Is it okay to date another Christian whose been divorced?

[LinkH]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Many people take the 'except it be for fornication' clause in Matthew 19 to mean that God allows divorce in the case of fornication. In the context, however, it is talking about a man divorcing his wife, not vice versa. Under the law of Moses which Jesus was commenting on, women did not divorce men.

You should definitely stay away from a man who abandoned his wife, or a man who broke it off with his wife because it just couldn't work out, or they drifted apart, or they wanted different things.

If you have any qualms about marrying a divorced man, don't date one. There are single older men who are never married. There are also widowers out there who proved their mettle to some degree by being faithful 'till death do us part.'

One place I lived in the US, I knew four slightly older men, two in their 50's and one pushing 40, who'd never married who wanted to. Three of them seemed reasonably good-looking and had good, solid careers and the other hand some decent assets. (i ask my wife about such things. I can't tell if a man is good looking). One man had a long-term girlfriend who broke up with him and married someone else. The one with the not-so-great job had been shy with the ladies since he was a teenager. They were all Christians.

There are such men out there. Our dating system in our culture isn't very good at making sure it matches everyone up. Really good-looking people and extroverts have a good chance of marrying when they want to. But those are no guarantees of finding a mate. Our culture of dating for entertainment can waste serious spouse-seeker's time. In some cultures, it is acceptable for parents to actively help match younger people up. But a lot of people 'fall through the cracks' in western culture if they are looking for a spouse.

It is important to keep a clean conscience before God. If you don't want to marry a divorced man, you don't have to. And there are plenty of other options out there.

I hear Alaska has a lot of single men and not enough women. Relocating to Alaska may be a way to find a man fast.

 

[Kenny'sID]

We live under the age of Grace.
Yo are not bound by any laws or rules
found in the Old Testament as they were.

I live under what the Bible tells me I must do, not the so called grace only doctrine that allows us to do as we wish. The fact I could make a habit of murdering people but since I'm not under any law, I still go to heaven is preposterous to me...grossly goes against one of the main points of the Bible "be good". However this is not something I'll argue since it is off topic, but I did want the OP to know what they were getting into in case she doesn't subscribe to "Do whatever you like, you're saved" and that that was all you were basing the idea it was ok to remarry in spite of what Christ said.

Seriously, now that I think about it how could one even commit the adultery Christ mentioned, if they weren't under some law? lol

Thanks for clearing that up.

 

[Kenny'sID]

From what I've seen, most people have no problem with divorcees dating. The main exceptions, tend to be the extremists such as KJV-only folks. A lot of them, are the same people who insist contemporary worship services are Satanic.

This topic actually just came up in one of my "small" groups(that's about to split because it's over 20 people). Out of us, there are exactly two who thought it was definitely wrong(with two more undecided). They were both over 60. It's a Southern Baptist church.

So, your stance is, because most think it's ok, it must be, or did you or them have any other basis? I want it to be OK too, but I'm not just going to deem it so for that reason alone.

 

[Haramis]

So, your stance is, because most think it's ok, it must be, or did you or them have any other basis? I want it to be OK too, but I'm not just going to deem it so for that reason alone.

If you read my previous post, I told her to ask God, instead of asking random people on a forum. God is the ultimate authority. She should pray and ask God directly for an answer for her. Rather than ask some people how they interpret scripture(which is guaranteed to have both sides represented, making it useless if she wants clarity).

God will be the only source of clarity. That's why she should turn to God, ask Him, and follow whatever He tells her. How God guides us, only has bearing on us. We have no authority over her. Only God has authority.

 

[1stcenturylady]

So, is it ok or not ok?

Lybrah, I don't think the day and age matter. There are those that might say, "This is the 21 century, what's wrong with people, still believing in a God, we need to start thinking for ourselves" or something like that. I've heard statements along those lines anyway, and time or because something is more difficult at one time or place than another, really doesn't change whats expected of us.

That said, it really is a tough rule, and at the onset it appears to be a serious threat to salvation if we do that. On the other hand, I'm not sure if we can be forgiven of ongoing/by choice sin like that...perpetual sin. I'd guess not, but once again this is a tough one for people to bear. Maybe I just find is so hard to believe people have to live alone over something that was once ok to do, and though I do see the truth, it's a tendency for me to think I might be wrong.

Thing is, the way Christ described it, in that God intended people to to be together until death even way back then, yet it was acceptable to leave your spouse, makes me wonder. It was adultery even then, but people could still be in Gods favor if they divorced/remarried, so is it that now?

But do we want to take our chances on being wrong if we feel it is forgivable and won't hurt our salvation? Could be costly.

Just some thoughts....wish I had some definite answers for you, but ...

Wise man! "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

 

[MayMcFlurry]

It's cultural. Back in the day the Jewish men would divorce over everything, literally. They had the right to do that. It was easy, all they had to do was write their own certificate of divorce on paper. So Jesus was really confronting that immoral culture. I really don't think it applies today, especially not in your case.

 

[1stcenturylady]

No, it is not ongoing/perpetual sin for a divorced person to remarry.
A few, very strict, preachers teach that, including the ultra-conservative Mennonites, who I grew up among. HOWEVER. After thorough research, I was unable to find ONE good Greek scholar who agrees that's what the verb tense means.

Hi Polly, I'm sorry I still haven't posted my story. It's long...and I haven't felt 100% (stomach ache). I just want to say that I truly believe because my husband never repented and turned away from his sin (his mistress) that their divorces from their spouses, and quick remarriage leaves them in PERPETUAL ADULTERY.

But, that is because he divorced me WITHOUT CAUSE. Not everyone's divorce is without cause. Also, some marriages were never put together by God in the first place, so are they even married in the sight of God, like two homosexuals. If one becomes a Christian, they may have to get a legal divorce, but they would be free to marry, heterosexually and in the Lord.

Just a few thoughts for now.

 

[1stcenturylady]

If you read my previous post, I told her to ask God, instead of asking random people on a forum. God is the ultimate authority. She should pray and ask God directly for an answer for her. Rather than ask some people how they interpret scripture(which is guaranteed to have both sides represented, making it useless if she wants clarity).

God will be the only source of clarity. That's why she should turn to God, ask Him, and follow whatever He tells her. How God guides us, only has bearing on us. We have no authority over her. Only God has authority.

Getting guidance from people as to scriptures is good. Just read in total context.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I will say... to be fair if you did date and eventually marry him it won't send you to hell however expect punishment for it when you stand before God.

And you are no longer guilty of adultery for thinking about men. You may now talk in church and give sermons.

If you still hold to these rules, I respect your weirdness.

I was going to let that go for some strange reason, as least until I saw the accusation of being weird.

What is weird or even worse is stating flat out that we need not be concerned about what Christ taught/committing adultery. Jesus told the adulterous woman not to do it again for a reason. The point there wasn't that is wasn't a damnable sin but that we will no longer stone/kill them for it in the here and now, that will all be left up to God in the end.

It is not weird to do as Christ said, or fear Gods wrath as the OP does. Adultery is on more than one list of sins that don't cut it, so the OP has every reason to be concerned, and I personally would be concerned if I were telling her/anyone otherwise, very concerned.

1 Corinthians 6:9

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,"

That's new testament stuff people, and it can't be canceled out with the usual "grace" "faith only" or changed laws explanations.

Be not deceived.

 

[1stcenturylady]

It is also very important to remember that God forgives even adultery.
And from the moment we repent from the heart, God has wiped the slate clean.

Look at the early church.
They lived in a society that was FULL of divorce and remarriage!
The Jewish culture--ruled by the Pharisees--had divorce as easy as the husband writing a paper, stating his wife was divorced.
The Roman and Greek cultures were also full of divorce and remarriage. In fact, one Roman historian said that fashionable Roman women traded off husbands yearly.

Yet, in ALL of the New Testament, NOT ONCE is there any instruction as to how to deal with these "problematic" remarriage situations, from new believers coming into the church.
And there were thousands at a time, coming in!

The early church grew exponentially, even in divorce-and-remarriage cultures!

And never did Paul tell the church to see those marriages any differently than those who were lifetime partners. Not once did God give a command through Paul, to make sure those divorce-and-remarriage-situations got broke up. Never.

Because they weren't viewed as wrong.
Bottom line.

When divorce happens, it's because of sin.
Hardness of heart. Adultery.
And that happens only in unbelievers.
In fact, Paul states clearly that IF we as unbelievers become hard and evil-hearted, we are departing from God!



Some think they will just do the act of divorce-to-remarry, intending to repent.
But that's not real repentance. That's putting God to the test. God forbids that.

After divorce and remarriage, if true repentance comes, God forgives the act of the heart, of unfaithfulness. And from that point, God takes us from where we are.

Former murderers are not required to raise their victims.
God doesn't see them as murderers anymore.

Former liars are not required to unspeak their lies.
God does not see them as liars anymore.

And former adulterers-in-heart are not required to break up their current homes.
God doesn't see them as adulterers anymore.

Grace is not a license to sin. Yikes! And grace is more than mere unmerited favor. That is only true in coming to the Lord. Once the conversion happens, Jesus gives us His Holy Spirit to walk in, making grace now the power of God to live righteously.

Repentance is turning AWAY from your sin, not LIVING IN IT!

You said, "
And former adulterers-in-heart are not required to break up their current homes.
God doesn't see them as adulterers anymore."

Any sin, including ungodly remarriages and adultery, are washed away when they become Christians, and then you are right. They don't have to break up their home. But what do you say to two Christians who divorce? Don't you know we are held to a higher standard?

 

[Kenny'sID]

If you read my previous post, I told her to ask God, instead of asking random people on a forum. God is the ultimate authority. She should pray and ask God directly for an answer for her. Rather than ask some people how they interpret scripture(which is guaranteed to have both sides represented, making it useless if she wants clarity).

God will be the only source of clarity. That's why she should turn to God, ask Him, and follow whatever He tells her. How God guides us, only has bearing on us. We have no authority over her. Only God has authority.

Truth be told, God tends to not answer us, especially since he has already spoken on the matter through the bible. And that's not to say she shouldn't try if she thinks it will help, but I'm just being realistic. This is not a matter of if we have authority, it's just a matter of read the bible/what Christ said and if one has trouble with interpretation (doesn't seem like she does) maybe we can help. This is really pretty cut and dry, the very reason it's brought up so often by sincere people who know what it means and they are afraid.

I'd like to think there was a way around it, and though I haven't seen it yet, it's still daunting watching people suffer due to this particular rule.

 

[Haramis]

Getting guidance from people as to scriptures is good. Just read in total context.

But she's already heard flawed humans with an imperfect understanding bicker over this. This is why she asks, because there is no clarity. Nothing in this thread will bring her clarity. Only God can bring clarity through prayer.

 

[1stcenturylady]

But she's already heard flawed humans with an imperfect understanding bicker over this. This is why she asks, because there is no clarity. Nothing in this thread will bring her clarity. Only God can bring clarity through prayer.

Right, that's why she needs to study scripture. And she can glean those references here. The scriptures will speak for themselves. We must all do our own study of scripture, and forget people opinions. Otherwise, you will be told what your heart wants to hear, and maybe not from a scholar, but from someone who is also trying to convince themselves. Remember the New Age saying, "If it feels good, do it." Yikes!

 

[1stcenturylady]

But she's already heard flawed humans with an imperfect understanding bicker over this. This is why she asks, because there is no clarity. Nothing in this thread will bring her clarity. Only God can bring clarity through prayer.

Also, when I'm troubled I do ask God, and He does answer. Usually, the answer comes in the early morning as I'm just waking up. That seems to be the easiest time to literally hear His voice, because your head is not filled with your own thoughts.

 

[Haramis]

Truth be told, God tends to not answer us,

He does. But you have to develop a strong enough relationship through the Holy Spirit. God is ever present if you get your nose out of a book and listen. God gave us the Bible to illuminate our path, not to blind us.

The Holy Spirit is the key to unlocking Scripture. Without it, the scriptures are useless. You cannot understand God's Word without the Spirit. But if you can listen to the Spirit when you read the Word, then you can listen to the Spirit when you are not reading the Word. And if you are listening, then you will be lead correctly.

The answer to this question has a simple ending. When a divorced(or any other man) asks her out, the Spirit will give her an answer. She just has to listen. I do not pretend to know what it will say. Perhaps it will convict her to say yes. And perhaps it will convict her to say no. In either case, she will be making the right choice because it is what God has lead her to do.

Your take on this verse, or my take on that verse; tells her nothing. Especially considering the most important part of faith, is development. Even if she makes the right technical choice - if she does it through secular parsing of words, instead of through direct communion with God; can it really be righteous? Is there righteous action without God?

I believe that wrong Earthly action while seeking God, is better than correct Earthly action that ignores Him. But that is my perspective, and perhaps Lybrah will choose to listen to the men she thinks are most wise.

 

[Zayin7]

Nobody makes rules for you that you must follow.
Not nobody.

God Does .and disobedience to him is sin and he is not nobody.

 

[Zayin7]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

You know that... So don't do it.
You commit adultery if you do .
The day and age doesnt change God's word.
Are you seeking the truth or the answer you want to hear? If you love the Lord Jesus ,you will keep his words. You will follow the one you love the most.. If it's not Jesus,you will perish.

 

[zoidar]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

From my opinion: Everone makes misstakes. Of course you shouldn't divorce, but if it happens it happens. God forgives and forgets! If a person is divorced and is sad that it happened, and had no other way out. Of course there is forgiviness. I don't think it's wrong to marry someone that has been divorced, but you should think about the reason this person was divorced, to be sure the same thing won't happen to you. God bless you!

 

[SparkyKarl]

People are forgetting that Adultery doesn't start with an action. It starts with a thought... Didn't Jesus say that all who lust have already committed adultery in there heart? And yes, you can be attracted without lusting. But to find some one attractive lust will inevitably follow. This is the downfall of the flesh.

 

[stanria]

Are you seeking the truth or the answer you want to hear?

If a person is looking for a specific answer, they can find any number of excuses why their choice is right. If one wants it to be gray, it's very easy to make it gray. In most cases, the truth is more black and white than we like it to be.