Isn't it better to help people think creatively about what's possible for them, rather than tell them what they "should" be doing without taking their circumstances into account?
I couldn't agree with you more, which is why I never base my advice on personal philosophies or how I think things "should" be. Researching what has actually proven to make relationships work has become a passion of mine.
One of my favorite sources of information is Dr. Harley, who studied 10,000's of marriages to identify patterns in happy marriages and patterns in unhappy marriages. He built a marriage ministry around advising couples based on what his research had proved to work. In his experience, it's 100% successful when both spouses make a commitment to follow it. He was inspired to find out what actually DOES work to keep marriages together when his efforts at traditional marriage counseling techniques were failing.
How Dr. Harley Learned to Save Marriages
Fifteen hours per week of undivided time was a common theme of marriages that worked and a common missing element to marriages that didn't. He explains it in a way that makes so much sense:
"Before you were married, spending time alone with each other was your highest priority. You probably spent the majority of your leisure time together, and the time you spent together was probably the most enjoyable part of every week. You tried to talk to each other every day. If you couldn't be with each other face-to-face, you talked on the telephone, maybe for hours. And when you were together, you gave each other your undivided attention. "
"The solution to [falling out of love] in marriage is remarkably simple. It doesn't require entirely new skills, or a remaking of a couple's ability to care for each other. All it takes is going back to what it was that created the love a couple has for each other in the first place -- heartfelt affection, intimate conversation, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment
*. These intimate emotional needs, above all else, must be met in marriage if a romantic relationship is to be sustained."
*Dr. Harley does not advocate premarital sex and has written a book about how harmful it is. These two paragraphs thread together the concept but I copied them from separate locations so do not misunderstand my cut & paste collection to be referring to him condoning sexual fulfillment while dating.
"It's incredible how many couples have tried to talk me out of their spending more time together. They begin by trying to convince me that it's impossible. Then they go on to the argument that it's impractical. But in the end, they usually agree that without time for undivided attention, they cannot re-create the love they once had for each other. "
In more detail, here:
Caring for Children Means Caring for Each Other
The concept of time together also affects another important aspect of marriage:
The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage? by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.
I personally follow all of the advice I give. I have a marriage that's unimaginable to most: a beautiful, romantic deeply loving marriage to my best friend and soulmate.