The Coffee Shop (3)

[Soulwings]

Kate. I've been in therapy for ages it seems too, and I'm on so many meds that I can't remember all their names at the same time. So I totally get what you're going through. But maybe right now better because you're on meds is better than not being better at all? (Did that make any sense??)

Lindz, let us know how your tests come out.

Steffi, I haven't seen you in forever!

Ari
/me gets some fleece blankets and squishy pillows for Ari, along with some more ice water.

 

[BrokenForHim]

ah freaking out...on the caller ID is shows the office called and there is a message...I don't wannna hear it...I don't want to know...gah I hate this...

 

[Soulwings]

Lindz. Praying for you, sweetie.

I think that Soulwings is going to take an absence for awhile. I think that she isn't ... well, that she isn't very well liked, and she's certainly not being as she should be.

So ... don't wonder about me or worry about me if you don't see me again for awhile.

 

[PureGrace]

/me holds Lindz's hand.
You can do it. We'll all be here with you.

April, don't go!! What makes you feel that you aren't liked? I know I can speak for everyone else in saying that you are very loved here.

 

[BrokenForHim]

April please don't think for one second that your not liked, we love you so much girl...SO MUCH!

*Lets everybody know that they are stuck with Lindz && that she doesn't have cancer! ....she also thanx God and is very thankful that she is alright

 

[PureGrace]

Lindz Thats Awesome!!



I cant even tell you how happy and relieved I am to hear that!

 

[BrokenForHim]

I want to thank you all for praying for me. Love you gurls to death, so thanful that your in my life

 

[Quiddler]

I'm so glad to hear that things worked out wonderfully, Lindz!

Kate. I'm sorry that things are so rough now. But like Soulwings, I can really empathise with what you're going through.

I'm not the greatest tonight. Again. But what's new? I've given up on talking about it because it's really pointless in the end. It doesn't accomplish anything, or make anything better. It's just ... pointless.

 

[Arianna]

Lindz. Praying for you, sweetie.

I think that Soulwings is going to take an absence for awhile. I think that she isn't ... well, that she isn't very well liked, and she's certainly not being as she should be.

So ... don't wonder about me or worry about me if you don't see me again for awhile.

April,
I refer you to this thread:
http://www.christianforums.com/t4270425
and assure you that you are very well liked

If you want to go for a little while, of course that is fine, we'll miss you - but sometimes these threads can be triggering and it is better to take a step back.
..but, don't go because you think you are not liked, that is not true
and what is it you think you should be that you are not....?...there isn't anything you should be being...

Ari
xx

 

[Quiddler]

Good morning, everyone. Hey Ari Is there anything I can get you? Are you feeling any better?

/me curls up by the fire with one of the coffee shop cats in her lap.

 

[Soulwings]

April,
I refer you to this thread:
http://www.christianforums.com/t4270425
and assure you that you are very well liked

If you want to go for a little while, of course that is fine, we'll miss you - but sometimes these threads can be triggering and it is better to take a step back.
..but, don't go because you think you are not liked, that is not true
and what is it you think you should be that you are not....?...there isn't anything you should be being...

Ari
xx

I just feel like ... I don't know, I don't know if I can explain it. I guess it feels to me like others don't see me as enough of a person? If that makes any sense. It's not that they think of me (in my mind) as less of a person ... but rather more than a person and so less of a friend.

I know that makes not a particle of sense. I'm sorry.

I've been getting that type of feeling for awhile now. Like, just because I've been through ED treatment, things have all got to be better for me, or I have to be stronger than everyone else, or or or ... the list goes on.

I don't know if I'll hang around or not. An absence might be good, it might not ... either way I need to somehow get rid of that feeling that's become so ingrained.

 

[PureGrace]

/me wraps her arms around April

April I feel the same way sometimes. And it's really hard.
What I can tell you is that you are so loved here. If you need to take a break, we'll be so sad to see you go, but will understand. But don't leave because you feel like you aren't liked.

I thought about you for the 7 months I wasn't on here [during treatment and no-internet allowed recovery time] almost every day. YOU ARE LOVED

 

[PureGrace]

This is a song that I recently heard for the first time, and it touched me to the point of tears.
It's by JJ Heller, who is an up and coming Christian artist, she's actually a friend of a girl I knew in therapy, and JJ has even written a song about her (my friend) which is on her CD.
Anyways, even though Im not sure about my beliefs in God lately, this song still touches me. I hope it does the same for you ladies


Love Me
By JJ Heller
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

http://www.jjheller.com/ is her website, and if you're interested in the song written about my friend from therapy, it's called All The Beauty (Kati's song) and is in her media section.

 

[PureGrace]

Ohhhh I'm angry!!

My old therapist just called to confirm my appointment on monday that my mom apperently made without telling me.

Its MY decision if I want to go back, NO ONE ELSES.
She didnt even ask me!

GAHHHHHH

 

[Arianna]

April please don't think for one second that your not liked, we love you so much girl...SO MUCH!

*Lets everybody know that they are stuck with Lindz && that she doesn't have cancer! ....she also thanx God and is very thankful that she is alright

Lindz - that is fantastic

Good morning, everyone. Hey Ari Is there anything I can get you? Are you feeling any better?

/me curls up by the fire with one of the coffee shop cats in her lap.

Hi Quiddler
Thanks for asking, i am a lot less sick now.
How are you?

 

[Arianna]

I just feel like ... I don't know, I don't know if I can explain it. I guess it feels to me like others don't see me as enough of a person? If that makes any sense. It's not that they think of me (in my mind) as less of a person ... but rather more than a person and so less of a friend.

I know that makes not a particle of sense. I'm sorry.

I've been getting that type of feeling for awhile now. Like, just because I've been through ED treatment, things have all got to be better for me, or I have to be stronger than everyone else, or or or ... the list goes on.

I don't know if I'll hang around or not. An absence might be good, it might not ... either way I need to somehow get rid of that feeling that's become so ingrained.

April, you don't have to be stronger than anyone else just because you have been in treatment. Recovery is such a struggle It must be so difficult everyday to stick with it
And you don't always (or ever) have to have encouraging replies for other people.

We will miss you if you go April

 

[Arianna]

Thanks for the lyrics PureGrace

 

[Soulwings]

Kate. I'm sorry your mum's gone behind your back - that's how my whole 10 weeks in treatment got started - and I was pretty angry then too. But it's not as bad as it sounds. Yes, you'll be back in therapy. But maybe it'll get you to a more stable place.

- Oh, and thanks so much for those lyrics ... they literally gave me chills, and really touched me. I think I'll look more into JJ Heller and see about her stuff. Songs like that are so powerful. Especially because what it says is true. God is there for each and every one of us. He welcomes the doubters, the sinners, those who hurt, those who are angry, those whose hearts are filled with fear, even those who have suffered for years with mental problems. He's the Comforter. And especially while we're hurting, we've got to remember that He's not up in Heaven in a throne, removed from humans. He's with us each and every day. He became human to get closer to us - that should be a sign of His love for us.

Ari. I'm glad you're feeling a little better today. Do you want some hot tea? I'm thinking of having some chai or strawberry tea ... I need to relax some tonight.

I don't know. I mean, I have the nickname of "Superhero April" and I don't want to lose that nickname, because it encompasses so much of who I am. But at the same time ... even superheroes have to have times when they're just human. Spiderman became Peter Parker. He didn't have to be saving the world all the time. The Incredibles took off their suits and hung them up in the closet for the evening, and relaxed. And it feels like I can't do the same. I don't want to appear ... I don't even know what, I just want you girls to know that no matter what encouraging replies I make are really from my heart. That I can really empathise when I say I can, that I'm not just saying what I say because I think that it's "the thing to say".

 

[PureGrace]

you can year the song that I posted the lyrics and 3 others in whole on her myspace. here is the link.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=37084312

its so touching. i cant get over that song.

it makes me mad at the end, because i want a PERSON to care. Some one with tangible body.
Im just having issues with my faith, a lotttt. So it doesnt really comfort me very much, but i love it none the less.

 

[Soulwings]

I know what you mean. Like, it's all well and good to know that God's there, but sometimes you just want someone to wrap their very human arms around you, sit with you, hug you close, rather than simply having to imagine God's arms around you.

Hmm.