anyone have any insight?

[motherprayer]

So yesterday, I had two people ask me about how to help them with their grief. I thought I'd tell you all my response and encourage anyone with experience to chime in.

First, don't try to fix it. It can't be fixed, so stop trying to fix it. So many people acted like our tears were a call to fix the problem, but in that situation, you earn the right to those tears, and no one has the right to take them away.

second, don't act like someone or something you aren't. If we didn't talk before, don't start now. If you thought I was a bloomin )*)$%R) before, I still must be, cause it doesn't change who I am, just what I know and experience and feel.

And thirdly, don't force the issue. Whether it is someone trying to insert a discussion of our loss or someone trying to avoid talking about it. He was, is and will remain part of our lives, but he holds no bigger place, or smaller place in our lives, so don't try to make it so. If he would naturally come up in conversation, bring him up. If he wouldn't, then leave him there. Don't ask me every two seconds if I'm okay, that is out of character.

Well those are my thoughts...

Well said!

 

[artqween]

Dear Razzelflabben,
I joined this thread rather late, but I sincerely know that God will eventually heal your soul and situation. It's too bad that unenlightened people have tried to hurt you even further than you have already been hurt. I am praying for you. Maybe you can find a copy in the library of a book entitled "Dark Nights of the Soul" by Thomas Moore. I am reading this right now and I think it might help you. Peace and love to you!

Same here.. may u heal, its only natural u hurt the way u do.. Which means ur child meant that much to u.. and that is a very good thing. for if u didnt hurt this way, then something is def.ly wrong with ya. u r truely an awesome mom.. always know that. make that pain known to ur hospital by suggesting a dedication for "moms angels" section in there lobby area??
For those children that passed on??
may u and husband have peace and salvation in u guys heart

 

[razzelflabben]

"feeling" the "need" to complain, not even sure why, or how to say what's in my heart anxious for my husband to get home so I can tell him all that I heard today and we can talk it through so I can put words to my desire to complain...that didn't sound very God like, did it lol...just seeing so much self centered, pride right now, that it is almost suffocating. why can't we see our own pride? Why do we always think the world centers around us? Learning that it doesn't, is how we learned to survive our sons death, and here are people dealing with much less, who still don't get it, and what's worse, that pride is driving them deeper into problems and issues that will not be easy for them to get out of...oh well...just a bit of venting before my husband gets home.

 

[artqween]

"feeling" the "need" to complain, not even sure why, or how to say what's in my heart anxious for my husband to get home so I can tell him all that I heard today and we can talk it through so I can put words to my desire to complain...that didn't sound very God like, did it lol...just seeing so much self centered, pride right now, that it is almost suffocating. why can't we see our own pride? Why do we always think the world centers around us? A Learning that it doesn't, is how we learned to survive our sons death, and here are people dealing with much less, who still don't get it, and what's worse, that pride is driving them deeper into problems and issues that will not be easy for them to get out of...oh well...just a bit of venting before my husband gets home.

U r allowd to vent just not to act on anger. U have pain.. its understandible.
A death is a huge painful deal.. Worse when it hits ur "mom" heart . Just dont complain.. plez. just tell him ur pain.. crying can help. Hey..

 

[razzelflabben]

Today is calling hours and tomorrow is funeral. So far, the wonders of the humility of taking our eyes off our own pain and putting them on another has given us more strength than we could have imagined. I am a bit nervous about whether or not we can hold it together for the funeral, but as a dear friend just reminded me, sharing that pain with them, is a treasured blessing in and of itself. It is one thing to have someone share your pain, another to have someone who knows the pain to share it with you.

I remember the truth of this with our loss, how comforting it was to know that God Himself knew our pain, as He watched His son, be crucified on the cross.

May this day, find you renewed in strength, encouraged in sharing in the sufferings of Christ, and strengthened by the indwelling Holy Spirit.

 

[artqween]

Today is calling hours and tomorrow is funeral. So far, the wonders of the humility of taking our eyes off our own pain and putting them on another has given us more strength than we could have imagined. I am a bit nervous about whether or not we can hold it together for the funeral, but as a dear friend just reminded me, sharing that pain with them, is a treasured blessing in and of itself. It is one thing to have someone share your pain, another to have someone who knows the pain to share it with you.

I remember the truth of this with our loss, how comforting it was to know that God Himself knew our pain, as He watched His son, be crucified on the cross.

May this day, find you renewed in strength, encouraged in sharing in the sufferings of Christ, and strengthened by the indwelling Holy Spirit.

.... Who said u couldnt at a funeral? so pain some tears. so a loyal mom its going to be the worst day ever. I hope its not an open casket type? that wpuld harsh for u and ur intire family . She is truely a lucky child to have such a awesome mom and family to hurt as much u guys do. God is hurt bad his daughter just died a horrible death just like his son i feel for him.. he loses children on a somewhat daily bases according to the news. and to cancers and other fatal diseases .

May ur (family cope) be strong for the funeral . Cry, and hold on to each other tight,. if u can show us what she lookd like? in a fam. shot? please??
Also.. it maybe hard.. consider this do what african americans do for their families who rest's... they convert the after the funeral gathering as a celebration of that persons soul going to heaven and being at peace?
Ur child is about to/is already an incredible angel beside God and Jesus spreading ur families love, etc up there.. and with other incredible angels.. I hope that didnt hurt u?
God plez help razz and her family.
There no worse pain than a moms funeral pain..

 

[razzelflabben]

.... Who said u couldnt at a funeral? so pain some tears. so a loyal mom its going to be the worst day ever. I hope its not an open casket type? that wpuld harsh for u and ur intire family . She is truely a lucky child to have such a awesome mom and family to hurt as much u guys do. God is hurt bad his daughter just died a horrible death just like his son i feel for him.. he loses children on a somewhat daily bases according to the news. and to cancers and other fatal diseases .

May ur (family cope) be strong for the funeral . Cry, and hold on to each other tight,. if u can show us what she lookd like? in a fam. shot? please??
Also.. it maybe hard.. consider this do what african americans do for their families who rest's... they convert the after the funeral gathering as a celebration of that persons soul going to heaven and being at peace?
Ur child is about to/is already an incredible angel beside God and Jesus spreading ur families love, etc up there.. and with other incredible angels.. I hope that didnt hurt u?
God plez help razz and her family.
There no worse pain than a moms funeral pain..

dear one, I really appreciate the encouraging words, more than you can know, but you simply keep confusing details, which is kind of painful in and of itself. I'm not saying that to be mean, or to belittle your words of encouragement, just trying to be honest in Love. Hope and pray you take it with the love it was given.

 

[artqween]

dear one, I really appreciate the encouraging words, more than you can know, but you simply keep confusing details, which is kind of painful in and of itself. I'm not saying that to be mean, or to belittle your words of encouragement, just trying to be honest in Love. Hope and pray you take it with the love it was given.

Im deeply sorry i hurt u .. which part hurt? Razz what details r u referring to?

 

[razzelflabben]

Im deeply sorry i hurt u .. which part hurt? Razz what details r u referring to?

It's okay, don't worry about it...I see the caring through the wrong details, so it's okay, just wanted you to know that sometimes details can mean the difference between healing and opening wounds. Especially when it comes to death, cause to us, these kids aren't just news articles, or the neighbor kids, these are part of our heart, and if you get details wrong, it's as if you don't care enough about us or our kids, to remember if they were boys or girls, much less anything else. They have moved on, but they still remain here, through our hearts and memories and taking the time to know details of who they were on this earth, is an honor and respect of huge importance.

 

[artqween]

It's okay, don't worry about it...I see the caring through the wrong details, so it's okay, just wanted you to know that sometimes details can mean the difference between healing and opening wounds. Especially when it comes to death, cause to us, these kids aren't just news articles, or the neighbor kids, these are part of our heart, and if you get details wrong, it's as if you don't care enough about us or our kids, to remember if they were boys or girls, much less anything else. They have moved on, but they still remain here, through our hearts and memories and taking the time to know details of who they were on this earth, is an honor and respect of huge importance.

What details r u talking about i am confused? What r u talking about news articles? I know ur child is important
?? Again ??? What wrong details??

 

[razzelflabben]

.... Who said u couldnt at a funeral?

the question was not crying, but loosing control

so pain some tears. so a loyal mom its going to be the worst day ever.

we buried our son a bit over 2 years ago, this is about the other family, which is why I don't want to totally loose it. So that I can support them.

I hope its not an open casket type?

doesn't matter, opened caskets can be healing, in fact, there can be comfort in them, which isn't a detail you got wrong, but just so you know.

that wpuld harsh for u and ur intire family . She is truely a lucky child to have such a awesome mom and family to hurt as much u guys do.

both of the children I am talking about here, our son and the young man that died this week, are boys, not girls, not she...

God is hurt bad his daughter just died a horrible death just like his son i feel for him..

again, neither of the boys are daughters...

he loses children on a somewhat daily bases according to the news. and to cancers and other fatal diseases .

May ur (family cope) be strong for the funeral . Cry, and hold on to each other tight,. if u can show us what she lookd like? in a fam. shot? please??

not sure who (she) you want a picture of, but we wouldn't even give a photo of our son to the news papers because they wanted to sensationalize his death due to the nature of it. As to this young man, that is not mine to give.

Also.. it maybe hard.. consider this do what african americans do for their families who rest's... they convert the after the funeral gathering as a celebration of that persons soul going to heaven and being at peace?

we have a dinner planned, and it is a time of celebrating, it is also a time of continued pain. This funeral is being planned for about 500 people as I am told, the school is closed because of the funeral. There will be tears as well as rejoicing, I can almost see our son welcoming this young man into heaven and showing him everything and introducing him to some of the greats.

Ur child is about to/is already an incredible angel beside God and Jesus spreading ur families love, etc up there..

we do not become angels when we die. We do enjoy worship with our Lord and King.

and with other incredible angels.. I hope that didnt hurt u?
God plez help razz and her family.
There no worse pain than a moms funeral pain..

all that hurt was the details, because it shows how little you knew, understood, cared about some of the most incredible people God has ever allowed to grace this earth. Our own son, was a wonderful man of God that as a child (he was 18 when he died) endured a beating because we preached the gospel unashamed, would go to great measures to avoid sin, etc. But enough of our son, the young man who died this week, touched many lives himself, he was a farmer at heart, and a big hearted fellow at that. (17) His best friend has a crush on our daughter and has had for some time now. The young man was a big fellow, but as gentle as a lamb, even when he accidentally hurt someone . He had dreams and plans and goals and rumor has it he had a crush on someone special. He died doing what he loved, farming. We will miss him more than words are capable of knowing and remember how much you all missed by not having the opportunity to get to know him. Still remember the day I teased him and his best friend, and he told me he was quiet, so he would blend in...never stopped me from teasing them ...we are the blessed ones, to have known and lost, rather than to have never known at all.

 

[artqween]

Today is calling hours and tomorrow is funeral. So far, the wonders of the humility of taking our eyes off our own pain and putting them on another has given us more strength than we could have imagined. I am a bit nervous about whether or not we can hold it together for the funeral, but as a dear friend just reminded me, sharing that pain with them, is a treasured blessing in and of itself. It is one thing to have someone share your pain, another to have someone who knows the pain to share it with you.

I remember the truth of this with our loss, how comforting it was to know that God Himself knew our pain, as He watched His son, be crucified on the cross.

May this day, find you renewed in strength, encouraged in sharing in the sufferings of Christ, and strengthened by the indwelling Holy Spirit.

This is why i thought u all were going to his funeral. according to what i understood.. when someone dieing and invites God/Jesus in their heart they will become an angel. I believe that also is in the bible.. I will look it up and attach it .. To confirm .

 

[Carmella Prochaska]

Best thing to do is ignore them or try to block them out from your life for now if they're giving you a hard time.

 

[artqween]

Best thing to do is ignore them or try to block them out from your life for now if they're giving you a hard time.

 

[razzelflabben]

all in all, things didn't go too bad. Help it together pretty well, until we were leaving and started talking to the mom or his best friend. It was okay till we got into some personal things about our sons death. Then I had to leave, had a small melt down later that night, but seriously, God was good and gave me everything I asked for, when it comes to helping me hold back the memories of that day with our son. Seeing him that day, can never be erased, but by the grace and power of God, those memories stay in the hidden places where they cannot threaten to consume us.

Anyway, time to move on, and today, we celebrate a new day, with a new pup. Man is God a miracle God. We have been talking about getting a new pup for some time, thinking it would help to settle our dog. A breeder friend, had a returned pup, 9 months old, all shots, potty trained, etc. working our great. Free to us, never had a pure breed before, beautiful dog...nice, quiet, sweet treat from our "noisy" dog...anyway, thanks for everyone who prayed.

 

[artqween]

all in all, things didn't go too bad. Help it together pretty well, until we were leaving and started talking to the mom or his best friend. It was okay till we got into some personal things about our sons death. Then I had to leave, had a small melt down later that night, but seriously, God was good and gave me everything I asked for, when it comes to helping me hold back the memories of that day with our son. Seeing him that day, can never be erased, but by the grace and power of God, those memories stay in the hidden places where they cannot threaten to consume us.

Anyway, time to move on, and today, we celebrate a new day, with a new pup. Man is God a miracle God. We have been talking about getting a new pup for some time, thinking it would help to settle our dog. A breeder friend, had a returned pup, 9 months old, all shots, potty trained, etc. working our great. Free to us, never had a pure breed before, beautiful dog...nice, quiet, sweet treat from our "noisy" dog...anyway, thanks for everyone who prayed.

Awww .... U r welcome huges..

Awww pups r so cute . my fav. pooch
Is the sheepdog.. they r so cooool look'n i think.. .

 

[razzelflabben]

Awww .... U r welcome huges..

Awww pups r so cute . my fav. pooch
Is the sheepdog.. they r so cooool look'n i think.. .

had just started thinking that it was time to get a new pup, decided to start looking for a pup, when we were called about this pup...Bernese Mountain Dog beautiful dogs

 

[artqween]

had just started thinking that it was time to get a new pup, decided to start looking for a pup, when we were called about this pup...Bernese Mountain Dog beautiful dogs

pups boosts physical plus health rumor has it, good choice... Razz
Good luck with ur new family member

 

[razzelflabben]

argh...my cousin was at the Boston Marathon when the explosions went off. He was about 1/2 mile from the explosions and if he had been running (injuries stopped him) he would have been right about on top of the bombs when they went off. I was sighing a relief and thankful for God's provision, when I got word that my husbands brother in laws sister died suddenly. We are going to calling hours today. So far, I'm doing okay, we didn't know her very well, my husband knows her better than I do, so I'm sure he would appreciate your prayers. Too much death! Time for a break! Time to just enjoy life, I think that is why God gave us the pup He did, it represents life, not death.

Well, just felt like taking a moment to update everyone, it's hard to focus on my studies right now, so maybe the break and some words expressed will get me back on track. That's the plan anyway...lol

 

[artqween]

argh...my cousin was at the Boston Marathon when the explosions went off. He was about 1/2 mile from the explosions and if he had been running (injuries stopped him) he would have been right about on top of the bombs when they went off. I was sighing a relief and thankful for God's provision, when I got word that my husbands brother in laws sister died suddenly. We are going to calling hours today. So far, I'm doing okay, we didn't know her very well, my husband knows her better than I do, so I'm sure he would appreciate your prayers. Too much death! Time for a break! Time to just enjoy life, I think that is why God gave us the pup He did, it represents life, not death.

Well, just felt like taking a moment to update everyone, it's hard to focus on my studies right now, so maybe the break and some words expressed will get me back on track. That's the plan anyway...lol

O my goosh.. He wasnt hurt right?
Awww ...
May u have strength sis.
Think positive sis.... good luck with ur studies may u make A's/ know u r a genius!!