- Jan 31, 2008
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Yup, sometimes the advisor needs advice, too
As many of you know, I have a 12 year old son. He is generally an awesome kid, friendly, polite, outgoing, smart, creative, loving, funny. One area that he's always struggled with is self-accountability. That is, taking responsibility for his mistakes and learning from them. He's also developed a sneaky streak, which is the most worrying of all to me, because it hints at deception, lying, etc.
So anywho, recently (the past six months to a year, maybe) we've had a recurring issue of him misusing the computers in the house. He used to have a computer in his room (closely monitored), but we found him using it for games instead of homework, or using it at times when he wasn't allowed, etc. So he lost his computer. Then we started catching him sneaking onto my or my husband's computers without permission (like in the middle of the night) to play games and stuff. Every time we've caught him, he's been disciplined, talked to, made to apologize, etc. Time goes by, he seems to be doing good, and we start to feel proud of his progress, and then... it happens again. And we're devastated. This has happened so many times now, I've lost count. My son is extremely computer-savvy, he knows how to bypass passwords and change security settings. My husband works from home via his computer, so we can't just shut down or get rid of our computers. We've talked to our son till we're blue in the face. We've taken things away. We've grounded him. We've done everything short of locking him in a dungeon with snakes and rats. When I asked him WHY this last time (which was last night), he says he's tempted and he just does it. I tried to get him to tell me what he was thinking or how he was rationalizing his actions, and he couldn't really give me an answer. I know that it might be hard for a 12 year old to put his thoughts and feelings into words, but it's sooooooo frustrating. And of course, all my husband and I can do is change our passwords... again.
It's so hard to balance the hurt and betrayal we feel, with all the GOOD behavior that our son does. He is overall a wonderful, great kid. And he'd been doing really well with his overall behavior (chores, homework, grades). But at this point, what can we do? He's about to become a teenager and a young man, we can't just slap his hand and say "no" and expect that to sink in. Should we treat this as a minor setback? Should we come down even harder because it's happened multiple times in the past?
If anyone has creative suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Especially if you've ever had a sneaky, thick-skulled 12 year old. And any prayers you could offer for us would be greatly appreciated as well
As many of you know, I have a 12 year old son. He is generally an awesome kid, friendly, polite, outgoing, smart, creative, loving, funny. One area that he's always struggled with is self-accountability. That is, taking responsibility for his mistakes and learning from them. He's also developed a sneaky streak, which is the most worrying of all to me, because it hints at deception, lying, etc.
So anywho, recently (the past six months to a year, maybe) we've had a recurring issue of him misusing the computers in the house. He used to have a computer in his room (closely monitored), but we found him using it for games instead of homework, or using it at times when he wasn't allowed, etc. So he lost his computer. Then we started catching him sneaking onto my or my husband's computers without permission (like in the middle of the night) to play games and stuff. Every time we've caught him, he's been disciplined, talked to, made to apologize, etc. Time goes by, he seems to be doing good, and we start to feel proud of his progress, and then... it happens again. And we're devastated. This has happened so many times now, I've lost count. My son is extremely computer-savvy, he knows how to bypass passwords and change security settings. My husband works from home via his computer, so we can't just shut down or get rid of our computers. We've talked to our son till we're blue in the face. We've taken things away. We've grounded him. We've done everything short of locking him in a dungeon with snakes and rats. When I asked him WHY this last time (which was last night), he says he's tempted and he just does it. I tried to get him to tell me what he was thinking or how he was rationalizing his actions, and he couldn't really give me an answer. I know that it might be hard for a 12 year old to put his thoughts and feelings into words, but it's sooooooo frustrating. And of course, all my husband and I can do is change our passwords... again.
It's so hard to balance the hurt and betrayal we feel, with all the GOOD behavior that our son does. He is overall a wonderful, great kid. And he'd been doing really well with his overall behavior (chores, homework, grades). But at this point, what can we do? He's about to become a teenager and a young man, we can't just slap his hand and say "no" and expect that to sink in. Should we treat this as a minor setback? Should we come down even harder because it's happened multiple times in the past?
If anyone has creative suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Especially if you've ever had a sneaky, thick-skulled 12 year old. And any prayers you could offer for us would be greatly appreciated as well