Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?

[Dave-W]

DaveW, So you are saying someone, a pastor, established a "program" to remove the sexual desires GOD created.

yes. It involved counseling, deliverance/exorcism from "demons of lust and perversion" and occasionally public shaming. (having the person stand before the congregation while their "sins" were read aloud)

That would be worse, IMHO, than the sin. That is wrong. God created those desires for a purpose.

And they taught that until the moment that a couple says "I DO," those desires have no godly purpose and are therefore demonic and/or fleshly (as in fallen nature flesh) in origin and must be purged.

BTW - those guys who also overcame wet dreams were publicly lauded from the pulpit.

 

[dayhiker]

That really shows to me how things in the Bible can be so taking out of the context of what they originally were meant to say, twisted and think they
are doing something great for God. When they are denying God's creation that was very good, when they are denying modern science and when they
are denying the wisdom learned thru the ages. Just listened last night to Ravi talk about truth in Christ. Some people just can't see it even tho they
are trying to love God with all their heart, soul and mind. But I think they forget what loving people is about. Shaming people infront of the church
for being who God created them to me isn't love.

 

[kmrichard7]

But, the fact is most couples divorce over money issues not sex. However when either party finds someone to use for sex than it often results in divorce.

 

[kmrichard7]

But, the fact is most couples divorce over money issues not sex. However when either party finds someone to use for sex than it often results in divorce.

At least 41% of marriages have dealt with fidelity issues at some point. Just because it doesnt always lead to divorce doesnt mean it isnt prevalent and destroying marriages.
Just because money is the number one cause doesnt lessen the severity of infidelity. It also doesnt discount the pp who had a valid point.
http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

 

[Dave-W]

That really shows to me how things in the Bible can be so taking out of the context of what they originally were meant to say, twisted and think they are doing something great for God.

Yep. That is a fact.

When they are denying God's creation that was very good, when they are denying modern science and when they are denying the wisdom learned thru the ages.

But they are convinced that what they are denying is a result of the fall, not the "very good" part.

Shaming people infront of the church for being who God created them to me isn't love.

They took it as the 3rd step in the Matt 18 process:

15 If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

 

[Teslafied]

What if it's not the husband who wants sexual relations but the wife?

 

[Dave-W]

What if it's not the husband who wants sexual relations but the wife?

IMO any man who will not keep his wife satisfied is derelict as a believer. While the bible is mostly silent on male satisfaction, it is not so on female satisfaction. Husbands are directed to satisfy their wives in both testaments, and the most clear reference to masturbation is female. (SoS 5.2 ff)

 

[blessedbeyondbelief]

Sex in marriage should always be a mutual agreement. A woman does have the right to say no. Us men can often become frustrated and bitter by hearing "no" often. But we should take it as a challenge, to create an environment where the woman doesn't want to say no.

 

[LinkH]

Sex in marriage should always be a mutual agreement. A woman does have the right to say no. Us men can often become frustrated and bitter by hearing "no" often. But we should take it as a challenge, to create an environment where the woman doesn't want to say no.

I Corinthins 7 teaches that the husband and wife share 'power' or authority over one another's bodies. It's wrong to do anything cruel to your partner. But it's also wrong to selfishly refuse to meet the other spouse's sexual needs.

 

[blessedbeyondbelief]

I Corinthins 7 teaches that the husband and wife share 'power' or authority over one another's bodies. It's wrong to do anything cruel to your partner. But it's also wrong to selfishly refuse to meet the other spouse's sexual needs.

I agree with you 100%, it isn't right to act selfishly in any situation and I'm not advocating that. I also agree that the scriptures do say husbands and wives have power over each others' body. But that power and authority should be only exercised righteously and justly (which is expressed within the entire context of the Bible -Ephesians 5:22-33). So with that comes unconditional love, nurturing, care, and understanding from BOTH parties.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I Corinthins 7 teaches that the husband and wife share 'power' or authority over one another's bodies. It's wrong to do anything cruel to your partner. But it's also wrong to selfishly refuse to meet the other spouse's sexual needs.

Agreed. Our bodies are not our own. In marriage, our bodies belong to our spouse. To refuse sex is to usurp this power or authority and in direct conflict with what the Bible teaches. Of course, anyone who wields power should do so lovingly. So, to require sex of someone who is injured or ill, for instance, is an abuse of power.

To answer the original question, no, neither a woman nor a man should refuse their spouse when it comes to sex ... without a legitimate reason.

From a practical perspective, a spouse who withholds sex frequently should not be surprised to find their spouse seeking solace in the arms of another.

 

[Dave-W]

Sex in marriage should always be a mutual agreement.

Agree.

A woman does have the right to say no.

Agree

Us men can often become frustrated and bitter by hearing "no" often.

Women can get just as frustrated by refusal (or so I am told).
And scripture seems more concerned with this than male frustration.

But we should take it as a challenge, to create an environment where the woman doesn't want to say no.

Or a challenge to be content as you are. Philippians 4:11

IMO there are some circumstances and situations where ongoing (even lifelong) refusal is perfectly acceptable.

We are men. We can take it.

 

[Goodbook]

Wow interesting dicussion but i thought...the reasons would be, sorry not tonight I HAVE TO PRAY.

 

[Armoured]

Wow interesting dicussion but i thought...the reasons would be, sorry not tonight I HAVE TO PRAY.

Why wouldn't "no I don't feel like it" be valid enough?

 

[LinkH]

Wow interesting dicussion but i thought...the reasons would be, sorry not tonight I HAVE TO PRAY.

And then, instead of giving to parents, one can devote all gifts that would be for them as a gift to God. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for doing that. Using God as an excuse not to do what we should is not a good thing.

 

[HannahT]

Why wouldn't "no I don't feel like it" be valid enough?

It is. As many said prior - as long as it doesn't interfere with your life overall. It's a matter of respect towards you spouse to be okay with that. Everyone has their days.

 

[DawnStar]

Why wouldn't "no I don't feel like it" be valid enough?

Because then that person would not be able to use God as an excuse for something they personally did not want to do. Some Christians always throw God into the mix as a reason even though it is generally their own thoughts/ideas/feelings. Not God's.

 

[Dave-W]

Why wouldn't "no I don't feel like it" be valid enough?

If it is not by mutual consent or is ongoing, it runs afoul of 1 Cor 7.

Some people "don't feel like it" for years on end. (sometimes with good reason)

 

[Goodbook]

Actually not an excuse, (this was in jest) in the bible its says dont defraud each other, be apart only for reasons of prayer and fasting. If you know your bible you can read it there.

In times of distress when you need to pray fervently i dont think intimate relations are going to be on Christian married couples minds.

And I would assume BOTH will be christians.

 

[Dave-W]

Actually not an excuse, (this was in jest) in the bible its says dont defraud each other, be apart only for reasons of prayer and fasting. If you know your bible you can read it there.

In times of distress when you need to pray fervently i dont think intimate relations are going to be on Christian married couples minds.

And I would assume BOTH will be christians.

Hmmm. Seriously dropped the ball on this one. Sorry to be coming back and answering a year later.

ZOMBIE ALERT ***

I agree with the "times of distress" Goodbook. Usually that would affect both husband and wife and they would be praying together - another form of intimacy.

But I can tell you from personal experience that repeated ongoing sexual refusal can be rather distressful as well.