I have been a Christian since about four or five, although I had a period last year of identifying as atheist then Taoist. People say a true Christian would never do that. That I wasn't saved before, or if I was saved I've crossed an unforgivable line. Could I have been saved? It scares me so much, if I wasn't saved, and I blasphemed and had those soul-selling thoughts does this mean I am irreversibly condemned to hell? I was so sure I loved God growing up, I want to repent and have the love and trust I had before, but can I not be saved? Am I saved? I hate that I ever strayed. I was so depressed, I ran a blog of uplifting things that I noticed most came from Buddhism, which led me away. I never was convinced by Buddhism but I see what a lie Taoism was now. I just want to be saved. I want to be at peace. I need mercy. I hope I am not reprobate or beyond forgiveness. Is there any way that doubt doesn't mean I wasn't saved? Or do I even have a chance? What do I do?