Medium Distance Relationship

[Augustus McCrae]

Evening y'all. I recently started talking to this girl and she is above and beyond anything I could have hoped for. She is most importantly a strong Christian with firm morals. Secondly, she is of the same political persuasion as I am. On a more attraction-based level, what truly makes me giddy about her is that she is an author (at only 19) who is trying to get her first book published in addition to being a singer/musician/songwriter. You have to understand that two of my greatest loves are reading and music (I've played the piano since I was 5 in addition to playing the guitar and bass). We just connect in such a way; we're kindred spirits. She is simply gorgeous in my opinion (in no way a supermodel, but c'mon, who really wants to date a supermodel?). The single factor that lies against us is distance. I live and go to college 5 hours from both where she lives and where she goes to school (picture an equilateral triangle where the sides lengths = 5 hour driving distance each). We are currently in early stages of talking, but I can tell from the way we've connected that this could very easily move beyond friendship (I'll just say I've never felt this "right" about someone before if that makes any sense at all). I don't think 5 hours constitutes long-distance relationship, but it certainly isn't convenient either (hence medium-distance). Do y'all have any suggestions for such a situation?

 

[sundewgrower]

5 Hours is not much. Skype can fill it in, and really supplement time in person.
I've had a 3,000 mile friendship before and we were rather close to say the least.
Just a good amount of communication, and it'll progress at a distance.

 

[blackribbon]

Five hours is doable...it probably means better grades because the distraction can't show up every evening and side track your studies. It also means you get to know each other intellectually better. Where I live people drive 5 hours away every weekend to their family cottages. Have you actually met this girl in person yet?

 

[sundewgrower]

Five hours is doable...it probably means better grades because the distraction can't show up every evening and side track your studies. It also means you get to know each other intellectually better. Where I live people drive 5 hours away every weekend to their family cottages. Have you actually met this girl in person yet?

I agree about the time. Intellectually though is nice since it's the personality that matters anyways.
If he hasn't seen her yet, that's a huge thing that must be done first.

 

[Goodbook]

Uh, have you met in person? I think just be friends, its hard to be in 'relationship' with someone that far away. Talking is not all there is to someone.

I think..if its someone God thinks is really improtant for you He will provide a way for you to be closer together so you can see more of each other. So I would pray about it first before making any drastic moves.

 

[sundewgrower]

Uh, have you met in person? I think just be friends, its hard to be in 'relationship' with someone that far away. Talking is not all there is to someone.

I think..if its someone God thinks is really improtant for you He will provide a way for you to be closer together so you can see more of each other. So I would pray about it first before making any drastic moves.

You'll think this is funny since we have disagreements at times but I agree with you on that one...
I was speaking to a girl in another US state and she was asking or hinting if I'd go for a relationship without seeing her first. Definitely not good lol! Too much to hide behind a camera.

 

[Augustus McCrae]

Alas, I have unfortunately not had the opportunity to meet her in person yet. I know what she looks like due to a bevy of pictures through social media (enough that hiding anything would be extremely difficult). I really do want to meet her, but I'd be hard pressed to do so anytime soon. Additionally, I feel like driving 5 hours to meet someone would speak volumes of your actual feelings towards them (which could be good or bad). I mean on one hand it might be a home run in that she sees, "wow, this guy is really committed." Alternatively, it might come across as, "wow, I hardly know this guy, he must be desperate." It's not that I wouldn't want to make the 5 hour drive, I'd be more than happy to do so. I just don't want to scare her off before things could bloom properly. I digress...

 

[blackribbon]

Remember that this is "new" and you really don't know anything about her except what she has chosen to share. Same goes for her. She could have annoying habits or just be rude to people in general...you just don't know based online conversations or photos. I think once you mix in personality, what people "look" like often changes.

I think I might offer to come visit so you can meet in person and determine if you really do click (both ways). However, you need to have your own accommodations (so enough money) so it doesn't become an early commitment thing. Until then, you don't have a "relationship" on any level...you simply have an online friendship. How long have you been talking to this woman?

 

[Tess]

Well, you can't start a relationship without meeting her, so you'll have to see her eventually, haha!

 

[SnowyMacie]

A 5 hour drive is a long distance, I know, I from Texas. Long distance relationships almost always don't work. Two of my friends started dating and were a great couple, then one graduated and moved back home. It was only a three hour drive, but their relationship couldn't last.

 

[leothelioness]

Alas, I have unfortunately not had the opportunity to meet her in person yet. I know what she looks like due to a bevy of pictures through social media (enough that hiding anything would be extremely difficult). I really do want to meet her, but I'd be hard pressed to do so anytime soon. Additionally, I feel like driving 5 hours to meet someone would speak volumes of your actual feelings towards them (which could be good or bad). I mean on one hand it might be a home run in that she sees, "wow, this guy is really committed." Alternatively, it might come across as, "wow, I hardly know this guy, he must be desperate." It's not that I wouldn't want to make the 5 hour drive, I'd be more than happy to do so. I just don't want to scare her off before things could bloom properly. I digress...

You're not going to scare someone off because you drove 5 hours to meet them. Don't be ridiculous.

I know some guys can come off as desperate and probably would do something crazy just to meet a girl, but that doesn't seem to be the case here, so you shouldn't worry. Just meet her and go from there. Simple enough. Don't complicate what doesn't need to be complicated.

 

[leothelioness]

A 5 hour drive is a long distance, I know, I from Texas. Long distance relationships almost always don't work. Two of my friends started dating and were a great couple, then one graduated and moved back home. It was only a three hour drive, but their relationship couldn't last.

This.

I dated a guy that didn't even want to drive one hour to see me. He was a loser in so many other ways, but the point is distance is a deterrent.

 

[sundewgrower]

Alas, I have unfortunately not had the opportunity to meet her in person yet. I know what she looks like due to a bevy of pictures through social media (enough that hiding anything would be extremely difficult). I really do want to meet her, but I'd be hard pressed to do so anytime soon. Additionally, I feel like driving 5 hours to meet someone would speak volumes of your actual feelings towards them (which could be good or bad). I mean on one hand it might be a home run in that she sees, "wow, this guy is really committed." Alternatively, it might come across as, "wow, I hardly know this guy, he must be desperate." It's not that I wouldn't want to make the 5 hour drive, I'd be more than happy to do so. I just don't want to scare her off before things could bloom properly. I digress...

Get on Skype first if you sense it's a good choice. It's easy, fast, and works. If you've got decent hardware, and internet it's not a bad deal at all provided you do a test call first.
If that works, then drive away, and go for it. Really, there are types of people who are committed enough to hold a distance relationship. Sometimes, it's since they're super transparent, and are really into communication on an intellectual basis.
So in the end from my experience, you can connect closely from distance, and if you can see them every week or two. It could work out well.

All I know are long distance friendships. I'd entertain one right now, and know how I'd go with it. Although, in the end somebody has to move somewhere, and that must be agreed on.

 

[blackribbon]

My experience is that 5 hours in Texas isn't considered that long of a drive. LOL. I guess we have different friends, TX Matt. Houston to Dallas or Houston to San Antonio was 4 hours and we considered that a "day trip". I went once 6 hours to go to "Parent's Day" at my son's summer camp ... that meant I was there for a grand total of about 3 hours to watch a competition and eat with him. Slept in my own bed before and after that "quick trip".

 

[blackribbon]

A 5 hour drive is a long distance, I know, I from Texas. Long distance relationships almost always don't work. Two of my friends started dating and were a great couple, then one graduated and moved back home. It was only a three hour drive, but their relationship couldn't last.

It means it wasn't based on "forever" stuff. I dated my husband when he was in the Navy...that was a 1500 mile distance (almost 24 hour drive) when he was on US soil and not out to sea. It was hard not to see each other very often (and this was before internet and skype) but it wasn't hard to keep the relationship up because it was "right". Our friendship was built when we lived near to each other though.

 

[SnowyMacie]

My experience is that 5 hours in Texas isn't considered that long of a drive. LOL. I guess we have different friends, TX Matt. Houston to Dallas or Houston to San Antonio was 4 hours and we considered that a "day trip". I went once 6 hours to go to "Parent's Day" at my son's summer camp ... that meant I was there for a grand total of about 3 hours to watch a competition and eat with him. Slept in my own bed before and after that "quick trip".

My family doesn't like driving long distances, if we went to Dallas (from Houston)..we flew.

 

[twinserk]

It's fun to share the same interests as your significant other, and is really helpful in forging a bond of friendship. But of greater importance is where both of you sit morally. Are you guys on the same page regarding what is right and what is wrong? In addition, do you guys desire the same lifestyle? Do you both want to live in the city? Do you want work from home or out and about? Does she want to stay home in your free time, or go out with friends, etc.?

As for the distance aspect of your relationship, I wouldn't worry about it. Five hours is nothing. As long as you're calling and talking to each other often, your communication should be acceptable till you can be together in person. In regards to going to see her, just be sure that she is viewing the relationship the same way you are. You may be more excited about it than she is, but hopefully she sees the same potential you do. But it's wise to just be sure.

 

[Augustus McCrae]

Well, I've lived in San Antonio/surrounding area all of my life, so I can agree that 5 hours is more or less nothing when talking about Texas. To clarify, I'm in SA, she's in Dallas. In regards to morals, we're in agreement on what the Bible says is right/wrong down the line - check every box.

 

[blackribbon]

Then it is really "only" 5 hours because it is all interstate. Maybe in your talking, just put it out there that you are willing to make the drive to meet if and when she wants to invite you to come. Again, don't depend on her for housing the first trip, even staying with friends of hers, in case it is just not a good fit or things feel weird.

Also, since I don't know your ages...go an appropriate speed with the is relationship that would match a timeline that you would be able to actually consider marriage. I mean if you are both freshmen, it is unlikely that you would be seriously considering getting married in a year or two...but you are both in your last year of school, then it might go a bit faster.

 

[sundewgrower]

Then it is really "only" 5 hours because it is all interstate. Maybe in your talking, just put it out there that you are willing to make the drive to meet if and when she wants to invite you to come. Again, don't depend on her for housing the first trip, even staying with friends of hers, in case it is just not a good fit or things feel weird.

Also, since I don't know your ages...go an appropriate speed with the is relationship that would match a timeline that you would be able to actually consider marriage. I mean if you are both freshmen, it is unlikely that you would be seriously considering getting married in a year or two...but you are both in your last year of school, then it might go a bit faster.

Yeah that's why I'd push Skype since it really adds that last dimension, and lessen the chance of an akward no spark meetup.