FaeryChild
Junior Member
I am a convert to The Roman Catholic Church. I grew up Lutheran (Missouri Synod) and went to a Lutheran (MS) elementary school. They only offered K-8 so I ended up going to a Catholic high school. I went into the experience already having a significant amount of agreement, but at the time I still harbored some of the classic protests against Catholicism (i.e. so-called "Mary worship"). And yet the religious education I received at the Catholic school built upon the one I had received at the Lutheran one. By my senior year, I had reversed some of my earlier views (for example, I came to appreciate the beauty of the Rosary and the Hail Mary). Part of me felt called and compelled to join the Church but I was under intense pressure not to become Catholic and in the end, I resisted that pull. My beliefs had clearly been influenced by Catholicism but I was not yet ready to concede that one had to be Catholic (why not just incorporate some Catholic views and practices and leave it at that?).
Then I went to college and found the need, with a new found burst of freedom, to indulge every sinful urge I had ever had but had been afraid to act on. I "discovered" liberal Christianity and become part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I even went to seminary and earned my MDiv with the intent of becoming an ELCA pastor. I thought what I needed was a more liberating, more humanizing form of Christianity - what I really needed was the Prayer of Manasseh.
And then...I got sick...and almost died. I had to come face to face with my own mortality. In those days when I was convinced I was dying, I began to ponder what would happen after death and I also became rigorous in examining my life. I had to come face to face with the reality of my own sin, that it was real and was not going to just "go away" - and I'm really being serious here, it is a dreadful thing for a human to contemplate the prospect of dying in a state of grievous sin that has yet to be forgiven. I got panic attacks and found myself unwilling to release my mind into sleep at night for fear of not waking up. I became pragmatic in my attempts to find rest - but found that the only way to get sleep was by holding the Rosary, praying for help at the hour of my death. When confronted with my sin, my heart began to soften and I asked God to take away my sin - and He told me to confess my sins and join the Catholic Church.
By this point, I had abandoned liberal Christianity and was making sincere efforts to reconnect with the Lutheranism I had had in grade school. I thought I was getting the wrong message or there must be some kind of confusion - after all, I had studied to get a MDiv with the intent of being a pastor in the ELCA. I came to believe that things were meant to work out so that I would be a conservative ELCA pastor (and not a liberal one). I thought that was the whole point of all that had happened. I struggled with God and I bargained with God.
In my efforts to be become a conservative pastor in the ELCA, I went back and studied on my own. I re-read the Book of Concord and I studied Luther more closely. I also studied the entire Reformation era, the history of the Catholic Church and the writings of the earliest Christians. If I was going to "start over" and try again to be a Christian in the real sense of the word, I wanted to get it right and the result of this process was what many have found when they undergo this kind of process - the Reformation itself was a perversion and the seeds of modern day liberalism can be found in some of the off the wall comments that Luther himself made. The result of this academic struggle with God was that I had to concede that even though my conservative Lutheran education in grade school had given me a lot of good things for a faith foundation (and I'm grateful for that!) - there were elements that were missing... the rest of the Sacraments, all of the books of the Bible, Mary, etc.
Meanwhile, I simply failed to find a Lutheran church in the area I live in now which could remind of the Lutheran church I had grown up at. The Lutheran churches where I live are not the confessional type... they tend to be both low church in style and also theologically liberal. Attending such a service on a weekly basis was not doing anything for my physical or spiritual health and I was not feeling anything in communion (and, of course, if asked, the people there would say it was just bread and wine, so why is that surprising?). Once again, I considered the idea of just not going to church, and then God, rather strongly and bluntly, suggested that I start going to the local Catholic church...
...and that time, I listened. I went to the Catholic Church and it automatically felt closer to the confessional Lutheran church of my childhood than the liberal Lutheran church I had been attending. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I began to find myself feeling more connected to the faith I had had as a child. I also began remembering things I had learned at the Catholic school but had forgotten. I met with the priest and we talked for over an hour. Then I went through the RCIA program and finally became obedient to what I had been being told off and on since my senior year - I confessed my sins, finally felt the weight of it being lifted and I joined the Catholic Church.
I just don't know what I'm going to do with my MDiv degree...
Then I went to college and found the need, with a new found burst of freedom, to indulge every sinful urge I had ever had but had been afraid to act on. I "discovered" liberal Christianity and become part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I even went to seminary and earned my MDiv with the intent of becoming an ELCA pastor. I thought what I needed was a more liberating, more humanizing form of Christianity - what I really needed was the Prayer of Manasseh.
And then...I got sick...and almost died. I had to come face to face with my own mortality. In those days when I was convinced I was dying, I began to ponder what would happen after death and I also became rigorous in examining my life. I had to come face to face with the reality of my own sin, that it was real and was not going to just "go away" - and I'm really being serious here, it is a dreadful thing for a human to contemplate the prospect of dying in a state of grievous sin that has yet to be forgiven. I got panic attacks and found myself unwilling to release my mind into sleep at night for fear of not waking up. I became pragmatic in my attempts to find rest - but found that the only way to get sleep was by holding the Rosary, praying for help at the hour of my death. When confronted with my sin, my heart began to soften and I asked God to take away my sin - and He told me to confess my sins and join the Catholic Church.
By this point, I had abandoned liberal Christianity and was making sincere efforts to reconnect with the Lutheranism I had had in grade school. I thought I was getting the wrong message or there must be some kind of confusion - after all, I had studied to get a MDiv with the intent of being a pastor in the ELCA. I came to believe that things were meant to work out so that I would be a conservative ELCA pastor (and not a liberal one). I thought that was the whole point of all that had happened. I struggled with God and I bargained with God.
In my efforts to be become a conservative pastor in the ELCA, I went back and studied on my own. I re-read the Book of Concord and I studied Luther more closely. I also studied the entire Reformation era, the history of the Catholic Church and the writings of the earliest Christians. If I was going to "start over" and try again to be a Christian in the real sense of the word, I wanted to get it right and the result of this process was what many have found when they undergo this kind of process - the Reformation itself was a perversion and the seeds of modern day liberalism can be found in some of the off the wall comments that Luther himself made. The result of this academic struggle with God was that I had to concede that even though my conservative Lutheran education in grade school had given me a lot of good things for a faith foundation (and I'm grateful for that!) - there were elements that were missing... the rest of the Sacraments, all of the books of the Bible, Mary, etc.
Meanwhile, I simply failed to find a Lutheran church in the area I live in now which could remind of the Lutheran church I had grown up at. The Lutheran churches where I live are not the confessional type... they tend to be both low church in style and also theologically liberal. Attending such a service on a weekly basis was not doing anything for my physical or spiritual health and I was not feeling anything in communion (and, of course, if asked, the people there would say it was just bread and wine, so why is that surprising?). Once again, I considered the idea of just not going to church, and then God, rather strongly and bluntly, suggested that I start going to the local Catholic church...
...and that time, I listened. I went to the Catholic Church and it automatically felt closer to the confessional Lutheran church of my childhood than the liberal Lutheran church I had been attending. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I began to find myself feeling more connected to the faith I had had as a child. I also began remembering things I had learned at the Catholic school but had forgotten. I met with the priest and we talked for over an hour. Then I went through the RCIA program and finally became obedient to what I had been being told off and on since my senior year - I confessed my sins, finally felt the weight of it being lifted and I joined the Catholic Church.
I just don't know what I'm going to do with my MDiv degree...
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