suffering as his own; since the Lord Himself, teaching humility, said, Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation; the Spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. So that when a humble and submissive confession comes first and all is attributed to God, whatever is sought for suppliantly, with the fear of God, may be granted by His own loving-kindness." (Augustine, On the Gift of Perseverance, Ch. I, XII)
